Battle Kitten: Ascension

[Owlet]

One of my favourite sammie combos as a child was cheese and pickled walnuts... used to get a lot of comments along the lines of 'ewwww what's that black stuff you're eating'. But no one ever stole my lunch  

[NeverThatBored]

3 hours ago, Owlet said:

One of my favourite sammie combos as a child was cheese and pickled walnuts... used to get a lot of comments along the lines of 'ewwww what's that black stuff you're eating'. But no one ever stole my lunch  

 

Yep, that's pretty weird! 

[fleaball]

On 9/25/2016 at 2:05 AM, Severine said:

Flea I hope you're having an amazing weekend (early morning wakeups notwithstanding) and I am very envious of your new 'eh, well that kind of sucks but whatever' approach to stressful stuff

Honestly I think it's less conscious choice and more the birth control evening things out. If it's not, and it's actually all me, I have no idea where it came from lol. Like, yeah I've been seeing a therapist for a year but this seems like a really sudden change. Not that I'm going to complain about it. 

 

On 9/25/2016 at 9:08 AM, Briniel said:

Hope you're having a great time! Glad you went and got to unwind a bit. I totally feel you on being exhausted from being up and about and working (!) all day. I hope it'll get easier for both of us soon. Have an exhausted kitten:

 

 

So cuuuuuute.

 

On 9/25/2016 at 8:51 PM, Severine said:

Lame pride that you drove a long time for? Secret extra credit optional conference? Group project from hell? Still more homework to do?

 

The readings are off the charts:

 

I'm sorry and I hope this week is better.

I love your reactions to my life lol. 

 

On 9/26/2016 at 8:56 AM, zenLara said:

why do they do that?

I thought about it in the shower this morning, and it's probably so people don't get access to places they're not supposed to be. I don't know if there are super secret areas that only certain people have access to, but I imagine they wouldn't want to issue an all-access pass that can't be tracked. 

 

Or they really do just hate me. Either way.

 

6 hours ago, Bookish Badger said:

 

Unrelated ramble: I once was in whole foods and realized I hadn't eaten lunch & was really hungry, but it was too close to dinner to eat a full meal, so I figured that getting half a sandwich at the deli counter was a good compromise. I'm kinda traditional when it comes to sammiches, so when I was filling out the little form & got to the condiments, I checked Mayo and Dijon Mustard and wrote in "just a little, please" with arrows pointing to them.

 

The deli attendant looked at my form and burst out laughing, "Thank God!! You eat normal sandwiches! You wouldn't believe what some people order!" And while assembling my sammich she told me about some of the weirdest/most disgusting combos that stoned customers had ordered.

I fully believe this. That poor deli person.

 

6 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

<-- also part of the "I used to work at a supermarket" club!

 

I was honestly on a rant Monday night about people who take forever in the self-checkout lanes. Silly little old woman who didn't understand what "Place the item in the baggage area" means. 

You have my sympathies lol. It's a special kind of hell. 

 

omg seriously. If you don't know how to use them, please don't stand there ignoring the instructions and then complain about how slow the machine is and that you would've gotten out faster if you'd gone to a cashier.  I had a 6-hour shift at the self-checkout lanes the day before Thanksgiving one year. It was cruel and unusual.

 

4 hours ago, Owlet said:

One of my favourite sammie combos as a child was cheese and pickled walnuts... used to get a lot of comments along the lines of 'ewwww what's that black stuff you're eating'. But no one ever stole my lunch  

o_O 

[fleaball]

Hoooooly shit could anyone else not post for like 45 minutes? As soon as I posted the above, the site freaked out. I couldn't post or edit anything from my computer (tried other browsers) or my phone, and I couldn't even log out because the button thing wouldn't work. I wanted to do an actual update post immediately following that post. Rawr. So quick-ish update because it's totally bedtime. 

 

- Pride was lame, as previously mentioned. It was like a little fair type thing, basically, and all the sponsors had their own tents but there wasn't a whole lot going on. I did buy a bi flag, but I was also super grumpy because flags were the only not-rainbow thing the only merch tent had. They had posters and keychains and knee socks and a lot of other fun and/or obnoxious shit but it was all rainbow and just, ugh. No. Anyway. Sassy gay friend was supposed to meet us there but he's the kind of person who'll be two hours late to his own funeral. He left his house as we were leaving Pride. But we went to a restaurant that had an hour+ wait, so he met us there after. He went to pride last year too and when he met up with us he was like "yeah it's the kind of thing where you have to go with a huge group of people and just get really drunk." (Drinks were $7 each.) So eh. At least we went. And I have a flag. 

 

- I really honestly do need new/more friends though because yeah. Friend I stayed with is the one who always has inappropriate/unsympathetic replies to my problems and/or tries to one-up me. So the weekend was a mix of like, talking over each other because she'd start to change in the subject while I was in the middle of saying something, or just sitting in the same room on different computers and not talking. When I go to someone's house I don't expect them to have every minute of the day planned with something to do, but basically every time I go visit her (oh right, this is also the friend who keeps insisting I come visit but hasn't once asked/offered to come up here, and did the same thing when I was in Boston) there's inevitably a point where it's like "cool I'm gonna go play video games now and ignore you while you're talking but still expect you to take an interest when I complain about said video game." Or reading fanfic for a fandom I'm not in and getting pissy when I don't find something hilarious when she reads it out loud. Ugggh. And yet I still cling to these people for lack of options. 

 

- tl;dr I'm glad I got out of DC for a change of scenery but I'm sort of grumpy about losing most of my weekend. Realistically I wouldn't have spent the entire weekend on homework, but driving 2.5 hours each way (traffic was actually not terrible on either trip) + farmer's market I didn't want to go to + sitting around all day when I thought we'd be at Pride + lost opportunity for sleeping in has got me a bit resentful. 

 

- I seriously have no fucks to give about anything. This time tomorrow I'm skyping my partner to go over our presentation that's due Thursday at 2:30 and I haven't done anything on it yet? Like nothing. And I'm working again tomorrow. Still haven't done the RA stuff. Other shitty internship has a video due Friday and I just don't care. (FML I just looked at my assignment and it's 34 minutes long. Good thing I can type fast.) I had time to get something done tonight and I just didn't. Well. I spent longer than expected catching up here. But honestly just... I don't care. I mean, I do care. At least enough that things will get done and I do feel a little guilty putting it off. Just nowhere near the scale of last semester where I panicked about everything. I feel like by the time I find a balance the semester will be over. 

 

- Related, I'm getting better at eating during the day. Mostly by bringing snacks. Sleep is still so-so. I'm falling asleep quickly but still dead when I wake up. Meh. 

 

- 5k is in a month. Haven't even thought about running yet. I keep saying I'm okay with walking the thing but I'm frustrated that I don't know where to find/make time to start c25k again and also I keep putting it off for fear of injury.

 

- Internship is still meh. I'm still working on the same damn boring project I've been doing for a week and a half and if I get a new assignment it's something like printing and folding name tents for an event and it takes me ten minutes. I shouldn't complain because I'm still getting paid and my roommate warned me it would be like this going in, but it's so frustrating. Especially because to my knowledge no one has even looked at what I've done on the boring thing so far so I don't even know if what I'm doing is right? le sigh. I keep taking breaks from it because it's so boring so I alternate between thinking I don't have nearly enough done and "nah, I'm good." Vaguely nervous about the former but I've sort of been approaching with a mix of "what are they going to do, fire me?" and "well they sort of threw this at me before they all went to New York so I'm doing the best I can with what little info I was given and also this shit is time consuming regardless so." I also realized I need to make an eye appointment. I'm having trouble focusing when using a computer lately and it's probably because I need new glasses. My prescription is 2 years old and I just keep ruining myself by spending so much time on the computer. So that's on the to-do list. 

 

- Had a small freakout yesterday. For our capstone requirement we can choose to do a practicum class, which is essentially a group consulting project facilitated by a professor, or a 50- or 100-page paper. I want to do a practicum because it looks good on a resume/offers actual skills and I also really just don't want to deal with figuring out a thesis topic, finding a prof to supervise it (the scary prof from last semester is going on sabbatical in the spring, so she's out, and ofc she's probably the one I would have asked), and just doing all of that bullshit. The thing is, you actually have to apply to get into the practica. Resume, cover letter, and application form. And it's due by midnight Sunday. So I freaked the fuck out about trying to fit it in (because they all include face-to-face meetings with the clients at their offices, but ofc you don't know what the time commitment is going to be until the semester starts) while also needing to find a job or internship that will be substantive enough for my professional experience requirement.  They had info sessions for each of them but all at times I was working. So I emailed the profs of the ones I'm interested in and asked a bunch of questions and I feel better about it now. Not totally confident because I don't think any of the projects offered is really directly related to anything I want to do, but ugh. Cross that bridge later. 

 

- I was going to complain about my stupid monday night class but I really need to be getting to bed. Suffice it to say I don't feel like I am radical enough for this class. And also it's disorganized as fuck. And at the end of class last night the prof called me out- "You were so quiet tonight! I'm sorry you didn't get to participate!" Yes, hi, I'm an introvert with an anxiety disorder. I don't like sitting in a fucking circle with everyone looking at me when I talk, and I'm one of those people who needs to think about what they're going to say before they raise their hand (but raising your hand is useless in this class anyway, why do it when you can just talk over people?) and really that's not the best style when the class bounces across topics before I can even get my thoughts in order and then this one kid hijacks the entire conversation every damn week. I have to send her an email to ask about several things so I'll probably just include a less snarky version of what I just wrote and hope she doesn't completely fail me on class participation.

 

- What the fuck is making strange noises in my kitchen and bathroom/hallway/I don't even know where they're coming from tbh?

 

- Okay. Whatever. Someday I will get back to sleeping and exercising and eating food that doesn't make me feel like shit. This is not that day. Although bed is happening now. Cheers.

[Lara]

4 hours ago, fleaball said:

there's inevitably a point where it's like "cool I'm gonna go play video games now and ignore you while you're talking but still expect you to take an interest when I complain about said video game." Or reading fanfic for a fandom I'm not in and getting pissy when I don't find something hilarious when she reads it out loud. Ugggh.

One of my boyfriend's cousins is like this. You go there to visit, and she just keeps on watching tv (what she wants to watch, of course, nor something to be watched by everyone) or using her phone. She never asks you about your life, or if she does she doesn't pay attention to what you answer because her phone is more important to her than you. And I noticed she only does that to me and to my boyfriend, so I decided to stop going to her house (my boyfriend keeps on going because he's a close friend of her husband). Now, I receive now and then the comment of "hey, L*** thinks you're mad at her" or something similar. And it is like "I don't really care anymore", I won't lose my time with someone that obviously doesn't want to spend it with me.

Conclusion: now I dislike your friend too because she's so mean to you.

[Owlet]

7 hours ago, fleaball said:

Rawr. So quick-ish update because it's totally bedtime. 

Lol 'quick' eh  haha no but it's good, I've been missing the Flea action on here since you got all busy. 

 

Man, that's a whole lot of ugh. Gutted Pride turned out to be lame (I thought it was meant to be an amazing over-the-top parade with thousands of people? Guess it depends where you are though) and your friend sounds like a shocker, that is so rude. Why are so many people so clueless? Grr. Are there any people with potential to not be terrible friends at the intern thing? 'cause you sure do need to upgrade your friend flock. 

 

Glad the BC seems to be helping with the anxiety though, that is great. Now if we could just find another common drug that'll get your motivation back  I dunno, it's sound like you have stupid amounts of stuff on at the moment. I don't miss university days at all - spending all day at uni and then still having endless homework. I like my work to start and finish at the office! 

 

As for the running thing, maybe you could try and decide now if training for it is actually (realistically) going to happen. Like maybe it would be better to solidly commit to walking it so then when it rolls around you don't feel bad about not running it. Or commit to running half of it and do a little bit of training, or whatever seems possible. Just so you don't have the same kind of reaction you had to spartan (still think it's totally awesome you did that!) Seems like expectation has more of a bearing on how you feel about the thing than how 'well' you actually did? 

[fleaball]

4 hours ago, zenLara said:

Conclusion: now I dislike your friend too because she's so mean to you.

I hadn't thought about it as being mean, just that it's how she is. But you totally have a point. Blergh. 

 

2 hours ago, Owlet said:

Lol 'quick' eh  haha no but it's good, I've been missing the Flea action on here since you got all busy. 

 

Man, that's a whole lot of ugh. Gutted Pride turned out to be lame (I thought it was meant to be an amazing over-the-top parade with thousands of people? Guess it depends where you are though) and your friend sounds like a shocker, that is so rude. Why are so many people so clueless? Grr. Are there any people with potential to not be terrible friends at the intern thing? 'cause you sure do need to upgrade your friend flock. 

 

Glad the BC seems to be helping with the anxiety though, that is great. Now if we could just find another common drug that'll get your motivation back  I dunno, it's sound like you have stupid amounts of stuff on at the moment. I don't miss university days at all - spending all day at uni and then still having endless homework. I like my work to start and finish at the office! 

 

As for the running thing, maybe you could try and decide now if training for it is actually (realistically) going to happen. Like maybe it would be better to solidly commit to walking it so then when it rolls around you don't feel bad about not running it. Or commit to running half of it and do a little bit of training, or whatever seems possible. Just so you don't have the same kind of reaction you had to spartan (still think it's totally awesome you did that!) Seems like expectation has more of a bearing on how you feel about the thing than how 'well' you actually did? 

Ikr? As soon as I wrote "quick" I was like "really? You know that's a lie." 

 

Yeah I guess it's different. It's a more conservative state so maybe they can't go as crazy? Idk how these things work. No potential friends at the internship. They're all very different from me. Like we get along well enough at our little reject table, but they're not people I would hang out with and we don't actually have much in common. 

 

Lol yeah I think the anxiety was most of the reason that I got shit done. Just out of fear. I think if I weren't so busy it would be better; right now I just get so exhausted that when I come home I can't force myself to do anything. I'll get there. 

 

Thats a a good suggestion. I don't think it will wind up like the Spartan bc I've done a 5k before and know it's manageable no matter what (and that I'm not running it in 25 minutes). But it might be better to commit to walking it and be pleasantly surprised if I can run a bit rather than guilt myself over not running yet. Yeah. I'll work on that. Go owlet. 

 

Sooooo. Neighbor who's always smoking weed on the porch next door just asked me if I have a boyfriend and immediately followed with "do you even LIKE men?" I said no, I'm way too busy with grad school and other shit to have time for dating. He says if I can make time for it if I want to and asks again if I like men. I should have said no and shut it down but the way he asked it made me nervous. He then asked if I date black guys and if not why? am I racist? Have I ever dated a black guy? I said no (true) and he just kept asking why. Threw out that I hadn't dated anyone and I don't think he believed me. Then he asked if he  can take me to lunch one day, I said I'm too busy, he asks can he bring me lunch some day? I was like just "thanks, I'm good." Nicely, of course. And he just went into the house and didn't say anything else. And now I feel like I did something wrong and pissed him off, which is bullshit because he's the one who kept pushing the issue when I'd said no repeatedly. So fuck that guy. 

[Lara]

14 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Sooooo. Neighbor who's always smoking weed on the porch next door just asked me if I have a boyfriend and immediately followed with "do you even LIKE men?" I said no, I'm way too busy with grad school and other shit to have time for dating. He says if I can make time for it if I want to and asks again if I like men. I should have said no and shut it down but the way he asked it made me nervous. He then asked if I date black guys and if not why? am I racist? Have I ever dated a black guy? I said no (true) and he just kept asking why. Threw out that I hadn't dated anyone and I don't think he believed me. Then he asked if he  can take me to lunch one day, I said I'm too busy, he asks can he bring me lunch some day? I was like just "thanks, I'm good." Nicely, of course. And he just went into the house and didn't say anything else. And now I feel like I did something wrong and pissed him off, which is bullshit because he's the one who kept pushing the issue when I'd said no repeatedly. So fuck that guy. 

I don't like men that won't accept a no. No means no, but they keep on trying?? When someone does that to me, I put a mental tick on them: weirdo that could escalate to worse. So I remember to observe his behaviour more closely next time I interact with him.

I think you shouldn't feel bad about what you said. If he's pissed it's not your problem, it is him who began the harassment, and you don't need to be nice to him (or to whoever treats you like he did).

[NeverThatBored]

Yeah, what Lara said! 

 

Also re: exercise, maybe it would be easier to get started if you just did a 5 minute workout every day? You can totally get your heart rate up and work your muscles even in such a short time, and it would be much easier to squeeze it into your schedule. 

[fleaball]

Now that I've had coffee and time to process it, I'm over it. I don't even know the guy's name and we've probably only talked for five minutes total since I moved in in December? The good thing is he doesn't actually live there. It's his moms house and he lives somewhere else, he just comes by. So I don't have to deal with him every day. But yeah, totally not my issue. If you want to make yourself feel better and say the reason I won't go out with you is because I'm racist, fine. Do your thing. Maybe it means you'll avoid me more. 

 

NTB: that's a good idea. I was thinking of a quick yoga routine before I go to bed and/or after I wake up too. After this crazy stupid week is over I'll figure something out. 

[fleaball]

Baaaaaaaallllllsssss my therapist is going to want to talk about how my neighbor asking me out made me feel. Note to self, drink lots of coffee before tomorrow's appointment. >_> 

 

and yay, I was planning on doing homework during lunch but apparently there's an event at 1 that I need to help with? No homework for meeee. 

[Sylvaa]

Re: 5K - as long as my husband doesn't have a hockey game that interferes, he and I are both coming down to do the 5K. While I love my husband dearly, I am pretty sure he will make sure you have company through the whole race (also, he will tell me to slow down if I start jogging fast).

 

Re: that neighbor - ugh for pushy people. I'd have just been like, "it's not the fact that you are black that bothers me, it's the fact you are a man" and been done with it. I get not announcing your sexuality - and it's none of his business. But I absolutely hate how people just automatically assume the worst out of people. (My normal response to this is something to the effect of - "yes, I've dated a black guy before and I was *ahem* sorely disappointed that certain rumors weren't true" - if you get my drift). 

[fleaball]

Yay 5k buddies! That'll be fun. 

 

But I do like men. =P just not this one. But yeah no. And honestly if I were really racist I picked the wrong damn part of town to live in. I would totally steal your line but I'd be afraid some guy would take it as a challenge to change my mind.

[Sylvaa]

Just now, fleaball said:

Yay 5k buddies! That'll be fun. 

 

But I do like men. =P just not this one. But yeah no. And honestly if I were really racist I picked the wrong damn part of town to live in. I would totally steal your line but I'd be afraid some guy would take it as a challenge to change my mind.

 

I don't really care if you like pineapples. If it was me, I'd rather him think I was a lesbian than have to potentially deal with him hitting on me again.

[fleaball]

7 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

 

I don't really care if you like pineapples. If it was me, I'd rather him think I was a lesbian than have to potentially deal with him hitting on me again.

Yeah. The thought crossed my mind but the tone he was using made me think I was better off not going that route. The way he was asking made me super uncomfortable. :/

[NeverThatBored]

49 minutes ago, fleaball said:

NTB: that's a good idea. I was thinking of a quick yoga routine before I go to bed and/or after I wake up too. After this crazy stupid week is over I'll figure something out. 

 

Here and here are two I found recently, if that helps (you can ignore the articles, just scroll to the bottom for the workout ideas). 

 

Also your 5K sounds like it will be super fun and now I want to run one too.

[fleaball]

19 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Here and here are two I found recently, if that helps (you can ignore the articles, just scroll to the bottom for the workout ideas). 

 

Also your 5K sounds like it will be super fun and now I want to run one too.

Thanks!

 

i think you need to visit your boyfriend the first weekend of November.  then accidentally be at the same race as us. You and Sylvaa can wave at me and her husband from the finish line. 

[NeverThatBored]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Thanks!

 

i think you need to visit your boyfriend the first weekend of November.  then accidentally be at the same race as us. You and Sylvaa can wave at me and her husband from the finish line. 

 

*checks calendar*

[fleaball]

So that 1pm event I had? Had to be there at 12. It's going til 4:30. Guess who is lightheaded after not eating enough today? (There was lunch provided but I still didn't eat enough bc it was unwieldy. Yay.) also ugh I want to do my homework. 

[NeverThatBored]

5 minutes ago, fleaball said:

ugh I want to do my homework. 

 

I never thought I'd see the day!

[fleaball]

13 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

I never thought I'd see the day!

* I want to do my homework at work so I can sleep when I go home. 

[fleaball]

What I thought my day would be: same shit I've been doing for a week, plus homework. 

 

What at my day actually was: surprise, we need you for FIVE HOURS even though mostly you're just going to be sitting in the back of the room, and then when you get back half an hour before its time to go home please edit this 15-page document written by non-native English speakers that's littered with errors you can't fix because you don't actually know what they're trying to say. And ignore the other assignment you barely started because yeah, no time for that. 

 

And now traffic is miserable because it's fucking drizzling out and no one in DC can drive when it rains so good luck getting home and eating food before your stomach digests itself. That project is just not getting done. Thank fuck I can wing presentations successfully. (How? How does a person with an anxiety disorder successfully pull shit out of her ass in public speaking experiences? Why does nothing I do make sense?)

[fleaball]

I have to Skype my partner in 25 minutes to practice the stupid presentation. I have basically nothing by way of notes and I'm falling asleep at the wheel here. This is going to go super well.

[Bookish Badger]

6 hours ago, fleaball said:

There was lunch provided but I still didn't eat enough bc it was unwieldy.

I have yet to find a lunch that is too unwieldy to eat. 

 

However, I did forget to eat lunch altogether today...and breakfast....and didn't really notice this until I was trying to pitch a project that I think will benefit the whole company to my boss, and was totally loopy. I explained that I had a hunger-buzz going but am now paranoid that he thought I was actually stoned (I live and work in one of "those" states). 

[fleaball]

10 minutes ago, Bookish Badger said:

I have yet to find a lunch that is too unwieldy to eat. 

 

However, I did forget to eat lunch altogether today...and breakfast....and didn't really notice this until I was trying to pitch a project that I think will benefit the whole company to my boss, and was totally loopy. I explained that I had a hunger-buzz going but am now paranoid that he thought I was actually stoned (I live and work in one of "those" states). 

They were giant sandwiches and I wasn't sitting at a table. It was really difficult to balance the plate in my lap and deal with the giant sandwich falling apart. While I was sitting a few seats away from a Saudi prince. It was awkward lol.