Bit of help needed

[Sabina]

I'm somewhat new, though I've posted in here before, but I've been offline for a few weeks due to a family emergency and I'm struggling a bit to get motivated to move in the right direction again. Bit of a stress problem, turning into comfort eating, resulting from a terrible combination of the loss of a family member, excessive work expectations, constant negativity from most people around me every day and a sense of just feeling overloaded right now with no positive route forwards. Part of me knows there is a positive route forward (focusing on what I can control, like exercise and good food) and I just have to grab it, but I'm struggling to get motivated to work on that change.

 

If anyone has some motivational words of encouragement to help me get my mental approach back in a more positive direction so I can restart my journey, that would be totally awesome and really, really appreciated!

[Sciread77]

Welcome back!

 

You're in a tough situation. Loss is a difficult thing, to go through, and that's compounded by negative environments and large expectations at work. 

 

I'd encourage you to take it a step at a time. Don't pressure yourself to feel positive or happy if you haven't had the time to grieve; holding it all in without release is terribly damaging.y family is really bad about ALWAYS looking at the bright side to the point of minimizing or denying the existence of the negative emotions.   Hopefully, your situation isn't like that. You may need to take a break from others whose grieving process is on a different timeline too. 

 

Focus and remind yourself what you can control. The 4-Week challenges and the goal setting process that goes along with them are great for setting specific, actionable, measurable, and attainable goals. If I were in your situation, I'd want some quick wins to help with motivation. It could be something as simple as taking a few minutes of your work day to walk alone and decompress from its stress and demands (that's what I'm doing right now). Or taking time to meditate.  There are some good examples of people working towards mental resilience and toughness, as well as people setting attainable goals to get their motivation back. 

 

You may may also want to look at a more specific motivation behind your goals. Regular "being healthy and fit" hasn't ever been specific enough for me. But being able to carry both kids during a Disney World vacation without hurting or constantly being out of breath is one specific and emotionally connected enough to motivate me. 

 

What is important to you? 

 

*I hope that's helpful, and I don't want to come off as a know-it-all because I definitely don't.

 

**You can do it! 

 

 

[Tialoredron]

Welcome back to the Rebellion Sabina!

 

Loss of a family member is very difficult; each person will deal with grief differently as well so what works for one person may not work for another. I think Sciread has given some good advice and food for thought.

 

There is a lot being piled onto you, and I think you need to take care of yourself; if you can take some days off of work to focus on yourself and your relations may be a great start to re-center yourself. 

[Sabina]

On 8/24/2017 at 9:43 AM, Sciread77 said:

Welcome back!

 

You're in a tough situation. Loss is a difficult thing, to go through, and that's compounded by negative environments and large expectations at work. 

 

I'd encourage you to take it a step at a time. Don't pressure yourself to feel positive or happy if you haven't had the time to grieve; holding it all in without release is terribly damaging.y family is really bad about ALWAYS looking at the bright side to the point of minimizing or denying the existence of the negative emotions.   Hopefully, your situation isn't like that. You may need to take a break from others whose grieving process is on a different timeline too. 

 

Focus and remind yourself what you can control. The 4-Week challenges and the goal setting process that goes along with them are great for setting specific, actionable, measurable, and attainable goals. If I were in your situation, I'd want some quick wins to help with motivation. It could be something as simple as taking a few minutes of your work day to walk alone and decompress from its stress and demands (that's what I'm doing right now). Or taking time to meditate.  There are some good examples of people working towards mental resilience and toughness, as well as people setting attainable goals to get their motivation back. 

 

You may may also want to look at a more specific motivation behind your goals. Regular "being healthy and fit" hasn't ever been specific enough for me. But being able to carry both kids during a Disney World vacation without hurting or constantly being out of breath is one specific and emotionally connected enough to motivate me. 

 

What is important to you? 

 

*I hope that's helpful, and I don't want to come off as a know-it-all because I definitely don't.

 

**You can do it! 

 

 

Thank you! Wise words. I'm trying to get myself back motivated for running. In the past I've run a lot, but that's all fallen apart in the last month which I think is part of my problem, as that's been a stress control mechanism before. I think I'm going to pick some short term goals that set me up to move in the right direction. Run most days this week, whether I feel like it or not, and focus on eating lots of veggies. Veggies are the first thing to go when my nutrition gets really bad, so I'll start there turning it around and not worry if I'm still having masses of carbs for the next week.

[Sabina]

On 8/24/2017 at 4:43 PM, Tialoredron said:

Welcome back to the Rebellion Sabina!

 

Loss of a family member is very difficult; each person will deal with grief differently as well so what works for one person may not work for another. I think Sciread has given some good advice and food for thought.

 

There is a lot being piled onto you, and I think you need to take care of yourself; if you can take some days off of work to focus on yourself and your relations may be a great start to re-center yourself. 

Good suggestion - a few days off would be amazing. Work does not always make that easy, but I should see what I can do. It would definitely help.

[Sciread77]

14 minutes ago, Sabina said:

I'm trying to get myself back motivated for running. In the past I've run a lot, but that's all fallen apart in the last month which I think is part of my problem, as that's been a stress control mechanism before. 

 

I can understand that.  I'm pretty sure I ran my stress off in high school, and dropping to virtually none without an alternative probably contributed to some of my stress problems when I first started college.

[Sabina]

23 hours ago, Sciread77 said:

 

I can understand that.  I'm pretty sure I ran my stress off in high school, and dropping to virtually none without an alternative probably contributed to some of my stress problems when I first started college.

The power of exercise to help mental well being is amazing. I've got myself set up for a good running week. My extra motivation - Doctor Who. I just recorded a bunch of episodes I haven't seen and it's making me want to run because I want to watch TV. Which reads a bit weird now I type it, but I think it's going to work for me!

[Sciread77]

43 minutes ago, Sabina said:

The power of exercise to help mental well being is amazing. I've got myself set up for a good running week. My extra motivation - Doctor Who. I just recorded a bunch of episodes I haven't seen and it's making me want to run because I want to watch TV. Which reads a bit weird now I type it, but I think it's going to work for me!

 

"Hello, I'm the Doctor. Basically. Run!"

 

Makes total sense to me! The Doctor makes you want to run just like playing Assassins Creed makes me want to climb every random structure in sight. 

[zeroh13]

Welcome back, @Sabina!

 

Like everyone said, one step at a time. Go at your own pace.

 

This challenge, @fleaball's goal is to just do one thing on her list a day. Anything extra is a bonus, feels good to do but it's not required. Maybe something like that would work for you?

 

With work, have you told them about your loss? Managers are usually pretty understanding about something like that and could give you a few days off or a lighter workload while you grieve.

 

Watching a really good show is a great reward! Plus it's good relaxation.

 

Take care!

[fleaball]

Hey Sabina, sorry to hear about all the crap you're dealing with and you have my sympathies for your family member. 

 

My mother died the day before the challenge started, after a 6-week shitstorm with her cancer. I knew between that and a bunch of other junk in my life right now that a full-blown challenge wasn't in the cards for me, but I needed to be on the forums for the sake of my sanity. So like zeroh said, I made a list of good-for-me things to do (food goals, exercise, meditation, cleaning my space a bit, etc) and just have to hit one thing a day. It helps because I don't have the bandwidth to do all of it, but I can say "yes, even in the chaos I did one thing that will help me today." Maybe you can find a few things to pick from that will help you feel like you're regaining control? 

 

I hope things get better for you!

[Sabina]

16 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

 

 

With work, have you told them about your loss? Managers are usually pretty understanding about something like that and could give you a few days off or a lighter workload while you grieve.

 

 

I haven't. There's so much negativity at work at the moment, I try to keep my personal life out of the office. I should probably tell my supervisor, though. She is really nice and would doubtless try to help. Something does have to change so things are more manageable. Though I have to say, after a long run yesterday for the first time in about a month, I'm doing better today than yesterday. Starting to see a route forward, I think.

[Sabina]

16 hours ago, fleaball said:

Hey Sabina, sorry to hear about all the crap you're dealing with and you have my sympathies for your family member. 

 

My mother died the day before the challenge started, after a 6-week shitstorm with her cancer. I knew between that and a bunch of other junk in my life right now that a full-blown challenge wasn't in the cards for me, but I needed to be on the forums for the sake of my sanity. So like zeroh said, I made a list of good-for-me things to do (food goals, exercise, meditation, cleaning my space a bit, etc) and just have to hit one thing a day. It helps because I don't have the bandwidth to do all of it, but I can say "yes, even in the chaos I did one thing that will help me today." Maybe you can find a few things to pick from that will help you feel like you're regaining control? 

 

I hope things get better for you!

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope things are improving for you.

 

Your approach seems like a good one. My challenge is I'm a bit all or nothing and I focus on what I don't do, rather than what I do. I'm trying to work on that, because even when things are not as bad as they are now, I can make myself tense about things even if I'm getting it 90% right. Not healthy in the long run. I'll give this some thought, think about what may be on my list of good for me options. If there was a good time in my life to stop pushing myself and give myself permission to take a little time, it's now.