W4D7: one DrP in the morning after a very long night managing MFG's pain, pretty successfully I should add.  I have just the faintest idea of what I'm doing, but it seems to be helping so I'll keep doing it.  I also ate a bowl of corn cereal with a banana for breakfast.  Morning gave way to a much-needed mid-day nap, and when I woke it was time to start cooking dinner so I ate a small package of peanuts to refuel and got on with my kitchen duties.  Two hours later my girls and I sat down to a delicious homemade meatloaf with mashed potatoes and steamed peas.  That would've been a tidy and nutritious place to stop the day, but I wanted a treat and needed to do some shopping for MFG anyway, so I tagged Bubbles in for father-daughter time at Walmart and treated her to a few things as a thanks for her help this week.  I treated myself to a Cherry Garcia, but before I ate that I split a bag of microwave popcorn with Bubbles, 'cause fiber.  3039 kcal   Week 4 Check-in:  this week was physically more demanding than any so far in MFG's fight, but it was still easier than that first week.  My eating ranged all over the place, and my sleep was even more broken, but by the grace of God we're still plugging along.  I hit 2 out 3 workouts which is pretty good.  Scale this morning says 214.0 for a slight increase on the week but not as much as the calorie math predicted.  I feel a little bloated and a lot tired--most of my progress this week was along the lines of 'staying alive' more than 'lean and strong'.  I'm content with that.   Final week ahead and this is the big one, folks.  MFG's surgery is on Thursday, and we'll have a bit of medical stuff to attend to in the run-up.  I'll do as much as I can wherever I am and see where it all settles out next weekend when we close the door on this challenge.

This week was fairly calm overall, I've taken a page from past RES and started putting times on my calendar and utilizing the 'to do' lists in google, it's helped reduce the feelings of overwhelm when I have so much to do and don't know where to begin, also helps reduce the feeling that I'm forgetting something. As I think of things I add them, no matter how small it is, so it's there and I can see it. Even something as simple as going to the grocery store or doing laundry is on the 'to do' list.  We were so close, D was to the point her trainee was going to fly solo, and then someone called out with an 'emergency' 🙄 what kind of emergency happens a day in advance I have no idea....but she's going to have to drive tomorrow, and instead of having the next trainee come to Atl. she's going to go to them in SC. Not real happy about that, for several other reasons.   All SET - Week 4 ( S )leep - 🌈⛈️⛈️ ⛈️🌈⛈️ ⛈️ ( E )xercise - 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 ( T )rack -  🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈   Y'all this actually happened yesterday  SO MUCH FUN  was had, and almost an hour flew by!

You are too kind, and quite impressive yourself with your multiple S ratings! I don't think I'll ever be on par with Vivian but THANK YOU for introducing me to the Imagine Dragons pack...if D ever has free time again I'm going to have to introduce her to it ❤️   

amen sister. Wish we could just kick anxiety in the shin. 

Saturday I went to a goodbye party at church because we have more than 10 families moving back home this summer.  Diplomat rotations got wonky during covid, so all of the folks that were stuck here for the pandemic I finally rotating out, but it means we are losing close to half of our entire congregation.  Hopefully we get a bunch of new families come in with the new rotation in the Fall.  In the evening we picked up the in-laws and watched a popular comedy troupe perform a highlight performance of their greatest hits   Sunday was church like always, followed up with a nap and a bit of Skyrim in the afternoon 

I see.  I am a very restless sleeper, so I can't really have a knot anywhere I might lie on it.  It makes me wonder if a beanie I could pull down over my eyes would do the job, though 🤔      My husband is the poster child for "spontaneous" and really loathes having to follow a schedule.  After 21 years of altered plans, I should have seen this one coming.  In fact, it was the third alteration to this trip 😆  He was so delighted with his little surprise, it was hard to be too upset (and of course the kids loved getting out of 2 extra days of school).  The packing bit was stressful, but it was definitely lovely to have a couple extra days once we got there.     I haven't tried it yet, but now that we are back, I might have to seriously look for a solution.     I have thought of this, but my aesthetic sensibilities are protesting.  If I get desperate enough, I may do it anyway.  Or move some large furniture in front of the window or something.      I have yet to find blackout drapes worth the name, tbh.  Mine supposedly are, but they don't seem much better than regular ones.  I think I remember putting up tinfoil in the baby's room years ago, though.  I was desperate for sleep then, too 😂   I'm back from my anniversary trip!  We stayed at a resort we have eyed for years but never felt we could afford.  We managed to catch a deal just before peak season prices hit, so we stayed for less than half what it would cost next week even.  The place is family oriented, so there were tons of things for the boys to do (because we take them everywhere, even for our anniversary).  The nicest bit was that they are old enough now to be allowed to go to the on-site activities like arcade, laser tag, and waterpark without us, so we did get some time to ourselves.  We all enjoyed the waterpark a little too much, Mr. Spontaneous and I were paying the price in back pain by Friday.  We were supposed to go to the Food and Wine Festival that day, but neither one of us could imagine enduring that much walking.  Fortunately, our tickets had been free, so we weren't out any money for changing our plans.  We opted for recreating our first date instead, which was really nice.   I ate all the everything, and basically never want to eat again.  It was such a relief to have plain toast this morning instead of all the crazy rich things we had on vacation.    I mostly slept better at the hotel than I do at home, since the windows were at least west-facing.  The last night before we left was really rough, though.  It took hours to fall asleep, I woke frequently, and got up early to drive home.  Saturday night I slept wonderfully in my own bed for 9 hours 😴 😌    I mostly didn't remember to do my breathing/mindfulness exercises except for one time that was really clutch.  I am very afraid of heights, so the climb to ride the waterslides can be quite upsetting.  I remembered reading an article that said panic attacks are sort of self-perpetuating, because the feedback loop of noticing your racing heartbeat and shortness of breath and finding that alarming, so your heart beats faster etc.  So, while climbing 100 million stairs, of course my heart is racing and I am short of breath and my acrophobia is kicking like crazy.  In the past, I have slung back down the stairs ashamed of my cowardice, but this time, I forced myself to breathe and be aware of my whole body, not just the pounding heart.  I felt rough wet concrete under my toes, paint peeling on the metal railing under my fingers, and the burn in my calves with each step.  I accepted the pounding heart and shortness of breath as a consequence of the exercise of stair-climbing to the moon and the fear sort of melted away.  Best feeling ever!

So many changes!  I know you must have so much to do with new job and the move.  Good luck with the transition!

Slept for an hour, woke up for no reason, decided to see if it was lot too late to cancel Monday's appointment online or if I'd have to call. Nope, can do it online. Okay, goodbye to all my appointments because panic. Now I'm relieved and I also kinda hate myself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Arrrrrrrrrrrgh. I want to quit PT. Partly because she called me on Thursday (slept through it) and was like "hey so you've cancelled a bunch of your appointments lately... just checking in to see if you still want to do this. If not that's fine just call the front desk and they'll cancel it all for you." And because I am hypersensitive to feeling like I'm disappointed people and to being called out and a half dozen other things I'm just like sitting here wallowing in... not shame exactly but I definitely feel like not only do I now have to go to all of the appointments for fucking sure, but I have to be like the model patient and do everything perfectly and just gremlin shit. And I'm also reading into it like oh she def wants me to just cancel it all too. Maybe maybe not on that one.     but I'm also kind of genuinely questioning whether this is just not the right time to be doing this. On one hand yes, it's a great time because I don't have a job or anything else to have to schedule around. On the other hand, this was a pretty sudden jump into leaving my house and dealing with people on a regular basis, which has not been a thing in the past few years. One could argue that this makes it the perfect time because like, exposure therapy or whatever and hey it's getting me out of my house blah blah but ugh no. And now I feel dumb that going to PT once a week is too scary to stick with.    idk. I may or may not be going back to the ENT ER today (Sunday) because my nose has mostly cleared up but isn't 100% better and I don't want to leave a not-dead-yet infection to recover and wreak more havoc. Which also feels stupid but at this point that's just my life I guess.    this was not supposed to be how this post was going. But istg now that I'm overthinking the PT issue it's getting scarier and scarier and I straight up might have to quit just so I stop stressing out about it.    why is my phone inserting line breaks in the middle of sentences? This happens all the time but I have no idea why.    Anyway. If I do go to the ER I will ask them if I should cancel PT (grasping at straws here). And even though it is actually an emergency room it's kinda more like a glorified urgent care. They do have an ambulance entrance and all that but the main hospital is next door so that's really where the emergency cases wind up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  I really don't want to go back again but they have the specialized tools that an urgent care or even my doctors office wouldn't so it's ER or wait forever for an appointment with an ENT somewhere. Meh. Mehhhhhh I say.    anxiety is fucking stupid. Just in case anyone was unaware. 

Morning all. 6am here. Been up since 5.    Last night, strange one. Football was good. Had a couple of non alcohol beers. Ate some pizza.    But i felt a bit off, and also a little off with Roxy.....       I just feel a bit deflated.    Im up mega early. I am wondering if i may make a flask of tea and go sit and bird watch somewhere close by. Its quiet due to early morn. But the sun is coming out x