LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[aalex]

Hey! A bisexual lady here. It's awesome to see an LGBTQA+ safe space here!

[kaelvan]

Hey! A bisexual lady here. It's awesome to see an LGBTQA+ safe space here!

Welcome dear to the alphabet soup gathering place.

 

(I regret nothing)

 

So to the lovely people who have already come out, how do you get yourself over that fear of actually put it out on the table? I been thinking of doing it and getting it over with. I'm really getting tired of having to choice my words carefully out of fear someone (parents mostly) might realize I'm a lesbian or see the books and movies I watch. I'm tired of hiding. I just want to get it over and done already.

[Spark]

I like to think that Donatello and I would be in Hufflepuff.

[Hit]

 

 

how do you get yourself over that fear of actually put it out on the table? I been thinking of doing it and getting it over with

 

Start small and work up. Many people might think this means coming out to close friends first, but id actually say it starts with introducing yourself to new people as queer. That way that's all they've ever known you as, and it'll seem a lot more normal. Then you have a solid base of people who just see you as a normal person, and it becomes less of a huge deal that you're actually coming out when you tell other people. In theory, anyway

[Vella]

Start with people you feel comfortable trusting, so that when you come around to coming out to people you're less sure about, you have (hopefully!) a secure support network.  I was much braver coming out to my very Christian grandparents because my parents were super supportive, and because all of my friends were very supportive, too.  Even if knowing you can run to random people on the Internet (hi!) helps, start with that.  The more you know people who will be supportive, the less other people rejecting you will affect your life.

[Korra]

Start with people you feel comfortable trusting, so that when you come around to coming out to people you're less sure about, you have (hopefully!) a secure support network. I was much braver coming out to my very Christian grandparents because my parents were super supportive, and because all of my friends were very supportive, too. Even if knowing you can run to random people on the Internet (hi!) helps, start with that. The more you know people who will be supportive, the less other people rejecting you will affect your life.

I second this. Coming out to myself was the hardest part (woo, denial). I was lucky in that my close friends were very accepting and I knew I wouldn't have to worry about their reactions. So that went well. Parents, less so, but I knew that going in. I just knew whatever their reactions, it would be worth it to be honest with who I am. But if I hadn't had a strong support base of close friends, it would have been much harder.

[Suited hippy]

Canada gets you like that. I'm always *almost* proud to be Canadian. Let's vote out the Conservatives this year.

 

I can't remember a time in my adult life where I have been proud to be a Canadian... It's not like I feel as a nation we have been doing "evil" for the last 10 years, but it has just been so long since we did anything good.

[kaelvan]

I can't remember a time in my adult life where I have been proud to be a Canadian... It's not like I feel as a nation we have been doing "evil" for the last 10 years, but it has just been so long since we did anything good.

I feel the same way about my country the US.

[shaeon]

 

So to the lovely people who have already come out, how do you get yourself over that fear of actually put it out on the table? I been thinking of doing it and getting it over with. I'm really getting tired of having to choice my words carefully out of fear someone (parents mostly) might realize I'm a lesbian or see the books and movies I watch. I'm tired of hiding. I just want to get it over and done already.

 

The only thing I have to add to what has already been said is that it is an act of courage, but it gets easier the more you do it. 

 

This leads me to a question I've been wanting to ask the group: if you aren't currently fully out, what would make it easier for you to be out? If you are fully out, what made the difference? 

 

In my case, for years I was out to my mom's side of the family (my parents are divorced), friends, and people I was close to at work. Then my company started offering same sex partner benefits. At that time, I had a same sex partner, and she needed insurance, so I signed up. By then, I figured that I was out OFFICIALLY at my company. I was out on paper. I was out to the Human Resources department. So why keep avoiding the topic of my partner? I came out at work in that way - not with a banner in my cubicle saying "guess who's gay???", but just by no longer withholding certain information; if I were talking about a vacation, I would specify that me and my girlfriend went out of town together, etc (which of course, heterosexuals do all the time without even thinking about it). 

 

As for coming out to my dad's side of the family - I always felt distant from them, not having spent as much time with my dad as my mom when growing up. Me being gay was basically an open secret, and he actually really liked my ex-girlfriend and did a lot to make her feel welcome while we were together - inviting me to bring her with me for Christmas dinner, etc. After a while it became a thing where I was not out because the longer I waited, the more awkward it got. Until she broke up with me. Then I called him on the phone crying and said she broke up with me. I guess in the misery of that moment, I didn't really care about how awkward it was. I'm really glad I did. My step-mom has actually been one of the most supportive family members since the break up, in that she actually will just talk about the break up in a straightforward way, instead of avoiding the subject. It's actually nice for someone to treat a break up like it's a normal thing that people go through, instead of like a major tragedy.

[Jett]

This leads me to a question I've been wanting to ask the group: if you aren't currently fully out, what would make it easier for you to be out? If you are fully out, what made the difference? 

I'm not out at all to my parents, or even most of my friends from high school and college. A few newer friends know, but mostly it's never been a topic of conversation - I'm not specifically hiding anything, but I'm so used to not telling people that it doesn't come up easily.

 

I haven't told my best friend from high school, even though we're still good friends, because I'm afraid she'll retroactively feel really awkward about all our sleepovers and stuff. I don't know; it's probably stupid. I'm pretty sure she would be fine with it if I told her, but I can't figure out a non-awkward way to bring it up.

 

As for my parents and in-laws, that's a totally different story. I'm pretty sure they would freak out. :/ I really have no idea how to approach that particular delimma.

[Candace Koller]

For me, being out of my parent's house made the difference. My family is religious and I wouldn't have dreamed of telling them I was attracted to women while living there. I came out in a blog post where I talked about supporting equal rights and felt safe in doing so because I was far away. Knowing I would be accepted and not ridiculed would make a difference for me if I had to do it over again. I'd imagine a lot of people feel that way.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Why I'm not fully out yet...good question. (For the record, I'm FTM but haven't started transition yet. It'll happen within a few months though! Or at least top surgery will.)

 

Most of the people closest to me know. Some of my friends have known since 15 years ago, but it's only been recently that I've been outing myself to most/all of my closer friends. This is partly because I've finally started to accept it myself and that I had to undergo a few medical procedures in order to actually be able to like myself. The parents (who I still live with) were the toughest ones to come out to, mainly because the risk of eviction/disowning would have made my life 100% shit in the event of a negative reaction. Arguments still happen some times, but the worst is over with. I think. I don't find myself thinking "I wish I was dead" anymore, anyway. One of my very close friends I've also come out to and, while he's quite against the idea, he still listened to me. I guess that fear was holding me back when it came to outing myself to the people closest to me (who are also ultra conservative) because that's where outright rejection would hurt the most.

 

With other people, the problem with coming out as a trans person is...there's just not too many opportunities to come out in a non-awkward manner. For example, there's a group of friends I've started hanging out with a few months ago whose company I enjoy. I'm 99% sure that none of them would react negatively to me being trans if they did know, but...how do I just bring this up? It just feels a little awkward to just say out of the blue "Obtw, I'm really a guy". If any of them were to ask, I'd just answer honestly, but it's just never a topic that's come up in conversation.

 

I don't think anyone would really be shocked, even in my extended family. I haven't made this FaceBook official yet, mainly because 1) no name changes have happened yet, and 2) no bodily changes have happened either.

 

As for coming out after I start to reliably pass as a guy, the same thing will apply. How do you just bring this up in a conversation? I just kind of stopped caring, and if anyone asks, I'll just answer. Unless they look like they're about to beat the shit out of me ;P

 

The real kicker now is that I'll be starting a new job next Monday. I want to get the surgery within 2 to 3 months. The probation period is 3 months and consists of part-time work, so I could make up any missed days easily. It's probably too early to make assumptions right now since I don't know anyone who works there well enough yet to be able to decide if they're trans-accepting or not. Everyone seemed fairly chill the time I met them, though, but I'd rather wait about a week before I ask for anything time-off related. I should probably figure out when the busiest time of the year will be for them, and plan things around that, or something.

 

Coming out at the gym will be...interesting. Some people already know at GoodLife, but not at the other one D:

 

Me: "I'll have to stop showing up for a few months, need to get a surgery :("

Trainer: "Holyshit whaa? What for?"

Me: "Eeeehh, umm...heh."

 

Or coming out at grad school.

 

Me: "Can I get this name on my diploma instead?"
Supervisor: "...What??"

[shaeon]

I haven't told my best friend from high school, even though we're still good friends, because I'm afraid she'll retroactively feel really awkward about all our sleepovers and stuff. I don't know; it's probably stupid. I'm pretty sure she would be fine with it if I told her, but I can't figure out a non-awkward way to bring it up.

 

 

I had the same issue with my best friend when I was younger. I was terrified to come out to her even after I was out to my mom, because of all the sleepovers,and because of the stuff tween and teen girls do at sleepovers that could easily freak her out if she stopped and thought "wait, all that time was that because she's gay?!?" 

 

We NEVER had that conversation. She wasn't very surprised to find out I was gay, and she was instantly supportive (it helped that we were both in college at the time and when I was that age, college was basically where most people first start meeting out gay people. She had a few gay friends at college, so that helped). 

 

 

Why I'm not fully out yet...good question. (For the record, I'm FTM but haven't started transition yet. It'll happen within a few months though! Or at least top surgery will.)

 

....

 

With other people, the problem with coming out as a trans person is...there's just not too many opportunities to come out in a non-awkward manner. For example, there's a group of friends I've started hanging out with a few months ago whose company I enjoy. I'm 99% sure that none of them would react negatively to me being trans if they did know, but...how do I just bring this up? It just feels a little awkward to just say out of the blue "Obtw, I'm really a guy". If any of them were to ask, I'd just answer honestly, but it's just never a topic that's come up in conversation.

 

 

I hope it's not disrespectful for me to ask this, but isn't it inevitable that you will have to come out of the closet at some point? I can't speak to how you bring it up in your particular situation, although one way I often come out to people is by using the correct pronouns - referring to my former gf as "she" instead of dancing around that. Actually talking about trying to date, and then throwing in there that it's hard to find single women my age instead of dodging it by saying single "people." Would that perhaps be an easy way to start that conversation? Just by specifying the pronoun that you prefer to be referred to by.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

 

I hope it's not disrespectful for me to ask this, but isn't it inevitable that you will have to come out of the closet at some point? I can't speak to how you bring it up in your particular situation, although one way I often come out to people is by using the correct pronouns - referring to my former gf as "she" instead of dancing around that. Actually talking about trying to date, and then throwing in there that it's hard to find single women my age instead of dodging it by saying single "people." Would that perhaps be an easy way to start that conversation? Just by specifying the pronoun that you prefer to be referred to by.

 

It's not disrespectful at all And I do realize that I'll have to mention it to them (well, to everyone really) at some point, it's just...I'm not really bothered by it at this point. Or at least not nearly as bothered by it compared to how much of a mess I was when I had to come out to my parents.

 

In a way, this particular group of friends probably suspect it already since we tend to play a lot of pen n' paper RPGs and my characters always male. So they normally use "he" for me in-game already XD I'm assuming the official coming-out will be when I say that I can't make game one week because I'll be recovering from surgery. Or maybe the topic will come up in conversation and I can just mention it then. It's one of those things where, when the right moment shows its face, you just know it. I have some other friends who I'll also have to come out to and to them I'll probably just make a comment about not being alarmed if my voice drops or something. Most of my friends are pretty open-minded, thank goodness.

 

Or I can just make it FaceBook official once I have the name change stuff figured out (mom wasn't too keen on discussing the name issue last time I brought it up. Maybe in the next few weeks?) I've discussed trans things on other people's statuses, so some of my FB list knows, but I never actually posted anything on my own timeline about it. I might just change my name on there and let people figure out. If that fails, I'll post a shirtless pic a few months later when I have a flat chest and ripped abs lol

 

For all the dickheads who bullied me in high school, I'll come out by just showing up at the 20-year reunion looking more fabulous (and hopefully more successful) than everyone else there, hah!

[Hit]

 

 

I'm 99% sure that none of them would react negatively to me being trans if they did know, but...how do I just bring this up? It just feels a little awkward to just say out of the blue "Obtw, I'm really a guy". If any of them were to ask, I'd just answer honestly, but it's just never a topic that's come up in conversation.

 

Oh do i have so many stories for this A couple favourites

 

1) training at parkour, hanging out with a friend who'd been in china for the last year. I do a cartwheel and he perks up "hey your undershirt really looks like a bra when you do that". Reply "that's because it is a bra". 

 

2) literally days in on spiro. go out to lunch with a friend who's leaving for melbourne, meet a bunch of her friends, at some point the fact that i've started transition comes up. guy turns to me and goes "holy crap! that's amazing. i had no idea it could be so effective. how long have you been on testosterone?" 

 

3) this entire radio interview: http://rtrfm.com.au/shows/burntheairwaves?an_page=2015-02-12(we're on from about 13:30mins in)

 

 

 

I hope it's not disrespectful for me to ask this, but isn't it inevitable that you will have to come out of the closet at some point?

 

What is also inevitable, is having to come out of the closet in the other direction. So, rather than saying "oh hey im trans and im transitioning please use these pronouns", you end up in the position of having to explain to people "yeh actually i'm transsexual i just thought you should know before we go back to mine for sex". 

 

 

 

This leads me to a question I've been wanting to ask the group: if you aren't currently fully out, what would make it easier for you to be out? If you are fully out, what made the difference? 

 

I came out in stages, and now am what you'd call "full time". So now I generally have to come out as explained above. I guess you could say I came out fully when this article got published: http://themusic.com.au/interviews/all/2014/01/15/against-me-laura-jane-grace-bailey-lions/23000/

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Oh do i have so many stories for this A couple favourites

 

1) training at parkour, hanging out with a friend who'd been in china for the last year. I do a cartwheel and he perks up "hey your undershirt really looks like a bra when you do that". Reply "that's because it is a bra". 

 

2) literally days in on spiro. go out to lunch with a friend who's leaving for melbourne, meet a bunch of her friends, at some point the fact that i've started transition comes up. guy turns to me and goes "holy crap! that's amazing. i had no idea it could be so effective. how long have you been on testosterone?" 

 

3) this entire radio interview: http://rtrfm.com.au/shows/burntheairwaves?an_page=2015-02-12(we're on from about 13:30mins in)

 

 

What is also inevitable, is having to come out of the closet in the other direction. So, rather than saying "oh hey im trans and im transitioning please use these pronouns", you end up in the position of having to explain to people "yeh actually i'm transsexual i just thought you should know before we go back to mine for sex". 

 

 

I came out in stages, and now am what you'd call "full time". So now I generally have to come out as explained above. I guess you could say I came out fully when this article got published: http://themusic.com.au/interviews/all/2014/01/15/against-me-laura-jane-grace-bailey-lions/23000/

 

LOL, the stories, oh gawd. I'm assuming I'll have a few interesting ones of my own within the next few years. I facepalmed at #2 especially

 

I'm hoping I don't have to explain things going the other way so much, mainly because I've always had like zero sex drive because hooray asexuality! I'm just hoping this stays the case after I start T, because developing a sex drive all of a sudden would be akin to the dysphoria monster kicking me in the no-nuts with the strength of a wrecking ball. I also do not want to get the FTM bottom surgery until technology/biotech gets more advanced. Hurry up, science!

 

I will look into what can be done in Thailand for FTM purposes in the meantime, though. The radio interview link was interesting, as was the article. Except for the part where it was mentioned that some guys will randomly grope trans women? SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT!?? D:

[Jett]

The radio interview link was interesting, as was the article. Except for the part where it was mentioned that some guys will randomly grope trans women? SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT!?? D:

Yeah, that seems... weird. As a female, I've never been groped or seen any dude randomly grope a woman. I don't know if it happens to trans women inparticular because the guy isn't quite sure, and wants to find out? But that's incredibly rude... Maybe I just don't hang out with the right (wrong) crowd to encounter that kind of behavior.

 

I know what my reaction would be, though. My fist in his eye... >(

 

 

EDIT: Wait, Bailey, I just listened to that interview... you get your surgery THIS MONTH?! Holy crap!

[aalex]

I live in Poland which is an incredibly religious country. Queer people have basically no rights whatsoever and about 90% people are homophobic/transphobic etc. I'm not kidding; it's not as bad as Russia, but it's close enough. Anyway, that's mostly why I haven't come out yet. Not to my friends, not to my family; they might love me, but I know they're gonna freak out when they find out. I guess I'm gonna tell me when I'm in a relationship with a woman (my ex broke up with me because I didn't want to tell anyone about us... I'm not sure if I can blame her). I mean, at that point it'll be inevitable.

[Twilight]

I'm sorry aalex, that must be so difficult.

[kaelvan]

Sometimes you got to love Reddit (especially if we are talking about the sub Actual Lesbians).

This made me really happy.

 

[Hit]

 

 

you get your surgery THIS MONTH?! Holy crap!

 

26 days. hype.

 

 

 

As a female, I've never been groped or seen any dude randomly grope a woman.

 

It happens. People grope people, and sometimes that's men groping women. I brought up my experience of being groped at a festival because it was relevant to the point I was making in the article, but yeh it's happened to me a fair bit. Whether because the person sees an attractive girl they wants to touch, or want to satisfy their curiosity, or just feel entitled to my body, it happens. It's happened to a lot of my friends, cis and trans. It sucks, but that's why we talk about it.

[Hit]

 

 

I'm hoping I don't have to explain things going the other way so much, mainly because I've always had like zero sex drive because hooray asexuality! 

 

It doesn't even have to be about sex, sometimes you just want to help people understand what you're going through or share a part of your history. Like on here, for example. I didn't come in waving a big ol trans flag, but when it's relevant I'll step up and represent. 

[starsapart]

I live in Poland which is an incredibly religious country. Queer people have basically no rights whatsoever and about 90% people are homophobic/transphobic etc. I'm not kidding; it's not as bad as Russia, but it's close enough. Anyway, that's mostly why I haven't come out yet. Not to my friends, not to my family; they might love me, but I know they're gonna freak out when they find out. I guess I'm gonna tell me when I'm in a relationship with a woman (my ex broke up with me because I didn't want to tell anyone about us... I'm not sure if I can blame her). I mean, at that point it'll be inevitable.

 

Girl, I feel you.

 

I'm from Russia, and my family........ did not take my coming out well.  I've lost contact with about half of them.

[Aerinity]

Same thing here. The first season was a bit painful to get through, but now I'm half way through the second and enjoying it so much more. The characters actually got a bit more dynamic and are getting some development to them. I think that was the idea the entire time, they just kept Korra way too one dimensional for most of season 1, taking awhile to get around to it.

 

 

I miss Toph so much. She was my absolute favorite from ATLA.

 

 

Total Earthbender here as well. Calm, stoic, and stubborn.

 

 

Toph is joy incarnate. ATLA and TLOK has helped me get through many a frustrating night lately.

 

oooooo, I hadn't seen that temperaments thing, that's rad.  Thanks <3

 

Water bender. fo sho.

 

I took a quiz, and it said "waterbender". I guess I can't argue with the description - adaptable, agent of change, etc. I kinda like the idea of a firebender, though.

 

 

I thought I'd come out as earth, but a quiz I took ended up saying I was water... I suppose I can't be terribly surprised by that...

 

Oh wow, I'm happy this thread exists, but I am not going and reading through 125 back pages! :-P 

 

Oh good lord. Have fun...? I can't imagine going back through all of that. >.<

 

 

I definitely read all 125 of those pages; I really don't have this kind of community in real life, and seeing it was kind of addictive (though oh gosh did I skim anything political or argumentative... I was super not in the mood to be angry) 

 

 

Probably safer for you to skip the grr and the argh. Even if it was appropriate grr and argh.

 

I know, right? The other day, after 12 or so years of being together, and almost 5 years of marriage my husband dropped a bomb. He said he was politically conservative. I had to leave the table, I'm not even kidding. He is just such an open, and very forward thinking person, I don't get what he's saying. I think maybe he feels he falls in with the Conservative party because of their fiscal policies, and perhaps criminal policies (he works in law), but man I really don't know how to begin to talk about this. It's freaking me the fuck out. : /

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

That's... Hard. I know I label myself as a moderate since I'm pretty socially liberal but fiscally more on the conservative side. It gets me ostracized a lot. >.>

 

 

Hey! A bisexual lady here. It's awesome to see an LGBTQA+ safe space here!

 

Welcome!

 

Welcome dear to the alphabet soup gathering place.

 

(I regret nothing)

 

So to the lovely people who have already come out, how do you get yourself over that fear of actually put it out on the table? I been thinking of doing it and getting it over with. I'm really getting tired of having to choice my words carefully out of fear someone (parents mostly) might realize I'm a lesbian or see the books and movies I watch. I'm tired of hiding. I just want to get it over and done already.

 

The gif is fabulous.

 

Also, I can't add much more than what everyone else already has unfortunately. It's a process, take it slow, tell people you trust first, and then... For me? I honestly had an escape plan in place in case everything went to hell when I told my mom. And I only told my dad on the phone when I was like 100 miles away from him.... He then told me he had to go because Jeopardy was on. I was afraid of him showing up on campus (I was in my undergrad) to shoot me for days after. Now I mostly just keep to myself unless it's someone I'm interested in, or it becomes relevant to the conversation. My friends know, the family that I know knows (and if they want to talk to me or not is their choice), and some of my coworkers know (but only those that I feel like are cool with it, since it's no one else's business, and it's not like I'm married.)

 

Eventually, it becomes mostly easy. I always have a little tension before telling people just because you never know how anyone will react, but if they're going to flip out, well... Fuck 'em.

[Aerinity]

The only thing I have to add to what has already been said is that it is an act of courage, but it gets easier the more you do it. 

 

This leads me to a question I've been wanting to ask the group: if you aren't currently fully out, what would make it easier for you to be out? If you are fully out, what made the difference? 

 

In my case, for years I was out to my mom's side of the family (my parents are divorced), friends, and people I was close to at work. Then my company started offering same sex partner benefits. At that time, I had a same sex partner, and she needed insurance, so I signed up. By then, I figured that I was out OFFICIALLY at my company. I was out on paper. I was out to the Human Resources department. So why keep avoiding the topic of my partner? I came out at work in that way - not with a banner in my cubicle saying "guess who's gay???", but just by no longer withholding certain information; if I were talking about a vacation, I would specify that me and my girlfriend went out of town together, etc (which of course, heterosexuals do all the time without even thinking about it). 

 

As for coming out to my dad's side of the family - I always felt distant from them, not having spent as much time with my dad as my mom when growing up. Me being gay was basically an open secret, and he actually really liked my ex-girlfriend and did a lot to make her feel welcome while we were together - inviting me to bring her with me for Christmas dinner, etc. After a while it became a thing where I was not out because the longer I waited, the more awkward it got. Until she broke up with me. Then I called him on the phone crying and said she broke up with me. I guess in the misery of that moment, I didn't really care about how awkward it was. I'm really glad I did. My step-mom has actually been one of the most supportive family members since the break up, in that she actually will just talk about the break up in a straightforward way, instead of avoiding the subject. It's actually nice for someone to treat a break up like it's a normal thing that people go through, instead of like a major tragedy.

 

For being fully out (I consider myself close enough), it was just a matter of knowing that I already had a support base that loved me, and cared about me, and accepted me. So, even if a new person rejected me, then I could still fall back on those I already knew, and trusted.

 

 

Why I'm not fully out yet...good question. (For the record, I'm FTM but haven't started transition yet. It'll happen within a few months though! Or at least top surgery will.)

 

Most of the people closest to me know. Some of my friends have known since 15 years ago, but it's only been recently that I've been outing myself to most/all of my closer friends. This is partly because I've finally started to accept it myself and that I had to undergo a few medical procedures in order to actually be able to like myself. The parents (who I still live with) were the toughest ones to come out to, mainly because the risk of eviction/disowning would have made my life 100% shit in the event of a negative reaction. Arguments still happen some times, but the worst is over with. I think. I don't find myself thinking "I wish I was dead" anymore, anyway. One of my very close friends I've also come out to and, while he's quite against the idea, he still listened to me. I guess that fear was holding me back when it came to outing myself to the people closest to me (who are also ultra conservative) because that's where outright rejection would hurt the most.

 

With other people, the problem with coming out as a trans person is...there's just not too many opportunities to come out in a non-awkward manner. For example, there's a group of friends I've started hanging out with a few months ago whose company I enjoy. I'm 99% sure that none of them would react negatively to me being trans if they did know, but...how do I just bring this up? It just feels a little awkward to just say out of the blue "Obtw, I'm really a guy". If any of them were to ask, I'd just answer honestly, but it's just never a topic that's come up in conversation.

 

I don't think anyone would really be shocked, even in my extended family. I haven't made this FaceBook official yet, mainly because 1) no name changes have happened yet, and 2) no bodily changes have happened either.

 

As for coming out after I start to reliably pass as a guy, the same thing will apply. How do you just bring this up in a conversation? I just kind of stopped caring, and if anyone asks, I'll just answer. Unless they look like they're about to beat the shit out of me ;P

 

The real kicker now is that I'll be starting a new job next Monday. I want to get the surgery within 2 to 3 months. The probation period is 3 months and consists of part-time work, so I could make up any missed days easily. It's probably too early to make assumptions right now since I don't know anyone who works there well enough yet to be able to decide if they're trans-accepting or not. Everyone seemed fairly chill the time I met them, though, but I'd rather wait about a week before I ask for anything time-off related. I should probably figure out when the busiest time of the year will be for them, and plan things around that, or something.

 

Coming out at the gym will be...interesting. Some people already know at GoodLife, but not at the other one D:

 

Me: "I'll have to stop showing up for a few months, need to get a surgery :("

Trainer: "Holyshit whaa? What for?"

Me: "Eeeehh, umm...heh."

 

Or coming out at grad school.

 

Me: "Can I get this name on my diploma instead?"

Supervisor: "...What??"

 

Hey props to you! I don't even have that issue, but I do go by an alternative name in social groups because I'm more comfortable by it, and I don't even have the guts to have that used regularly. You've got a lot of courage there.

 

 

It's not disrespectful at all And I do realize that I'll have to mention it to them (well, to everyone really) at some point, it's just...I'm not really bothered by it at this point. Or at least not nearly as bothered by it compared to how much of a mess I was when I had to come out to my parents.

 

In a way, this particular group of friends probably suspect it already since we tend to play a lot of pen n' paper RPGs and my characters always male. So they normally use "he" for me in-game already XD I'm assuming the official coming-out will be when I say that I can't make game one week because I'll be recovering from surgery. Or maybe the topic will come up in conversation and I can just mention it then. It's one of those things where, when the right moment shows its face, you just know it. I have some other friends who I'll also have to come out to and to them I'll probably just make a comment about not being alarmed if my voice drops or something. Most of my friends are pretty open-minded, thank goodness.

 

Or I can just make it FaceBook official once I have the name change stuff figured out (mom wasn't too keen on discussing the name issue last time I brought it up. Maybe in the next few weeks?) I've discussed trans things on other people's statuses, so some of my FB list knows, but I never actually posted anything on my own timeline about it. I might just change my name on there and let people figure out. If that fails, I'll post a shirtless pic a few months later when I have a flat chest and ripped abs lol

 

For all the dickheads who bullied me in high school, I'll come out by just showing up at the 20-year reunion looking more fabulous (and hopefully more successful) than everyone else there, hah!

 

Man, I never came out on facebook... Though I feel like if you're friends with me on there and don't know it, something is seriously wrong...

 

 

I live in Poland which is an incredibly religious country. Queer people have basically no rights whatsoever and about 90% people are homophobic/transphobic etc. I'm not kidding; it's not as bad as Russia, but it's close enough. Anyway, that's mostly why I haven't come out yet. Not to my friends, not to my family; they might love me, but I know they're gonna freak out when they find out. I guess I'm gonna tell me when I'm in a relationship with a woman (my ex broke up with me because I didn't want to tell anyone about us... I'm not sure if I can blame her). I mean, at that point it'll be inevitable.

 

That's rough.

 

 

Sometimes you got to love Reddit (especially if we are talking about the sub Actual Lesbians).

This made me really happy.

 

 

 

These are wonderful! Thank you for sharing!