I do not know what went wrong.

[Mitchilich]

I'm not sure where to begin.  I did not expect to find myself in the Respawn section. 

 

I battle anxiety and strange 'mental blocks' that can sometimes completely derail me.  When I am on a program, and everything "fits" correctly (I'll explain this in a bit), then I can go for long stretches of time.  But inevitably, we tire of the same things, or we need a change.  When that happens, I am crippled.  Finding or devising a new program is a nightmare.  There are plenty of good ones, and I know that.  I know I am capable of writing my own as well.  But I get so caught up in not being able to move forward.  A fear of success is how I can best explain it.  I.e., if I succeed, I have to expect this from myself all the time.  That increases pressure, which in turn means I need to go play my console emulators or search the internet for the same things I have searched for over and over again. 

 

When I try to act on something, be it a new program I found or one I wrote, in my mind I have done it a thousand times and I am already tired of it.  Also, if I only have incline bench in this program as a press, then what about my serratus anterior?  Dips, Pushups... no no, not unless I get rid of inclines and just focus on one of those.  It doesn't "FIT" to have both of them in one program.  But for back I can do more than one thing because there are more parts to the back than the chest.  << This is the kind of psychotic mess that beleaguers me when I am faced with change.  It's the stupidest shit I have ever read, and I am embarrassed to post it.  But it goes way beyond what I just wrote.  Does anyone else suffer from this?  Paralysis by analysis.  Then I think I find something I might want to pursue, but it's too hard, I don't have a resource to learn it, or it leaves something out I want in it.  

 

It happens even when I get interested in more than one thing at a time.  Naturally I want to do a little research, but then I'm trying to find out about Karate, telescopes, building my own laser, learning to write another programming language, solving the Cicada 3301 puzzles, or how to level a yard.... it's too much, so instead of doing any of those, I'll go play Grand Theft Auto 5.   It's gotten to the point where my patience is worn out, and I even have trouble learning... or rather, having the patience to learn. 

 

Usually the way this ends is I get caught up in something else for a while, until the next crash.  But I want this pattern to stop, and I want to be consistent with practice, diet, etc.

 

I refuse to edit this.  I sound like a lunatic, but that's it.  That's what is going on.

[Andrees]

Whoa that's one hell of a rant!  It seems you've already done a good job of identifying what your issue is and that's half the battle solved.  Good!  Focus on and prioritize what you really want since you already realize that you can't have it all (not immediately anyway).  You're not the first person this has happened to and if you look around at other posts I'm sure others will confess the same. 

 

I used to be in that same boat since I try to run, lift and box to keep fit. I used to have it all on spreadsheets with exactly which day of the week to do which exercise.  Unfortunately real life tends to happen and if I missed one or was too sore to do a certain day I'd get upset and scrap it all because it wasn't perfect.  Life and the journey to stay fit isn't perfect so you shouldn't expect it to be.  Again figure out a short-term attainable goal and don't get upset if it doesn't work out perfectly.  Pick yourself up and keep trying.  Best of luck with the respawn, keep on rebelling.

[Kestrel Grey]

The only thing I would say is, find a fitness activity that is fun. In and of itself. If you get tied up and demotivated by wondering if your next/current plan is perfect, find something where results aren't the main focus.

Have you tried Crossfit? It sounds like you prefer strength training, and crossfit will give you a constantly challenging workout that you don't have to analyse.  Working out with a team might be the enjoyment/motivation factor you need to stop worrying and just do it.