Depression

[Sachiko*Kawaii]

[cracked_belle]

article: "Scientists Discover Area of Brain Responsible for Exercise Motivation"

[Hit]

How good is erika moen tho? Their other comic ohjoysextoy is the best, and they've been writing a lot of really sex-positive and body-positive stuff for years now. get on it

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

I love Cracked.com. they post amazing content, and in a very respectable manner.

here's a great article, for example:  "5 Facts Everyone Gets Wrong About Depression".

 

david Wong, a kickass motherfucker, also wrote a piece about how the funny people are often the saddest, in a nod to Robin Williams's suicide.

I need to send this to all of my family members, and all the jerks along the way who said that my problems were all imaginary and solely existed because I was doing it to myself.

[Sachiko*Kawaii]

Here's a nice illustrated introduction ebook on Depression: Ellen's Depression Primer. This is a good resource to share with your family and friends who don't understand or support those living with depression. 

 

[shaar]

I just want to say that this is such a great thread, and it's refreshing to see people being open in talking about things like depression!!  I work in the psychology field and there's still such a huge stigma around mental health and it makes me sad - so many wonderful people just can't get the help they need for multiple reasons, and it sucks.  Taking care of your mental health is just as important as physical health, but it seems sometimes unless someone is suffering or has suffered from it, the don't "get it"... ("Just snap out of it!"  UGH NO)

 

You all are strong and awesome people every day! <3

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

I like that depression primer. Thank you. I think the illustrations do a good job of making a serious subject less scary. That lazy pancreas was adorable!

 

For a completely opposite feeling, I happened to find this game (-ish thing) while browsing an unrelated topic, and I'm definitely sending it along to family as well. It is intended to be a way to help those without depression understand what it's like.  A word of caution to anyone following the link--I did find it triggering because it is so accurate to things I have experienced. (But I snapped out of it quickly.) The creator has a trigger warning BEFORE the explanation of the game. (Good place for it!)

Depression Quest

[Candace Koller]

That's a good game. I've heard they have a kickstarter to try and make it better.

[Machete]

I was diagnosed with Major Depression some time ago, which I thought was strange because I didn't feel different at all. It made me think about all the people I knew who claimed to be "depressed" when they were sad (much like how people claim OCD, ADD, and Asperger's), and I wondered if it was just some sham label that is thrown around to help sell drugs. Then again, maybe I've been depressed all my life and therefore have no idea what not being depressed feels like in the first place; I have just accepted life as this shit existence that I have to power through until my body calls it quits.

 

Anyway, I'm self-experimenting with SAM-e and Zinc, and will be documenting my findings here. Perhaps someday someone will eventually find this useful.

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

been depressed all my life and therefore have no idea what not being depressed feels like in the first place; I have just accepted life as this shit existence that I have to power through until my body calls it quits.

Disclaimer: I know nothing about psychology.

 

This was me until I got medicated. I'd forgotten what it felt like to be happy and was well on my way to forgetting what ANY positive emotions felt like.

 Except for bouts of self-loathing that led to self-harm, I generally had gone past sadness and despair to feeling absolutely nothing. I think this started developing when I was about 7 or 8. And my psychiatrist told me that this is what depression is--not only sadness and negative emotions, but also total numbness.

[Fearkiller]

What do you do, and what can others' do, if depression takes away the want to get better at all?

 

In need of better words, the spark for life, just... isn't there?

 

How to 're-spark' it?

[blkhole24601]

What do you do, and what can others' do, if depression takes away the want to get better at all?

 

In need of better words, the spark for life, just... isn't there?

 

How to 're-spark' it?

 

The spark for life just not being there... seems the easiest explanation for it. As to how to re-spark it... well, if there was an easy answer to that...

 

Each person is different. I think I was one of the lucky ones in that I was able and willing to get help myself -- after suffering for a few years and coming close to the point of no return too many times, of course. I think dealing with denial during that entire time and then being confronted by someone who noticed I wasn't doing too well and being told to go see a doctor helped me finally go and seek the help I needed (a month later, mind), and maybe that's what it takes: someone telling the person who is depressed to get help. I don't know if it's a good idea to send them in kicking and screaming or let them go in of their own accord, but I lean towards the latter as long as the person who is suffering wasn't sent to an emergency room when it became apparent that they needed help. But I'm no expert, I'm simply determining based off my own experience.

 

And when it was when I started getting professional help was when I started getting that "spark" back, because it was gone. CBT was what did it for me, I strongly believe, and it did take a considerable amount of time and I still have episodes every couple of months. But again, everyone is different and has different experiences. Again, were it so simple!

[Candace Koller]

What do you do, and what can others' do, if depression takes away the want to get better at all?

 

In need of better words, the spark for life, just... isn't there?

 

How to 're-spark' it?

 

I'd say the best thing you can do is get help.

That could be a doctor, therapist, rabbi, pastor, priest, friend, something.

Professional help may be necessary but I know not everyone can afford it/get to it/have it available or many other things. I didn't really start improving until I got help professionally so if people who are suffering can go that route I would recommend it. Unfortunately there's not a magic pill or trick. If there was no one would be depressed. And everyone needs different things.

Just please don't try to do it alone. Trying to do it alone for over 20 years nearly killed me. I write a lot about my experiences in my blog in the signature. I'm only alive because people I cared about refused to sit back and do nothing.

[Teros]

Then again, maybe I've been depressed all my life and therefore have no idea what not being depressed feels like in the first place; I have just accepted life as this shit existence that I have to power through until my body calls it quits.

If you feel like you're just a zombie in mental standards, then that counts. It doesn't have to be necessarily a really sad feeling; usually lack of energy or any type of 'umph' counts under that terminology since it can vary in severity.

 

I can vouch for what being without depression is post-having it for over a decade to the point that I thought that was 'just me'.

 

I can also vouch for what changing my entire diet did.

 

Also (not trying to sound pompous or anything) but I also have a degree in psych as well.

 

I thought I was just 'meh' and 'sad' for a while without ever taking stock in it. Meaning, that as years went by; I thought that I had some sad symptoms and feelings of worthlessness from time to time. I didn't realize the extent until a flood hit.  I lost about 80% of everything I had. When cleaning up the wreckage, I had an old journal that I typed and printed out into a binder.  My epiphany moment was when I started reading that. The journal was from when I was 13/14 (at the time, I was 28).  It dawned on me.  All the pages and pages of stuff that I wrote just brought back the fact that I was feeling exactly the same back then as I was now. In other words; at that point I had been depressed more than half of my life and I didn't realize it.  It could have been more since I didn't write earlier than 13/14.  It was a real wake-up call. As long as I could remember; I was just me. And just me was depression.

 

Shortly after that incident, I found NerdFitness and I was timid and hated myself.  I knew I didn't want to be like this, but wasn't sure what to do. Then I did a whole30, which is a 30 day long food detox program.  Once the 30 days was up, I felt better but it was so gradual that I didn't notice just how much of an impact it had. I didn't notice that I wouldn't dwell on horrible things. I didn't get stuck into that funk for days on end.  If something bad happened; I dealt with it, processed it, and then let it go. There was no nagging obsession with the darkness associated with it. It's hard to explain. Honestly, I had been like 99% cured of depression and I didn't even know it. I still thought I was just being me.

 

It was only after 2 weeks after the whole 30 ended did all of these revelations come. Because once I went back to that garbage food that I ate, I started to worry more. When I was at work; I would just keep mulling around bad thoughts in my head with no explanation as to why. Why can't I force myself to stop thinking about xx, yy, and zz?  After the 2 week mark, I felt suicidal again and that's when it all clicked in my head.  I was back to having horrible depression.  I guess two weeks was a short enough time span that I realized something was drastically different and wrong- but 30 days of slight improvement was not noticeable. 

 

Now that I have that experience under my belt, I can speak from the other side of this.  A lot of people such as myself, think that might just feel crummy or depressed, or have suicidal thoughts and want to watch the world burn since there's no joy in it. That just gets accepted in the brain as the 'norm'. That's a 'baseline' for emotions.  Let me throw some #s to try and explain it a bit. 

 

Let's say your sad/happy level is between 1-100.  Those bubbly people that never seem to have anything bother them, even if you tried? They're a 100.  Attempting suicide, a 1.  People's average would be at 50 which can vary day to day, or week to week, but eventually it goes back to 50.  Those with depression think they're at a 50 because that's their personal norm. But it's more like a 25. There can still be good or bad things that happen and change the severity, but the level eventually evens out back to 25.  Once you break out of the depression; if it's slow enough like my whole 30; I gradually went up to 50 and never made any connection.  After those 2 weeks of garbage afterwards; I spiraled down to 1-25ish and WOW was it noticeable then having such a huge plummet.   So when you say you don't know what non-depression is like? That's 100% accurate.  The difference in what I ate and how I felt in that transition period erases any doubt in my mind about that.

 

It's the same as someone that is sick with a cold vs someone that feels healthy and fine.  If you've had a cold for 20 years, you don't know what healthy feels like; you just assume stuffy/drippy nose, lack of energy, hoarse throat etc are the norm.  Once it's gone though, I feel fine and don't take stock of it. But once you get sick again; you frigging KNOW that you feel sick.  That's what the eating differently did with my depression. I'm now extremely aware of it.  The same goes for my g/f, but it's not much depression for her as it is high anxiety and irritability.  I can remember eating healthy 2 weeks ago, this situation played out like _____. And now, being in the same situation with garbage food, it is playing out like ______, and they're totally different.

 

As for someone who brought up the medication as being their sudden jolt to know there's a difference; when I tried meds (even half of the minimum dosage) I felt like a zombie. There were chemical signals that I know should be happening, but they weren't happening.  It would be like when your foot or hand goes numb if you lay on it wrong. You know in your brain that you're firing off signals to do something and it's not responding. Or those couple of panicked seconds of sleep paralysis. It was like that general type of feeling, which is horrible.

[Teros]

What do you do, and what can others' do, if depression takes away the want to get better at all?

 

In need of better words, the spark for life, just... isn't there?

 

How to 're-spark' it?

The flame's died down and it can be a situation where people don't even want to re-spark it. The best way is to force some sort of change to get the wheels turning again. Already been said I believe; but seeing a therapist; trying a med out, or just venting with someone that will listen and not judge like a therapist or best friend.  Any of those can create the catalyst to finally think, 'maybe I should do something' and then if that feeling happens? RUN WITH IT. Don't postpone it until next week or tomorrow. See what can be capitalized on right while you have that spark because if not, it can die down again just like trying to start an actual fire.  Also- once the spark happens; baby steps. Trying to do a lot in a short time frame can lead to being overwhelmed and then crashing down again. Hell, even just going for a morning walk to clear thoughts can be enough of a catalyst or a baby step forward.

[Hit]

 

 

It made me think about all the people I knew who claimed to be "depressed" when they were sad (much like how people claim OCD, ADD, and Asperger's), and I wondered if it was just some sham label that is thrown around to help sell drugs. 

 

is there a word for internalized stigma against having mental illness? because this is what it looks like. 

 

 

 

How to 're-spark' it?

 

be proactive - do little things. little things have a way of snowballing into big things. look after your mental health the same way you care about your fitness. you might not be able to run a marathon today, but you can go for a walk around the block, so start there. 

[Amdhiel]

 

I thought I was just 'meh' and 'sad' for a while without ever taking stock in it. Meaning, that as years went by; I thought that I had some sad symptoms and feelings of worthlessness from time to time. I didn't realize the extent until a flood hit.  I lost about 80% of everything I had. When cleaning up the wreckage, I had an old journal that I typed and printed out into a binder.  My epiphany moment was when I started reading that. The journal was from when I was 13/14 (at the time, I was 28).  It dawned on me.  All the pages and pages of stuff that I wrote just brought back the fact that I was feeling exactly the same back then as I was now. In other words; at that point I had been depressed more than half of my life and I didn't realize it.  It could have been more since I didn't write earlier than 13/14.  It was a real wake-up call. As long as I could remember; I was just me. And just me was depression.

 

 

This was me though on some level I knew I was depressed. For me it started when I switched schools between 2nd and 3rd grade. When I was a kid, I tried to get my family to get me help but I was the "good" kid and my sister and brother both had more severe learning disabilities and ADD. This caused me to "tough it" out and "just deal" with a bunch of stuff. Oddly, I wouldn't say that I ever really lost my spark for life. Any time of thought about ending it, it was because I was tired of all the pain and anguish. I've always told my therapist that although I've wanted to give up I never would and in the last year or so I realized that it was really that stubbornness that kept me around.

 

The thing that sparked me to change was realizing how low my low had reached. Realizing that my whole sense of worth rested on the work I did and that the people I work for would never appreciate what I did. That in combination with realizing that I'd rather end the pain then go to work led me to throw all caution to the wind and change it all. I quit my job, sold most of my stuff and moved closer to my sister who wanted to help. That was last May. 

 

I think the only thing that might have sped up my path was having a better support system. But that tends to be the first thing that goes when someone gets really bad.

 

My suggestion for helping someone, stay around if they are having problems. Stay even if they push and shove you away. Then suggest that you go do something small, like a walk or some other activity they used to enjoy. Try to remind them of what they enjoy or help them find something new.

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

What do you do, and what can others' do, if depression takes away the want to get better at all?

 

In need of better words, the spark for life, just... isn't there?

 

How to 're-spark' it?

My experience was that you eventually hit a breaking point. I had tried asking expressing to my parents that I thought I needed help and they told me to stop throwing myself a pity party all the time. I tried expressing this to other adults and was told that my problems were all of my own doing and I just needed to get over it. I didn't try to get help again for several more years, when I was starting to become incapable of hiding the panic attacks and crying any longer. I didn't want to end up in a psychiatric hospital because I thought it would be expensive and I didn't want my family to have to pay for it. So I finally told my parents that I had been self-harming and was suicidal. When they saw the scars, then they were finally willing to admit that I might need help.

 

I wasn't so much re-sparked as I was feeling backed into a corner. I was fairly certain that my facade would be blown soon and it seemed like this solution would be the most convenient for the rest of my family. It wasn't until I started getting my life back that I started finding things to live for.

[Fearkiller]

[shortened to save space] I write a lot about my experiences in my blog in the signature. I'm only alive because people I cared about refused to sit back and do nothing.

 

You are so immensely courageous writing that blog.

The things you speak of, and your own experiences are

valuable to hear, and your posts help me quite a lot.

 

It must be hard to write those posts, to say the very least,

but I want you to know that it helps me much to read them.

[Candace Koller]

Thank you, it means a lot to me to hear that.

I catch a lot of flak over it, especially from family. A lot of people would rather I keep quiet about these things, but I kept quiet too long and suffered too many consequences for it.

I know how alone I felt dealing with my depression and one of the biggest things that helped me was knowing that someone else had been there too and really understood. So now I try to keep as much out there as I can so others know they aren't alone too.

I found writing the blog actually helped me a lot. Google has a feature where you can make it private so only you can see it if anyone wants to try it out and see if it works for them without the risk of having anyone read it.

[Candace Koller]

God has spoken.

[Hit]

hey! it was suicide-prevention day in australia on wednesday, and R U OK? day yesterday! so, a day late and a buck short, but how is everyone doing? vent away

[Candace Koller]

In America September is suicide prevention month and God's facebook has been posting quite a few good things the past couple of days. I'm glad to see more people taking it seriously than I have seen before. Most of America is talking more about it than usual with the passing of Robin Williams (RIP). Unfortunately that also leaves a lot of ignorant jackholes talking too but at least people are talking.

[Machete]

If you feel like you're just a zombie in mental standards, then that counts. It doesn't have to be necessarily a really sad feeling; usually lack of energy or any type of 'umph' counts under that terminology since it can vary in severity.

 

I was under the impression that I am just a lazy, unsocial person with no enthusiasm who sleeps too much and binges too often.

 

Anyway, first week on SAM-e down and mood stills feels generally neutral. Anxiety seems to be picking-up a bit, and I've been more stressed-out than usual, but it could also be more on work conditions.

 

I'm still hoping for that day where I can walk around feeling like this:

 

Also, a bit of irony, I am the acting resiliency trainer for my company. The course I went to became rather entertaining with my presence. We utilized this site during the course, and I think I've only visited it once. (I also found a partner site.) I could potentially take advantage of them in the future, though at the moment I think I may just actually be afraid of being happy.

[WillToPower]

I watched an interesting TED Talk on depression, so I thought that I would share it:
http://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share?language=en
 
I found myself relating to this quote in particular -
"[...] I found myself losing interest in almost everything. I didn't want to do any of the things I had previously wanted to do, and I didn't know why. The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment. Everything there was to do seemed like too much work."