Guzzi Posted January 6, 2015 Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 He puts it on auto-pirate!I laughed waaaay to hard! Sent from my stoopid phone which hates me I swear. 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted January 6, 2015 Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 What do you call a rabbit in a kilt?Hopscotch. 2 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Juni0r83 Posted January 11, 2015 Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 What do you call a rabbit in a kilt?Hopscotch. Why do I think this is what is going to pop into my head the next time I put my kilt on? Quote Dwarf Warrior I am today what I made myself yesterday, I will be tomorrow what I make of myself today. Current challenge: Juni0r83 works on his Schedule-Fu Previous challenge: Juni0r83 re-evaluates and refocuses Link to comment
Bearded_Dragon Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 A man is flying in a hot air balloon and gets blown off course, he finally sees a house and a man outside it and he calls down to the man "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am, please?" The man says "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon above my house" The guy in the balloon says "You must be an actuary" Other man "Yes, how did you guess?" Balloon guy "Because you've told me something that's 100% correct and yet totally useless" 2 Quote Link to comment
Artinum Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 To which the actuary replies, "you must be in management." "I am," replies the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Because you're completely lost and you're unable to operate your own equipment, but somehow you've made it my fault." 5 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
insanity Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 To which the actuary replies, "you must be in management." "I am," replies the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Because you're completely lost and you're unable to operate your own equipment, but somehow you've made it my fault."You don't know where you are, you're in the same spot you were in before you met me, yet somehow it's my fault. :-) Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Artinum Posted January 18, 2015 Report Share Posted January 18, 2015 A week with no jokes? We can't have that. --- A wife walks into the bedroom and speaks to her husband."Take off my dress," she demands. And he does."Take off my bra," she demands. And he does."Now take off my underwear." And he does."And if I catch you wearing my clothes again," she adds, "I'll be filing for divorce." 4 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted January 23, 2015 Report Share Posted January 23, 2015 I remember the first time I saw a universal remote. I thought to myself, "This changes everything" 7 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Bearded_Dragon Posted January 23, 2015 Report Share Posted January 23, 2015 I woke up and found a lion and a witch in my wardrobe, when I asked them what they were doing in there they said "Narnia business!" 3 Quote Link to comment
Frost of the Gloaming Posted January 23, 2015 Report Share Posted January 23, 2015 A girl broke up with me saying I wasn't her type, so I asked her what her type was she replied not sans monetary. Quote Between a rock and a hard place, use our finger nails to climb, it's all we know.......... Daily Mile Perfer et obdura: Dolor hic tibi proderit olim Link to comment
hwrdfrnd Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 The local news was doing a piece on corduroy pillows last week. I asked my wife why we were watching this and she replied...They are great at making headlines.I tried lifting weights once, but they were heavy so I put them down.I wanted to put on a chemistry joke but all the best ones argon. 1 Quote Hwrdfrnd - Goblin AdventurerSTR 0 | DEX 0 | STA 0 | CON 0 | WIS 0 | CHA 0Current Challenge Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 What kind of pants do clouds wear?Thunderpants Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Mark D Posted February 18, 2015 Report Share Posted February 18, 2015 A mushroom walks into a bar, the bartender says "We don't serve your kind in here". The mushroom replies "Why not, I'm a fun guy." A snail is tired of being slow, so he buys a red Corvette. He paints a big yellow S (for snail) on each door, on the hood, and on each hub cap. So now when people see him, they don't say "Look at the snail" they say "Look at that S-car go!" 3 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 18, 2015 Report Share Posted February 18, 2015 "Look at that S-car go!"Groan! Well done Sir, well done. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted February 19, 2015 Report Share Posted February 19, 2015 What rock group has four men that don't sing?Mount Rushmore 5 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Mark D Posted February 19, 2015 Report Share Posted February 19, 2015 OK, I'm dating myself with this one, there's a strong likelihood if you're under about 40 you won't get it..... Did you hear about the Gentile lead singer with the all-Jewish back-up band? Goy George and the Kosher Club 3 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
insanity Posted February 20, 2015 Report Share Posted February 20, 2015 Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her one word: comfortable."The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull." 3 Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 20, 2015 Report Share Posted February 20, 2015 Good job I went for a pee before reading that! :D Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted February 20, 2015 Report Share Posted February 20, 2015 OK, I'm dating myself with this one, there's a strong likelihood if you're under about 40 you won't get it..... Did you hear about the Gentile lead singer with the all-Jewish back-up band? Goy George and the Kosher Club♫♪ Kabba-kabba-kabba-kabba Kabbala Chameleon... ♫♪ 3 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Mark D Posted February 20, 2015 Report Share Posted February 20, 2015 Well, since my previous offerings were well-received: A priest, a minister, a rabbi and a nun walk into a bar, the bartender says "What is this, a joke?" And a personal favorite: A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey starts running around the bar, swinging from the light fixtures, jumping over the tables, and basically causing a ruckus. He jumps up on the pool table, picks up the cue ball, and swallows it. The bartender says "Did you see that? Your monkey just swallowed a cue ball!" The guy replies "Yeah, he always swallows stuff, here's money for a new cue ball, sorry about that." The guy finishes his drink and leaves with the monkey. A week or so later the guy comes back, again the monkey runs all over the place. He jumps up on the bar, goes to the bin that holds the fruit, picks up an olive, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and swallows it. The bartender says "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy replies "Yeah, he still swallows stuff, but ever since that cue ball he measures it first." 6 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Cat in the rack Posted March 6, 2015 Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 Did you hear about the half-man half-bull who went around the country performing? He didn't go to many places, it was a minor tour. 5 Quote Follow me on snapchat or instagram @ catintherackSquat: 115kgBench: 77.5kgDeadlift: 130kgTotal: 322.5kgWeight: 68kg Link to comment
Mark D Posted March 6, 2015 Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 A cowboy rides into town and notices that the town is packed with people. He goes into the saloon, orders a whiskey, and asks the barman what's going on. The barman replies "They're hanging Brown Paper Pete" today. The cowboy says "That's an odd name" and the barman says "Well, he got that name because everything he wears is made of brown paper, his pants, his shirts, his chaps, even his hat and boots, all made of brown paper." The cowboy asks what they're hanging him for and the barman replies "Rustling". 4 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Guzzi Posted March 6, 2015 Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 Well, since my previous offerings were well-received: A priest, a minister, a rabbi and a nun walk into a bar, the bartender says "What is this, a joke?"And a personal favorite:A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey starts running around the bar, swinging from the light fixtures, jumping over the tables, and basically causing a ruckus. He jumps up on the pool table, picks up the cue ball, and swallows it. The bartender says "Did you see that? Your monkey just swallowed a cue ball!" The guy replies "Yeah, he always swallows stuff, here's money for a new cue ball, sorry about that." The guy finishes his drink and leaves with the monkey. A week or so later the guy comes back, again the monkey runs all over the place. He jumps up on the bar, goes to the bin that holds the fruit, picks up an olive, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and swallows it. The bartender says "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy replies "Yeah, he still swallows stuff, but ever since that cue ball he measures it first."Oh dear God!!!! My sides! The pain!Thank you Sir. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
insanity Posted March 30, 2015 Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2vwesgsnx0 1 Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Trewest Posted March 31, 2015 Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Tehre is a bar at the top of a tall building, looking over a fantastic view. Inside the bar is a man drinking heavily, and a bartender serving him silently. A new guy enters and wanders over to the first drinker, asking him how good the place is. Original drinker: Oh the liquor is fine and the service is great, but the best part about this place is the aerodynamics. New guy: aerodynamics? Original drinker: yeah, you see, if you jump out the window here by the 8ths floor a wind tunnel swoops you back up and brings you back inside. New guy: that's impossible Original drinker: buy me a drink and I'll show you. So teh new guy buys the man a drink, and then he calmly saunters over to the window opens it up and jumps out, he falls until the 8th floor and then miraculously is swooped back up and deposited right back in the window. New guy: no way, that's impossible! I don't believe it! Original drinker: Buy me antoher drink and I'll do it again. Once again the new guy buys him a drink and he jumps out the window. At hte 8th floor he swoops back up and lands inside the window again. New guy: amazing. I have to try it for myself. You buy me a drink and I'll jump. This time the original drinker buys the man a drink. The new guy guzzles it nervously, goes over to the window and finally works up the courage to jump. He falls and reaches the 8th floor, but then continues falling, all the way to the ground. Bartender: You're a real asshole when you're drunk Superman. 4 Quote "What doesn't kill me better start running", level 7 Furyan Assassin My Journey From Fat to Fit: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|CURRENT A proud member of the Champion House; Targaryen (Assassin's mini), Hufflepuff bravery is forgetting to be afraid because the thing is so important that the risk doesn't even matter (Assassin's mini) , Hellfire Club represent! (Assassin's mini) Link to comment
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