Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

Slow night is slow.  Probably because college students are gone AND it’s currently 47F at 9pm so it’s nice enough that people are walking instead of calling rides. Nbd, I’m getting food then I can go home and read or maybe complain here more before I go to bed early. I slept for almost 10 hours last night and I woke up feeling reasonably human but I’m running on such a sleep debt that more wont hurt. 

[fleaball]

Wendy's gave me a gross spicy chicken sandwich instead of the burger I ordered. They didn't give me a receipt so I have no way to complain online, and because my father needed help with 27 things when I got home, I didn't even open the bag until an hour later so there's no point in going back. I am so done with everything.

[fleaball]

Was awake way too late again. Also boob cat jumped on the bed for the first time in a while. My boobs were safe but he stabbed my feet repeatedly and even though he didn’t break the skin it hurt forever. Bastard. Now I need to go out but I don’t want to. Except it’s either get ready now, or wait two hours because my brother will be getting up soon and god forbid you get in the way of his schedule that is only known to him. >_>

[NeverThatBored]

23 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Also boob cat jumped on the bed for the first time in a while. My boobs were safe but he stabbed my feet repeatedly and even though he didn’t break the skin it hurt forever. Bastard.

 

Cats are so great!  

[fleaball]

Turns out he apparently did break the skin. Right by my toenail. So now it hurts when I do basically anything with my foot. Yay. 

 

52 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Cats are so great!  

Cats are monsters that have tricked us into fawning over them just for existing. It’s pretty evil tbh. 

[Sylvaa]

10 minutes ago, fleaball said:

 

Cats are monsters that have tricked us into fawning over them just for existing. It’s pretty evil genius tbh. 

 

FTFY. My ultimate goal in life right there. 

[fleaball]

I should really be driving today but somehow I’ve worked myself up so much over it for no reason that I apparently just need the mental health day. I meant to post last night that I was so relieved and happy not to be going to the transcription place today and somehow that all just evaporated. I don’t know what it was. I got up, showered, did all the things... but even before I got in the shower there was just this feeling of something holding me back. Like “nooooo don’t do it.” So that’s fun. 

[fleaball]

Plan for today: get food, read a book, pay my health insurance for next month, work on finding a therapist since no one will answer me. 

 

Reality: get food with my father, get shanghaied into helping him buy a new mattress, spend the last two hours trying to get my computer to work since it freezes as soon as I try to open Chrome. D: Mental health day my ass. 

[NeverThatBored]

3 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Plan for today: get food, read a book, pay my health insurance for next month, work on finding a therapist since no one will answer me. 

 

Reality: get food with my father, get shanghaied into helping him buy a new mattress, spend the last two hours trying to get my computer to work since it freezes as soon as I try to open Chrome. D: Mental health day my ass. 

 

Books don't freeze! What are you reading?

[fleaball]

11 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Books don't freeze! What are you reading?

Okay full disclosure, I said “book” but earlier in the day I really intended to read fanfic. And maybe also a real book. I have a stack of books on trauma and toxic parents and such, and think right now I’m gonna go with The Body Keeps the Score, which is about how trauma affects your brain, mind, and body and how to unlearn some of it. Or at least that’s what it sounds like on the jacket. 

[NeverThatBored]

2 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Okay full disclosure, I said “book” but earlier in the day I really intended to read fanfic.

 

Hey, no judgement here! I used to read (and write) fanfiction constantly for years, but then I eventually lost interest or exhausted my fandoms or something. I was sort of dissatisfied after I saw Star Wars the other day though, so I went looking for fanfics that were more satisfying.  

[fleaball]

Yeah nope, tried to read real book but too tired to pay attention. Fanfic it is. 

 

39 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Hey, no judgement here! I used to read (and write) fanfiction constantly for years, but then I eventually lost interest or exhausted my fandoms or something. I was sort of dissatisfied after I saw Star Wars the other day though, so I went looking for fanfics that were more satisfying.  

Didn’t think you were judging. I give no fucks anyway.  I tend to find fic more satisfying than published fiction because I already know the characters so you don’t have to spend the first 30 pages with pointless exposition, even if the setting is different. (Usually. Some people just can’t write.)

 

I’m just frustrated because I have this stack of books that look really interesting and are supposed to be helpful, but I lack either the time or the energy to focus on them when I want to. :/ 

[NeverThatBored]

49 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I’m just frustrated because I have this stack of books that look really interesting and are supposed to be helpful, but I lack either the time or the energy to focus on them when I want to. :/ 

 

I mean, if the idea was having a refreshing mental health day, forcing yourself to read heavy nonfiction might not be the way to go. Even if it would be helpful.

 

Could you do something like trying to read just a few pages every night before bed?

[Cataleya]

I second the few pages thing. Sometimes when I'm tired but know if feel better after some reading I tell myself I'll just read a section or two. I usually end up reading a bit more than that and what do you know, then I feel a lot better.

[WhiteGhost]

wow, 100 pages  

 

6 hours ago, fleaball said:

Mental health day my ass. 

Hope tomorrow is better!

[fleaball]

I think at least part of my problem with anxiety and not wanting to leave the house is that I’m not eating enough. Forget eating properly, I’m just straight up not wearing. I don’t eat immediately before bed, then I sleep for too long, get up and shower, dick around on my phone, then get food. So that’s like, usually 12+ hours without food. And I’m not eating well enough during the other 12 to pretend it’s IF or something. So now my issue becomes “how do I get over not wanting to be in the kitchen enough to make nutritious food/snacks without but not drive myself crazy going all-in?” 

 

I’m depressed. I have no energy. My sleep quality sucks. I know eating better food will help all of this, and I know when I went vegan before I felt so much better super quickly. But I’m not entirely sure how to find a middle ground where I can make some changes but not overwhelm myself with it. Overnight oats is a quick, easy solution, but beyond that I’ve got nothing. 

 

Suggestions welcome, although this was more a “thinking out loud” type post.

 

Also, a window into why Lyft sucks: Tuesday night I did 7 rides and made $68. Tonight I’ve done 8 and made $34. Bleh. 

[fleaball]

On 12/20/2017 at 10:48 PM, NeverThatBored said:

 

I mean, if the idea was having a refreshing mental health day, forcing yourself to read heavy nonfiction might not be the way to go. Even if it would be helpful.

 

Could you do something like trying to read just a few pages every night before bed?

This particular book is something I’d be interested in even if it weren’t relevant, but I see your point. I might try the few pages thing. 

 

On 12/20/2017 at 11:09 PM, Cataleya said:

I second the few pages thing. Sometimes when I'm tired but know if feel better after some reading I tell myself I'll just read a section or two. I usually end up reading a bit more than that and what do you know, then I feel a lot better.

True. I think my biggest problem is that at this point in the night my brain is just like “nooooo no more words whyyyy”

 

22 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

wow, 100 pages  

 

Hope tomorrow is better!

It was! Danke. 

[fleaball]

Aaaaaaand my computer is still fucked. It won’t do anything. When I open the task manager it says the disk is at 100% even though everything it shows is at 0 mbps. But it’s whirring like it’s preparing for takeoff. 

 

Also, I sincerely regret taking Wednesday off. It’s going to snow and then turn into freezing rain tomorrow. :/ I was going to attempt driving after my doctor appointment at 3, but I’m not sure that’s an option anymore. Lame sauce. 

[NeverThatBored]

16 hours ago, fleaball said:

I think at least part of my problem with anxiety and not wanting to leave the house is that I’m not eating enough. Forget eating properly, I’m just straight up not wearing. I don’t eat immediately before bed, then I sleep for too long, get up and shower, dick around on my phone, then get food. So that’s like, usually 12+ hours without food. And I’m not eating well enough during the other 12 to pretend it’s IF or something. So now my issue becomes “how do I get over not wanting to be in the kitchen enough to make nutritious food/snacks without but not drive myself crazy going all-in?” 

 

 

*comes to Boston and cooks you food*

 

Maybe you could start by figuring out a few super basic batch recipes to prepare that you can eat for a while and take very little time.

 

Like this?

 

 

[fleaball]

Lyft's feedback system is so dumb. Every Friday you get an email with your feedback since last Friday. It tells you how many 5-star ratings you got, then groups 4-stars and below all together. With no context for any of them. I understand not wanting drivers to know who rated them poorly because revenge or something, but how am I supposed to know if the one person who flagged safety as a reason for their rating is being a jerk over something small or if I committed some horrible crime against traffic and didn't realize? I would also like to point out the ridiculousness of getting "great conversation" and "talk more" in the same week.  (Seriously, if you want a conversation, start one. Or go join a book club or something.) At the end of the day none of it means a hell of a lot but it's still annoying that Lyft is all about "make your riders happy you should all be bffs!" but gives you zero actionable things to work on. 

[fleaball]

Mobile ordered Starbucks on the way to the doctor. Except I get there and it turns out my order never went through. So now I’m stuck waiting for it because it decided to go through when i opened the app when I got to the store. :/ and my appointment is in 14 minutes, 10 minutes away with little parking. Fuuuuuck. 

[fleaball]

Called to say I would be a few minutes late. Receptionist is like “uhhhh okay but you’re a new patient so we need extra time.” Get here only two minutes late because the parking lot is miraculously empty, ten minutes later I’m still sitting in the waiting room? With no new patient paperwork or anything?

[fleaball]

Got 3 rides in after my appointment before calling it a night. Because the weather people who said we’d get “a coating to one inch” of snow were full of shit. I’m probably not going to get enough rides in over the next two days to get a bonus, which makes me a sad flea. 

 

Have spent the past two hours trying to figure out why my computer is being a dick. It’s refreshing now (deleting everything and restarting. idk what they used to call it or why they changed the name) and has been stuck at 85% forever. 

 

I also get to decorate the fucking Christmas tree with my father because I am incapable of self-preservation. If this doesn’t end with someone getting an ornament hook shoved in their eye I will be extremely surprised. 

[fleaball]

Christmas tree decorating was a bitch and I have scratches on my arms, hands, and lips (!!) from trying to rearrange branches. 

 

Then I decided I was gonna go to the store, supposedly to get ice cream but really to get his stocking stuffers because no way is my brother going to attempt it. He decides he wants to come with so he doesn’t have to go when it’s crazy this weekend. And every time I was like “okay is that all your stuff? Great I’ll go get mine now” he just followed. Damn, I should have made a show of getting a zillion packages of pads. Oh well. Luckily my brother took forever to come inside (he has to be walked in by a manager and they were slow) so I was like “you go warm up the car, I’ll find him!” So I ran around grabbing random shit. 

 

Then my brother winds up being in a pissy mood because someone called out and screwed him over. So it’s just been a great day all around. 

 

Now I’m trying to get my computer back to normal after rebooting or whatever the fuck I did to it. I have to reinstall everything. So far it’s working okay, but I’m not sure I trust it. 

[fleaball]

Hooooooly shit. I just checked the Lyft app and it’s at 500% prime time downtown. Probably because the streets are fucking sheets of ice. Yikes. But I am not brave enough or crazy enough to attempt that. 

 

Anyway. Apparently after you do 1000 rides you get a fleece jacket? Which should be 5 weeks or less for me if I stay on track. I certainly won’t wear it with pride  but I won’t argue if someone wants to send me free stuff. I’ve seen pictures online and they don’t look terrible. But I’m the genius who moved back to Boston without a winter coat so it will be something a little classier than the hoodies I have.