Guzzi Posted May 25, 2014 Report Share Posted May 25, 2014 A little Irishman gets into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him. He looks down and says: "7 ft tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 6 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown" The little Irishman faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to consciousness, shaking him......The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "Well, I saw your curious look and I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me............... I'm 7 ft tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each.... I'm Turner Brown" The Irishman says: "Turner Brown?!....Sweet Jesus.........I thought you said:"Turn around!" 6 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted May 25, 2014 Report Share Posted May 25, 2014 And one more, just for giggles What’s the best thing about Alzheimer’s disease?You get to meet new people every day! Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Artinum Posted May 25, 2014 Report Share Posted May 25, 2014 What’s the best thing about Alzheimer’s disease?You get to meet new people every day! You shouldn't make jokes about Alzheimer's. The hate mail is terrible - so many empty envelopes... 2 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Guzzi Posted May 25, 2014 Report Share Posted May 25, 2014 Man walks into doctors surgery and says "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum"Doctor says "Don't worry I've got some cream for that" 3 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Fearkiller Posted May 25, 2014 Report Share Posted May 25, 2014 Googling "worst joke you have ever heard" brought up the reddit chainabout the subject, with some golden oneshttp://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1u5lp0/worst_joke_youve_heard/(So that you know, the fifth counting from the bottom mentions the holocaust) Lowbacca1997What's the difference between a male Mon Calamari star cruiser and a female Mon Calamari star cruiser? The male Mon Calamari star cruiser has an x-wing squadron and a y-wing squadron and the female Mon Calamari star cruiser has two x-wing squadrons Freerunner10xOne of my fraternity brothers wasted about 15 minutes of my life.This is the abridged version: A little boy named Timmy was sitting in class and his teacher was asking the class what their favorite words were. When Timmy was asked, he said "strawberry". The teacher instantly became infuriated and sent him to the principal's office. When Timmy arrived at the principal's office, the principal asked him what he did wrong. Timmy explained that the teacher was asking the class their favorite words and he said his favorite word was "strawberry". The principal could believe what he just heard. Within seconds, the principal was calling Timmy's mom to pick him up from school because he was being expelled. Timmy's mom picked him up and they started driving home. Timmy's mom was curious as to why he was being expelled. Timmy explained that the teacher was asking the class their favorite words and he said his favorite word was "strawberry". His mom slammed on the breaks and began to scold him. Timmy went straight to his room when he got home. When Timmy's father got home from work, he burst into Timmy's room, demanding to know why his mother was crying. Timmy explained that the teacher was asking the class their favorite words and he said his favorite word was "strawberry". Him father did not know what to say. He told Timmy that he was being thrown out of the house and being moved to London. He bought Timmy a ticket and put him on the plane. While on the plane, an old lady asked Timmy why he was traveling alone. Timmy explained that the teacher was asking the class their favorite words and he said his favorite word was "strawberry" and that his parents were kicking him out of the house. She couldn't believe that a young boy could be so disrespectful. When Timmy left the London airport, he was crossing the street and was hit by a double decker bus. The moral of this story is to look both ways before crossing the street. Toxicgreen1A man and a boy are walking deep into the woods, the boy says " this is kind of scary"the man says "how do you think I feel I have to walk back alone" 2 Quote "There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged | STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.1 | 15.2 | Milythaels' HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good. It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories "Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." - Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. "Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky "Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings "I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit "If you do strange things, strange things will happen!" "That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker Link to comment
insanity Posted May 27, 2014 Report Share Posted May 27, 2014 Just heard this at work... Did you hear about the hipster who burned his tongue at Starbucks? He drank his coffee before it was cool... 3 Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Guzzi Posted May 27, 2014 Report Share Posted May 27, 2014 That one was equal parts laugh/groan. Very nice Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
The Swedish Ninja Posted May 27, 2014 Report Share Posted May 27, 2014 Jim was grumpy, tired of work, tired of his colleges, the coffee was disgusting, the boss was annoying. The boss said:- Do me a favour! Take the day of and go home and sleep with the wife.The next day Jim came to work with a big grin on his face, feeling relaxed and happy.- How was it, asked the boss- Ohh, it was great. We had sex all afternoon- See, i told you you'd feel better.- Yeah, thanks. Oh, and by the way, you live in a very nice house! Quote Level 3: NinjaCurrent Challenge with the Druids (Nov 2nd-dec 13th) Every man I meet, is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him. Emerson Link to comment
cracked_belle Posted June 5, 2014 Report Share Posted June 5, 2014 And one more, just for giggles What’s the best thing about Alzheimer’s disease?You get to meet new people every day! this is why I love having a horrible memory -- a movie is new to me everytime I re-watch it!! Quote there is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or Why or Who you are. you want one and I want one, but there isn't one. it comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. and yet you are all that you have, so you must be Enough. there is no other way. ― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia Link to comment
The Swedish Ninja Posted June 8, 2014 Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk. 

Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way. 

Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond standing next to him smiling. 

"What do you have in your pocket?", she asked.

"Tennis ball?" the man said smiling back.

"Wow," said the blond looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!" 2 Quote Level 3: NinjaCurrent Challenge with the Druids (Nov 2nd-dec 13th) Every man I meet, is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him. Emerson Link to comment
Artinum Posted June 8, 2014 Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 A husband goes to his doctor feeling somewhat depressed."It's my wife, doctor," he says. "She's lost all interest in sex, and it's getting me down."The doctor thinks for a moment, and then writes out a prescription. "Put one of these pills in her evening cocoa," he says. "But be careful with them. They're powerful stuff." That evening, the husband makes cocoa for himself and his wife, slipping one of the pills into her drink."If these are such powerful stuff," he thinks, "perhaps I should take one myself." And so he slips a pill into his own drink.The couple head up to bed as normal and go to sleep. An hour later, the man's wife sits up in bed. "I need a man!" she yells.The husband sits up beside her. "So do I!" he yells. 2 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Raev Posted June 17, 2014 Report Share Posted June 17, 2014 Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?Classical conditioning. There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets... 5 Quote level 4 Gnoll warrior STR 6|DEX 5|STA 4|CON 5|WIS 5|CHA 2 Building a better Raev, part 1. Goal: working set of 350# squat, 235# bench, 370# deadlift, 15% or lower BF% Fix slight pelvic tilt, reinforce lower back to help disc issue Link to comment
Moralitea Posted June 17, 2014 Report Share Posted June 17, 2014 Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?Classical conditioning. There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets... There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.... 3 Quote Moralitea, Level 2 Flind Assassin{STR 3|DEX 2|STA 4|CON 4WIS 2|CHA 2} Incepto Ne Desistam. Previous Challenges: 1, Link to comment
Anim07734 Posted June 18, 2014 Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 There are three kinds of people in the world: those who are good at math and those who aren't. 4 Quote Anim07734; God of Death in Training Tiefling Assassin and Artificer Maxim 70: Failure is not an option. It is mandatory. The option is whether or not to let failure be the last thing you do. Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted June 18, 2014 Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 Helen Keller walks into a bar Then a table, then a chair... If you ever get cold, stand in a corner. They're usually around 90 degrees. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick. 2 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Artinum Posted June 18, 2014 Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 My mates tried to get me into shoplifting, but I wasn't strong enough. Shops are heavy. 2 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted June 18, 2014 Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 Ah, Helen Keller jokes. There's a treasure trove waiting to be opened. Have you read Helen Keller's new book? It's called "Around the Block in 80 Days". Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Artinum Posted June 18, 2014 Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 People say I have something in common with Helen Keller. I can't see it myself. 2 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
wildross Posted June 18, 2014 Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 People say I have something in common with Helen Keller. I can't see it myself.maybe you could hear it insteadSent from my XT1080 using Tapatalk 1 Quote Warriors don't count reps and sets. They count tons. My psychologist weighs 45 pounds, has an iron soul and sits on the end of a bar Tally Sheet for 2019 Encouragement for older members: Chronologically Blessed Group; Encouragement for newbie lifters: When we were weaker Link to comment
Barfly Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 maybe you could hear it insteadSent from my XT1080 using TapatalkUmmm... Quote The past is only smoke in a dream. Lvl 6 Ranger Berzerker STR 9 DEX 4 STA 9 CON 8 WIS 2 CHA 8 Barfly ain't even tryin'... Link to comment
insanity Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 Ummm...HAHAHAHAHA.... I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt... :-) Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Guzzi Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.Bawhahaha!!!!! love it! Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Bearded_Dragon Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 I was walking through the park the other day thinking "why is it that frisbees always appear larger the closer they get?"....and then it hit me 2 Quote Link to comment
The Swedish Ninja Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 Three Yogis are doing meditative in a remote cave. One day a sound is heard from outside the cave. After about six months, one of the yogis says, "Did you hear that goat?" Once again, there was silence. About a year later, one of the other Yogis says, "That wasn't a goat; it was a mule." Again, there was silence. About two years later the third yogi says, "If you two don't stop arguing, I'm leaving." This should be called the good joke thread instead…. 2 Quote Level 3: NinjaCurrent Challenge with the Druids (Nov 2nd-dec 13th) Every man I meet, is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him. Emerson Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 What's red and sits in a corner? A baby chewing on razor blades. What's green and sits in a corner? Same baby, 3 weeks later. 1 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
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