Sloth: The Man with the Hammer

[Sylvaa]

12 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

The guy who tries to get you to make a reservation for your next vacation gave me a bottle of Mama Juana, a liquor with aphrodisiac qualities. I’ll report back on it’s efficacy. 

 

[deftona]

22 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

The English sound charming no matter what they’re saying. 

 

[DJtrippyT]

On 1/2/2019 at 9:19 AM, Sylvaa said:

 woman literally pulled out a container of beef stew that she was planning on eating once she got through security. 

 

I once brought lasagna on an overseas flight. Airline food is terrible!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Enjoy your vacation!

[WhiteGhost]

11 hours ago, DJtrippyT said:

On 1/2/2019 at 10:19 PM, Sylvaa said:

 woman literally pulled out a container of beef stew that she was planning on eating once she got through security. 

 

I once brought lasagna on an overseas flight. Airline food is terrible!

I almost always bring a meal of my own on long haul flights.  Experience has taught me that at least one of the 3 meals is going to be completely inedible garbage.

 

11 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

You can tell Americans by their giant swim trunks (mine are mid-thigh).

Haha, yes!  So true  

 

[Sylvaa]

4 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

15 hours ago, DJtrippyT said:

On 1/2/2019 at 9:19 AM, Sylvaa said:

 woman literally pulled out a container of beef stew that she was planning on eating once she got through security. 

 

I once brought lasagna on an overseas flight. Airline food is terrible!

I almost always bring a meal of my own on long haul flights.  Experience has taught me that at least one of the 3 meals is going to be completely inedible garbage.

 

I definitely take food with me on airplanes regularly. But with the restrictions on liquids, I'm not sure why she thought stew would pass muster. 

[shaar]

18 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

The English sound charming no matter what they’re saying. 

 

Agreed.

 

Meanwhile I'm over here all AMERICAN GOOSE HONK

 

18 hours ago, DJtrippyT said:

 

I once brought lasagna on an overseas flight. Airline food is terrible!

 

I recently learned the virtues of being able to pass most food through TSA and brought three pieces of pizza through on my last flight!!!  I'll be DING DANG DAMNED if I pay $6 for a crappy piece of airport pizza when I can eat my own pre-packed FREE Slice, TYVM!

[Sloth the Enduring]

Friday update. 

 

Still having a great time. The kids refused the Monkey Land excursion. The silver lining is all the money I saved, the black cloud is obviously no monkeys. They refused to go because one of the highlights was “meet the locals” and who in their right mind would board a bus in order to go talk to people they don’t know. Chips off the old block they are. 

 

Another data point for Deffy, the English can swear at their kids and sound charming. Although I’ve only heard “fekking” not bellend or anything more creative. 

 

My stomach is still trying to kill me. I’m barely eating and not drinking. I’ve actually lost weight. 

 

I believe I’ve discovered the cause - spoilered for TMI

 

Ok, I can’t actually figure out spoilering on my phone. If you’re squeamish click out of here, I’ll wait. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyone still here?

Rumble tummy is a side effect of too much Viagra. Other side effect, sore abs. I’m not telling Mrs. Sloth about this as she already has enough reasons not to get frisky with me. 

[jstanlick]

1 hour ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

If you’re squeamish click out of here, I’ll wait.

You know what went through my head when I read that?

 

"Who would still be reading this battle log if they were squeamish? This is like the teaser before the commercial break to get you to stay on that channel just to see what happens next."

 

So, I read on. Sloth, you're a marketing genius!

[Sloth the Enduring]

On 1/1/2019 at 3:01 AM, WhiteGhost said:

I still can't do a proper manual  

 

You’re a lot more athletic than me, I bet you could pick it up quickly. 

 

On 1/1/2019 at 8:32 AM, WhiteGhost said:

TSA is the worst airport security company ever

 

Here if you get in that situation, you can have them save it and you can reclaim when you come back

 

That would have been nice. I’ve had that tool for half my life and it’s gotten me out of more than one jam. 

 

On 1/1/2019 at 8:43 AM, WhiteGhost said:

I have a funny story about one (of the many) times I got pulled aside for extra screening.  This happened in San Francisco. The guy comes over and tells me that I have been "randomly" selected for additional screening.  I make a joke and say "well, that's what I get for living in a communist country".  The gives me a really dirty look and says in his meanest voice "I don't have any comment about that, SIR!"  He then takes my passport and starts flipping through it and sees that half the pages have China visas and entry/exit stamps.  He stops and looks at me with his jaw slightly agape and mumbles "oh, I thought you were saying... I guess you... uh, have a nice day sir." and let me get back in line.  I think he was so shocked he forgot to do the additional screening

 

 

Lol. People don’t handle looking stupid well. 

 

On 1/1/2019 at 9:35 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

TSA is security theater, all they do is randomly harass people without actually doing anything. Any time they are tested they fail miserably. Also, it's a pretty toxic work environment. One of Sra. Tanque's cousins used to work there and it was as unhealthy an evironment working there as you might expect.

 

They are always hiring; I kinda thought I could do it as a retirement gig. I guess not. 

 

On 1/1/2019 at 1:04 PM, shaar said:

 

Best addendum ever.

 

Last month when I was leaving Vegas some ding dong dummy thought he could get through TSA with pockets full of quarters?? ??? Like???? IS THIS YOUR FIRST DAY ON EARTH DUDE, he ended up holding us all up for like 5 minutes because he had 'em in his pockets, socks, everywhere, and the machine kept honking at him like an overcaffeinated goose, it was a thing.

 

He also got the "special screening" afterwards.

 

Hah. The guys that get me worked up are the ones who have to go through the metal detector several times and then remember they’re wearing a belt. 

[deftona]

3 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Another data point for Deffy, the English can swear at their kids and sound charming. Although I’ve only heard “fekking” not bellend or anything more creative. 

 

You can't call children bellends, that's out of order. 

 

3 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Other side effect, sore abs.

 

Washboard abs here you come! 

[Sloth the Enduring]

On 1/2/2019 at 2:40 AM, elizevdmerwe said:

Brandt's metal hip always causes confusion here. There was a time when Brandt traveled to some other African countries twice or so per year. Once he told the 'security' at the check station that he has a metal hip, the guy acknowledged it, and then the machine went off as B walked through. Brandt had emptied his pockets, but this guy couldn't understand what was going on. He kept telling Brandt to "no, you must take it out", "you must show me". After a couple minutes B blew his fuse and asked the guy how the 'f' did he want him to take his metal hip inside his body out and show him? I was standing on the other side of the barrier, just watching this spectacle. Eventually someone else up the food chain came to see what the commotion was about and they let Brandt through.
Another time he walked through with nothing going off, so Brandt told the lady that the machines weren't working. She was not impressed and gave him a speech about their machines. He just turned around and walked out.

He once had to fly to Sudan for work (just before the country split), but he had absolutely no problems there security wise, except they insisted he put longs on (jeans/denims) and not wear long shorts.

 

It seems like no one ever listens to Brandt. 

 

I feel bad that he had to wear longs. 

 

On 1/2/2019 at 2:44 AM, Yasha92 said:

My little sister in law (17, so I guess not so little) always gets pulled aside for ‘random’ screening... ‘coincidently’ she is half Arab. Mr, myself, MIL, never additionally screened (actually that’s a lie, Mr had his ponytail tied up to tightly once that the compacted hair set the sensor off that there was probably something concealed in there XD, but that doesn’t fit with my anecdote... hey an anecdote within an anecdote!)

 

That’s similar to why I think I’m always pulled aside. I rarely fly, but shortly after 9/11 I flew a few times. That was back when TSA wasn’t very good at profiling people and everyone brownish got “just a random check sir”.  They don’t seem to be like that anymore, but I think I got pulled out of line enough to get put on a list. 

 

On 1/2/2019 at 10:19 AM, Sylvaa said:

Oh TSA, my special friend.

 

I have a bra I no longer wear because it kept getting me dinged going through security (it's got lace underneath the cups, not sure why this is a thing. I guess maybe extra fabric around the stomach?). I've also occasionally worn shirts with silver threading which should never be done (silver threading will get you searched every time). 

 

A few weeks ago, while traveling home, TSA made their regular speech around making sure you take out all food and this woman literally pulled out a container of beef stew that she was planning on eating once she got through security. 

 

Hah. 

 

We should ask Deffy, but I think a lacy bra like that and high cut panties give the illusion of a flat stomach. 

 

23 hours ago, KB Girl said:

... x|

 

Ikr, but it did make it easier to schedule stuff with the family. 

 

23 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

 

 

I’ve performed worse experiments. 

 

23 hours ago, deftona said:

 

 

I thought you might react like that. 

[DJtrippyT]

3 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

F

 

Anyone still here?

Rumble tummy is a side effect of [subedited for spoilering]  Other side effect, sore abs. I’m not telling Mrs. Sloth about this as she already has enough reasons not to get frisky with me. 

 

This is priceless 

[Sloth the Enduring]

23 hours ago, DJtrippyT said:

 

I once brought lasagna on an overseas flight. Airline food is terrible!

 

That’s brilliant. All I ever bring is a large sack of nuts. 

 

22 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Enjoy your vacation!

 

Thanks. I have been. 

 

12 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

I almost always bring a meal of my own on long haul flights.  Experience has taught me that at least one of the 3 meals is going to be completely inedible garbage.

 

Haha, yes!  So true  

 

 

I don’t think I’ve ever been on a flight long enough for a meal, much less three. I would go insane being on a plane that long. 

 

5 hours ago, shaar said:

 

Agreed.

 

Meanwhile I'm over here all AMERICAN GOOSE HONK

 

 

I recently learned the virtues of being able to pass most food through TSA and brought three pieces of pizza through on my last flight!!!  I'll be DING DANG DAMNED if I pay $6 for a crappy piece of airport pizza when I can eat my own pre-packed FREE Slice, TYVM!

 

AMERICAN GOOSE HONK!?! I’m dying here. Although I’ve seen your videos, more like a whippoorwill whisper. 

 

A couple of years ago I flew by myself and filled my quart bag with little bottles of booze to save money at the bar. But as soon as I bought a sandwich I realized the savings was in packing food. 

 

1 hour ago, jstanlick said:

 

 

"Who would still be reading this battle log if they were squeamish? This is like the teaser before the commercial break to get you to stay on that channel just to see what happens next."

 

 

I don’t think I deserve that reputation. All I report on this the every day stuff that everyone goes through. 

 

21 minutes ago, deftona said:

 

You can't call children bellends, that's out of order. 

 

 

That’s good to know because one of those kids keeps splashing me. 

[deftona]

On 1/2/2019 at 2:19 PM, Sylvaa said:

(it's got lace underneath the cups, not sure why this is a thing. I guess maybe extra fabric around the stomach?).

 

25 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

We should ask Deffy, but I think a lacy bra like that and high cut panties give the illusion of a flat stomach. 

 

If you mean like a long-line bra then it has no utility whatsoever except to make you look hawt. 

 

26 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

I thought you might react like that. 

 

I am happy to send you numerous offensive sound clips to back up my point. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

More Friday news. 

 

I ate part of a fish that was bigger than my kids. It was grilled on the beach and was fabulous. 

 

I know that I’m not very good at sitting around (my brain goes staticky) so I brought a kandame with. I am hampered by poor hand-eye coordination and my depth perception changes depending on my eye wear, but I’ve been doing it as I walk around and when I sit by the pool and can now catch it and flip it. My record is now four flips in a row. 

 

Today I was out just past where the waves crash. I was looking down trying to see if there was any wildlife (there wasn’t) and I found an iPhone about four feet down. It still worked. I turned it in to the guard. A while later I saw a woman looking for something. She was too anxious about it to thank me when I told her, but Mrs. Sloth said she shouted with joy when she got it back and it turned on. 

 

I’m not this good yet. 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

You can add iPhone Finder to your list of heroic feats along with the time you used a Kettlebell to get someone out of a wrecked car.

[shaar]

18 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You can add iPhone Finder to your list of heroic feats along with the time you used a Kettlebell to get someone out of a wrecked car.

 

Holy frick you have a great memory and I remember this story now!!!  FEATS OF GREATNESS!!!!

[Sloth the Enduring]

On 1/4/2019 at 4:23 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You can add iPhone Finder to your list of heroic feats along with the time you used a Kettlebell to get someone out of a wrecked car.

 

Uh,  no.  That is not going on my CV. People get too worked up about their phone and I need that kind of expectations and stress in my life. 

 

On 1/5/2019 at 10:26 AM, shaar said:

 

Holy frick you have a great memory and I remember this story now!!!  FEATS OF GREATNESS!!!!

 

Tank is the NF historian. Like the old guy in Buffy. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

32 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

That is not going on my CV. People get too worked up about their phone and I need that kind of expectations and stress in my life. 

 

Did you mean you don't need that kind of expectations and stress?  

[Sloth the Enduring]

Random stuff ahead with no fitness content. The last paragraph is not for the squeamish.  Apparently that won’t deter some of you, but it is in no way titillating.

 

I made the casual joke about wearing a Speedo if I ever get to go on another international beach vacation. Mrs. Sloth called me on it, now I will have to.  I figure I’ve got at least seven years to get beach body ready. 

 

my kandama record is up to a catch and 6 flips in a row.  Most folks who have tried it for the first time can catch about every third try.  It took me a few days to get there. This is why I was a runner/ biker instead of a ball sportster. 

 

I successfully bartered with a beach souvenir hawker for the first time ever.  Mostly because I only had a limited amount of cash and started putting stuff back when his number was too high. 

 

On the plane ride to and from and while I was exiled to the bathroom I watched the 10th doctor’s first season.  While my doctor is still the 4th and I think the 9th was the best,  I can’t say anything bad about David Tennant’s Doctor.  I look forward to getting some time to watch the next season. 

 

Is Torchwood worth watching?

 

I also watched the first two episodes of American Gods.  It was very good, but a bit too violent and too full of swears for my liking. Apparently I’m a prude. 

 

Back to work today.  The kids were super wound up. Behavior was fine, but my ears are ringing from the volume. Two weeks off is a blessing for me, but it is too long for the students. 

 

Fitnessing should start again tomorrow.  

 

I was sick for a couple more days and was better for a day and got sick again Sunday, just in time to travel.  I think maybe the real culprit was that I ate something I shouldn’t have (or shouldn’t have drank the water).  My  big learning was that a guy with a piss-poor immune system and a weak stomach shouldn’t be an adventurous diner.

 

Anyway, the plane ride was rough.  I held it in as long as I could, I was relieved when we finally landed, but we taxied forever.  I thought we finally stopped so I ran back to the bathroom to throw up, based on the smell a few people did that ahead of me, but we weren’t quite stopped yet.  The flight attendants got really worked up.  They told me that federal regulations wouldn’t allow the plane to park if someone is in the bathroom.  The flight attendants argued about who was going to call the pilot and tell him until I got out and sat my ass back down. To make it more fun, I spent an hour or so in the middle of the night projectile vomiting. The volume was astounding, especially considering how little I’d eaten in the last few days. Things are better today. 

[deftona]

I'm sorry you're starring in your very own remake of The Exorcist but I hope it didn't put a downer on your holiday which I have been vicariously enjoying also so thank you for letting me freeload via social media. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

That stinks about so much vomiting. 

 

It is a good ab workout though.

[Sloth the Enduring]

I'm sorry you're starring in your very own remake of The Exorcist but I hope it didn't put a downer on your holiday which I have been vicariously enjoying also so thank you for letting me freeload via social media. 

Oh no. It was a great trip. The only downer was I couldn’t eat much or drink.

More about my fascination with the British folks, Mrs. Sloth made friends with a woman who looked like a regular person version of posh spice and sounded exactly like her. I wanted to ask her to sing a bit of Saturday Night Divas.

[Sloth the Enduring]

That stinks about so much vomiting. 
 
It is a good ab workout though.

Yes, it stank very much.

I’ve got a great six pack under this layer of flab.