Fearkiller Posted October 14, 2014 Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 A nerd drummed up all the courage he had to ask the head cheerleader to the prom, and much to his astonishment she said yes!Then he realized "Good heavens! I'll need a tuxedo!" so he went to the tux shop and due to prom season he had to wait in line for four hours.Then he realized he needed a corsage but of course with prom season the flower shop was swamped, he stood in line for five hours."A limo!" exclaimed to himself upon getting the corsage, and at the limo place he waited for six hours. Finally the big night came,he showed up at the girl's home with the limo and a corsage, looking great in his tux. They went to prom, danced a lot and sat down, exhausted.His date asked him to get her a drink so he walked across the gym to the refresment area, where there was no punch line.(Tvtropes.org, Anti-humor) 4 Quote "There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged | STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.1 | 15.2 | Milythaels' HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good. It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories "Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." - Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. "Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky "Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings "I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit "If you do strange things, strange things will happen!" "That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker Link to comment
Shortgorilla Posted October 14, 2014 Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 A nerd drummed up all the courage he had to ask the head cheerleader to the prom, and much to his astonishment she said yes!Then he realized "Good heavens! I'll need a tuxedo!" so he went to the tux shop and due to prom season he had to wait in line for four hours.Then he realized he needed a corsage but of course with prom season the flower shop was swamped, he stood in line for five hours."A limo!" exclaimed to himself upon getting the corsage, and at the limo place he waited for six hours. Finally the big night came,he showed up at the girl's home with the limo and a corsage, looking great in his tux. They went to prom, danced a lot and sat down, exhausted.His date asked him to get her a drink so he walked across the gym to the refresment area, where there was no punch line.(Tvtropes.org, Anti-humor)Wow, that was awesome. Blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a store. They work their way the middle of the aisle, and the blind man reaches down, grabs his dog by the tail and starts swinging him around above his head. The store manager runs over and exclaims "Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?" to which the blind man replies "Just lookin' around." 2 Quote PVP Challenge (Deadlift and OHP): http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/69895-shorts-race-for-the-big-two-ongoing-challenge/ My Battle Log: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/44606-shortgorilla-is-fat/ Link to comment
Barfly Posted October 16, 2014 Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a store. Not a very well trained dog. 1 Quote The past is only smoke in a dream. Lvl 6 Ranger Berzerker STR 9 DEX 4 STA 9 CON 8 WIS 2 CHA 8 Barfly ain't even tryin'... Link to comment
kaelvan Posted October 22, 2014 Report Share Posted October 22, 2014 Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.Chemistry has ruined me 1 Quote “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.†~Paulo Coelho I'm a level 3 moon elf, who's an druid assassin. My InspirationTumblr, which helps me stay the course for art challengeFB, which I guess we could be friend My challengeInstagram Link to comment
kaelvan Posted October 22, 2014 Report Share Posted October 22, 2014 Did I post this already? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llmCUgWZ0zKEIf you did, I'm sorry then. Chemistry jokes one few things making chemistry for me more bearable. Quote “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.†~Paulo Coelho I'm a level 3 moon elf, who's an druid assassin. My InspirationTumblr, which helps me stay the course for art challengeFB, which I guess we could be friend My challengeInstagram Link to comment
cracked_belle Posted October 22, 2014 Report Share Posted October 22, 2014 3 Quote there is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or Why or Who you are. you want one and I want one, but there isn't one. it comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. and yet you are all that you have, so you must be Enough. there is no other way. ― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia Link to comment
SevenofSeven Posted October 22, 2014 Report Share Posted October 22, 2014 Some of those were funnier than they should have been.................I'm so tired! Quote Wait! What............? Link to comment
insanity Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Speaking of puns... Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
JerseyLightning Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 A politician dies and is sent to the pearly gates where he meets St. Peter. "So, where am I going to end up?" the politician asks. "It's up to you. But first, before I could let you decide, I'll have to send you to hell first, then heaven. After that, you may choose your final resting place," St. Peter replies. The politician, thinking this is fair, agrees and is first sent to hell. What he finds shocks him. He sees all his friends having a banquet and playing golf, so he joins them. He even gets to chat with the Devil. "Hell isn't so bad after all," the politician thinks. St. Peter calls for the politician to go back up to the pearly gates. The politician, having the time of his life, is reluctant to part with hell, but goes. "Now it's time for you to experience heaven," St. Peter says, but before he could send the politician to heaven, the politician quickly says that there was no need. He chooses hell. The next day, he is sent down to hell. What he finds shocks him again. He sees all his friends groaning in misery as demons whipped them. When he sees the Devil, the politician immediately goes to him and asks, "What happened? Yesterday, everything was great! There was a feast and everyone was enjoying themselves!" The Devil slings his arms around the politician's shoulders as he guides him further into the realm and says, "Yesterday was our campaign. Today, you voted for us!" Quote JL: Level 3 Turtle Tamer "I didn't come here for the easy life." current challenge thread | daily battle log | epic quest The One-Year Fanfic Ban (START: 6/8/2015) 0%0% Link to comment
JerseyLightning Posted October 27, 2014 Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she has no arms.*knock knock* "Who's there?" "Not Sally." A follow-up of Sally jokes: Why didn't Sally get up after she fell? She had no legs. Why did Sally cry? Because she had no friends. What did Sally get for Christmas? Presents she couldn't open. Where did Sally go after the explosion? Everywhere. Quote JL: Level 3 Turtle Tamer "I didn't come here for the easy life." current challenge thread | daily battle log | epic quest The One-Year Fanfic Ban (START: 6/8/2015) 0%0% Link to comment
Artinum Posted October 27, 2014 Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Why did Sally cry? Because she had no friends.What did Sally get for Christmas? Presents she couldn't open. From whom?? Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
insanity Posted October 27, 2014 Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 From whom??Santa.... Santa isn't a friend to anyone... at least in my experience. Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
JerseyLightning Posted November 1, 2014 Report Share Posted November 1, 2014 A: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house. A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: The chicken Quote JL: Level 3 Turtle Tamer "I didn't come here for the easy life." current challenge thread | daily battle log | epic quest The One-Year Fanfic Ban (START: 6/8/2015) 0%0% Link to comment
insanity Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 You have me on Ignore or something, schmuck? http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/23624-ba-dum-tiss-bad-joke-thread/?p=1257822Man... that was one hell of a loop I got into.... and no, must have missed that video. Schmuck... hmm... I'll take it. *Walks off proudly* Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
insanity Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 A: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house. A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: The chicken HAHAHAHA.... so this was the conversation that followed after I read that. Me: Why did the chicken cross the road Here: I don't know Me: To get to the idiots house Me: Knock Knock... Her: Oh hell now... I'm not an idiot Me: *walking away laughing* Her: I'm not opening the door for a duck Me: You were saying?? 2 Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted November 6, 2014 Report Share Posted November 6, 2014 What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?Attire 3 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
insanity Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 You know how women say you can tell the size of a guys package by the size of his shoe? I wear a size 11... hello ladies.... My foot is a size 6 though.... 1 Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
insanity Posted November 17, 2014 Report Share Posted November 17, 2014 This guy brings his best friend home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30pm,after work.His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed andlistens to the tirade..."My bloody hair & makeup are not done, the house is a f****** mess, thedishes aren't done !Can't you see I'm still in my f****** pajamas and I can't be botheredwith cooking tonight!Why the f*** did you bring him home unannounced you stupid idiot?"Because he's thinking of getting married." 3 Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Fearkiller Posted December 10, 2014 Report Share Posted December 10, 2014 In Wise Man's Fear, we get this piece of gold from Kvothe. Bonus points in that's actually in a book Spoilers, because it's rather long:“Once upon a time,†I began. “There was a little boy born in a little town. He was perfect, or so his mother thought.But one thing was different about him. He had a gold screw in his belly button. Just the head of it peeping out.“Now his mother was simply glad he had all his fingers and toes to count with. But as the boy grew up he realized not everyone had screws in their belly buttons, let alone gold ones. He asked his mother what it was for, but she didn’t know. Next he asked his father, but his father didn’t know. He asked his grandparents, but they didn’t know either. “That settled it for a while, but it kept nagging him. Finally, when he was old enough, he packed a bag and set out, hoping he could find someone who knew the truth of it. He went from place to place, asking everyone who claimed to know something about anything. He asked midwives and physickers, but they couldn’t make heads or tails of it. The boy asked arcanists, tinkers, and old hermits living in the woods, but no one had ever seen anything like it. “He went to ask the Cealdim merchants, thinking if anyone would know about gold, it would be them. But the Cealdim merchants didn’t know. He went to the arcanists at the University, thinking if anyone would know about screws and their workings, they would. But the arcanists didn’t know. The boy followed the road over the Stormwal to ask the witch women of the Tahl, but none of them could give him an answer. “Eventually he went to the King of Vint, the richest king in the world. But the king didn’t know. He went to the Emperor of Atur, but even with all his power, the emperor didn’t know. He went to each of the small kingdoms, one by one, but no one could tell him anything. “Finally the boy went to the High King of Modeg, the wisest of all the kings in the world. The high king looked closely at the head of the golden screw peeping from the boy’s belly button. Then the high king made a gesture, and his seneschal brought out a pillow of golden silk. On that pillow was a golden box. The high king took a golden key from around his neck, opened the box, and inside was a golden screwdriver. “The high king took the screwdriver and motioned the boy to come closer. Trembling with excitement, the boy did.Then the high king took the golden screwdriver and put it in the boy’s belly button.â€I paused to take a long drink of water. I could feel my small audience leaning toward me.“Then the high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the boy’s ass fell off.†2 Quote "There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged | STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.1 | 15.2 | Milythaels' HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good. It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories "Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." - Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. "Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky "Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings "I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit "If you do strange things, strange things will happen!" "That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted December 10, 2014 Report Share Posted December 10, 2014 ^ I remember when my grandpa told my son this joke. Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Suited hippy Posted December 10, 2014 Report Share Posted December 10, 2014 My Girlfriend just threw her bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me for making a bad pun, but I only received super fish oil injuries. 5 Quote Currently lost in Fitness. Link to comment
insanity Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 My Girlfriend just threw her bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me for making a bad pun, but I only received super fish oil injuries.LOL... that was way funnier than it should have been.... Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Artinum Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 Mine threw waterfowl at me. I ducked. 1 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 I know most of you guys are on the MOT, but I had to cross share this one because of the topic there What do you call a cheap circumcision?A rip off! Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
FamilyBeer Posted December 12, 2014 Report Share Posted December 12, 2014 True story, reminded by ^ After our first son was born, my parents came to visit and, in relating the story of his birth and small weight and time in the incubator, etc. it came out that we had our son circumcised about which my wife said, just like his dad. My mum said, he's not circumcised, to which my wife replied, yes he is, to which my mum replied, oh, well he must have done it himself. Yeah mum, I downloaded a kit from the Internet. 2 Quote Challenge Logs: Current Challenge 3 2 1 Battlelog Origin of Name: FN: Julian -> Jules -> Family Jewels -> Family LN: Rickards = Canadian brand of Beer -> Beer Call me "FamilyBeer" (or just Jules) Link to comment
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