I know I'm completely muzzy-headed today, but what exactly am I tracking again? I am in the tunnels exploration and trail-walking herb gathering clan.  

I had considered writing to ask james to reschedule, and got two-thirds through the message and then discarded it, knowing that whatever I had read would be sufficient for our talk, because James is wonderful like that and our conversations are just amazing no matter what the topic.   Imagine my surprise when I got a message from him with the subject "Reschedule." My first thought was that I had inadvertantly sent the half-baked message instead of discarding it, but it turns out he was writing me asking to reschedule for a whole host of reasons, and of course I said yes.   Thank you Universe, for the opportunity to be gracious with others and to receive grace in doing so. 🦋

Yoga with Adrienne today absolute agony* after the long run yesterday but what a difference afterwards. Oh my god, I can use my legs again.  Calories on course too. I'm on my way to a podcast recording now, so as long as there isn't free cake and prosecco there I should be OK.      *well, let's not get dramatic, but I was pretty stiff and sore. 

Oh I'm definitely going to panic about being undertrained and want to run more. A book i read recently refers to this as "maranoia" which sounds about right!  

Friends, it's nearly noon and I am still so, so tired.   The rain isn't helping anything in my head, even though the poor parched ground definitely needs it. Right now the rain is forecast to go on for the better part of a week, and there's a slim chance that Helene will skip a little eastward and end up in my area early next week. It's unlikey, but don't count out my ability to break the curve.   I fell asleep at a normalish time last night, then woke up at 1 with the jitters of a neurological event. At first these always seem like nervous energy and racing thoughts, the early edge of panic, but once I recognize it for what it is, I can usually surf the wave. I ended up drinking a lot of milk (just over a liter) and sitting with a heating pad until everything calmed back down. It took about 90 minutes, according to fitbit.   I didn't wake up until a quarter til 8, which is good for sleep, but absolutely off step for my ideal schedule. I didn't feel right in the head and the reasons didn't even have to chime in -- I was clearly not going to the gym or to work or even getting out of bed for the next forty-leven years. Until suddenly I was. I got up, went to the bathroom, went downstairs and made tea, put on my gym clothes while the kettle heated and took my morning blood pressure medication. I took the rinsed dishes from last night and put them in the dishwasher and pushed play. I put on my tennis shoes and walked out. I took the long way around, enjoying the misty grey morning, and the surprise of the day was all about flowers: purple morning glories growing up through some diplapidated fence wire wedged between two buildings, and a boquet of dahlias placed on top of a trash bin, making me wonder if someone was courting a sanitation worker. I walked up the hill and was convinced this was a bad idea and that I should be back in bed, if only I could teleport myself, and then somehow I was in the gym at just past 8, and on the track.  By the time I remembered that I had forgotten to count laps, I had already done three quarters of a mile, so I did a few more and then went to the steam room, which never disappoints.   I became human in the shower, somewhere between washing my face and rinsing out the conditioner, and even though I am not anything close to energetic, I'm functional.  I logged in to work. This is the Way. Mostly dead means slightly alive. My lunch meeting today out of the building has been rescheduled for Tuesday. I have a virtual meeting iwth James at 2, and I haven't done the other two essays yet, and all will be well. Work is nothing short of ridiculous. I have nothing on my calendar that involves leaving the house, and I am so very glad.   ❤️

Something else may have thought so, too.  We haven't seen him this year (old photo).     They weigh about the same as the average cat, but are 3-6 inches/7-17cm taller.  And they climb trees!

Ah, this is good to know. Will have to see about giving it a go. chocolate sounds good   i have considered doing fruit +protein powder smoothies, but our blender is not good with liquids so getting a new one has kind of discoraged me from giving it a try

I hope your game Meetup goes well tonight! The flowers are so beautiful. 

Story mode is fine if you don't like the gameplay. I wonder if I would like it, though. I don't mind reflex based combat. It's exciting. But I do remember running into too many low quality "encounters" in early final fantasy games, if that's what it's like?     I listened to this album when I was an angsty youngster. It's delightfully angsty, including this song. 

So... I met with the Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy. And I could have expected what I came out of this...   So... I started this challenge "Badass Operation" and I didn't realize healing is a form of it.   Summer I discovered my entire pelvis/hip and now just core. Has been on defense mode for most of my life. Ready to protect, as I also am realizing my quick stress/anxiety is 100% a response of my many layers of trauma. That is 100% scary and frightening.  I'm still sitting with all the new knowlege.    Basically I was given an explanation why I have a tough time with exercise... and honestly why I am hitting a wall.  Between flair ups and fight/flight response... I have to retrain my body to enjoy moving in a healthy way I haven't done before.  Aka getting answers and help at the same time... I finally have a team that will help with my endo but also just the layers and layers of tough stuff I'm still holding onto and learning how to be happier.      Honestly makes the "operation badass" from action to now a drama/good feeling ending.    I was also informed by the PT that the nutritionist will help me in all areas of my eating world. Look at me as a individual who needs help to feel better. So adjusting my goals until Oct. 9th... than I will have a new teacher to guide me.    I need to write down my new goals. Come up with a better tracker.... and a gaming reward system I think.