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Everything posted by Kishi

  1. You're right. I guess I tend to feel guilty and responsible for it, like somehow it's my fault. But it isn't, not really. The only thing I control is my rational choice, and showing up to train is really the only way to develop skill. But I don't control how many XPs I'm going to be getting each time I go, only whether I go or not. Thanks for the reminder. * GOAL: 12/18 Man, I was really off rhythm today. Nothing truly negative happened, but I started the day off by sleeping late and that just kind of compounded over time. I was still relatively productive, though, and open mat didn't happen so I wound up back at the academy today. It was a "win some, learn some" kind of night. Extra training - Q&D and my bridge/mobility work - both happened; I had originally thought about skipping rope, but that feels like something to do on a strength training day rather than a mobility day, and with the extra conditioning already in place, I think it's sensible to scale that back some. But, yeah. It was a good day today.
  2. Nah, that's God grading, although between you and me I think They grade on a curve. * GOAL: 11/17 So! Had my orthodontist appointment, and it went about as I'd expect a consult to go: lots of imaging, and a lot of "Hmm, yes, I see. Well, let's try doing nothing to it for three months and see what happens." I make it sound like it was a bad time. It was actually pretty great. Everyone was super friendly and really seemed to care about me and my issues. The doctor I got to see reminded me of an old friend of mine, and I feel like I got on really well with everyone. They asked my input in terms of how I wanted to go forward with things, and I really felt like I was part of the decision-making process. And you know. Sense of agency. It's nice. They do want to watch it for a few months, because based on the imaging and how it's progressed, there's a chance that it'll move some more, and they're worried about kickstarting a malicious process if they try to brace it too soon. But OTOH, they also cleared me to return to the mats, provided I wear a really strong mouth guard and play carefully. So I got the desired outcome out of this, and I have a good feeling going forward. Got home, did job, got out on the mats, and got to play around and have fun. Learned that the girl who hosts open mats on Sundays as a dispensation to attend more than one BJJ class per day, which irks me some; it feels like everyone I know is getting better except me. But then again, that might not be fair; I was exposed to a game plan for the tournament that's coming up and I was able to hit elements of it in sparring, which is a good feeling. Anyway, I'm up too late, and I gotta go to the office tomorrow. Booooo.
  3. Now now. Ours is a strange language.
  4. GOAL: 10/16 Another day, and... many more, I hope. Aah, not much to blog about today. I managed to get my morning training done, but my casework's complicated today, and I wasn't able to get far enough ahead to feel good about skipping off to do BJJ. So instead, it's just chores and drills today. It's just as well, really; I've found that my solo judo training hasn't been very helpful because judo avoids leg attacks and stands relatively tall, and this makes it very susceptible to BJJ, which is not only willing to attack legs, but is also willing to work wrestling in as well. So today's been a day for revisiting my drills and figuring out what holds and what doesn't. It's work in progress, but it'll keep going. I do hope to get handstand work and skipping rope in today. Handstands won't be a problem, but my skipping rope will depend on whether or not the construction crew returns. They've been absent today, but that's not unusual; I think they're running a few jobs at the same time and everything they do is relatively timing dependent.
  5. I mean, you'd think! But it hasn't been a thing for the past couple weeks - guy keeps being out of town which isn't great. And a lot of what I want to practice is a little hard on the jaw, so. Life is a terrible teacher. But at least it doesn't grade. 😑 Thanks. It didn't last, though. And I can keep working. Most of the problem now is nobody else going as fast as I want them to. * GOAL: 9/15 Saturday was busy. Training and then lunch with the folks. Then back home and working all afternoon on OT. But not much else to speak of, not really. Today was open mat where it was just me and the girl who hosts. Then back home to hit some quick training before talking with a friend for a while. Then off to see my folks again since I needed a deeper clean on my car than what I could really do on my own. Not much else to say about the past couple days. Mostly focused on Tuesday; everything else is routines and time.
  6. GOAL: 8/14 So! I was rolling a white belt during no-Gi on Wednesday, and he decided to perform some surprise dentistry! Jerked his knee up and caught me in the chin. I wasn't wearing a mouth guard, so my jaw closed, and it was so hard that one of my top teeth slid behind the bottom one and pushed it out. It hasn't turned out to be any kind of lasting harm. It sucked to have to run off the mats and wash the blood out of my mouth, and I felt really stupid for having rolled without a mouth guard. Sure, it was a freak accident, but those happen nonetheless, and I had a freaking mouth guard with me. And being at home afterward and reflecting on the whole thing, I kind of found myself with some dark thoughts, mostly having to do with why am I doing this? Do I want to keep going? That sort of thing. They didn't last. I trained after getting home, if that gives you any idea of how I was able to carry and deal with those thoughts. I had a rough night's sleep, but got up the next morning and managed to find an urgent care dentist. They took a look and said it's really not bad enough to need an immediate fix; I have a root canal in my far future and I've been set up with an orthodontist this coming Tuesday. Looks like I'm going to be back in braces again. Man. But, yeah, I've been kind of sulky and surly for the past few days, and I had opportunities to come on here and I just... didn't. Still, life doesn't wait, and so I've carried on. I've found that I can drill just fine, so while I can't spar for the moment, I can continue to work. And I can eat food, as long as I'm careful about where I chew and stuff like that. So, it really could be worse. I honestly thought I was going to have to invest in a blender and just drink my meals for a while, but it's turned out not to be so dramatic. Another tournament's come around. I don't know if I can do it or not. Until my tooth is braced and I've got a guard over it, I can't really spar, so it doesn't feel right to declare for the tournament. Especially since I don't know how long it's going to be until I'm braced - this first visit is just a consult, after all, and I don't know if we'll just turn around and get that done or what. But I'm choosing to comport myself as much as I can as if I'm going, so that if things work out faster than I think, then I can hit the ground running and be up to speed. The deck out back got finished and I was able to go skip rope today; it felt good to come back to that.
  7. Geeeez, yeah, that's a lot of movement for a day. Hope you got to sleep well for all that!
  8. Take it easy, brother. Man-colds are no joke, and I swear they hit harder ever since the COVID started. Hope you feel better soon!
  9. GOAL: 7/11 Got last night's chores done. It's satisfying, and TBF the night off was probably good for my body. Hitting dudes and wrassling dudes is harder than you might think. As it was, I hit up solo drills and did squats and suitcase carries. Made time to meditate, which feels good to have done given that I've been slipping. The reason for the slip is that I've been going down the rabbit hole of martial arts videos and building a library of reference materials, and I just find that more compelling than sitting still and observing my thoughts, although I definitely need that too. What a happy problem to solve. Today, looks like the friend who wanted to host an open mat is out of town again, so it's back to the Academy. I'd normally be able to make a striking session for it, but I got to work too late and I'm being tracked on it, so I'll miss striking. I'll be able to go grapple, though, which is nice. I was able to do Q&D this morning; snatching with the bell feels good to do again. I'm not in a hurry to add weight to that; I'm more concerned with making sure my lower back doesn't freak out again, so I'm letting my carries guide me in terms of what I can handle. First to make sure that I can actually carry the weight, and second to make sure that my structure is sound before I add a dynamic component to it. It will be a while before I'm throwing around more weight. This does not bother me. I've got plenty to work on now as it is. Q&D has some very specific programming requirements, though; in order to get the endurance benefits I'm looking for, it has to be done relatively early in the morning and in a fasted state; between that and my own specific needs in striking, I don't think it's going to work long term as a replacement for skipping rope. There's no reason I couldn't do both, though; there's no contraindications at this time, and I enjoy it, and I'm not particularly worn down or beat up. Of course, none of that matters until the work on the house is done, since the construction crew blocked off my door with plastic wrap while they're working. I can get in and out via the "communal entrance," so it's not a problem, but I can't access the deck space for training, so...
  10. FWIW, it's going around. We can't keep people on my job either. Putting down the job at the end of the day is honestly the best thing you can do for yourself. Sounds like the work isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Sorry to hear that Elf is having a hard time. They're still young. A hard-scrabble life is normal, unfortunately; I'm sure it's even harder for them. Good for them that you're there to look after them.
  11. GOAL: 6/10 Plan carried off! Got my casework done and got my handstands done and did Snatch work after. Good stuff. Dinner was good; notable for having not been done in a while. It was good to see everyone again. Wound up watching Star Trek: Lower Decks this time after I pointed out to my friends that they loved to talk it up before saying we should watch something else, and I was skeptical as to whether it was any good or not. Having seen a few episodes of the first season, I'd say it's... fine. It's got a lot of love for its source material, and it's willing to play with a lot of the zanier aspects of its premise, but it's definitely a show by fans for fans, and I'm not really in that culture. But hey! It's early going. Show might get better later. RT says that Season 2 is a lot stronger, but it also looks like its base of critics is a lot smaller and a lot more enthusiastic, so it's hard to say. It deserves its chance, and I have no complaints if we wind up with this for a while. Anyway, that was last night. I'm in the office today, so a lot of the chores I'd have got done during the day will have to be done tonight instead. No mat time. Boo.
  12. GOAL: 5/9 Sunday, I did do movement practice and stretched afterward, which felt great. Went to visit with my folks after and had a good time just hanging with them and being chill. Today's going to plan as much as it can be. Had a close call with going to BJJ and then almost missing a surprise meeting, but I made it back just in the nick of time. Very good. Class went well as well; I got smashed by colored belts but the one white belt I went with, I definitely got the better of. There's satisfaction in that, but truthfully I should strive to remain indifferent since that particular outcome is an external and uncontrollable thing. I'm actually way more excited about the fact that I wrestled well and went for takedowns, and even in the rounds where I got smashed by better folk, I did better and made less and different mistakes than I did last time. That means more to me, which is probably as it should be. Apartment renovations continue. Looks like the deck outside my apartment's been taken down, which I was expecting after hearing a contractor talk about "rotting wood." So, no skipping rope for Kishi for a while. (I could skip indoors, but I have a freestanding shelf that sits close enough that I feel skittish about skipping there). Fortunately, kettlebell sport swings with nasal breathing appear to do me just as well, at least as far as getting the heart moving. Still need to work on that lightness of foot, what in boxing is called a "pendulum step." I think if that's one thing I pick up and learn to do for rounds and rounds, I'll be in good shape. But really, there's a lot I could do to make my striking better, so any one thing I do for a while will help long term. Of course, if I'm going to use kettlebells for my conditioning work again, I might as well just trot back out The Quick and the Dead and do snatches with that for a while as I work to get my push ups back. Q&D has done me well before, and as I've said before, I hate to leave all these bells about just doing nothing. So. Plan is to remain caught up on casework and do handstand work before the day is done. It'll be what it'll be.
  13. Wow. That is some dedication. If I go to bed and realize I forgot to meditate, I'll just take 5 breaths and call it even. Your response is way more impressive. :D
  14. Sounds like a fine few days! People aren't supposed to be grinding all the time. Dunno what your rest as been looking like but maybe you were due for this.
  15. Right? Not only that, but it'll be fit folk too; Prof owns a Crossfit box and he's combining both into a single building. I watched this go down like, "Dude, what are you--? Dude. Dude." * GOAL: 4/8 Not much to say about today. I've got out to go to open mat with my friend. It was just me and her. We worked on takedowns, because it's a weak point in her game too. We're both bad enough at them that we can stuff each other and wind up in guard as opposed to successfully taking each other down, which I think is good in a couple senses: 1) it shows us that we have the power to resist takedowns, and 2) it shows us that we have a lot to learn. Better to know that than have a false sense of confidence. Otherwise, I'll be working on movement and probably will work to get some stretching done today because Monday comes with social obligations and it'd be hard to get done all the stuff I'd want to get done. Doing handstand work and getting to sneak out at lunch for BJJ is still a lot of something and better than nothing, but I'm not going to be able to do deep stretching practice and still get enough work done for it to be a good idea. Which is good to know today as opposed to tomorrow and staring down the numbers and being like "Oh, biscuits."
  16. GOAL: 3/7 Whoops, missed a day. But in my defense, Friday was a long-ass day and I was too absorbed in shenanigans and goings-on to make the time to be here that I said I would. So, to back it up a bit, like I said, Thursday was to see the comic. He killed. Kind of surreal, really; you look up his Netflix stand up and he's in this huge, sold out auditorium looking place and here he was in a repurposed cafeteria that's been took over for the occasion. Just weird. Cool that I was able to make it out to see him, though; we packed the house as much as we could and it was a good time. I took Friday off of work because I had volunteered to help with moving some stuff over at the new academy location, and I didn't want to have to juggle the job on top of it. So I got up late, went to BJJ, then went over to the new place and helped move stuff into a trailer so that the painters for the space could get where they needed to go. There was an incident with one of the business neighbors; he doesn't seem to be well-pleased to have us there and he doesn't care to make nice about it. At some point in our moving things about, he parked his pick up truck across one of the entrances to the academy parking lot and this was making it a lot harder for people to get in and out. One of our guys, the brother of the academy Professor, went to speak to the neighbor to ask him to move his truck. It didn't go well. In fact, it went so badly that there was almost an altercation about it, and the Prof had to call his brother back and talk him down before there was a major problem. Lot of feelings about that. There's the sense of ugliness and how that puts a pall over what's supposed to be an exciting time for the academy. I'm also surprised to find that I actually feel badly for our bad neighbor. It seems a pity that he can't seem to find it in him to be welcoming to a bunch of people who don't want to give him a bad time. It'd be projection or speculation to think on why that is, and I don't really have enough data to support one way or the other. Maybe he's got good reasons for it, and maybe he's an asshole. IDK. Context could change my feels, but with what I got right now, I just feel kind of sad. And worried for the future, although Prof seems confident he can handle it. I believe him, although I don't know how much of it is simply enduring and how much of it is actually doing something about it. Also, I have a lot less respect for Prof's brother than I did previously; I'd got the chance to roll with him a couple times and he seemed like a chill, cool dude. Of course, nobody's in control of their emotions, and I really wasn't paying enough attention to say what set it off between them, but like..? I mean, come on. For someone who's done as much violence as he seems to have, I would think he of all people would respect how poor a solution violence is, to say nothing of the fact that he made things harder for Prof. Haaaah. I dunno, man. Probably for the best that Prof's bro is a visitor and not local. Anyway, went and kickboxed afterward. I sparred. Did pretty good, despite being in a weird headspace and getting outboxed on hands in a couple rounds. I think that I will push myself to spar by default going forward, just because I think I'm going to get more out of application than I am out of drills. It's good to know that. And hey, if I'm only going to get one night of striking in going forward for the foreseeable future, it probably should be the one night where someone's gonna hit me back. So that was Friday. Saturday I got woke up ahead of my alarm by the contractors who are putting siding on the house. Took my measurements and they're going where I want them to; I'm back on cut to try to get rid of some body fat and the numbers seem to be working. Got out for drill and spar classes today, which were fine. Did upper body work today. Lot of good work.
  17. GOAL: 2/5 Man, it's easy to drop off. That's what makes this a challenge. Wednesday was good. Worked from home. Got enough work done to skip out and go to BJJ; it was a no-gi class. Worked on set-ups for triangle choke from guard. Was complimented on my fluidity by the blue belt I practiced with, and then spent the sparring rounds getting killed by color belts until the last round I found a white belt and... destroyed him. I really think he was being nice to me or else just wasn't in the moment as much as he needed to be. I know I'm doing better, but I'm not doing that much better. Went back home, worked some more, finished up, then went back to the mats for more mat time. This time it was striking work. I need to get this while I can; my friends wanting to hammer me on grappling want to practice on Wednesday nights, so with my Monday nights being taken by my nerd friends and Wednesday now being taken by my grappling friends, I really won't have much in the way of drill work to speak of. Friday, I could do striking work, but that's also the only sparring class we do, so. I'm missing out on a lot in either way, which is annoying and sucks. I might just stick to drill work until a striking tournament comes up and then just switch over. Oh well. Anyway, went and struck and coach, who's a purple belt in BJJ, came by and said he was proud of me for competing, which was nice of him to say. Came back home, did some stretching and did some kettlebell sport swings as opposed to hardstyle. Their technique is kind of funky, but it's easier on my back and gets my heart moving, especially since I only breathe with my nose. I'm not skipping rope because the outdoor part of the deck is under reconstruction, and indoors has lots of stuff that could fall if I jumped, because I'm a lot heavier than I look. Today's plan is to go do core work, hit up BJJ, and then afterward go to see Kyle Kinane, a comic I like who never seems to come to Raleigh until he did. I was hoping to go with my writer friend in lieu of writing tonight, but she had a COVID exposure so she's laying low. Good on her for caring about other people. Guess I'm on my own.
  18. I honestly think the "Do 1 Thing" format is the best way. Because you don't know how the one thing is going to interact with and change all the other everything you got going on, and there' s no telling what'll shake out how. I hope you have fun with the yoga! Any particular problem areas or focus for you this go 'round?
  19. Howdy! Kishi here. It's the start of a new challenge, and I really only have one goal: show up here. I'm sure I could really put together a bunch of stuff for a challenge thread, but truthfully, everything's kind of set as well as I can expect it to be for now. A lot of life at this point is really just about showing up and doing the work. But that part's easy. The hard part's showing up here. And while I'd be the first to say that challenges are "done" rather than "talked about," at the end of the day, I'm still part of a community. I don't feel like I've engaged enough for my own sake, and I'd like to change that. Now, it might sound too easy and too self-serving to set up a "show up and blog" challenge for myself, but the thing is, y'all are awesome, and being here reminds me of that. It pushes me to show up for others, and I'd hate to put a number on something like that and turn it into an obligation. So, with that being said: GOAL: 1/4 I had a bjj tournament this past Saturday. Not my first. Best showing, though: 1 round, 1:33. Yeah, it's not great. But the odds say that most of us what show up to do this have to lose, so it's not like I was unusual or something. Also, my dad showed up to watch, and while I hated losing in front of him, I actually felt overall positive on account of being able to explain what I did and how I lost. Sunday I went to open mat with video of my failure. They were cool about it and they've since decided to make me their pet project by fixing my two deficit areas - takedowns and pressure response. Which means I'm going to get chucked around like a ragdoll and have the life crushed out of me for the next x amount of weeks until I have demonstrated sufficient improvement. But honestly? It's damn decent of my friends to want to help me get better at something I care a lot about, and I really appreciate them for it. So, I'm going to keep working on these places and we'll see what happens. FWIW, I've reaped benefits almost immediately. Beyond that, the past few days have been relatively inconvenient, but not eventful per se. Landlord's putting new siding on the apartment and the contractors knocked out our Internet. So that took a couple of days to deal with. Had to go to the office on my out days (booooooo) but my boss decided to let me count Monday and Tuesday as my two days in and to work the rest of the week from home (YUSSS). Meditation and breathing have been good. Haven't been about my writing so much as I'd like, which is a shame because I'm at a really exciting part in the plan. I have a crazy notion that I could finish my plan in time to NaNo this thing in a couple months, which would be fun. You know, have an actual project to do instead of farting around and proving to myself again that I'm a writer. And, uh, yeah. I'll get around to y'all as I can. Because
  20. Thank you all! * Oh man, I chilled and vibe'd myself so hard that I missed the start of the next challenge! I gotta get on that but in the meantime my thanks to everyone who stopped by. Special thanks to @Jupiter, @Mad Hatter, @Mistr, @Scaly Freak, @Tanktimus the Encourager, and @WhiteGhost for following along. See you next round! Which is... oh, it's now
  21. Exciting news! Got the word yesterday that, with the onset of September, I was cleared for telework from home! My boss and I blitzed through the paperwork and I'll be starting the new schedule next week! Because in this place, joy functions at the speed of bureaucracy But, yeah, that was freaking welcome to hear. I guess by complaining to my higher-ups, I accidentally advocated for myself and I got a good result out of it. It helps that I had a lot of good work to back me up and the support of my immediate supervisor as well. Trained yesterday, this time doing fast stuff. No uptick in symptoms. Today will be a rest day per protocol to see if I lapse back or anything, but if everything goes well, I'll resume the normal course of things starting tomorrow. I'm actually not sure if we have class tomorrow or not since apparently we are to be moving the mats to the new place. I have questions about what this means. I suppose I'll get them answered if I help tomorrow. I played around with some numbers on the PSMF protocol and, basically, I can't do it. I need too much protein between my bodyweight stuff and the mat stuff and I would exceed the calorie allotment just on protein alone, which is before you get to the associated fats you'd get with whole foods and getting just enough veggies to keep fiber in the system. I guess we'll just have to keep on with slow and steady and getting to know my body better, and adjust as I do more and more strenuous things in GST and mat space. Otherwise, though, went and wrote with friends and had a good time. Figured out the problem I was trying to solve and made progress. Good. Tonight will be easy and casual. No plans.
  22. I'm sorry to hear your company was so dissatisfied with a few people that they decided to punish you for it. That sucks. Thanks! - And today is today. Got home yesterday and elected to do 'slow' training - stretching, bridge work, farmer's carries. Nothing to get the heart moving too hard for too long. Did some qigong afterward. Meditated before bed, but no other breath work. Researched a technique I saw at open mat last Sunday; the purple belt I saw doing it says it's one thing but when I mimic it and see it on video, it sure does look like something else. Oh well. A little late in the game to be trying to pick up new stuff, but a little late in the game to be sick off the mats. Nobody's perfect. I'm trying to look ahead of the tournament to figure out what I want to do next. I've been measuring my bodyfat percentages and they keep coming back in the "Obese" range, so I reckon that's something I gotta do something about. Mark Sisson posted a blog recently about Protein Sparing Modified Fasting, which sounds crazy and restrictive and possibly just like what the doctor ordered. Thing is, it's a scientifically backed crash diet, and there's no point in crash dieting if 1) it wouldn't be advised for me, and 2) I couldn't maintain the results. So the adult thing to do is probably to talk it over with my doctors, since I have no idea what my thyroid would do in a situation like that, and I might not be cleared for it. But that's after the tournament. Right now, my weight's actually doing pretty well; I seem to have stabilized on the high end of my weight class, which is about where I want to be. No reason to gum it up now. Speaking of weight classes and tournaments: my academy's moving! Looks like our building's getting gobbled up by developers in the Warehouse District, so now they're moving closer to where I work. It's almost like they want me there more. So... yeah. Should be a writing night tonight. I feel a bit better and no worse than I did yesterday, so I'm going to go a touch harder and do my core work tonight if I can.
  23. Nice! I love how simple this challenge has been. Also dying to know how the flute playing in LOTRO turned out.
  24. Yeah, and despite my penchant for conspiratorial thinking, I'm pretty sure it's just stupidity and decisions based on an overreliance on certain datasets rather than active malice. A few things to poke holes in my complaints: The goal posts are usually moved around every 6 months or so. It's pretty normal to get a set of goals that nobody succeeds at, and then to have them be adjusted halfway through the fiscal year. I haven't had reason to care for a while on account of not being in compliance with most of those goals. Now that I am - because compliance yields a fundamental change in my situation - I'm drawn to care and complain. Analysts aren't the only ones with work from home. There's a wide range of workers here who have that capacity, and there's no talk from them about any sense of withdrawal of privileges. It's possible that management could be playing games with the analysts in particular as part of some kind of long game, but I don't actually have any evidence of that. Stupidity, I find, is generally a better explanation than malice. I can't really discern a motive for why management would want us back in the building. True, we're paying rent on our building, but 1) we're public sector; we don't necessarily have to justify our expenses in the same way as private sector would, and 2) there are multiple agencies operating in the building now, so the landlord is making money hand over fist compared to when we were in the building; also, 3) even if none of us were in the building, we'd still need the building for storage of paperwork if nothing else. Based on what my supervisor told us, it sounds like this could be coming from above even our upper management. It's the nature of bureaucracy. If the wrong person in the wrong spot cares too much, it makes trouble and it ripples down to the bodies below. It could be that there are other branches where work from home is being "abused," leading to a crackdown across the bureaucracy as a whole. So, as mad as all this makes me, until I have evidence to the contrary, it's best to just assume it's a systemic problem based on artificial hierarchy and dictation from above rather than leadership from below. And that's the kind of crap I'd have to put up with anywhere I went. I thank you for the reminder. I took a look around and while I'll keep looking, the prospects aren't great. Lots of marketing companies with an unwillingness to discuss salaries, which tells me they're either stealth sales jobs or that they're looking to negotiate. There are analyst jobs open in my area of expertise, but their pay range is worse and they'd want to start me off at the bottom, and even if I got to the top of the range, it'd be below what I could make here. I'll keep looking, because why not? But my emotions to the contrary, I really could be in a worse place than where I am now. Thanks as always for worrying about me. * So, not much to say without training. I didn't go out to the mats because of my cough, so I decided to focus on chores and mental stuff. Did laundry, listened to a video lecture on one of the resources I got for fear management. It was constructive, and I'm pleased to report that it's congruous with a lot of what I was doing in terms of meditation and 'learning to breathe.' There may be more to qigong and WHM than I thought. A lot of what I took from it was learning to recognize when I was afraid and trying to get to the root of that fear, something that the stoicism has been helping with. Found a 'fail point' in the story I'm working on, which is awesome to do from the bird's eye view versus being down in the prose. Stared at the problem for a while and may have found a solution; need to go back to some of my worldbuilding and see if it fits, but if it does then I think I have something way more interesting from a character/conflict perspective than just blowing stuff up really good. (not that I'm opposed to blowing stuff up really good, but I want it to feel earned, you know?) Got up this morning. Cough's responding a lot better to medicine than it was yesterday. That's a good sign. No mat time tonight - learned my lesson - but maybe some gentle work to see how far I've recovered. Will adjust from there.
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