Jump to content


  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by Kishi

  1. Goal: 10/12


    Bugger me, but BJJ didn't happen either. :(


    I could give a long, detailed explanation about what happened which I think I'd feel better with rather than vague!posting about the work as I do, but it'd be a lot of words to describe a very simple situation. Basically, I have to achieve a certain amount of doneness in my caseload, as measured by a particular metric that kind of underlies and controls all the others. If I achieve that metric before the day is out, I'm good to go. If I don't, I'm not good to go, and I have to use up my working day as much as I can to catch that metric up.


    There are certain categories of case that are easier to achieve this metric with than others, and you could argue that my job boils down to getting all of my cases into these categories to the point where I can achieve this metric the most easily.


    So yesterday, I was just about there. I was so far along that I had teed up what I thought was the final case I'd need to work for the day to get my metric completed. So I took off from it and I elected to do some home training instead, because I wanted to be responsible. :D The plan was, get the training done -> complete this case -> go to the mats. I got the training done and went to complete the case and it turned out that the case was not, in fact, able to help me meet my metric. Things spooled out of control from there as I had some interference from our QA department and I had some claimants calling in for what were long and detailed conversations that I needed to prepare for and have, and by the time all was said and done, it wasn't possible for me to make the mats.


    I made my metric, because I'm something of a determinator when it comes to this kind of thing, but it came at a cost and that cost was a surprise. My job is full of such surprises.


    I could have prevented this. I could have just buckled down and got the job done, but I don't like the way in which my hyperfocus tends to sabotage my health in this space. It feels necessary to me to step away from the job from time to time to get stuff done because otherwise it all just kind of loads on to the end of the day and I get this awful sense of running ragged and trying to keep up with a bunch of things that I don't want.


    And it's not like missing out on mat time matters much in the grand scheme, right? It's just a game. A game I like to play very much that I missed out on because making my living got in the way of my living it.




    It's not all bad news, though. I was able to film form videos for the Knees Over Toes app and got notes from the coaches, and I managed to jury rig a home fitness solution that I didn't expect to work. Some of my form is awesome, and some of it needs some work, but more good form than bad. And three weeks into the program, I find that my knees do feel better. I'm not finished with rehab yet, but I've noticed that I can sit crosslegged now for an hour plus without getting sore, and I have less pain with prolonged walking than I have in a while. It varies some, to be clear, but the window of variations has shifted more toward pain-free living than it's been in a while, and I still have another 9 weeks to go. I'm really excited to see how this turns out.


    So... yeah.

    • Like 4
  2. I never flew into Paris when I had my trip there, but I can confirm that that town's overrated. The Louvre is pretty great, and I got the chance to visit the Arch of Triumph as well as Sacre Couer and those were worth seeing. If you can handle big cities, it's probably fine, but I think a lot of the romanticism built up around that place is just PR spin.


    I hear that Southern France is really nice and I envy you the chance to go.

  3. Goal: 9/11


    Welp, striking didn't happen. I had casework to take care of, and I was unable to get myself clear of the work in time to get out to play. That wasn't fun. :( But OTOH, I caught a lucky break in that some of the problematic cases that would have forced me back to the office closed, and if I'm right about my numbers, then I'm going to be cleared for another month of telework. That is a major relief. So, it works out to something of a wash. It's the kind of thing that reminds me that I do have responsibilities, and if I want to achieve long term return to the mats in the capacity I want, I'll have to make sacrifices like this from time to time. The real goal may be to work to make these sacrifices occasional things rather than the chronic thing that it really tries to be right now.


    How to do that? Well, I've got some quick, easy answers that would let me win this in the short term, but in time that would result in a return to this same set of problems I'm trying to solve now and with less resources to address them. A longer-term solution, I suspect, will need me to grind on certain categories of work which have spun out of control; getting these back in control will probably go a long way to getting me what I want. Unfortunately, they've spun pretty far out, so pulling them back in is going to take time. But it can be done.


    I finally got the chance to play a game on the new tower. I went with Disco Elysium, which I love very much. I'm pleased to report that it plays well. I am happy about this. :)


    Anyway, today is today. Got mat time to win. Better get to work.

    • Like 2
  4. Goal: 8/10


    Another day down. Cut my intake at 3 and only had 1 cup of green tea. No bad feelings so far, although I'd hoped to get my training done around the time that I drank. No luck there, I'm afraid. Got pulled into some hairier case work and my responsibilities to the job are in my way.


    Weather's weird today too. We were told to expect a lot of wind and rain; so far, it's a lot of wind, but no real rain. We're actually under a tornado watch until 21:00 tonight, and I dunno if that means I'm still going out to meet with folk like I normally do on Tuesday nights or not. One friend is playing cautious, one friend wants to go, one friend is the host and seems ambivalent, and I'm... just waiting to see how it lands. I keep thinking it's NBD but then there's this long rush of wind that builds up to a single strong gust, and then it's nothing again.


    So, I dunno.


    At least one good thing that came of today was I was able to use the day as an excuse to take a switch day, meaning I didn't have to go into the office today. I won't have to go in this week as a result. That's good. I should enjoy it while I can; my caseload has shifted such that I'm going to lose my extra telework privileges and I'll be back to a 3 out/2 in split, which I'm deeply displeased about. It's not fair of me to complain, I guess, since I did get a promotion, and that comes with a pay bump, and the way we do things in this agency, the work gets progressively easier the higher up the chain you go, and I've caught what was going wrong on the caseload so I can get my privileges back. But it still doesn't feel good.


    If I do it right, though, I might be able to swing it in such a way that I get out of the office early and get to the mats again. Also, it's easier to get my steps in at the office, so, as much as I hate it, it's not all bad news. In some ways, it's good even.


    Symptoms from whatever throat problem I had have remained in remission. I'll be going forward with the adjusted training protocol today, and I'll see what happens.

    • Like 2
  5. 4 hours ago, Mistr said:

    We had a nice celebration of Elf's birth/adoption day, but I did not have any cheesecake. I could not smell anything, so it felt like it would be a waste. Elf was very happy and Cleo had seconds. 💓  I may have some today if my sinuses clear up. Yesterday I had three kinds of tea, which all tasted hot and soothing and identical. I am trying to use up my less-favored teas while I can't taste them. 


    Nice, glad to hear that the food was good. Also, sorry to hear you couldn't enjoy it! But I'm glad to hear that this appears to be a more mild case of COVID. Hope it passes soon.

    • Like 1
  6. Goal: 7/9


    Hmm, good. I've lately fallen in love with this fiber soda called Olipop and I happened to find one that had some caffeine a while ago that I finally got around to drinking today. Good times.


    Not much else to report so far. It's a Monday. Job's playing hardball with me, but that's why I take Mondays as a heavier caffeine day. So far, it's bearable. No real training to speak of yet today, but I'll do a little bit of easy GMB movement and call it a day. Also need to get my steps in for the day.


    Also need to make a point of working on transferring my writing from the laptop to the tower. I do have some of this on Google Docs as a backup, and I don't exactly have that much work I'm interested in keeping from the laptop, but I do have some, and I need to figure out what organizing that is going to look like. And also I need to do some more of my planning work anyway.


    So. Onward.

    • Like 2
  7. 13 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:


    You're going to need to get a matching mouse now... ;) 


    4 hours ago, shaar said:


    YESSSS one of us, one of ussss......



    Can confirm, multi-color glowing mouse absolutely increases DPS! (And +10 to gaming enjoyment heheh )


    So, believe it or not, I've actually got one of those already! It's not as dynamic as the keyboard or the tower as those things shift through their colors and the mouse just stays at one, but I can change it and it feels comfortable in my hand.

    • Like 3
  8. 3 hours ago, shaar said:

    I ALSO read a very short story - so short I'm not even counting it because it was only 4 pages - called The Egg by Andy Weir and I've been thinking about it ever since. You can read it right here and I guarantee you will be thinking about it now too.  No escape.........................


    Ooh, I've read that one too. I actually was pretty dismissive of it the first time I read it, but I've come back to it since then and I've found more depth in it since.


    3 hours ago, shaar said:

    I hope the storytelling style continues into Crooked Kingdom!


    It does!

    • Like 1
  9. On 1/5/2024 at 5:28 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

    I like Kishi too, and am glad you're encouraging him to be nice to himself.


    On 1/6/2024 at 2:12 PM, Sovalis said:

    If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now. You're right to give yourself grace. 


    13 hours ago, shaar said:


    Why are brains wired like this?  This is such a hard thing to learn to mitigate, I think. I agree, Kishi doesn't deserve those negative vibes!!



    Thanks, y'all. <3


    11 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

    Kindness is the better path, and that doesn't change just because it's also the most difficult one.


    Damn, you said it. If anything, the fact that it's the harder path should be the sign that that's what we need to progress.




    Goal: 6/8


    There, that's more like it. Green tea yesterday before 3 and no caffeine today ugh God everything sucks and I hate it a nice, restful day.


    Not that restful, actually; did make it out to striking practice. We have a second gentleman with us on Sunday mornings now, so we've got the chance to spar and the coach has got the chance to get eyes on us without having to be sparring with us, which is good for all of us. Spent all class playing with distance and after months, I finally managed a performance where I felt like my Shotokan is merging with my nascent Muay Thai. Basically, I used MT tools to keep Karate distance and managed to play light on my feet. Lighter than I've been in a while, anyway.


    The other gentleman had a good performance today too; he likes to rush in and clinch, and he got good at finding an angle and charging in, so instead of me being square on and facing him, he tackles me more from the side and enters with advantage.


    It was... yeah, it was a good day for both of us. I'm glad I was able to make it out.


    Came back and recharged some, then hit up some extra training: GMB Elements to warm up, then the mobility Knees Over Toe stuff plus the optional strength work. The strength work is a circuit of inverted ring rows, ring push ups, and band pull-aparts. These function as mechanical drop sets, meaning that I'm trying to get to 10 reps on the ring movements but if I can't do those, then I adjust my leverage to make them easier. But the trick with these - and really, what makes them so much harder than I was really willing to admit - is that I'm always working as hard as I can at a given level. So I might start with my legs stretched out on the rows, do a few and fail, then bring my legs in some and do a few more, and then raise my angle a bit and pull some more. It's hard work, really.


    I know I said I'm scaling my work back, and I am. GMB Elements just works well as a warm up, though, especially since I've been coached away from the standard warm up into some resisted knee flexion which I'm inclined to believe requires a certain amount of warming-up for.


    And, uh, yeah. That was the training for the day.


    Um, in life news, that dependent man I picked up along the way, which some of y'all might remember, actually came through for me a few months back by giving me a tower computer. It was apparently too much for him to do a keyboard, a monitor, or a wifi adapter, but hey, it's a far sight more powerful than the laptop I've been using, and this weekend I helped a friend out with offloading some of his hardware from his defunct video game company. So now I have a keyboard that goes clicky-clack and turns colors, which is so much more than I felt like I needed and yet I feel... right somehow with this noise. Like I'm whole again, and I didn't know I was missing anything. Also, a 27" monitor, which, yo, these things are so much bigger than I thought they were.


    Part of the reason I'm so tired is because I was up late last night riding the high of technology that will actually let me go through my Steam wishlist now, and I had to get up early for training, on a short night's sleep with no caffeine to act as a crutch.


    Symptoms appear to have gone into remission. Tomorrow will be a rest day, beyond some easy GMB and whatever walking I can manage. Tuesday will be my social engagement, so I won't be back on the mats until Wednesday at best, and that'll be a striking opportunity. No, really, it'll be a chance for me to glove up and hit stuff. If I do it right, I should have the drive and the energy to get it done. After all, the best way to get in shape for the stuff you want to do is to do the stuff you want to do.

    • Like 5
  10. 4 hours ago, The Most Loathed said:

    I had invented (I'm sure other people are aware of it but no one told me) a classic Danaher Dilemma. John Danaher is a BJJ coach who likes to set up situations where doing nothing will get you beat but also taking the obvious out will also do it. If they let that leg get through, I'll strangle them. If they break their grip, I rip the kimura. I taught it to the guy I had just done it on. He said he's going to steal it and use it and I encouraged him to. I'm pretty excited to do this some more. 


    Awesome! Sounds like a level up, or a glimpse of the next step. That's fantastic.

  11. 6 hours ago, The Most Loathed said:

    No worries. I have the same challenge on most peoples' thread. I want to acknowledge them but I don't feel like I have anything to interject. Rolls seems to be peoples' reoccurring favorite so I try to make sure I include something .


    Same. Before the reactions, I would constantly have to think of things to say to people to show them my support. I definitely got to the point where I was scraping the bottom of the barrel with some folks, and I think I even drove one or two people off, which I'm not proud of.


    The reactions go a long way toward making it easier for us to support each other, I think.

  12. 1 hour ago, Mistr said:

    Dumbledore just tested positive for Covid. 😷. My throat is feeling a little funny. I am afraid I did not dodge the bullet on this one.


    My plan for tonight now involves making chicken soup instead of going to aikido.


    Sorry to hear. I hope you ride it out well. Hopefully you dodge; if you don't, I hope you rest well and recover soon.

    • Like 1
  13. Goal: 4/5


    Heh heh. Oops. Making my living got in the way of my living. As happens from time to time.


    Throat's feeling a little weird again, and I don't know if it's a matter of being sick or if it's the weather/season. The last time my throat got sore was last week, and I applied sick protocols early. There was a good response; my throat got to feeling better and I never experienced anything extra as far as symptoms go. This was part of the reason I didn't go to train on New Year's Eve; I was on Day 4 of the protocol which is a rest day, and I didn't think I could get my coach to understand that just because I was feeling better, it didn't necessarily mean I was better, so I just told him I was sick because it was simpler.


    Also, I repeatedly tested negative for COVID, FWIW.


    So I spooled up my training again and thought nothing of it and I began to experience a sore throat again starting yesterday, and today I'm experiencing the ghost of sinus drainage. But I don't know if it's actual drainage or if it's just my sinuses working proper (which is unusual for me). Or, third possibility: it could be that the particular mix of training that I've hit on is too much stress on my body, and combined with the general uptick of illnesses at this time of year, I'm under exposure to a lot of low-level illnesses and the training has hit the point of being a chronic stressor, and I need to ease this off a bit.


    IDK. And that's frustrating, moreso than being sick. If I'm definitely sick, I know for a fact what I gotta do and I make peace with it. But when it's ambiguous like this, I have to act on an abundance of caution, and that runs really counter to my drive to train. It's the responsible thing to do, and I accept that, but I don't like it.


    Ofc, when I take a deep breath and look at what I'm actually asking myself to do, it's a lot more than it feels like it is in the moment when I'm doing it. These days, I've been doing GMB Elements as a warm up to kettlebell swings, then the Knees Over Toes program which is a high rep strength/mobility/conditioning/full body kind of program run on a 5 day split, and doing that along with mostly BJJ these days (although if I was a better student, I'd be doing strike training too, which any way you cut it is at least another hour of work with at least another 15 minutes of high-effort work tacked on at the end). That's a lot, especially when I'm trying to run a cut because I'm still freaking obese.



    Sigh. Writing it out like that, it is a lot.


    I need to strip this thing down to the essentials. Right now, that's the knee protocol and some additional stretching, and mat access. The knee protocol does actually have some upper body training in place too, so I won't actually be missing out on anything, and I can use GMB's insights to help me do this better rather than having to go all in on one of their programs too, at least for now. I'll apply sick protocols starting today and see how it goes. It means I lose out on mat time tonight and tomorrow; I'll return on Sunday and then take Monday off of training completely. Go for a walk if anything. Assuming a smooth response, the next step will be to maximize my mat time as much as I'm comfy with. A big thing I want to do different in the new year is to return to strike training and make more of the open mats. I'm still too much in my head about going to regular classes since I feel like I benefit a lot from the fundamental classes and I can keep up with the more advanced folk on fundamentals alone.


    I don't like it. But I don't have to like it. I have to be responsible and make my peace with my choices.


    And besides, if I'm being honest with myself, a lot of the work I'm doing is because I'm just angry at myself for being obese and I feel a need to work it off, and that's not how that works. FFS. I know better than this. If I was advising me, I'd advise myself to do what I'm fixing to do starting today. Come on, Kishi. You need to stop being so mean to yourself. You don't deserve to put yourself through the ringer like this.


    • Like 5
  14. 21 hours ago, The Most Loathed said:



    I mean, I tell people. It's combat cuddling. I've long had a theory that the reason BJJ is so addictive is because it presents a unique blend of oxytocin and endorphins. Oxytocin is the hug hormone, and I suspect the body doesn't necessarily discriminate based on context. And endorphins happen because of the exertion of the sport. Also, it presents a socially acceptable way for men to engage in platonic touch, which is rare in the States.


    I don't know if that's true, but as a theory I think it makes a lot of sense.

    • Like 1
  15. 23 hours ago, Mistr said:

    I have expanded my hot beverage range to include more flavors. Kaffree Roma with non-dairy creamer fills the savory dark beverage niche. Decaf chai teas taste the same to me as caffeinated chai and are spicy and warming. Herbal teas are lighter and refreshing. Stash makes a chocolate-hazelnut tea that does a passable imitation of hot chocolate with the addition of creamer. If you don't care about sugar or dairy, actual hot chocolate is a good source of energy with a little bit of nutrition.


    Mm, I'll have to check those out! I've done actual hot chocolate before, and it's pretty striking stuff. I like it a lot, but my body doesn't have a high tolerance for a lot of the fats that would come along with that stuff, so it's kind of hard to work in. Also, I kind of suspect my body has a bone to pick with beans in general; coffee isn't a problem, but I experienced some significant sinus congestion for a long time that's only recently abated with the use of OTC meds, and I was eating a lot in terms of black beans and powdered peanuts. I'd like to get some allergy testing done to confirm either way. It could also be the dairy I'm taking in too, which I haven't eliminated yet because it's cheap and easy protein, but, yeah. I do like chai, though!


    On 1/3/2024 at 11:38 AM, Mistr said:

    The new program sounds like a good fit with your other training. I am happy to hear that it is working well for you so far.


    So far so good! I'm 2 weeks into a 12-week program. We'll see how it goes.


    2 hours ago, shaar said:


    I should really pick up a little decaf coffee because honestly, you're 100% right with that hot drink profile description. 


    Right? It's a good nighttime drink, if nothing else.




    Goal: 4/4


    So far so good! Sleep hasn't evened out yet but I'm not experiencing any kind of crash or drag feelings so far which I was more afraid of. I got sent back home with a bunch of holiday food that I'm nomming through right now, but I'm also getting a lot of protein and fiber on the way so I'm not as indulgent as I might otherwise be. Could be better, could be worse.


    Not a whole lot to report atm, but wanted to check in, so here I am. Hope things are going well wherever you are!

    • Like 2
  16. 46 minutes ago, Sovalis said:

    I did lift yesterday, just a little bitty Darebee routine with the 6lb weights. The 6's are too light for most things, they feel like nothing. So I'll be digging deeper to start using my 15's next round I think. I kind of wish I had 10's, but it's not like I'd be using them for long before I was comfortable with the 15's again so there's really no point investing in them. 


    Awesome! Remember, if worse comes to worse, you can always do things to make the 6s feel heavy, things like slowing down your cadence and maximizing tension in your muscles. There're more kinds of progress than just the numbers on the weights.

    • Like 4
    • Thanks 1
    • That's Metal 2
  17. 17 hours ago, Mistr said:

    Happy New Year!


    I hope you get good changes from cutting back on caffeine. I found that my sleep improved a lot when I cut back. You may not notice a change right away because caffeine has a long half-life in the body. 


    Yeah, for sure! Might need to watch how I space it out, too. I had to go to the office yesterday and I got this 17 oz coffee thermos/mug thing for Office Christmas and I sipped on it all up until 3 PM at which point I just downed the whole thing. That may have thrown things a bit. ^_^;;


    16 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

    Following. I reset caffiene last year. The first cup after three weeks of nothing was heaven in a mug.


    Yes sir! I can see sounds. I can hear colors. I can feel the shape of all things that are made of beauty and wordlessness.


    I try to do my writing on that stuff. :D


    12 hours ago, Sovalis said:

    Following! Glad to see you!


    Hey, good to see you!


    2 hours ago, shaar said:

    Happy New Year and welcome back!!


    Caffeine is a toughie for sure. I backed away from it last spring because it really triggered my anxiety at the time, but I'm totally back on train now, LOL.......


    Thanks, good to see you too!


    And yeah, I dunno if I have some kind of anxiety with caffeine or not, but I think I feel my stress in my chest a bit more when I'm drinking too much and that's kind of scary to me. Fortunately, I can do OK with Green Tea, and it does my weeb heart some good.




    Goal: 3/3


    So far, so good. Felt a little weird to drink decaf on Monday morning, but it was hot and bitter and comforting, and really that was all I was looking for. Sunday and Monday were spent with my folks for New Year's; I'd originally planned to go home for Christmas but that couldn't happen because Dad got COVID and gave it to Mom. There wasn't anywhere else for me to go, so I wound up spending the holiday alone. But, FWIW, the folks were sanguine about the whole thing. The way they put it when we called on Christmas Day, they said that they'd avoided getting COVID for the past 4 years and by the time they finally got it, it was a weaker version and they'd been fully vaccinated. So if they were going to get it, this was probably the best time.


    For my part, being along on the holiday sucked, but it was a relief to know that I didn't bring this to them. That's something I've been afraid of for the past 4 years that kind of fell to the background as everything opened up again.


    Training has changed some. Mr. Toes, whom I've mentioned, finally put out a BJJ-focused strength/mobility program, and I finally caved and bought into the app. It fits remarkably well with what I've been doing already, believe it or not, and I've been getting coaching from folk there on what I've been doing and what program is best for me right now and that kind of thing. I'm actually really impressed with them; originally, I set out to be a self-starter but they eventually reached out to me to help, which I didn't expect and they've been good and useful. They haven't pushed any extra products on me (which I'd heard they might try to) and they've given me recommendations to use what I have instead to do more and get more out of what I'm doing. It's a good investment so far. As to my knees, they're feeling better, although they're not as good as they're gonna get.


    There really hasn't been any mat time in the past few days. I wanted to maximize my time with my folks, so even though the gym was open New Year's Day (I think), I didn't go. And I didn't go Tuesday because of time with friends. And I'm not going tonight because I've got some home repair issues to do and some supplements to buy. Tomorrow? I will probably go.


    Need to get some writing done first, though. About done with the planning phase. All that will be left is the prose phase. I'm kind of anxious to get started. Can't wait. :)

    • Like 5
  18. 2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

    After dinner I did some strength (just starting back up, five reps each BW Squats, KB Swings, KB OHP, and KB rows each with a 20 lb bell). Just enough to shake off the cobwebs. After that I did some deliberate stretching. Barely a warmup, but the first time I've worked out in a while, so it's a big win. No stroll today.


    Nice. How's it feeling? Good soreness in the right places?

    • Like 1
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines