I love that no one is able to read my posts properly. It's like I'm mumbling in text form   Jeebus the days are frikkin disappearing and I'm not getting ANYTHING done. Also the cat is being 'not eaty' but I have no idea if sulking or what but I DO know that I'm in the office tomorrow, have singing coaching all day Saturday and out all day Sunday so my level of underlying anxiety is going to be through the roof... It's just been today, and could be ANY number of other things but I'm just like, pleeeeeeeeease don't make me have to take you to the vet, I litch cannot cope.   Bleh   Tuesday office and work drinks after which the team kinda insisted on (I skipped singing for it as it's our last team on site day before I leave) and then they all left at like 8:30pm! One person was left so I messaged the fwb who was in the area and apol'd to the remaining person  no scrolling but no physio. Yesterday I did physio but did scroll. Today I've not had chance to physio so might quickly do it now before I head to the movies (Beetlejuice!)   Tuesday: 1pts Yesterday: 1pts Total: 18pts   It occurs to me I've had two days in a row wfh with no evening plans yester so this may be affecting my stress around the cat-ness...

Besides the super powers?😀 My goal for water is half my weight , plus about  a glass of water to account for my activity levels.  A lot of people recommend this for health reasons. So partly, I am just doing it to see what difference, if any it makes. One area I'm hoping to see  is  less stiffness in my joints.  I had my 59th(!) birthday this summer, and I'm starting to feel the stiffness when I get up after sitting, and other times. So, I was seeing if that helped.

Went to mounts bay beach today. Got some lunch and sat on the beach with my sketch book whilst everyone went for a walk.  trying a different type of sketching with the pencils and fine liners. More descriptional than photographic. needs more work, but it was cloudless and intensely sunny.  wind kept it bearable but after a while i just had to go find some shade.  sadly i forgot to take a picture, but its one of the most photographed spots in the uk so if you havent seen it yet. Google will spit out 10x10to the power of infinity images.    i have been craving sweet potato fires so much. Must come here for lunch more often, they do amazing ones.    the cherry tree has lost so many leaves on the windward side. They all seemed to have gone all at once.     

Yeah, having to go outside a set routine and make it up on the fly is hard. Getting the flexibility right without tanking your energy takes much practice. I still screw up sometimes doing it. You just have to try and be really aware of your energy levels and call things before you hit empty. So tricky.   I wish i had answers for you. Thats the thing, i really don't know. The lack of answers as to cause currently on it means everyone is very much on a trial error type scenario.  theres some m.e. Charity's out there that are very good info resources for alot of info on managing it and they are definitely worth checking out.   

Day 09/15 09/16 09/17 09/18 09/19 Success% 57% 63% 89% 71% 63% Walk Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Body measurements     Yes     Breakfast     Yes Yes   Hygiene routine Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Form checks           Workout Yes   Yes   Yes Progress pictures           Taxes Yes         Decluttering Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Batch cooking Yes         Architect contact Yes         Engineering practice           Financial accounting Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Contacts database           Financial spreadsheet consolidation           Professional files consolidation           To bed by 10 pm   Yes Yes    

RIGHT?!?   #DruidApproved.  

Oh, thank goodness someone else said it. Sometimes I think I should give goats another shot, but then I lie down in a quiet room until it goes away.   I recall them coming up in my research as a really nice breed. This is giving me the itch to dive back into it. Somedays, cows, someday.   I would have been very surprised if it had not. Thanks for confirming.   . . . I take back everything I said about not putting the burden of change on consumers.

I don't really have a concept of how bouldering grades go. Is a V4 slightly harder than V3, or significantly harder? 

Wednesday   Lifting - no - last night was a mess 1/4 Calories - yes - cool cool 3/7 Kneehab - no - last night was a mess 0/5     The rest of this is just rambling, feel free to skip.   I have Bipolar II.  Not new info for some of you, but there you are.  I'm reading a book about Bipolar Disorder, and it's very interesting.  They're starting to think of it as a spectrum instead of just a couple of fixed classifications, which makes sense for something like a mood disorder, which we've known forever affects different people very differently.  But the DSM is what it is, for better or for worse.   Over the years since I was diagnosed, about 10 years ago, I honestly don't think about it very much.  The meds they put me on back then have worked really well for me all this time, and overall I'm really stable.  I'm very lucky; a lot of people have tons of struggles with finding the right combination of meds and therapies and such.  For me it's like having bad eyesight - it's part of who I am but as long as I wear glasses I'm good.  So for a long time I haven't really learned much about it.  So this book is really interesting, and I'm learning a lot.  It's answering questions I never thought to ask, and connecting dots I didn't think were related.   I've gotten into a couple of Reddit subs as well, which I never really messed around with before.  It's kind of an odd thing, but it's all I could find that scratches the itch of wanting a little bit of community, or even just commiseration, around these things.  Probably there's more stuff out there, and I'll keep looking.  It's strange, because I want to be able to talk with other people about my experiences, but everyone's experiences with bipolar are so different - and most of them are more severe than mine.  It feels hard to connect with people about it.  And, you know, I'm also deeply introverted and awkward anyway, so there's that.   I think I'm done rambling now.

This week I've been troubleshooting my goals... realizing 90% of my battle is keeping up the discipline to keep up with all my goals.  Round up of current goals:  Going to bed before 9 pm ( 8pm is big win) Making food and eating from home that helps me feel good/keeps symptoms down Organize Base camp to make it open to guests in October (and enjoyable/easier to maintain for me and the cats). (Bonus: have it setup to be down for a month due to future surgery) Do physical therapy, chiropractic, acupuncture, Invisalign, and meditation to help maintain my body...  Get stronger... lol. Goals: Do a pushup, row 2000 meters under 8 mins, walk 30k steps in one day.  Do the work to try out operation badass So, a lot of goals... Changing up how I am keeping forward.  Time management and prioritizing what I'm doing daily is my weaknesses. And realizing how tight time gets daily (like super tight) where I default to being overwhelmed, lose confidence and start doom scrolling so I dig a hole of hardcore anxiety.    Upside, I know what happening and also see the cause of overwhelm!   --- Will add the plan later.