I went to the gym for the first time in over a week. Dammnit. I struggle a lot with consistency and that's why I haven't seen any progress. But It really did take me about nine or ten days to recover from the wedding.  And in the meantime, I have a confession. After my successful six months off internet, I told my brother to stop checking in and said I would loosen up some of the restrictions. And guess the fuck what happened? I am now back on the internet all day.  The bans were part of the solution, but they didn't create any mindfulness skills. And because I still had 15 minutes of internet on my phone, what I could do is just open up NF and look without commenting for ten seconds, multiple times per day. In addition, I could use books and podcasts as distraction, and I did.  So I didn't really have any big, uninterrupted chunks of time without input, which is what I suspect is needed for curiosity and creativity to return.    I need a new plan. I need to recommit and try for really good consistency with weightlifting and a distraction addiction plan.  On the upside, I feel my brain re-coagulating out of its liquid form, and I'm interested in planning again, so I know the crash is over. 

W4D3 - one DrP in the morning and another with lunch.  I also had a bag of Cheetos Puffs in the morning.  Lunch was leftover pork with mashed potatoes and carrots.  On the way home I stopped for some cold medicine and got a bag of chocolates which I ate as soon as I got home to close out the day a little high.  2588 kcal   I've come down with whatever bug Butch has been battling for a while, so I left the office early and pretty much spent the rest of the evening in bed.  It's hard to distinguish between exercise soreness and illness body aches, but together they're making it tough to get comfortable.  He used up all of my NyQuil which is why I had to get more on the way home, and I'm glad I did--looks like I'm going to be out of commission for a few days.  Thankfully, Amber bought and stored a bunch of GF ramen for me.

I've lately been pondering NF's original cry of "For the Rebellion!" and how abandoning that identity has really changed the feel of the forums. But when the establishment is touting "heroic" values that are at best not beneficial and at worst actively harmful, turning to villainy is the true heroism.   Which, now that I think about it, is basically the plot of Wicked, aka the best musical to have ever musicked, in my very adamant opinion. Do we need a group Wicked challenge for the next cycle? Yes, yes I think we do.

Thanks; you too!

Fascists hate this one simple trick!

I've been lurking quietly in the background of this thread, because I've also been pondering the same types of questions a lot lately. Been a little reluctant to interject, which, incidentally, is something that I think the guilds helped a lot with. Jumping into someone else's thread, especially someone who has been a member for a long time and has amassed their own core followers, feels kind of like inserting yourself into an ongoing conversation that you weren't really invited to. The guild sub-forums helped balance that out some because belonging to the same guild as someone else gave not just an invitation but an expectation to engage with one another.     I think this concept of rebellion is what NF was originally built on, and what is currently missing, for me. The whole premise originally was that I can be a giant nerd who loves Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and D&D, and still enjoy working out and being strong. It used to be, the people I knew in real life who shared my nerdy interests thought I was ridiculous for working out, and the people I knew who wanted to lift or do outdoorsy things thought fantasy as stupid. So when I first discovered NF, it really felt like I had finally found my people. But now nerdy things have become mainstream, so the fact that I lift on my lunchbreaks and then go play TTRPGs in the evenings really isn't a big deal. So that's one point of rebellion that NF has lost.   Secondly, NF was rebelling against the current fitness industry. But now it's closer to being part of the current fitness industry. I'm not blaming NF or Steve for the direction things have gone. Ye Old Academy with its one-time payment for lifetime access is not going to provide long-term sustainable income for a business, so you switch to a subscription model, and forums are no longer the dominant thing on the Internet, so you switch to a more Facebook/Discord based model, etc. etc. It's just the natural progression of a business trying to stay in business, but it has changed the identity of NF from what it was when I first started using it circa 2012/2013. But, despite having just said I don't blame them for this, there are certain things that I think they could have done better to stay current on profitable business practices while still maintaining their identity a little more. For instance, their coaching tagline, motto? whatever you'd call it, of "Just tell me what to do!" really strikes me as antithetical to the original vision of NF. I think there's a much better way to market a more hands-on, one-on-one approach without completely ceding responsibility or decision-making in your fitness journey the way that tagline appeals to.   All of which kind of leads me to the point I'm most conflicted about, connecting back to the idea of rising up in rebellion: NF is working hard to make things easier for people. And I certainly don't want to sound like I'm against lowering the barrier for entry into fitness for people. But the rallying cry of NF was that fighting against the prevailing trends that are preventing us from leading full, happy lives is hard work, but necessary and satisfying and maybe even, with a good group of people around you and a little gamification, actually fun. But they've really toned down that vibe of fighting and rebelling, which again was, for me, the heart of NF. (I almost typed "the heart of the rebellion" which just goes to show how much that was the aspect of NF that originally drew me in and made me want to stay here.)   Removing entry barriers and avoiding judgmental statements is not negative, but I do think it comes with the downside of making NF really bad at accountability. I've had this conversation with a couple long-term members who have drifted away from the forums, but I stay in touch with on other platforms. NF is really good at encouraging people, and making allowances for failures and setbacks, and I've certainly respawned enough times myself to not throw any shade at anyone else who needs to do so. But a large part of the purpose of a community like this is accountability. Is having people post on your thread when you're drifting away mid-challenge and kick you back into gear. Of calling you out on stuff. And it's really hard when all you know is someone's online persona to know when to say, "It's okay if you need to bail on this one," and when to say, "Don't you quit on me now." But on balance, I think we've tipped too far to the former and don't have enough of the latter.   With all that being said, I'm really enjoying my current string of D&D Cleric themed challenges. But, to earlier points made, it's more like me playing a solo RPG than being a member of an adventuring party. Which is giving me the inkling of an idea to form a PbP Adventure Party on the forums, but I am volunteering to run games way too freely at the moment and need to reel myself in. But it's a cool idea that I shall allow to percolate in the back of my mind for a while.

I’m so proud of you for following up on a difficult conversation the next day when you both were more clear-headed. I’m sorry it didn’t go the way you would've wished.    Her acknowledging she is a selfish person doesn't mean she gets to actively be selfish in ways that step over your boundaries. You have worth! You are likeable and fun and deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. 💜

I'm glad it's not just me who says things like this to myself