What women love about men.

[humanperson832]

I think no self respecting woman who wants children would ever date a man without these two as pre-requisites, and even if she doesn't want children, the ability to be a good father is a character trait that passes into many other areas of life and should still be required, in my opinion.

 

True. I can tell a lot about how a man will act around kids by watching the way he acts around animals. (And, to a certain extent, the types of animals he likes.)

[Bekah]

yeah no.

 

you gotta be content on your own.  that's been part of the issue with mine- I'm his whole world- I'm what makes him happy- and that's not healthy.

I didn't mean it in the co-dependent sense (I probably should have clarified that) but to want for them to be just as happy as you want for you to be, and to encourage them to do what they need to be happy, not sacrifice yourself for them. There is a huge difference there, and I agree that the former is not healthy.

Another way to see it, in a romantic relationship, is I will take care of me (in every sense) for you, if you will take care of you for me.

[Waldo]

Seriously, this is a problem. With me having really long hair, men just automatically assume that I like my hair played with (which I do) but don't know how to. End up being petted like a dog, gotten to the point that when a guy starts reaching for my hair I dodge it like the plague.

 

Dear god(s) can someone please start a class on this? I have really curly hair which means it's both really thick and really delicate. My boyfriend literally rubs my head like he's a bully and I end up with a mass of knots and tangles. It's like he's trying to make my hair into one big dreadlock. One time I just had to be like, "... stop".

 

yeah- the petting.

 

do not pet my hair.l

 

Do not pull the ENDS of my hair- that shit fucking hurts.

 

base of the spine up to the back of the crown of your head- that's 9/10 the sweet spot. If you are going to grab hair- that's **USUALLY** where it needs to be done.

 

And yes- there is an art to hair pulling.  Don't just grab that shit and go.

 

UGH seriously. It's a thing- there TOTALLY needs to be class on this.

Depends on the dog. Some dogs like to have their hair played with too...

[I-Jo]

I didn't mean it in the co-dependent sense (I probably should have clarified that) but to want for them to be just as happy as you want for you to be, and to encourage them to do what they need to be happy, not sacrifice yourself for them. There is a huge difference there, and I agree that the former is not healthy.

Another way to see it, in a romantic relationship, is I will take care of me (in every sense) for you, if you will take care of you for me.

yes- agreed.   it's totally at thing- it just needs to be tempered. 

 

 

Depends on the dog. Some dogs like to have their hair played with too...

 

LOL

[Bekah]

For me, having someone to challenges me is the most important thing, shows interest while also pushing me to better myself.

Yes.

I realized I have only commented thus far and never actually posted what I like about men

in no particular order

1. they have to smell good

2. intelligence

3. confident in most respects (few of us are wholly confident)

4. I don't have to teach him to be a good man (ie. he can take care of his house, money, car, job and everything else he had when I met him, without my help, and do it reasonably well) that doesn't mean he has to be debt free or entirely successful, but if he doesn't have solid plans for his life and plans to get help with things he is not good at doing on his own, then that's a problem. He can work at McD's as long as he has plans for not staying at the cash register till he is 65 and is smart with how he lives, that's what matters.

5. able to be emotional, but not clingy or weepy. Some display of emotion in a man is sexy, too much is not.

6. not be negative all the time

7. taller than me*

8. not blond*

9. broad shoulders*

10. nice legs*

11. willing to accept me and my flaws and know that I am far from perfect, but that I am actively addressing all my flaws and will continue to do so, and expect them to do the same.

and yeah, thats about it

* personal preference only, nothing wrong with short, blond, small shoulders, small legs on men, just not my cup of tea.

[I-Jo]

**like**

[MariahSnow]

Oh! So my man is typically a fragrance-free individual except his clean laundry (yum!). But recently he got this new deoderant and I was all up in his pits. And this morning, as I was walking into the gym, a fly man was walking out (in classy business casual attire) and he smelled glorious. And let me define glorious. I got a whiff of man-scent, just barely, and then it was gone. It was like a smell-tease, and that's the perfect amount of man-scent to be applied.

 

Also, there's a guy at work who is always fresh N clean and smells wonderful despite being a big dude (i.e. sweaty) and living in Houston (i.e. sweatiest city). Not sure how he does it, but it's greatly appreciated.

[Eilyd]

Oh! So my man is typically a fragrance-free individual except his clean laundry (yum!). But recently he got this new deoderant and I was all up in his pits. 

 

Bahahaha! You nearly made me literally laugh out loud in my cube at work. But I totally get what you're saying. My man switches back and forth between two kinds of deodorant, and the one is good, but the other is like Mmmmmmmmmm I'm gonna smell you all day.

[MissMormie]

Wow, there is so much stuff I disagree with in this thread

So if you are a guy and you read something in this thread you didn't like, rest assured that there are women who like you to. That includes having a (good) job and being a good father. I'm very happy my bf dislikes kids. And to him a job is a way to earn some money to pay for stuff he wants to do. No ambition there. I don't care.

He's very hairy, chest and down, fine by me. He spends more time in the bathroom then me and definately has more skincare products. He is very athletic, but thats a first for me. No problem.

The things that I do care about?

- High iq, otherwise he doesn't get my terrible jokes

- funny

- geeky (must be able to build a wifi receiver from a pringles box)

I also do not agree with the fact that love should be just about love. It's also about completing each other. About building on each others strenght, about improving each others life. And yes thats about giving but just as much about receiving. At least for me it is

Still happy with my smart funny geeky guy after almost 10 years.

[Guest CyborgNinja]

doesn't want children

 

[AlterStephen]

I have to say I'm a little surprised by some of the ladies here saying they don't like kids, or that they like it when guys don't like kids. Because I love children. I volunteer at a homeless shelter with my friend Linda and we get to hang out with young kids for an hour every Tuesday and Thursday -- it's the highlight of my week. And every time I get to hang out with my niece and nephew or even see toddlers and young kids running around laughing and talking about the great stuff kids talk about, it puts me in a great mood. Maybe it's just my inner child, but I think it's awesome. I honestly can't wait to be a father haha

[I-Jo]

yeah no. no way- no how. 

They are icky.

 

The whole process is gross and it's way to be big of a commitment. no thank you.

 

Why does it surprise you guys?  Not everyone wants to be a brood mare for society.  The world is over populated as it is- and pretty much the only reason to have children is your own selfish desire to have them.  There is no logical reason at this point and time to produce. 

 

And I personally find it insulting that people assume my only purpose in life is to "be fruitful and multiply"

 

FTS.

 

 

EDIT

I don't care if someone wants to have kids- I personally think it's ridiculous- but not my choice- I just hate that people assume EVERYONE wants kids.

[KingZora]

I think it only surprises the guys that want children...  I personally don't at least not anytime in the near future, so I am always surprised when I meet people who want children.

[Choronodon]

and pretty much the only reason to have children is your own selfish desire to have them.  There is no logical reason at this point and time to produce. 

 

 

But isn't our 'selfish' desire pretty much why we do all kinds of stuff?

[I-Jo]

Yes- in a way.

 

But raising a child isn't just something fun to do.  It isn't just a pet- or a hobby. you are responsible for raising that child and taking care of them.  Most people do not have the perspicacity  to truly get the situation. 

[MariahSnow]

The whole "selfish" and children debate is interesting. My coworker always tries to get me to want to get pregnant (I know that's weird). But he's like, "c'mon, don't you want a baby" etc etc. And when I was like, "no way". He was like, "you are just being selfish".

 

Yes. I am selfish. And that's EXACTLY why I shouldn't have a child. I'm more concerned about what I want and my life to focus on raising someone else. And that's not fair to the child to bring them into the picture KNOWING that I am selfish. And maybe I won't always be selfish, but right now I am. So no kiddos.

 

Sidenote: my mother is probably one of the most self-centered and selfish individuals I have ever encountered. And I'm currently starting massive therapy to deal with the fact that she never really wanted to be a mother and I suffered as a result. Why would I want to repeat that mistake?

 

 

Yes- in a way.

 

But raising a child isn't just something fun to do.  It isn't just a pet- or a hobby. you are responsible for raising that child and taking care of them.  Most people do not have the perspicacity  to truly get the situation. 

^^ This.

 

I also can't handle babies before they are like 3 months old because they are basically just beans with eyes. They don't interact hardly at all and that's really soul crushing when you are trying to take care of something. Even a kitten responds to you when it's very tiny. I guess I'm just a cat lady at heart.

[Choronodon]

Yes- in a way.

 

But raising a child isn't just something fun to do.  It isn't just a pet- or a hobby. you are responsible for raising that child and taking care of them.  Most people do not have the perspicacity  to truly get the situation. 

 

True enough, there are plenty of folks who don't think it through. But there are also plenty of other folks who do think it through, and take it seriously and put a lot of effort into it.

 

In the end it's a personal decision.

 

Also, any guy who can't wrap his head around why a woman might not want kids... well... there's probably a lot of other stuff he can't wrap his head around.

[I-Jo]

The whole "selfish" and children debate is interesting. My coworker always tries to get me to want to get pregnant (I know that's weird). But he's like, "c'mon, don't you want a baby" etc etc. And when I was like, "no way". He was like, "you are just being selfish".

 

Yes. I am selfish. And that's EXACTLY why I shouldn't have a child. I'm more concerned about what I want and my life to focus on raising someone else. And that's not fair to the child to bring them into the picture KNOWING that I am selfish. And maybe I won't always be selfish, but right now I am. So no kiddos.

 

Sidenote: my mother is probably one of the most self-centered and selfish individuals I have ever encountered. And I'm currently starting massive therapy to deal with the fact that she never really wanted to be a mother and I suffered as a result. Why would I want to repeat that mistake?

 

 

^^ This.

 

I also can't handle babies before they are like 3 months old because they are basically just beans with eyes. They don't interact hardly at all and that's really soul crushing when you are trying to take care of something. Even a kitten responds to you when it's very tiny. I guess I'm just a cat lady at heart.

 

EXACTLY.  I like being at the gym till 11 PM at night- your life changes- you give up almost everything for them (least if you are a decent parent) to make things work.  Way to selfish for that.

 

And I"m sorry about your mum- that sucks. 

True enough, there are plenty of folks who don't think it through. But there are also plenty of other folks who do think it through, and take it seriously and put a lot of effort into it.

 

In the end it's a personal decision.

 

Also, any guy who can't wrap his head around why a woman might not want kids... well... there's probably a lot of other stuff he can't wrap his head around.

agreed- very personal decision.  

AND LOL to the last part- for REALZ.

[Schmopey]

I have kids. I usually love kids (always mine, occasionally other people's)

 

I TOTALLY get why people don't want kids.

 

What I don't get is why people judge others based on whether or not they want to procreate.

[Bekah]

yeah no. no way- no how.

They are icky.

The whole process is gross and it's way to be big of a commitment. no thank you.

Why does it surprise you guys? Not everyone wants to be a brood mare for society. The world is over populated as it is- and pretty much the only reason to have children is your own selfish desire to have them. There is no logical reason at this point and time to produce.

And I personally find it insulting that people assume my only purpose in life is to "be fruitful and multiply"

FTS.

EDIT

I don't care if someone wants to have kids- I personally think it's ridiculous- but not my choice- I just hate that people assume EVERYONE wants kids.

After having and raising two children to teendom, I couldn't agree more with the ickyness! lol

Seriously though, I agree with Jo's sentiment here. I love my children dearly, but had I used my brain and not my reproductive organs, I would have chosen to be childless, but fate got to me before I could cement that idea. I seriously admire a woman who is confident enough to choose to be child free if it suits her, isn't that better for her and any children that were brought into this world in previous generations because women had no say in being mothers, even if it wasnt something they wanted or enjoyed?

Sometimes the status quo is dead fucking wrong.

EDIT: all said prior to reading other posts, having a mother like Jo's is exactly what we should want to prevent. I'm glad she is strong enough to stop that cycle. I have had to put every ounce of effort I have into overcoming my selfishness in raising my kids, to not be like my own mother, and it has been very hard...but i love them enough that I sacrificed everything for them, I wouldn't want anyone to do that if they know better beforehand.

[otter905]

I have to say I'm a little surprised by some of the ladies here saying they don't like kids, or that they like it when guys don't like kids. Because I love children. I volunteer at a homeless shelter with my friend Linda and we get to hang out with young kids for an hour every Tuesday and Thursday -- it's the highlight of my week. And every time I get to hang out with my niece and nephew or even see toddlers and young kids running around laughing and talking about the great stuff kids talk about, it puts me in a great mood. Maybe it's just my inner child, but I think it's awesome. I honestly can't wait to be a father haha

 

I find this very interesting as I feel the same way about and when I am with children, however I DO NOT want my own.  I love kids.  I love playing with them. I love talking to them, listening to them, learning from them.  I also love giving them back. becaue I don't love waking up at 6:30am. I don't love changing diapers or cleaning up after them when they are sick.  I love being able to make choices/plans without them affecting anyone else.  And I truly love being that friend that anyone can call last minute and say lets go do_____, even if that is could you come watch my kids while I ____.   Selfish? Yes.  But, I am aware of my choice AND I am aware of the things that I am "missing out on" by not being a mom.

[stevembk]

I find this very interesting as I feel the same way about and when I am with children, however I DO NOT want my own.  I love kids.  I love playing with them. I love talking to them, listening to them, learning from them.  I also love giving them back. becaue I don't love waking up at 6:30am. I don't love changing diapers or cleaning up after them when they are sick.  I love being able to make choices/plans without them affecting anyone else.  And I truly love being that friend that anyone can call last minute and say lets go do_____, even if that is could you come watch my kids while I ____.   Selfish? Yes.  But, I am aware of my choice AND I am aware of the things that I am "missing out on" by not being a mom.

 

So you dont own a dog or pet otter?

[chelsey789]

I love how my boyfriend looks after he has been working on the tractor. All sweaty and sexy... (Country girl, here). 

I also love being able to be really silly and goofy with him. 

[humanperson832]

I wish more people would take the time to consider, very seriously, not only their desire to become a parent, but whether or not they would actually make a good one.

 

Which, thankfully, there seems to be no shortage of in this thread. Well done, folks. For a long time, I thought I wouldn't be having kids. Then I got a dog and realized that my desire to not have kids was firmly rooted in my insecurity. I didn't believe I was good or smart or strong enough to be a good mom/caretaker of any living thing. Now that that insecurity has been dealt with (through lots of work on myself and by virtue of my dog still living and breathing), I think my future kids could do far worse for a parent. I know where my insecurities grew and what behaviors instilled them in me as a kid, and I am going to make damn sure I don't perpetuate that cycle with my kids. (And, in the last week, I figured out what caused those behaviors in one of my parents and I finally understand and can do the opposite.)

 

Plus, I'm pretty freaking great, so it stands to reason that my kids would be as great, if not greater. Just saying.

[strangeling06]

I know, without a doubt, that I want kids.

I 100% respect those of you who have made the decision not to. There are plenty of people out there who didn't want kids and had them anyway and out of those, some who don't have anything to do with their kids because they didn't want them.