Butternut Posted June 14, 2016 Report Share Posted June 14, 2016 I tried eating a clock today.... it was very time consuming. 3 Quote "One should eat to live, not live to eat." -Molaire- "People always forget their hangover" -My dear ol' dad "People are born to live, while some are born to evolve." Link to comment
Fearkiller Posted June 15, 2016 Report Share Posted June 15, 2016 18 hours ago, RandMart said: Did you hear about the typographer who was convicted of Libel? He was printing bold-faced lies FTFY. 2 Quote "There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged | STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.1 | 15.2 | Milythaels' HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good. It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories "Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." - Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. "Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky "Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings "I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit "If you do strange things, strange things will happen!" "That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker Link to comment
Artinum Posted June 15, 2016 Report Share Posted June 15, 2016 Truly, you are the font of all knowledge. 2 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Guzzi Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 11 hours ago, RandMart said: For instance, our safe-word was " Archaeopteryx " Funny thing is, that was HER idea Did she also like feathered Boas? Feathered snakes - to go with the feathered dinosaurs **Cheesy!!!!** Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Artinum Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 I don't hold with having snakes for pets. They're too constricting. 2 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Guzzi Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Artinum Posted June 24, 2016 Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 19 hours ago, RandMart said: There should be a Monty Python joke coming up soon Nobody would be expecting it. 5 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Fearkiller Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Was she awwoofful in bed? 2 Quote "There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged | STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.1 | 15.2 | Milythaels' HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good. It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories "Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." - Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. "Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky "Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings "I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit "If you do strange things, strange things will happen!" "That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker Link to comment
Bearded_Dragon Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 7 hours ago, RandMart said: I met a girl at a bar once, and as we were getting ready to ... she said "I think I should tell you, I have lupus" To which I replied, "You're a werewolf?" < yes, you may make a "doggie-style" joke, if you feel so inclined > Don't worry, it's never lupus #HouseMD 4 Quote Link to comment
Guzzi Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 Best billboard advertising slogan for a law firm, (supposedly genuine) Just because you did it doesn't mean you're guilty! Que lawyer jokes. Annnnnnnd GO! 3 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 In the Army, if you lose your rifle you get fined £200 That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 3 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 I'm sure this one has been posted before, possibly by @Tomu-san??? Still worth a giggle though. I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. And it works. I already have three people following me—two police officers and a psychiatrist. 3 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 Americans are weird. They have a holiday called Independence Day then put pressure on you to spend it with other people. 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 Hahahaha! Yeah, BBQs just aren't the same in November! Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Basement Cat Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 On 04/07/2016 at 8:43 AM, Guzzi said: Que lawyer jokes. Annnnnnnd GO! How's this? 3 Quote Current form: Chubby House Cat (lvl4) Weight objective: 20% S. 4 P. 6 E. 4 C. 7 I. 8 A. 4 L. 5 Battle log Current Challenge Handy linky. Link to comment
Tanktimus the Encourager Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 1 hour ago, Guzzi said: Hahahaha! Yeah, BBQs just aren't the same in November! They are in Texas. 1 Quote Current Challenge "By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 On 7/4/2016 at 8:43 AM, Guzzi said: Best billboard advertising slogan for a law firm, (supposedly genuine) Just because you did it doesn't mean you're guilty! Que lawyer jokes. Annnnnnnd GO! What do you get if you have 100 lawyers up to their necks in sand? More sand. 5 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Guzzi Posted July 11, 2016 Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 Q.What does a lawyer get if you give him viagra? A.Taller 5 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Mark D Posted July 11, 2016 Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 What do you call 100 lawyers chained together on the bottom of the ocean? A good start. What's the hard part about shaking hands with a good lawyer? Digging him up first. How can you tell if blood on the road is cause by someone hitting a squirrel or a lawyer? There will be skid marks from where the driver tried to stop before hitting the squirrel. And on to other professions: What's the difference between God and a doctor? God doesn't think he's a doctor. How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's a hardware problem, call an engineer. What's the difference between a bag of fertilizer and a politician? One's a sack of shit, and the other can be used to make flowers grow. What's the difference between a politician and a prostitute? A prostitute will stop screwing you once you're dead. How can you tell if a politician is lying? His lips are moving. Why do most politicians have brown eyes? They're full of crap to the eyebrows. Why do some have blue eyes? They're down a quart. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip the waiters. Try the pork chops! 5 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Basement Cat Posted July 12, 2016 Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 5 Quote Current form: Chubby House Cat (lvl4) Weight objective: 20% S. 4 P. 6 E. 4 C. 7 I. 8 A. 4 L. 5 Battle log Current Challenge Handy linky. Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted July 12, 2016 Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Two lawyers are walking down the street and they pass a gorgeous woman. The first lawyer says, "Man, I'd like to screw her!" The second lawyer says, "Out of what?" 2 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Myrdinn Posted July 14, 2016 Report Share Posted July 14, 2016 What do you call a magical dog? A Labracadabradore. 6 Quote Level 2 Warlock Battle Log | First Challenge | Current Challenge Link to comment
Artinum Posted July 14, 2016 Report Share Posted July 14, 2016 What do you call a fat dog? A broader collie. 2 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Guzzi Posted July 16, 2016 Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 4 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Raidho Posted July 31, 2016 Report Share Posted July 31, 2016 Three cats raced across a lake. The first cat, from England, was named One, Two, Three. The second cat , from France, was named Un Duex Trois The third cat, from Germany, was named Einz Zwei Drei. All three cats took off to swim across the lake, but only the English & German cats came ashore on the other side. Why? Because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq *Rimshot* 4 Quote In case you were wondering it's pronounced rye-dough, but most call me Rai (like the whiskey) for short. My current challenge can be found HERE <<Insert witty, motivational statement here>> Link to comment
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