Osu

[Kishi]

So, Tuesday. Tuesday was a day.

 

Tuesday had a lot of things go right. I've officially made up all of my leave, and I'm way ahead on my work quotas. It's practically effortless so far this week. So I managed to dig into some of my other work categories and get those caught up some. That was good.

 

Afterward, went home, did S&S with the 24. That was the right call - it was one of those sessions where I walked out of it feeling stronger in the places that had been hurting. sPL training went well as well.

 

Things didn't really go wrong until I tried to go to Karate. There was a huge wreck on the way there, with traffic which K-Sensei and I both got caught in. We didn't end up getting to the dojo until late, and he pushed class late as a result. Might have been a time once when I would have complained about it, but I've learned that there are just some things that he doesn't pay attention to, like time and pain.

 

So I wound up being out late and I wound up getting home late and I wound up getting to bed late, which marks the third night in a row that that's happened. That's a problem. I know I'm supposed to Judo tonight, but this lack of sleep really bothers me. It's getting to the point where I'm not strictly rational about it. Like, I'm looking at the people in my life who stay up and out late and I kind of hate them for it right now. Because they get to sleep. I do not. I feel as if everyone is out to grind me down on some level, and that I'm being asked to invest in my pursuits in a way that none of the askers are doing themselves.

 

And I think it's starting to show. I'm kind of losing my ability to be strictly rational about this. Also, those tendon and ligament problems really aren't going to get any better if I don't see to getting my recovery locked back down. Food's fine, training is tailored, but without recovery I'm just waiting to see how much I can hurt myself. That's stupid.

 

Also, there's a Tournament on Saturday, so J-sensei's out for blood. He'll feed me to his prize Shodan. I know it, and I don't have to be strictly rational to get that pattern. I'm sure I could manage being Best Uke again, but this shit has to be recovered from too, and throwing that stress on top of the stressors already in place... it's not a good look.

 

So, I'm challenging myself to get 7+ hours of sleep, or as close to that as I can manage. I'll do push up practice tonight because it's a once/week thing, but it's also comparatively gentle work. Beyond that, I need to take tonight to take a hard look at what it is I'm doing throughout the week that's causing me to get to bed so late.

[Urgan]

9 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Also, there's a Tournament on Saturday, so J-sensei's out for blood. He'll feed me to his prize Shodan. I know it, and I don't have to be strictly rational to get that pattern. I'm sure I could manage being Best Uke again, but this shit has to be recovered from too, and throwing that stress on top of the stressors already in place... it's not a good look.

 

[Kishi]

2 hours ago, Urgan said:

 

 

Indeed.

[Mistr]

6 hours ago, Kishi said:

Tuesday had a lot of things go right. I've officially made up all of my leave, and I'm way ahead on my work quotas. It's practically effortless so far this week. So I managed to dig into some of my other work categories and get those caught up some. That was good.

 

Yay for getting ahead of things at work!

 

6 hours ago, Kishi said:

So, I'm challenging myself to get 7+ hours of sleep, or as close to that as I can manage. I'll do push up practice tonight because it's a once/week thing, but it's also comparatively gentle work. Beyond that, I need to take tonight to take a hard look at what it is I'm doing throughout the week that's causing me to get to bed so late.

 

Oh yeah, that is a tough challenge to take on. Practically everyone you know is going to argue that their activity is worth making time to do. It is hard to stand up for your own commitments - to training, writing, cooking healthy food, sleeping, even (gasp!) taking time to just relax. Then there is the puzzle of making all the things you want to do fit in the time available.

 

I'm sure you can do it. You've done difficult things before. Hopefully you will figure out some awesome new approach that I can adopt.  

[Teirin]

*hugs*  That kind of sleep lack grinds you down hard.  I get the resentment over sleep too.  Take care of you, even if it annoys others. 

 

Still kicking butt at work!  Yay! 

[Kishi]

17 hours ago, Mistr said:

Yay for getting ahead of things at work!

 

10 hours ago, Teirin said:

Still kicking butt at work!  Yay!

 

Thanks! It honestly kind of feels like I'm playing on cheat codes right now. I can live with it.

 

17 hours ago, Mistr said:

Oh yeah, that is a tough challenge to take on. Practically everyone you know is going to argue that their activity is worth making time to do. It is hard to stand up for your own commitments - to training, writing, cooking healthy food, sleeping, even (gasp!) taking time to just relax. Then there is the puzzle of making all the things you want to do fit in the time available.

 

Yeah. K-sensei in particular makes me a little nuts. He's a big believer in the power of Judo to make karate better. And he's right - it has and it does, and it will continue to as I get better. At the same time, for all his talk that I should show up and do judo, he never goes to any of the classes because he's too tired. He's not much older than me, and it's not like I've got energy to spare either, no matter how much I train those systems. Makes me go (ﾉಠдಠ)ﾉ︵┻━┻

 

10 hours ago, Teirin said:

*hugs*  That kind of sleep lack grinds you down hard.  I get the resentment over sleep too.  Take care of you, even if it annoys others. 

 

Oh, good, so it's not just me. Thanks for that.  *hugs*

 

*

 

So, yesterday I experimented with some things. I decided to cut my lunch down to a half-hour, because I don't really use the full hour I've been given and it keeps me at work longer. Cutting it down, I was able to leave work half an hour earlier than I normally do. And that made a huge difference - I had extra time to goof off before training, and really just to chill out and relax a bit before going off to do something heavy and awful to myself.

 

Push Up training went well.

 

Warmed Up

Wall Push Ups x12

Incline Push Ups: 3x35, 35, 42

 

Did some PT work afterward and called it a day.

 

After that, I went and did a little grocery shopping and went home. Decided to test myself to see what was going on at night to keep me up so late. In order to simulate it, I didn't start doing things like dishes and chores until 20:30. And I think I've figured it out - basically, what I'm doing is I'm taking a bunch of time to watch YouTube and engage in social media, and I'm doing so before I engage in my chores and such. I think I've convinced myself that I deserve that time, so I'm rewarding my day's efforts. And also, I'm cocky about things since the IP makes such a huge difference in the amount of effort I have to put into prepping my meals and such.

 

Reality is, I need to flip that around. And also I need to think of sleep as a reward as well. Because getting sleep is a reward - it makes me better at everything I want to do and feels really, really good. And taking part in other smaller rewards is robbing me of the chance to take part in the big one.

 

One other thing I noticed is that I'm going too long on too many things, and I need to set a hard time at night in order to cut off the screen and get my things done and managed.

 

So, sorry Mistr, but it looks like it's nothing but hard work and a shift in perspective. But TBH, I think it's gonna be okay. I got down a lot earlier than I have to date, got 7+ hours, and even did well enough to wake up in the pre-dawn and put myself back to sleep. So, I think it's encouraging. And all my little connective bits feel better for the rest.

 

Today we have Front Squats, rope climb prep, and front lever prep. Karate after. Should be good.

[Urgan]

44 minutes ago, Kishi said:

After that, I went and did a little grocery shopping and went home. Decided to test myself to see what was going on at night to keep me up so late. In order to simulate it, I didn't start doing things like dishes and chores until 20:30. And I think I've figured it out - basically, what I'm doing is I'm taking a bunch of time to watch YouTube and engage in social media, and I'm doing so before I engage in my chores and such. I think I've convinced myself that I deserve that time, so I'm rewarding my day's efforts. And also, I'm cocky about things since the IP makes such a huge difference in the amount of effort I have to put into prepping my meals and such.

 

Why is adulting so hard?

 

[Teirin]

There are not enough hours in a day, ever :-/

[Kishi]

20 hours ago, Teirin said:

There are not enough hours in a day, ever :-/

 

Yeah. Still, it seems to be a matter of figuring out what needs to be put first, and then doing that thing.

 

*

 

Thursday was a good day.

 

Kept up with my work, left early with much less guilt, and had time to faf about for a bit and still got into the gym earlier than before. Training went as follows:

 

Warmed Up

 

Front Squats

1x5x45

1x3x65

4x5x95 (+)

3x4x95

9x3x95

7x2x95

6x1x95

Volume = 7,925

 

High Ring Rows: 5x3

Integrated Mobility: Done

 

Hollow Body Tuck Holds: 4x36s

Integrated Mobility: Done

 

Incline DB BP: 1x18x22.5

 

Finished with enough time to even go ahead and do some foam rolling, which felt great in that terrible way that it often does.

 

I'd have to dig a ways back through the logs to see what my volume was for a full cycle last time, but I'm fairly confident I blew it out of the water. I'm cleared to up the weight next week. And it seems that my past observation is tracking - being sensitive to fluctuations in quality of the lift isn't killing volume, but is translating to volume in the lower rep ranges instead.

 

Elbow doesn't hurt, and tuck hold was done at a higher quality.

 

Chest work was good, but I have to admit that I kind of resent having to constantly adjust my numbers and such based on whatever DBs happen to be available. But oh well. It can't be helped, I guess. That's a problem about other people, and you can't control them.

 

Karate afterward went well. Lots of time reviewing the basics. Sparring went well, finished exhausted. Good class.

 

When I got home, I got the IP going first and then did everything else with washing dishes and getting food prepped for the morrow and such. Really had to fight the temptation to get a handful of cashews and sit down to watch some YouTube first, especially since I was roaringly hungry. But it was the right call. Got everything done with a huge surplus of time, and managed another 7 hours of sleep.

 

T-Minus 5 days until Cut begins. A part of me is kind of intrigued at the idea of switching out Front Squats and Deadlifts for Hang Cleans and Heavy KB swings, respectively, as these are power variants of the same lifts and I think they'd add a metabolic component to the lifts that would help the cut. The catch is, I have no earthly idea if the KBs I have available are actually heavy enough for that kind of work. If I could just find a pair of 24s somewhere, I'd feel pretty good about it, but I don't think they're available. Probably I'll just keep doing what I've been, which isn't a bad idea either and is certainly taxing enough.

[Urgan]

11 minutes ago, Kishi said:

When I got home, I got the IP going first and then did everything else with washing dishes and getting food prepped for the morrow and such. Really had to fight the temptation to get a handful of cashews and sit down to watch some YouTube first, especially since I was roaringly hungry. But it was the right call. Got everything done with a huge surplus of time, and managed another 7 hours of sleep.

 

Good job. I woulda split the difference and gotten a snack WHILE doing chores, because hangry is not a good time.

 

12 minutes ago, Kishi said:

T-Minus 5 days until Cut begins. A part of me is kind of intrigued at the idea of switching out Front Squats and Deadlifts for Hang Cleans and Heavy KB swings, respectively, as these are power variants of the same lifts and I think they'd add a metabolic component to the lifts that would help the cut. The catch is, I have no earthly idea if the KBs I have available are actually heavy enough for that kind of work. If I could just find a pair of 24s somewhere, I'd feel pretty good about it, but I don't think they're available. 

 

 

15 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Probably I'll just keep doing what I've been, which isn't a bad idea either and is certainly taxing enough.

 

You had me scared for a minute there. I thought you were gonna go and change multiple things simultaneously again.

[Kishi]

11 minutes ago, Urgan said:

You had me scared for a minute there. I thought you were gonna go and change multiple things simultaneously again.

 

Made you look.

 

Although, I am thinking about a slightly deeper cut like we talked about a few months ago. So, instead of dropping to 100g CHO, drop to 90 and see if I feel like dying or not.

[Kishi]

15 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Good job. I woulda split the difference and gotten a snack WHILE doing chores, because hangry is not a good time.

 

Forgot to mention - when I get back late at night and I'm about as beat as I am, especially on a day where I've been doing lots of physical work, it's really hard for me to get moving on anything. Snacking, with the way I behave, isn't very conducive to getting things done and out of the way. I'm not hangry in those moments, believe it or not, but there's this yawning, empty feeling that yearns for fulfillment.

[Urgan]

6 minutes ago, Kishi said:

 

Made you look.

 

Although, I am thinking about a slightly deeper cut like we talked about a few months ago. So, instead of dropping to 100g CHO, drop to 90 and see if I feel like dying or not.

 

Thinking about stepping it down to that point, I presume? So that hopefully you do not expire with a KB in your hands. Or on your head lol. 

 

5 minutes ago, Kishi said:

 

Forgot to mention - when I get back late at night and I'm about as beat as I am, especially on a day where I've been doing lots of physical work, it's really hard for me to get moving on anything. Snacking, with the way I behave, isn't very conducive to getting things done and out of the way. I'm not hangry in those moments, believe it or not, but there's this yawning, empty feeling that yearns for fulfillment.

 

Didn't say it was the optimum solution, lol, but it is what I'd do. Depends on how bad hungry one is. Typically if a shower is not the first thing on the agenda, either the hot food I have brought home will be stone cold inside of 30 minutes or I am just about to die. 

[Kishi]

On 2/23/2018 at 1:13 PM, Urgan said:

Thinking about stepping it down to that point, I presume? So that hopefully you do not expire with a KB in your hands. Or on your head lol. 

 

Ha ha! Ha. Yeah.

 

 

On 2/23/2018 at 1:13 PM, Urgan said:

Didn't say it was the optimum solution, lol, but it is what I'd do. Depends on how bad hungry one is. Typically if a shower is not the first thing on the agenda, either the hot food I have brought home will be stone cold inside of 30 minutes or I am just about to die. 

 

Yeah. And I mean, as long as I'm a bachelor and away from people, it's not like my hangry can make bad things happen. And also, the food is hot and ready by the time everything else is done. And also, my situation being what it is, it's kind of hard for me to be satisfied if something's not done like it needs to be.

[Kishi]

Geez, Tuesday already. Time, man. It goes by.

 

So, Friday, I finally managed to do both kettlebells and Kali for the first time in... well, it's been a while. Came out feeling good. Elbow came out fine too. This is probably the thing that poses the most risk, so if my technique isn't bothering the elbow anymore, I'm probably in good shape.

 

Saturday, training was rigorous because I was off to see Black Panther. Finally managed to hit all my handstands the way I wanted to, side lever training was good and hard, and farmer's walks were a lot of fun.

 

The movie itself was awesome! It had a really grounded feel to it. Generally, Marvel films feel very divorced from the real world. Plots typically revolve around Get The Bad Guy or Become Who You Were Meant To Be. You don't very often get the sense that the heroes are invested in the kinds of problems that normal people have to deal with. Off the top of my head, Civil War, Spiderman HC, and possibly Guardians 2 would have been my picks, simply because while the others are good as well, these focus on problems that I can ultimately relate to.

 

Black Panther ultimately did the same thing, and did so with one of the strongest villains I think I've seen in a comic film in a long time. Just, a really, really good film. The hype is real.

 

Afterward, went out for beers and burritos. Food was awesome, and came out of it with the beginnings of a sci-fi book club percolating, because I don't have enough to do already.

 

Sunday, the plan was to hit the training hard and then go to game, but I putzed about and overestimated how much time I had to play with. So I got to the gym and ultimately wound up just working to heavy 5s on Deadlift. It worked out okay - I still managed to do push ups, manna work, and sprints, so it all turned out. While this definitely buggers my volume calculations, the truth is my volume's been so high lately that this still might end up being a higher cycle overall anyway. So, ultimately, I'm pretty sanguine about it.

 

After that was D&D with the folks. Things went well. Dice rolls were all over the place, but hey, that's what skill modifiers are for, right?

 

That night, though, heart went weird again. I did go nuts on cheat foods - lots of baked beef nachos, a thing of gelato, some Halo Top, and this on top of a pretty full feeling from Saturday. And I thought it might be some kind of delayed reaction or something like that. But I couldn't get myself to sleep except in little fits and starts, and it felt like the interior part of my chest had been knocked on or something.

 

I honestly wonder if what I've been experiencing has been tachycardia, because if so then... I dunno. It happens pretty rarely to me, but all the same it's kind of put me in a bit of a funk. Kind of like I'm staring my end in the face.

 

Rationally, it's silly to think like that. Of course I'm going to die someday, and it could happen any time without any regard for what the hell's going on underneath the hood. It's dietary, and I was stupid this past weekend - didn't get my veggies or water in like I normally do, and I ate way past the point of satiation. It doesn't even happen all the time due to diet, so frankly I just need to be more careful about this kind of thing, what I eat when and how I indulge, that kind of thing.

 

Also, need to get in to see a doctor at some point. Just to, you know. Be responsible and all that.

 

Anyway, I've been periodically checking my pulse and everything seems fine. So, kettlebells and karate tonight.

[Mistr]

On 2/22/2018 at 9:42 AM, Kishi said:

After that, I went and did a little grocery shopping and went home. Decided to test myself to see what was going on at night to keep me up so late. In order to simulate it, I didn't start doing things like dishes and chores until 20:30. And I think I've figured it out - basically, what I'm doing is I'm taking a bunch of time to watch YouTube and engage in social media, and I'm doing so before I engage in my chores and such. I think I've convinced myself that I deserve that time, so I'm rewarding my day's efforts. And also, I'm cocky about things since the IP makes such a huge difference in the amount of effort I have to put into prepping my meals and such.

 

Hey, you figured out what is happening on the first try. Awesome! 

 

That reward time is sneaky. It can easily expand if you happen to catch a bad video. "oh, that was disappointing, I want to watch a good one before I go do chores". I've found that I'm terrible at gauging time with screen-based stuff. YMMV

 

Good for you getting in all the training. Yes, go see a doctor and get that heart stuff checked out. Soon. Better to know than to speculate.

[sarakingdom]

On 2/22/2018 at 9:42 AM, Kishi said:

since the IP makes such a huge difference in the amount of effort I have to put into prepping my meals and such

 

 

[Teirin]

5 hours ago, Mistr said:

 Yes, go see a doctor and get that heart stuff checked out. Soon. Better to know than to speculate.

 

Absolutely this.  Also, how much caffeine do you consume?

[Kishi]

So, hey, don't have much time before I get down for the night, but thought I ought to let everyone know that I've got an appt booked for 10:00 tomorrow morning. This having insurance thing is great. Hopefully it all turns out to be good news.

[Kishi]

16 hours ago, Mistr said:

Hey, you figured out what is happening on the first try. Awesome! 

 

That reward time is sneaky. It can easily expand if you happen to catch a bad video. "oh, that was disappointing, I want to watch a good one before I go do chores". I've found that I'm terrible at gauging time with screen-based stuff. YMMV

 

Yeah. I'm generally not disappointed in the content I see, but I just find everything fascinating and I want to engage with it. It's like object permanence doesn't exist when it comes to stuff online.

 

16 hours ago, Mistr said:

Good for you getting in all the training. Yes, go see a doctor and get that heart stuff checked out. Soon. Better to know than to speculate.

 

Yup. That's what I figured. We'll see what happens. I guess in the worst case, barring something terrible happening, I'll be tied to a heart monitor and told to lay off of training for a bit. Better that than the alternative.

 

16 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

 

 

 

#OneOfUs

 

11 hours ago, Teirin said:

 

Absolutely this.  Also, how much caffeine do you consume?

 

Well, typically somewhere between 200-400 mg. It's never been a problem before. Yikes, might have to give that up and switch to decaf. Oh well. Just have to focus on sleeping better.

 

*

 

So, 'bout to head out for the appt, but so far, things are okay today. And they were yesterday too. Did S&S with the 24 since my hips were feeling a bit off, which was the right call. Felt really good.

 

Karate afterward went well as well. Sensei was in a conditioning frame of mind, but I was able to keep up well and did some good sparring afterward too. 'Good' defined as being able to pull off some of the things we practiced in class as well as being able to pull off my Signature Move in a better way than normal. The idea being that the better way will become my new normal.

 

Anyway. The plan is for judo and push up practice tonight, but depending on what the doc says that might be off. We'll see.

[Kishi]

Aaaand, no change. I tried to book through a third party site and the doc didn't have an open slot at that time. Appointment's been pushed back to next Thursday. Hurray.

[Kishi]

So, I'm sorry to admit it, but I really let my attitude slip yesterday. I allowed myself to get freaked out about what's going on with my heart and it took me a while to admit that I was sad and scared to myself. Not that there's anything wrong with those emotions or anything, you understand, but I let them take the wheel and drive, and that was a poor idea. Definitely wound up moping and thinking about being lonely and alone and why hadn't I made more of my writing and why didn't I do more with my life.

 

You know, fun stuff.

 

Anyway, since I left my gi at home, I went there to get it, but it took traffic and time and I ran errands on the way and by the time I got there I pretty much just puttered about and let the night go. I did my push up training, but the surfaces are lower, and I didn't put up quite as high numbers as I have been.

 

I don't really know what snapped me out of it, but eventually I did snap out of it. It just kind of clicked for me - tachycardia, even if it's diagnosed, has a good outlook in general if it's being triggered by outside factors like diet or other things and not some underlying pathology, which is ultimately what the doctor will be looking for when I go to see her. And even if it was bad, so what? It's just one more thing that could kill me, like a car accident or food poisoning or any of a number of other things that enter into my considerations all the time.

 

Stupid to be afraid of something that has to happen anyway.

 

But still, something about all this is rather motivational. I want to write more and do more and just... I dunno. Live better and without regrets.

 

Anyway. I can't get back a lost judo class, but I can remember that I need to keep that shit with me in the car, because when I go home, I do not want to leave.

 

Deload week starts today. And I started the cut on Monday, because I think better in terms of Mondays and the month starts this week. So far, so good, as far as mental state and such are concerned.

 

Oh, and @Teirin, got into the first couple eps of DanMachi. I like it! Has a real Slayers kind of vibe to it, only it's JRPGs rather than D&D. I like it very much.

 

Today's docket will be front squats, high rows, tuck holds, and some PT work for the chest. And then the karate.

 

[Mistr]

Hey, at least you made the effort instead of ignoring the problem. Getting an appointment the same week is too good to be true. A week out is still better than average.

 

Great to see moves getting better in karate. Progress!

[Mistr]

3 minutes ago, Kishi said:

But still, something about all this is rather motivational. I want to write more and do more and just... I dunno. Live better and without regrets.

 

Yep. These reminders of mortality happen now and then. More often as you get older and your friends start to die. Always worth examining if you are making good choices with your life.

 

3 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Anyway. I can't get back a lost judo class, but I can remember that I need to keep that shit with me in the car, because when I go home, I do not want to leave.

 

Oh, yes. I've chosen apartments to be farther away from work than the dojo. That makes it less likely that I will "stop home for just a few minutes before class". Nope, we all know how that ends. Part of my evening routine is making sure I have a clean gi ready to go for the next day.

[Kishi]

5 hours ago, Mistr said:

Hey, at least you made the effort instead of ignoring the problem. Getting an appointment the same week is too good to be true. A week out is still better than average.

 

Great to see moves getting better in karate. Progress!

 

Well, yeah, I guess, but it's been so long since that's even been relevant that I guess I forgot about it. But I'm glad to know that this is average, and I'm doing better. The residual hurting on the inside of the chest is gone, which I think in a lot of ways was affecting my attitude. It's easier to deal with a problem when it doesn't seem so big.

 

And progress! I'll take it!

 

6 hours ago, Mistr said:

Yep. These reminders of mortality happen now and then. More often as you get older and your friends start to die. Always worth examining if you are making good choices with your life

 

Yeah. I've already had one go, and that was pretty troubling. Definitely felt the weight of my life then.

 

6 hours ago, Mistr said:

Oh, yes. I've chosen apartments to be farther away from work than the dojo. That makes it less likely that I will "stop home for just a few minutes before class". Nope, we all know how that ends. Part of my evening routine is making sure I have a clean gi ready to go for the next day.

 

That's a good routine. I had a clean gi, but it wasn't in the car with me. So.