Advice for getting past the psychological hurdles

[21katykat01]

Hey y'all,

So, I could do with a little help. I've gotten myself into a bit of a rut. I've been in the 140's for like... two years now? Between 142-144 for about 14 months. I really want to work my way down to around 126lbs, but I just can't seem to get past this mental block I've got in my head.

Every time I get to down close to 140, it's like I freak out and self-sabotage. I've spent a lot of time trying to put it together in my head, and I know there are a few contributing factors. When I weighed between 110-130, it was achieved unhealthily, so I think I've established the belief in my head that getting their in a healthy way is implausible, if not impossible. I had a similar block at 160 and 150. I stuck at each of them for about year. I really don't know why that is either though.

I have a lot of tools and knowledge. I know to take measurements (and it's true that I have lost some inches and BF% in the last wee while), and I also know that the scale is not everything, but I'm still a high enough weight where what the scale says is a reasonable indicator of progress. I know how to keep track of what I'm eating and bodyweight exercises (and how to get better at them), but I don't know how to get past this mental block I have.

I suppose I should clarify too - when I say I self-sabotage when I get close to 140, it's not awful, it's maybe like something sugary which I shouldn't ordinarily have. It's not much, but it's enough to pitch me back up to 144.

So, essentially, I'd really appreciate any advice you might have on how to get past this sort of thing. It just seems ridiculous that I seem to bolt every time I see a number!! If you've got past something like this and have any suggestions on how to do it/how you did it, I would really, really appreciate it.

Thank you x

[Eurydice]

Are you in the military, or in a weight-class sport? Why do you have to weigh yourself? I mean, if you have a reason then you have a reason, but the most obvious solution would seem to be that if you know the number on the scale is going to freak you out and sabotage your weight-loss efforts then stop looking at the scale. Put it away and don't check your progress unless or until the fit of your clothes tells you you've lost a substantial amount of weight.

[21katykat01]

No, not the military nor a weight class sport. My relation to the scale is not great, true, but I feel very uncomfortable at the thought of not weighing myself. Maybe that's the point though :/

[Waldo]

I suppose I should clarify too - when I say I self-sabotage when I get close to 140, it's not awful, it's maybe like something sugary which I shouldn't ordinarily have. It's not much, but it's enough to pitch me back up to 144.

You eat 14,000 calories of sugar when you get close to 140 lbs? That is 9.1 lbs of white sugar.

Crazzzzzyyy Bender.

(ps, its just water weight from the glycogen)

[Elastigirl]

Well, we all have bad days when we give in to temptation. Possibly what is nailing you, is you look at the scale the day after, it has gone up, and you say, see its hopeless may as well give up. So rule #1, Don't look at the scale after a bad day-you know it's gone up, so why torture yourself. rule #2 Forgive yourself, you had a bad day, but look at how much you've accomplished rule#3 Get back on the horse. You had 1 bad day, don't let it be a bad week, just go back to it. Its the lifetime of choice that will make the differance

[Avistew]

If weight freaks you out, pick non weight related goals for yourself and work towards them. They'll be healthy ones (I assume) so there won't be a reason to freak out for achieving them. Give yourself a fitness goal or a clothes size goal or something.

Is it very important that you reach 126 specifically? Otherwise another option is to maintain your weight but lose fat and gain muscle. If what you want is being healthy and looking thinner, that will accomplish it too, and you will still be over 140 so you won't be sabotaging yourself.

[bjjgrrl]

No, not the military nor a weight class sport. My relation to the scale is not great, true, but I feel very uncomfortable at the thought of not weighing myself. Maybe that's the point though :/

I think you're right; I think that's the point.

You said, "...what the scale says is a reasonable indicator of progress." Except that right now, the scale isn't indicating progress, is it? 14 months of not indicating progress. I'd say that at this point, the scale is not your friend. Instead, it's keeping you focused and stuck at an artificial barrier.

The self-sabotage thought patterns and behavior come after seeing a number on the scale, right? Instead of trying to conquer the thoughts (and failing, and so reinforcing the same old pattern), never let them start: remove the trigger. Give the scale to someone else for safekeeping and warn them not to give it back until the end no matter how much you beg. Take however long you need to work through the issues and uncouple the scale & the behavior.

Lol, even your signature quote recommends it: "It's one battle at a time to win the war. And win it you shall!" Win the battle against the control of the scale.

[21katykat01]

You eat 14,000 calories of sugar when you get close to 140 lbs? That is 9.1 lbs of white sugar.

Crazzzzzyyy Bender.

(ps, its just water weight from the glycogen)

Lol ok maybe not that much sugar! I meant like, maybe some popcorn or Maltesers. It just seems to bloat me right up!

[21katykat01]

If weight freaks you out, pick non weight related goals for yourself and work towards them. They'll be healthy ones (I assume) so there won't be a reason to freak out for achieving them. Give yourself a fitness goal or a clothes size goal or something.

You know it's really funny, I never used to want to pick those sorts of goals because they "take too long", so I set 5lb increment goals instead. Except, now I've looked at it (as in, just now), I realise the irony. 14 months isn't exactly quick! I have some long term fitness goals (walking to Mordor!) but maybe smaller fitness goals are the key.

[21katykat01]

You said, "...what the scale says is a reasonable indicator of progress." Except that right now, the scale isn't indicating progress, is it? 14 months of not indicating progress. I'd say that at this point, the scale is not your friend. Instead, it's keeping you focused and stuck at an artificial barrier.

The self-sabotage thought patterns and behavior come after seeing a number on the scale, right? Instead of trying to conquer the thoughts (and failing, and so reinforcing the same old pattern), never let them start: remove the trigger. Give the scale to someone else for safekeeping and warn them not to give it back until the end no matter how much you beg. Take however long you need to work through the issues and uncouple the scale & the behavior.

Lol, even your signature quote recommends it: "It's one battle at a time to win the war. And win it you shall!" Win the battle against the control of the scale.

This is great advice, thank you. For so long the scale has been my safety net and I'm unwilling to let it go. I should have been smart enough to put two and two together myself, but sometimes it helps to have that quiet reminder from an objective perspective. Thank you!

[Eurydice]

For so long the scale has been my safety net and I'm unwilling to let it go.

A safety net between you and what? If the issue is the number on the scale, that's easy to solve - get rid of the scale. If the issue is that dropping under 140 is something you feel the need to protect yourself from, or that you're afraid being thin will be somehow unsafe in and of itself, those are entirely different issues. Getting rid of the scale will be a good start on tackling those issues, but eventually you'll have to face them full-on instead of doing battle with something like the scale number that's only a proxy for whatever it is you're really afraid of.

[21katykat01]

You know Eurydice, I don't think I even know what I'm really afraid of. Maybe with chucking out the scale, I'll find out.

[andygates]

Odometer numbers are weird. I've seen myself a bunch of times where a certain number is harder than it should be because it's got a zero on the end.

Maybe switch to hex?

More seriously, the "fitness-goal" instead is the way to go. Pick a challenge that's a bit scary but not ridiculous, and focus on that (maybe reduce the frequency of your scale fixes, at the same time).

[Thilde]

I can relate to your dilemma. I was in a place for many years where I bounced around one of my weight milestones. I'd get there, last a week or two, then do something to sabotage and bounce back up. I had a really bad relationship with my scale...I could have had an awesome workout and an awesome day of eating delicious, healthy food, but if I weighed myself and a number popped up that showed I'd stayed the same or even gained a little, my mood and motivation would plummet. So I chucked my scale. For like 6 months. And it was AWESOME. Without the scale I had to decide why I was doing what I was doing...why I was working out and eating the way I was. Without the scale, I couldn't say I was doing it to get to a certain number because I had no idea where I was numberwise any given week. Without the scale, I was able to decide to continue doing those things simply because I liked the way my body felt when I was working out and eating well; I liked that I slept better, I liked that my mood was better, I liked my better energy levels, etc. So my actions (eating well and working out) started taking place outside this rigid, linear "goal toward losing x amount of weight." I was able to spend a long time just living in that psychological and physical space, and it did wonders for my relationship with food and my body.

I now am able to use a scale again, but it's almost an afterthought. I measure my progress in: plank seconds, dumbbell rows, miles logged, muscles visible, raised eyebrows received from family members when I heft 2 20lb bags of cat litter under my arms like it ain't no thing, nights of good sleep, and meals enjoyed. The scale is something I bring in occasionally to do a numbers check, but when the number doesn't drop dramatically each time (as it usually doesn't now because I am stacking on the muscle bigtime), it doesn't bother me as much. I HAVE lost a goodly amount of weight, but even that has become secondary. I'm willing to accept a higher goal weight because I now want to put on muscle. I don't let the number on the scale ruin me, because I can step off the scale, turn around and face the bathroom mirror, and make a freakin' awesome muscle with my bicep that was never there before. Remember, you don't live inside your scale...you don't live inside that tiny little LCD numeric display. You live inside your body, in your skin, behind what I am sure is a beautiful smile and a pair of bright eyes. The numbers really, REALLY don't matter.

I dunno if any of that was helpful. I second the suggestion to consider trying to give up the scale for awhile. See if you can figure out the real reasons you're working out and eating well. In doing that, you might also figure out the reasons why you self-sabotage too, which could help you adapt your goals and methods to something that will be empowering and motivating for you, and thus much more successful in the long run.

[thecrutch]

Are you in the military, or in a weight-class sport? Why do you have to weigh yourself? I mean, if you have a reason then you have a reason, but the most obvious solution would seem to be that if you know the number on the scale is going to freak you out and sabotage your weight-loss efforts then stop looking at the scale. Put it away and don't check your progress unless or until the fit of your clothes tells you you've lost a substantial amount of weight.

This this this!

[TurtIe]

Aesthetics is a consequence of fitness. Instead of worrying about the number on the scale and making goals dependant on that number you should make performance goals.

For example, how fast can you run/jog/walk a mile? Test yourself with a stopwatch and then try and lower that time.

Scales aren't the only numbers that determine how we look, you never know, you might just start to enjoy running (or any sport really) so much that the issue of losing weight becomes a secondary benefit of improving.

[Razor]

I just got back from a workout and I'm far too lazy to read all of the posts after #4. But I would advise not weighing yourself. Keep a track of what you eat and how many calories you take in, even a log. Make sure you meet your goals and stay healthy. Keep a log of your workouts. But don't weigh yourself for at least 3 months. Don't let the scale be a ruling of your progress, let it be a measurement of one of your progresses.

[Siferiax]

This thread makes me feel like picking up my scale and smashing it haha.

I'm very addicted to weighing myself, though I don't get any freak out reactions or anything.

It's sorta a reminder to not fall too far. Though when I will be gaining muscle, this won't be working anymore haha.

So it sounds like an excellent idea to smash my scale to really get rid of this and just try and live like the best version of me. (maybe use tape measurements for progress instead).

So yeah I'm with you! We should just stop caring, ditch the scale and get healthy without it!

Then I'm sure you somehow automatically get below 140.

[21katykat01]

I can relate to your dilemma. I was in a place for many years where I bounced around one of my weight milestones. I'd get there, last a week or two, then do something to sabotage and bounce back up. I had a really bad relationship with my scale...I could have had an awesome workout and an awesome day of eating delicious, healthy food, but if I weighed myself and a number popped up that showed I'd stayed the same or even gained a little, my mood and motivation would plummet. So I chucked my scale. For like 6 months. And it was AWESOME. Without the scale I had to decide why I was doing what I was doing...why I was working out and eating the way I was. Without the scale, I couldn't say I was doing it to get to a certain number because I had no idea where I was numberwise any given week. Without the scale, I was able to decide to continue doing those things simply because I liked the way my body felt when I was working out and eating well; I liked that I slept better, I liked that my mood was better, I liked my better energy levels, etc. So my actions (eating well and working out) started taking place outside this rigid, linear "goal toward losing x amount of weight." I was able to spend a long time just living in that psychological and physical space, and it did wonders for my relationship with food and my body.

This was really helpful, thank you. It's good just to know it's not me. It was strange because obviously the obsession with weighing was the primary problem, but I was almost creating a secondary problem where I'd get annoyed at myself for weighing all the time because I like to think of myself as a rational, logical person, and that behaviour didn't fit the bill!

Meh. Well it's all over with. As of today, boyfriend has put the scale up the attic, where I cannot get to it even if I wanted to! It's scary to be honest, but liberating at the same time. I think I'm scared that without daily check-ins, I'm going to regain all my weight. But since I am working on other goals (walking to Mordor, building up body weight routines), if I am doing those things it should help. Besides, I track my food every day, so that should be enough. I hope so!

Thank you everyone - it's been great to have your insights and also the reassurance that I should just ditch the damn thing!

[lyranedara]

I went through a very similar issue when I first started losing weight. Every new 10 lb marker seemed harder and harder to pass. One thing I did was to bury my scale in the closet so that it wasn't just waiting for me in the bathroom all day. I also used a method similar to this to track progress. I had jeans in every size between my goal and where I was, and I celebrated each new pair I could fit into. A slideshow of progress pictures can also be a great way to see how much you have changed. If you feel there are any other psychological issues holding you back, I highly recommend checking out Dean Dwyer's blog. He writes about how to change the way you look, work and live by changing how you think.

[21katykat01]

Lexphoenix, thank you! This was great; especially this:

"It can, if that success is properly managed over time, but success also breeds a sense of subtle recklessness as well that slowly creeps in and begins to erode the success we once had.

You know what I am talking about here. We start testing our limits of what we can actually get away with. Maybe it’s OK for us to have bread once in a while. Maybe we don’t have to work out as often as we thought. Maybe we don’t need to track our results anymore. Maybe we don’t need to spend a Sunday morning preparing our weekly meals in advance.

It is what I call the paradox of success. The more success we have, the less disciplined we feel we need to be."

Exactly what I think I've been doing. I'd totally recommend this to everyone else too!

[lyranedara]

I'm so glad you found him helpful!

[Lizifer]

Oh, lexpheonix, I LOVE the thermometer jeans! Thanks for that - that's great.