negative or discouraging loved ones

[Delerey09]

How do you handle things when your significant other, family member, coworker, or other person you interact with on a consistent basis is negative or discouraging toward your health and fitness goals?

 

I recently began shifting toward a more primal/paleo eating style and the boyfriend is not on board at all. He hates the idea of "diets" and no matter how much I explain it as simply cutting out unhealthy foods he still sees it that way.  We live together and have a one year old boy. My mom has issues with weight and is very skeptical of everything eating related.

 

As you can imagine, I've struggled with feeling like myself since pregnancy because of all the physical changes I've gone through in such a short period of time. I feel this is the right sort of eating style for me. I want to feel like me again and set a healthy example for my son who is just beginning to become acutely aware of what is on his parent's plates.

 

I've struggled in the past with dropping and gaining weight in a constant cycle. I've never been as heavy as I am now and feel miserable about it. I also tend to be more outwardly motivated so when the people I love and care about criticize me or my actions it weighs heavily on my decision making processes.

 

Any words of wisdom are most welcome!

[Jittersthe.Clown]

Don't let his opinion of what you're doing change what you want to do.  You need to be healthy for that little boy of yours for the long haul and you're right, you son will eat what you eat as he grows up.  Make your plate healthy and if your BF is dependent on your cooking, he can eat what you make or make something himself.  It sounds harsh, but it's one of the better options for you.  I hope you do well with your eating habits.  We're here to cheer you on.

[Delerey09]

Thank you for the kind reply.  I've already began optimizing our kitchen and our last shopping cart was a complete opposite of carts in recent memory.  The BF has become much more supportive (thankfully).  I stuck all his carb-ish goodies in a closed cabinet.  Baby steps are good!  I'm also weening the little one off jarred foods from that one big name baby products company.  I don't trust 'em. 

[Loren Wade]

Two things.

 

First, their opinion of you is just that. An opinion.

Secondly, that opinion will change once you get results. The hard part is ignoring them now. Later on they'll ask you what you're doing because they'll get interested.

[Delerey09]

Two things.

 

First, their opinion of you is just that. An opinion.

Secondly, that opinion will change once you get results. The hard part is ignoring them now. Later on they'll ask you what you're doing because they'll get interested.

Yes, my thought exactly!  We both put some weight on during my pregnancy and I know he'd be happier lighter.  He just isn't as willing to give up the lattes, pizza, and beer as I am.  I figure by spring he'll be fully on board.

[Super Destroyer]

Hang in there, Delerey! Woot for buying good groceries! My cart has more veggies than anything these days. Congratulations on your fresh start and best of luck! Have you thought about joining the challenge? Goal setting is very helpful.

[DChristian]

My wife was VERY skeptical of Paleo when I started, but the results kinda spoke for themselves.

 

Around the same time that I relaxed my rules to simply "No sugar, no grains, no processed foods", she decided to join me and has become so inspired that she's pursuing a degree in Healthy Lifestyles Coaching so that she can help other people become more healthy.

 

In short, If someone is unsupportive - nod, smile, and do whatever the fuck you were going to do anyway. They'll see.

 

[PrincessHeather]

For a long time I thought my hubby would be forever content eating pizza and McDonalds and putting on weight. But slowly, he's come around to the point where he's doing a Whole30 this month, and he's added in lifting to his workouts. He's seen how much happier and healthier I am and is ready to do it on his own. I didn't force him, and I didn't let him derail me. You can do it, just be patient

[Stonie]

I never bothered mentioning to any of my family or friends that I started changing things; I just slowly started declining bread and pasta and cakes and I seem to have avoided all the "oooh if you start lifting weights you'll get big!" or "just one piece of cake won't hurt you!" by saying things like "nah I had breakfast, I don't need cake."

(Seriously, who offers cake at like 10:30 in the morning?!)

 

I also slowly implemented better cooking habits in the kitchen (having control of the shopping and cooking does help) and my Love barely noticed, until I turned down pie I think. He isn't picky thankfully, so it's been easy.

 

You're doing something good for yourself and your family, don't let the naysayers get you down.

[Wondertje]

Since I've apparently come across as negative before, I want to start by saying that this isn't intended as negative or offensive in anyway!

 

With that said, how about you just let him eat in whatever way he sees fit? I mean, you are two adults after all (I'm going to assume), and he's more than entitled to his own opinion about what he should and should not eat, without having you sneak things away in the cupboards just because it doesn't comply with your opinion of healthy food. You can make sure that your own plate is filled with whatever good stuff you see is appropriate for whatever meal it is you're about to eat, but don't try to force someone else to agree with you - I don't think that's fair. Say the most extreme thing happens, maybe he wants to become a fruitarian (is that the word?) and only eat fruit all the time, all day. Would you then enjoy it if he took the initiative and started hiding away everything that wasn't fruit in closed cupboards, and only buy foods according to his diet/lifestyle when doing grocery shopping? I doubt you would.

 

My point is, change is good, and if you're changing your diet around in a way that's good for you, that's awesome! I absolutely support your choice of how you want to eat, but it's important to remember that you're only in power to change your diet, not his or anyone else's (apart from your son of course). Maybe he just isn't one of those who thinks Paleo is good, and maybe he never will - because not everyone does.

 

My final thing to add is: talk to him about it, if you haven't already. As in, really sit down and talk to him about how you feel, talk through the "diet/lifestyle" thing, and ask him what he's interested in doing and how he wants to either contribute to this, and if not - ask him how he wants it. Chances are, he does have opinions on things, and you will just have to accept them if you want things to work out in the end.

 

Good luck with everything, and I hope it all comes out well in the end - regardless of what balance it is that you find

[madmax79]

I'm going thru a similar thing with my wife. She supports my plans but she has the totally opposite opinion of healthy eating. She's only concerned with low fat and/or low calorie. It was tough shopping with her today. We even came home and made pasta to go with grilled chicken. I skipped it and ate a salad instead.

 

I think the main thing is to not let others influence you in your goals. Stick to what works for you and if successful, they may follow your example. That's all you can really do. Don't let it get you down and good luck

[Rossimelons]

It's hard Hey. Luckily my husband has been extremely supportive but my mum who I'm close too hasn't. It's weird right? She's overweight and was the first to point out when i was overweight as a teen. But when we go out for lunch and I say I'll have the soup but no bread on the side she always says something like "you know it won't be as nice without the bread and a bit of bread won't kill you". Yes I know bread won't kill me. I never claimed it would. I'd just rather not eat it. It's so frustrating constantly having to defend my choices!

[SevenofSeven]

Being the chief cook and bottle washer for the last 21 years affords me the power to serve up what I will. I do have their snacks and goodies in the house but it is my choice not to eat them, meals are different, if they don't eat it ( which is yet to happen ), then they will either have to cook their own or wait until the next meal.

I have informed my family of my intentions and left it at that. My mother is negative, but hey that's her thing after 43 years I have learnt to ignore most of the garbage coming out of her head.

Good luck, and stay positive!

[Delerey09]

Thanks for all of the comments! 

 

Things have been going well.  I'm 2-1/2 weeks into things.  I'm showing results and "winning" in the friendly wager the bf and I made, a race to 199 lbs.  He eats whatever he wants and hasn't complained about not having starches with dinners.  I had a very proud moment yesterday when he told me that he nearly bought ice cream from the grocery store but picked up bananas instead.  YAY BF!  I love that man.

[sjr243]

That is awesome you were able to influence him to make a healthier decision!  I had a similar experience with my mother.  I stayed with my mother for a month after my daughter was born because my husband was away on training with the guard.  Anyways... I was eating healthy and running and she would poke fun at my "healthy choices."  I went home and came back to visit a couple months later and my father made a comment about how good I looked.  Something clicked I guess because soon after my mother started Weight Watchers and started cleaning up her diet.  She lost weight then this past January started a "Biggest Loser" with my whole family.  That was amazing seeing as my whole family has had overeating issues for generations.  Keep up the good work!

[far_away]

Haha, my family thought I had gone insane when I introduced this new way of eating to them. Did it solo for at least two to three months before they saw the results and were converted for dinnertime.

[TennisGeek]

Two things.

 

First, their opinion of you is just that. An opinion.

Secondly, that opinion will change once you get results. The hard part is ignoring them now. Later on they'll ask you what you're doing because they'll get interested.

 

I'm doing paleo centered eating for half a year or so.

I've lost 25+lb, down to 162lb, I look pretty good right now.

 

I have a good result to show for, but my wife would not change. She eats "Jenny Craig" diet food as if it's good.

She would say "I don't like meat/fish/whatever", "I don't want to take away your food", etc. to avoid paleo food I make.

As long as people believe in conventional diet and weight loss mantra, they will not change, as she is not interested in it at all.

 

My daughter may have some hope.

She cut down a lot of chips and wheat food because I don't buy or cook wheat food.

She still eats some sugary stuff like Nutella but way less than before.

[omnianimaphobia]

How do you handle things when your significant other, family member, coworker, or other person you interact with on a consistent basis is negative or discouraging toward your health and fitness goals?

 

I recently began shifting toward a more primal/paleo eating style and the boyfriend is not on board at all. He hates the idea of "diets" and no matter how much I explain it as simply cutting out unhealthy foods he still sees it that way.  We live together and have a one year old boy. My mom has issues with weight and is very skeptical of everything eating related.

 

As you can imagine, I've struggled with feeling like myself since pregnancy because of all the physical changes I've gone through in such a short period of time. I feel this is the right sort of eating style for me. I want to feel like me again and set a healthy example for my son who is just beginning to become acutely aware of what is on his parent's plates.

 

I've struggled in the past with dropping and gaining weight in a constant cycle. I've never been as heavy as I am now and feel miserable about it. I also tend to be more outwardly motivated so when the people I love and care about criticize me or my actions it weighs heavily on my decision making processes.

 

Any words of wisdom are most welcome!

Realize, that if their not onboard as part of the solution, they are only part of the problem. Support is one of the best things that can be there for you. If someone is a debbie downer, or just plain rude and uncaring in regards to your goals then it would be best to pay them no attention. When in doubt, use the good ole fashioned "If I wanted your opinion I'd ask you."

[Rassidan]

     Well all you can do is ignore what anyone thinks and keep progressing toward your goals. If they want to join in then offer your support and encouragement. If not, it is their life and they can eat as they see fit. I have lived with my wife for a few years now and she will eat anything while I remain vegan. The only downside is she will not eat what I eat as she hates beans and most vegan sources of protein. So we cook seperately and that is that. If she wants to join me then great but what we have works but is not perfect, as seldom anything actually is.