Battle Kitten: Ascension

[Wobbegong]

7 minutes ago, fleaball said:

for some reason all I'm taking from it is "ugh, I need to try yoga again." Which is tangential at best to what you're saying, so I'm not sure why my brain has latched onto this of all things.

I thought of yoga, too. In one of the books I read about NMoms, there was a section discussing various types of therapy, and I remembered one being related to healing the body and the nervous system through... something. Yoga, maybe? 

 

I looked it up and discovered that it's not really yoga but... not that far off, either? It's called TRE (Trauma Release Exercises) and from what I can tell it's basically assuming specific positions and then shaking. I have no idea what the science behind it is, but here's a link to a website about it if you're interested: https://traumaprevention.com 

 

As always, I hope for the best for you, and I'm around if you need anything. 

[Severine]

8 hours ago, fleaball said:

for some reason all I'm taking from it is "ugh, I need to try yoga again."

 

That made me laugh out loud    But like...you're not wrong? It was one of the things he really pushed in 'Body Keeps the Score' FWIW.

 

Streeeetch.

 

[fleaball]

Today is a waaaaaaaaste. Had a 10:30 dermatologist appointment in Boston, alarm was set for 8 so I could get ready without rushing and walk to the train station slowly enough not to piss of my asthma. So of course I got about an hour of sleep. Reset my alarm for 8:30 and then 9 and couldn’t power nap because I was afraid I’d sleep through the alarm. So I’m tired and cranky af. 

 

Get to the doctor later than I planned on, partly because I’m slow and fat, and partly because I had the wrong damn address for the office. Everything said 50 their street, but I misheard it as 60 when I made the appointment so that was stuck in my head. Marked buildings went from 50 to 64 with a parking garage in between so I basically just wandered back and forth for five minutes before pulling up my appointment information again and then wanting to bang my head on the nearest wall. >_>

 

The appointment itself was like five minutes long. I either have a weird recurring infection or some kind of acne, apparently, so she poked me with a qtip and now I have to wait for them to analyze that. I’m so annoyed. Now I’m about to get on the train home and attempt to go back to sleep for a bit, but I can’t nap to save my life and I think I’ve been awake long enough and too active for my body to interpret it as just going back to sleep instead of napping.  which means I’m going to spend the entire day as a zombie just waiting for a reasonable bedtime to arrive and I won’t be able to get anything done. 

 

Also I've officially reached the point of being so fat I’m impervious to weather. It’s currently 57 degrees out and raining; it was slightly colder on my way to the appointment. I’m wearing a tank top and shorts and I’m sweating to death. This is stupid and I hate it. Someone find me a personal chef who will make me healthy food and accept my eternal gratitude as payment. >_> 

[Sylvaa]

2 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Someone find me a personal chef who will make me healthy food and accept my eternal gratitude as payment. >_> 

 

Once I get rid of some more people (children), you can move in with me!

[fleaball]

2 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

 

Once I get rid of some more people (children), you can move in with me!

It’s a date! And I’m going to steal all your cats. 

[Sylvaa]

4 minutes ago, fleaball said:

It’s a date! And I’m going to steal all your cats. 

 

But, if you LIVE with me, is it really stealing? 

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, Sylvaa said:

 

But, if you LIVE with me, is it really stealing? 

When I hoard them all in my room and spoil them so they like me better it will be. 

[Sylvaa]

1 minute ago, fleaball said:

When I hoard them all in my room and spoil them so they like me better it will be. 

 

At least one of them will be your best friend as long as you supply treats. But she is a mouthy thing. Also, she likes to sleep on chests, so have fun with that.

[fleaball]

3 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

 

At least one of them will be your best friend as long as you supply treats. But she is a mouthy thing. Also, she likes to sleep on chests, so have fun with that.

My fat cat is the same, minus the chest sleeping. I think I could survive that. 

[Severine]

53 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Someone find me a personal chef who will make me healthy food and accept my eternal gratitude as payment. >_> 

 

Boston totally needs communal healthy dining halls scattered around the city. You pay a monthly fee or whatever and then just walk over at mealtimes and there's all kinds of delicious healthy stuff ready for you. It would be a revolution and probably make us the healthiest city in the country.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 hours ago, Severine said:

 

Boston totally needs communal healthy dining halls scattered around the city. You pay a monthly fee or whatever and then just walk over at mealtimes and there's all kinds of delicious healthy stuff ready for you. It would be a revolution and probably make us the healthiest city in the country.

I think that's what Jon Bon Jovi does with his time. Course, he's in Jersey. 

 

[fleaball]

I should be sleeping but of course I can’t fall asleep because that would be too useful.

 

My father and brother are both working Wednesday night. My plan as of right now is to go grocery shopping at the store super close to my therapist’s office, and either before therapy or after putting away my groceries to go to a store across the street and buy my own pot and a colander and possibly some other kitchen stuff so I can make myself some pasta with ground turkey and put a shit ton of garlic in it. Maybe even give the cats a can of tuna to celebrate.

 

ideally I would like to accomplish more than that and since I’m in super optimism mode I want to add a lot more to the list. BUT lbr doing all that will probably burn me out so if that’s all I manage to do before running out of spoons it’s pretty fucking okay. Now cross your fingers therapy doesn’t wipe me out before I can manage any of this. 

 

edit: I lied, one more possible thing that would be nice to get done tomorrow but doesn’t have to be. Someone remind me I want to make a list of foods I actually want to eat and will enjoy eating regardless of calories/macros or whether it fits in this or that diet or whether “~should~” be avoiding it for whatever reason. I realize I can’t eat  neon orange mac & cheese for every meal (nor would I want to. barf.) but I think I’m still getting hung up on imaginary arbitrary rules about what I should be eating, which makes convincing myself to shop and cook that much more difficult. 

 

Shut up and go to sleep, Flea. 

[Jean]

Go for it, you rock!

 

... and sweet dreams too.

 

[Bean Sidhe]

You got this Flea. I think having the house to yourself tonight is a great thing. hopefully you got some sleep.

[Sylvaa]

Do you have ideas about what you want to get at the store? I know it's not as easy as making a list and getting the stuff, but do you have a game plan in terms of, "I'm going to walk in and get pasta, then if I feel up to it, I'm going to get some frozen veggies and a can of tuna fish (don't forget the cats!)"?

 

6 hours ago, fleaball said:

Someone remind me I want to make a list of foods I actually want to eat and will enjoy eating regardless of calories/macros or whether it fits in this or that diet or whether “~should~” be avoiding it for whatever reason. I realize I can’t eat  neon orange mac & cheese for every meal (nor would I want to. barf.) but I think I’m still getting hung up on imaginary arbitrary rules about what I should be eating, which makes convincing myself to shop and cook that much more difficult. 

 

We made that list of things that wouldn't be impossible to throw together. Can you look at that and see what looks appetizing? I know it's hard because even though you might think it looks good now, doesn't mean it will be what you want when it's time to eat. But that way, you've got a list of not-overwhelming foods to cook that appear appetizing. 

 

Or, maybe throw together a list of your favorite foods and we can figure out a way to make them not overwhelming. Like, if you really love Mexican, maybe salsa chicken in the crock pot (which is literally just chicken and salsa, shredded). 

[fleaball]

I’m so tired. Woke up and was like “fuck I do not want to cook tonight.” But I just got out of therapy so I’m headed for the supermarket. 

 

3 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

Do you have ideas about what you want to get at the store? I know it's not as easy as making a list and getting the stuff, but do you have a game plan in terms of, "I'm going to walk in and get pasta, then if I feel up to it, I'm going to get some frozen veggies and a can of tuna fish (don't forget the cats!)"?

Yup, made a list before I made that post last night. It won’t be too hard (I hope). Mostly produce for snacking, plus pasta and meat for tonight. 

 

3 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

 

We made that list of things that wouldn't be impossible to throw together. Can you look at that and see what looks appetizing? I know it's hard because even though you might think it looks good now, doesn't mean it will be what you want when it's time to eat. But that way, you've got a list of not-overwhelming foods to cook that appear appetizing. 

 

Or, maybe throw together a list of your favorite foods and we can figure out a way to make them not overwhelming. Like, if you really love Mexican, maybe salsa chicken in the crock pot (which is literally just chicken and salsa, shredded). 

Oh yeah, that list of stuff is gonna get used. My problem (and reason for making this new list) is that the list we made is all more or less healthy, so when I want comfort food and all I have is rice and veggies or something I just order food instead. So I also want to make a list of not necessarily “healthy” food that I can still make with relatively little effort. And since you offered I probably will ask for help. =P (Another problem is that I’ve convinced myself that I always need the best possible option - like if I have a bagel I MUST put peanut butter on it because protein, rather than almond butter just because it’s tasty. So I’m also making this list to tell myself “look, you can put whatever the fuck you want on a bagel and the world will not end.”)

[fleaball]

It’s so fucking cold in here I literally just stood in front of the rotisserie chickens for a minute just to warm up. I regret everything. 

 

Also I kinda want a chicken but pulling meat off of bones is so gross.

[Sylvaa]

52 minutes ago, fleaball said:

My problem (and reason for making this new list) is that the list we made is all more or less healthy, so when I want comfort food and all I have is rice and veggies or something I just order food instead.

 

This is fair. I thought we had pasta on the list too and, as I am of Italian descent, that is my comfort food.  I get what you are saying though. I'm happy to help! 

 

Would it be helpful to think of like a good, better, best situation? Like if your peanut butter has that much more protein than your almond butter, best might be peanut butter, better might be almond butter, and good might be cream cheese? That way, you're still eating at home, you're aware of what the best option is, but you are still making progress because you aren't settling for good? (FWIW, my almond butter is pretty doggone comparable to my peanut butter - not enough to think it's "better"). 

 

Also, yes, grocery stores are always cold. And now I want rotisserie chicken.  

[Jean]

35 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I regret everything. 

 

Don't. Just go through it and wait 'till you're home with your ingredients, doing some cooking, and then, 'till you're eating that delicious meal you've just cooked after going in the cold, to reevaluate the situation.

 

If you still regret it then, I'll eat my sock and put a pic for you in here.

[Severine]

I think Sylvaa's suggestion is great. It's basically harm reduction, right? Avoiding the all-or-nothing mentality. A bagel with almond butter might not be as healthy/protein-filled as a bagel with peanut butter or a hypothetical home-cooked veggie stirfry. But let's be realistic - that is not currently the choice because the stir fry isn't happening while you lack pots and the kitchen is a disaster. The current choice is bagel with almond butter or, like, skip the meal and feel crappy, or grab takeout somewhere and feel crappy. The bagel, which is cheap to make and which you will enjoy, is a huge win in that situation.

 

After a stretch of time of eating the easy not-as-bad-for-you-as-takeout comfort meals at home, you can worry about how to upgrade. 

 

16 minutes ago, Jean said:

If you still regret it then, I'll eat my sock and put a pic for you in here.

 

These are the sorts of pledges that happen on Flea threads.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I have heard that the Rotisserie Chickens are sold at a slight loss because the smell is so good it makes people hungry and they end up buying more food. Things like that are called "loss leaders." 

 

I think your plan is incredibly good, especially the way you set yourself up for success and realized ahead of time that not getting stuff does not mean failure.  

[Sylvaa]

4 minutes ago, Severine said:

19 minutes ago, Jean said:

If you still regret it then, I'll eat my sock and put a pic for you in here.

 

These are the sorts of pledges that happen on Flea threads.

 

Anyone else hoping Flea still regrets, so there is a picture of sock eating happening?  

[Jean]

17 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

 

Anyone else hoping Flea still regrets, so there is a picture of sock eating happening?  

That's cheating! Stop rooting for the wrong team!

 

You'll have other opportunities, sock eaters are like the Illuminati, they're among us, watching, scheming and ruling unbeknownst to us...

[fleaball]

I survived! I spent 15 minutes sitting in my car in the therapist's parking lot, then another half hour sitting in the supermarket parking lot, but I went in. And I did the thing. It somehow took me almost 45 minutes? Although I probably spent 10 of that trying to figure out which line to get into because other people were being stupid, and then I would up with a cashier and a bagger who were more interested in chatting with me than doing their jobs. But I made it! With almost everything I wanted; they didn't have any rotisserie chicken salad sandwiches.  

 

Going to the other store for the pot etc is not happening. I'm tired and cranky and I don't even have the energy to go back out to the car to get the cat litter I bought, let alone put on a bra again and go to a store. But that's okay. I'm currently eating chicken nuggets and instant mashed potatoes because both are microwavable, and I'm not letting myself feel guilty about it. This is one of the things I was thinking of with my new list: easy to make, comfort food feeling (because I'm wiped out after shopping and need the pick me up), and most people would not call this healthy. But it's still a better option than cheese fries or a burger or whatever else I would otherwise order on my phone. And! While the potatoes were microwaving I washed out the gross pot my brother left in the sink when he made spaghetti last week. So that's already good to go when I'm ready to cook later. Huzzah. 

 

My therapist also approved of getting my own cookware to try to clear that hurdle. Like when I said it she seemed almost excited and was like "that's a great idea!" So yay. If I have spoons leftover after cooking I'm going to try to clean my room tonight. It's not really that terrible, but there's trash to be taken out and the floor could use a good vacuuming so I can roll out my yoga mat and/or lie on the floor to do PT exercises. Preparing the Bat Cave or whatever Steve calls it. 

 

1 hour ago, Sylvaa said:

 

This is fair. I thought we had pasta on the list too and, as I am of Italian descent, that is my comfort food.  I get what you are saying though. I'm happy to help! 

 

Would it be helpful to think of like a good, better, best situation? Like if your peanut butter has that much more protein than your almond butter, best might be peanut butter, better might be almond butter, and good might be cream cheese? That way, you're still eating at home, you're aware of what the best option is, but you are still making progress because you aren't settling for good? (FWIW, my almond butter is pretty doggone comparable to my peanut butter - not enough to think it's "better"). 

 

Also, yes, grocery stores are always cold. And now I want rotisserie chicken.  

Sometimes pasta is comfort food for me if it's drowning in a cream sauce, but not usually. But this raises a good point: I don't know if I can actually define what's comfort food for me? Boxed mac & cheese comes to mind, and usually mashed potatoes. I guess the things that remind me of meals that were cooked here? Which is definitely not healthy and does not include a lot of veggies haha. I wouldn't have a problem with added veggies to a comfort food kind of meal, but even the tastiest microwave stir fry isn't going to be what I want when I'm in a mood. 

 

I'll probably keep "good, better, best" in mind while creating a list but I don't think I'll call it that because my dumb brain will insist on going with "best" all the time. Maybe just "here are alternatives" or something. But this is a good idea, thanks!

 

I'm used to stores being cold, having worked in one for 5 years, but this one was fucking arctic. I run hot normally but I legit had goosebumps. 

 

59 minutes ago, Jean said:

Don't. Just go through it and wait 'till you're home with your ingredients, doing some cooking, and then, 'till you're eating that delicious meal you've just cooked after going in the cold, to reevaluate the situation.

 

If you still regret it then, I'll eat my sock and put a pic for you in here.

I honestly can't say I regret it but I almost wish I did. I didn't actually regret it while I was shopping either - I'm just really sarcastic and kind of hyperbolic and pessimistic. So when I complain I make it sound like something is the worst thing ever even if I'm only mildly inconvenienced. Although if you're going to keep making pledges like this I may change my tune and find something I can really regret lol.

 

43 minutes ago, Severine said:

I think Sylvaa's suggestion is great. It's basically harm reduction, right? Avoiding the all-or-nothing mentality. A bagel with almond butter might not be as healthy/protein-filled as a bagel with peanut butter or a hypothetical home-cooked veggie stirfry. But let's be realistic - that is not currently the choice because the stir fry isn't happening while you lack pots and the kitchen is a disaster. The current choice is bagel with almond butter or, like, skip the meal and feel crappy, or grab takeout somewhere and feel crappy. The bagel, which is cheap to make and which you will enjoy, is a huge win in that situation.

 

After a stretch of time of eating the easy not-as-bad-for-you-as-takeout comfort meals at home, you can worry about how to upgrade. 

 

 

These are the sorts of pledges that happen on Flea threads.

Bolded because I said exactly the same thing to my therapist earlier. Really just need to get it through my head and start believing it. 

 

41 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I have heard that the Rotisserie Chickens are sold at a slight loss because the smell is so good it makes people hungry and they end up buying more food. Things like that are called "loss leaders." 

 

I think your plan is incredibly good, especially the way you set yourself up for success and realized ahead of time that not getting stuff does not mean failure.  

That makes a lot of sense. They're so fucking tasty. But I loathe picking meat off of bones. T_T

 

Yay! Flea r smart.

 

39 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

 

Anyone else hoping Flea still regrets, so there is a picture of sock eating happening?  

Me!

 

19 minutes ago, Jean said:

That's cheating! Stop rooting for the wrong team!

 

You'll have other opportunities, sock eaters are like the Illuminati, they're among us, watching, scheming and ruling unbeknownst to us...

Is that a promise? It sounds like a promise. And promises made here are legally binding, per international law.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

4 minutes ago, fleaball said:

That makes a lot of sense. They're so fucking tasty. But I loathe picking meat off of bones. T_T

 

I must admit, my favorite chicken is boneless skinless thighs.