So, the plan is simple: Physical progress is done through workouts. In order not to let things down on rest days, I'm separating running and walking. Running is the exercise I'm doing during rest days, walking is a daily mind centering activity designed mostly to help me stay grounded through work when I'll get back to it. Exercise phases are designed to take 20-30 minutes in order not to become time constraining, which tends to serve as an excuse for me to drop them. Sleeping is still on the menu. I'm adding meditation to it, small slices to keep it from becoming time constraining. I've got two kinds of meditations: * sit in front of a burning candle and focus on the flame; * sit in a comfortable posture and let the mind flow. I'll adapt my rituals as I build experience with them. I'm not puting social pressure on myself. I tend not to take that well and it's going to happen this next month anyway. However, I want to look pristine and attractive. I'm taking 15 minutes out of my day for special grooming. Beard trimming, hairs cutting, caring for a nice piece of clothing or anything else. This comes on top of the hygiene routine which I consider basic maintenance. I want to score 100% on that for 5 days. Here's the tracking sheet:       5 days   Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday       10/02 10/03 10/04 10/05 10/06                   Success%                                   Workout                 Running                 Grooming                 Meditation                 Sleeping                

I stopped mid-read to post that line above. Then I got to this line at the closing of the column.     I don't need this line, today thankfully. Teenage sylph did, though. To the point that reading it damn near made me tear up, 25 years later.  

From Captain Awkward     I have known or sensed this for a large portion of my life, but have not seen it better elucidated than this.   Not sure why it resonated so hard with me upon reading it today, but apparently I needed to hear/read/see this.   I'm putting it here, just in case you needed it too.    

It is pretty fab!  It washed and dried well and second-day hair still looks good.  🤩     Really like the new song especially.      When I went back the second time, I had kind of hoped I would get a different clerk who would be more lax, but that did not happen. 😒     Ooh, a big style change?  Fun!     No, it's more or less like why you can't laminate money: some of the counterfeit counter-measures include the type/quality of the paper, embossed seals, reflective print, etc which would be damaged and/or unassessable under lamination.  I mean, it make sense why you can't laminate your own, but mine was issued that way with the embossing on the outside of the laminate for security purposes.  And with each state having their own versions of the security measures, the DMV clerks aren't really doing major examinations of the certificate anyway.  They might notice one on printer paper, but a decent fake would easily get past them.   In any case, I have since discovered that I don't actually need Real ID on my driver's license, because I have another ID that qualifies.  Problem solved 🙃

The only way we could, complete with holding a reflective surface to see if that would trigger it, 

It took me until Sunday to start feeling human again. Hope your healing ocnitnues. Definitely understand about "slipping into old patterns." I ended up continuing low-key enabling of my most recent ex out of "fairness" blinders. All I was really doing was standing in the way of his educaiton, and spending my own energy to do it. (facepalm)   I love you and believe in you, as ever. ❤️ 

HUNGER by Marc Harshman   White peonies border the stones of the old foundation. At the edge of the meadow peacocks fan light             into small rainbows of flame. You listen for the soft step of a bear,             the black paws’ chuff upon the leaf litter. An old road closes its arms around the forgotten, fallow fields. Your brother will return from there in the chiffon silence             of the afterlife, wrap you in a reassurance             unavailable from any altar. And here, where the sun slips into the tangle of forest,             a barred owl is singing for his supper as he always does             with a question much like your own. Who’ll cook for you, who’ll cook for you, who’ll cook for you?    

Hey all! I shook things up today by working out in the campus gym in the morning, right after getting to campus. It's a lot less crowded! This won't work as a long term tactic once I am back in the classroom each morning, but felt good to get that lifting knocked off the list today. Then did a little editorial stuff (I'm still so far behind it's scandalous, but getting better now at least). My student meeting today had to be postponed as student just tested positive for covid  It's really going around! Kid 1 and her gf have it now too, again, eek. This is like the 3rd bout for kid 1 so I'm really hoping no serious long term effects!   Other than that we're all well and happy. I have an appt with my knee surgeon in a couple hours (I think just some X-rays and the normal 12 week checkin), so may use that as a delineator - keep working on tasks I need to get done until it's time to go to that, then after I get back treat myself to an hour or so of doing my own science!

Back to work today after a long weekend, and I am resonating hard with this today...

Heidi feels the lure of of will-o'-the-wisps pulling her from this safe space, pleading with her to leave the Good Path this morning, just as she did yesterday morning. "Feel useful and feel safe, come with us and set your Persistent Fear down, just for a minute." But she knows that no matter how welcoming and cozy these lights are, they are actually malevolent and would only reinforce the fears until the fears bound her and enslaved her. She had fought too hard to be free, and wasn't interested in whatever these souls barred from heaven were peddling. She made her way out the door and onto the path, greeted immediately by the Peace Pole. She was in the right place.