Playing outside - how much superivision at what ages

[MichiruSedai]

Wondering at what age you start letting your kid go outside without you. Pertinent info: we have little to no "yard" to speak of at our apartment, so mostly my son (6 yrs) goes and rides his bike with the other neighborhood kids. Last weekend I tried letting him have some time without me or another adult sitting outside watching (NONE of the other kids' parents ever go outside, except for a 3 yr old's... that's what made me wonder if I am too overprotective), I had him coming back to "check in" with me every half hour, and he didn't die. But then I was talking to a friend about it and she was like "you aren't too overprotective, a kid can get snatched up in a second, be vigilant" and now I am scared to let him loose for short periods again.

So please share your experience, fellow parents.

[calanthrophy]

I know this isn't really a direct answer but it's different for every situation. It depends on where you're living, for one thing. My last apartment complex was pretty sketchy so my daughter wasn't allowed out without me, period. Now we've got a house in a suburb that's much nicer so I let her do whatever.

It also depends on your child's maturity level, how vigilant your neighbors are, etc.

That said, as much as we worry about our kids we have to remember that it's highly unlikely that someone's going to walk up to a group of kids, snatch one, and bugger off.

Maybe start by watching him out a window or sitting nearby to get a feel for the area and the kids' behavior and decide whether you think he's ok on his own.

[Elastigirl]

Most kidnapping  or actually by someone known.  My son is an adult now, so that is the point of view I speak from. It is good to gradually give you kids more freedom and more decision making power. Before you know it, they are old enough to drive, and in high school, with all sorts of decisions that may have life changing implications. If a parent never lets the kid out of their site, and  doesn't allow them freedom, the kid doesn't get to practice decision making on their own. By giving him maturity appropriate freedoms, like you did, you are letting him practice  and develop safety skills in a safe way.

[MichiruSedai]

We live in a very safe small town, and his biking is limited to the parking lot of our apartment complex.  I did require that there be other kids out, I did not send him out just by himself.

[Waldo]

The chance of a stranger kidnapping is so ridiculously low that its not worth worrying about, especially in kids old enough that you need to think about how much attention to pay to them (stranger kidnappers want babies...).

 

Now the kid hurting themselves, thats a different story, and it really depends on the kid.

[Miw_Sher]

 

12 hours ago, Waldo said:

Now the kid hurting themselves, thats a different story, and it really depends on the kid.

 

Not from a parents' perspective, but from the perspective of a kid who grew up with an unsupervised group of other kids (VERY safe neighbourhood, middle of countryside. Some traffic on the main road but once you got past that it was only rice fields, so in terms of security we were truly spoiled). My parents never knew where we were. They just let us loose in the morning/early afternoon and waited for us to come back.

 

In terms of hurting ourselves, I think we all scraped and bruised ourselves five to ten times a week, the most serious injury we ever had was broken wrist and the only reason any of us remember it is because our parents did. Kids do not really care about getting hurt, it seems. The excitement of being outside and jumping around trumped any kind of discomfort caused by the pain. That is also pretty much the same story I hear from any kid who was in the same situation.

 

So, just in case you are worried about that.  Again, not a parent. Just a 25 year old who spent her childhood years living like it still was the 70s. 

[Butternut]

This is kind of long, but bare with me!

 

I'm a mother of 2.  My son is 11 and I have him check in every 30 minutes if he's by himself. If he is riding with his friend I don't make it a big deal.  He just needs to let me know if he is over at their house and staying to play there.  He's got to communicate. Just a quick call saying "Hey I'm at Bob's now, gonna play in his yard" that's all I need. And a "Hey I'm coming home"  I will cool it off a little bit the older he gets, but I want to know.

 

He carries a pocket knife with him (also have explained to him to never talk about it or show it because surprise is always the best weapon).  Having him aware of how kidnappers talk and think, I feel better having him out there.  At the age 6 I wouldn't have him carrying a pocket knife, just making sure he knows not to talk to strangers and such is enough.  I wouldn't go into huge detail.  I've gone into more detail with my son because he is older.  I think the boundaries you've given to your son is perfect.  You sound like your doing the best thing.  If I were you I'd be doing the same, watching from time to time, going inside to do a chore, than looking outside again to see if I can see him.  Some days I would find time to read a book or answer emails outside while his playing. 

 

The way my husband and I see it is maybe kidnapping has a low percentage of happening, but is that statistic really going to matter if it happens to your child?  It sounds harsh, but its the truth.  I know when he gets older its going to be more flexible, but for now I am going to do my best to know where he is but yet let him feel he isn't a prisoner. Kids are kids, they want that freedom, and it feels pretty darn cool not having your parent watching you.  But he's gotta communicate. 

 

Now my husband and I grew up never having to call my parents and letting them know. I would be gone for days without ever having to tell my mom what I was up to.  My husband was like Miw_Sher, out from sunrise to sunset.  I know what we did as kids, and I know I can't stop him from doing what he's friends talk him into and whatever, and I know if I hold him back too much he will rebel, so I just want my kids to communicate, let me know where they are. It gives me a peace of mind.  But it won't stop me from worrying, I think that's part of being a parent.  My dad told me the day my son was born "this is the day you'll never stop worrying"  it sucks, but its the truth. 

 

This is me though.  I wish I was that parent was ok with letting my kids out without that worry, but I am not.  

[Waldo]

I grew up able to pretty freely roam, first in the neighborhood, then whereever, from pretty early on.  The same with my wife.  But we both grew up in areas that are very different from where we live now.

 

I grew up in a fringe suburb.  The type where half the town was under construction with the array of neighborhoods around continuously filling up, but of course filled also with empty lots.  There were still the remnants of an old farm nearby.  There were forests and fields.  There were sidewalks and parks.  There was a lake "downtown" with a beach of sorts.

 

My wife grew up in a moderately sized rural city.  Again, lots of parks.  Farms surrounded the whole city.  There were fields.  There were forests.

 

Where we live now is much more urban.  There is a kind-of park, but kids don't play there, its just a forest, but not the kind of secluded forest kids like to play in (lots of runners/walkers).  Its fully built out, there isn't a scrap of land that isn't either roads or occupied private property for miles around (except a handful of parks, but the parks you'd want to go to are miles away).  There's a members only pool, but that's just a summer thing.  There's an elementary school nearby, but that's about it.  IOW, there just isn't anywhere to play outside even if they wanted to (except for the pool in the summer, and the school).

 

I'm sure at some point the kids will want to go play outside by themselves (oldest is only 5), but that'll probably happen a lot later than would have where my wife and I grew up, simply because there just isn't much to do except being away from parents.  Our backyard is about as good as its going to get for the timebeing.

 

But I also know that my memory of being outside as a kid probably doesn't jive all that well with reality.  We were the first group that spent our time doing what little boys do nowadays, we played video games, and went outside when that got stale.  Sure we caught critters, built forts, threw rocks at bottles in ponds, and in general explored, but critically looking at it, we really weren't outside as much as the sunup to sundown current reinterpretation of memories;its easy to convince yourself in hindsight that you were outside a lot more than you really were.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

Replying to sub and see what people say. My wife is on the high end of protectiveness, doubt my daughter will go outside by herself until she can drive. We both grew up in the suburbs on streets full of kids. There were 7 families on my one block with kids the same age, and we'd be outside all the time playing together. Kidnapping, even if it was a danger, wasn't for us because there were always so many of us around. Our current neighborhood has all college age kids being new construction 15-20 years ago, and we're among the first wave of the new families as people sell to downsize. Don't know what we'll end up doing.

[MichiruSedai]

Hey, thanks everyone for the posts.

 

I've been letting him have 20 to 30 minute chunks of time bike riding with his friends.  He gets the 30 minutes if he's out with the one kid who's 3, because then that kid's dad is always outside, and keeps an eye on both boys (sometimes I go out to watch them, so it works well).  I've explained to him he needs to come tell me if they are going to play in someone's yard, and he needs to come in if the other kid(s) have to go inside. So far it is working really well. He's surprisingly conscientious about coming for his "check-ins".  I'm feeling more comfortable with it, in the group setting. I don't think I'm ready to let him go out if he's the only kid though.

[Leigh]

Okay so I'm 31 and I grew up with just my mom in a decent sized apartment complex with a huuuuuge parking lot to mess around in a little strip of green space with a fenced in pool and a crumbling tennis court. We lived while I was 5-7 years old.

This place was the nice little area that bordered the scary gangland area of my city. A ten minute walk south of us was an area where if you were seen wearing too much of one colour as a youngish adult you ran a serious risk of a brutal ass kicking.

I was allowed outside in the neighbourhood from sun up to sun down on any day where my mom was home and it wasn't raining. Sweet sweet freedom!

I am now an adult who was zero feat of being out on my own at any time of day or night in any part of the city I live in.

My best friend who is a year older than me who lived in a much nicer, much safer area with two parents and two older sisters to keep an eye on her was only allowed to go to the park with one or both of her older siblings or not at all.

She wont so much as walk to the Walmart (five minutes away) by herself. She will not go anywhere alone. She is ultra nervous about being alone at night and tries constantly to get me to bus out with her to her college exams. All of which happen in broad daylight on weekdays on one of the safest campus areas I can think off.

So I'm totally of the quick check in reasonable boundaries school of thought. The stranger danger thing from the parents of the Millennial generation raised a generation of useless little shits who can't do shit for themselves most of the time.

Absolutely have him stay within reasonable boundaries but give him some outside parent free time. If you're always around then he's never going to have the chance to tell you stories about what he did