Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

7 hours ago, Owlet said:

Wow yeah, I can see why. That is either really unlucky or... nah I think it's just really unlucky. Although maybe partly induced by high levels of stress? Obviously not the sprained ankle, but maybe some of the other stuff is cause your body is just fed up with charging around on high alert all the time. I actually have no idea, but I do think mental and physical states are more closely linked than is commonly acknowledged. Either way, please takecare of yourself, especially with internship etc coming up!

 

Agree. I reckon do your best to eat well, get a good sleep routine etc, basically do the stuff that will  help you rather than stress you out even more. It may just be about surviving as best you can for a period. If you can pick a couple of basic, lifestyle kinda goals to work on, you could come out of it with some good solid habits. 

I'm sure my immune system has been fucked because of stress and it certainly hasn't helped with weight loss. Does it actually affect physical injuries as well? That would explain a lot. 

 

Yeah, I'm probably going with shit like preparing all my lunches on Sunday and whatnot. Boring but still needed and doable. 

 

7 hours ago, Owlet said:

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA oh god. Or hell, just come to New Zealand and get fried to crisp under our ozone hole. 

Do y'all have all the hellbeasts Australia does? Because if so that's going to be a hard pass.

 

3 hours ago, athousandwords said:

My sister and her husband are Vegan and love tanning.  Then they talk about how healthy their lifestyle is...

 

New favorite gif. When I finally get around to doing this, everyone is freely encouraged to call me out if I do shit like that.

[fleaball]

How to tell you're getting your period soon: I'm reading a fanfic in which there are cats, and I'm tearing up. Because cats. 

 

Related: after all the raging about not getting the results from the shitty gyn, I made an appointment today with the new guy (for next week) and it turns out they're part of the same system/organization/whatever. I'm technically a new patient because it's a different location, but all my information was in the computer when the girl took my name. Rawrrrr I could've done this weeks ago.

[Owlet]

3 hours ago, fleaball said:

Do y'all have all the hellbeasts Australia does? Because if so that's going to be a hard pass.

Haha nope. We are an island (or 3) of birds, so the only hellbeasts are possums, ferrits, stoats, rats and cats. And pretty much any other introduced animal depending on how much of a conservationist you are lol. Look at this guy:

The only flightless parrot in the world, and the heaviest at that, and also extremely endangered. Or our namesake, the kiwi!

once upon a time we had giant eagles and the Moa, both of which could mess you around:

 

Other than that it's just the sun and poor bandwidth you have to contend with. We do have excellent coffee though. Ok enough birds.

 

3 hours ago, fleaball said:

I'm sure my immune system has been fucked because of stress and it certainly hasn't helped with weight loss. Does it actually affect physical injuries as well? That would explain a lot. 

No idea tbh, but I guess it might slow down your body's ability to heal itself? Or at the least make it hard to deal with, mentally. 

[fleaball]

Holy shit I'm glad only the derpy birds are still around. The other ones are terrifying. 

 

1 hour ago, Owlet said:

No idea tbh, but I guess it might slow down your body's ability to heal itself? Or at the least make it hard to deal with, mentally. 

Totally makes sense. As if I needed another reason to dial back the stress.

 

[Owlet]

27 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Holy shit I'm glad only the derpy birds are still around. The other ones are terrifying. 

 

Totally makes sense. As if I needed another reason to dial back the stress.

Of course, we do occasionally get giant squid washing up on shore, and apparently there are some huge great white sharks cruising around  

 

Yeah stress is the worst. Generally though, you always seem to come out of things with flying colours - you just need to convince yourself of this!

[NeverThatBored]

16 hours ago, fleaball said:

How to tell you're getting your period soon: I'm reading a fanfic in which there are cats, and I'm tearing up. Because cats. 

 

I am confused?? Is this not perfectly normal everyday behavior regarding cats??

[athousandwords]

17 hours ago, Owlet said:

once upon a time we had giant eagles and the Moa, both of which could mess you around:

 

Um, New Zealand, your Middle Earth is showing...

 

17 hours ago, fleaball said:

How to tell you're getting your period soon: I'm reading a fanfic in which there are cats, and I'm tearing up. Because cats. 

 

I can't listen to Act 2 of Hamilton at any point around my period. I have literally started crying at work that way.

[fleaball]

16 hours ago, Owlet said:

Yeah stress is the worst. Generally though, you always seem to come out of things with flying colours - you just need to convince yourself of this!

I'm always 110% sure I can handle things until those things actually start. At which point I implode lol. Working on not doing that. 

 

1 hour ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

I am confused?? Is this not perfectly normal everyday behavior regarding cats??

lol it probably is, except for me because I never cry. The only exception being my dead grandparents.

 

52 minutes ago, athousandwords said:

I can't listen to Act 2 of Hamilton at any point around my period. I have literally started crying at work that way.

Awkward.

 

 

so! New shoulder pain is, in fact, the rotator cuff. Apparently I was overcompensating while it hurt in the front so now I've fucked it in the back. I can still do the Spartan, with the caveat of "maybe take some naproxen beforehand, because it's going to hurt :/" I laughed and said its going to hurt no matter what and the guy was like "yeah it's gonna hurt more with this." Awesome. 

 

Bright side: there was a PT lady in the office who did an eval and I have an actual appointment with her on Friday. Dr guy only recommended it because of the Spartan, otherwise I wouldnt need it. Of course now it's sore af because she was poking me and shit. Bleh. But yay, good news. 

[NeverThatBored]

I bet PT will be great for you with all the issues you've been having lately!

[fleaball]

4 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

I bet PT will be great for you with all the issues you've been having lately!

Seriously. At least for the shoulder. And I'm definitely jumping into Elements as soon as the Spartan is over since that's all about strength and shit. 

 

Ortho guy also told me to expect my ankle to still be swollen and be healing until like Thanksgiving. I thought it should have been back to normal by now so I feel better about that. Will be focusing on doing those rehab exercises again. I was going to attempt c25k again but apparently we're coming into the worst humidity of the year and temps in the 90s again (with overnight lows in the 80s?!) so I might forego that. OTOH, since Captain Dickhead insists on having the AC on in the evening, I don't really have an excuse for not working out at home. And roommate finally looked at the utility bills yesterday and they were like, half of what I expected so there goes all my righteous indignation. I'm still pissed that he's a manchild but I can't really be mad about the money anymore. (I'm guessing the difference is that during the winter the heat was on 24/7 since original downstairs neighbor worked from home/had a crazy schedule, so that drove up the bills. As opposed to having it on only half the time now?)

[Owlet]

6 hours ago, athousandwords said:

 

23 hours ago, Owlet said:

once upon a time we had giant eagles and the Moa, both of which could mess you around:

 

Um, New Zealand, your Middle Earth is showing...

hahaha touché. Dammit we will never escape Middle Earth will we

[fleaball]

HAAAAAA FML. So the lady I saw today insisted they take my insurance, but after calling my insurance company it turns out they're out of network for my particular plan. Bye-bye money.

[Bookish Badger]

I have nothing useful to suggest for your current insurance/money situation, so here is my favorite cute kitten/little girl video. It always makes me feel better:

 

 

[fleaball]

Since today is apparently "post in your own thread 8 million times" day: My therapist suggested trying anti-anxiety medication since there's a lot going on this semester. Which, honestly, is probably a good idea given how I handled (or didn't handle) the last few months. But I'm so reluctant to do it. I have nothing against medication or people who take it, but I personally have never wanted to. So I'm super conflicted now trying to balance "ugh that sounds like a really good idea" against "ugh, medication." 

 

Having written that out, I'm thinking I should probably go for it. Especially given that my brain is now telling me not to bother with PT because I'll never get in to see someone in time, and also to quit the Spartan because my arm is just spontaneously going to detach itself from my body if I attempt it. Despite the ortho telling me even without PT I should be fine and the PT is just to try to get it better beforehand. And that basically I should just give up on everything and go live under a bridge. 

 

God damn it. I don't want to be stuck taking medication but I'm so fucking tired of dealing with this shit. 

[Owlet]

Yeah I know what you mean about not wanting to take medication, I didn't want to go on antidepresents, just 'cause. Luckily I got better shortly after my therapist suggested it so I didn't have to think about it too hard. TBH though, I think this sounds like a good idea. Have you ever tried anti-anxiety medication? Just thinking it might be worth trying, and then you can decide if it's worth continuing or you'd rather ditch it. Friend of mine gets really bad anxiety and panic attacks and initially she just had emergency pills that she could take if she was feeling especially bad and they would calm her down - just knwing that she had them often calmed her enough that she didn't even need them. That said, now she's on proper anti-anxiety/depression meds and she's doing way better. Sometimes it's just better to get a little help - you don't have to do all this on your own. It really does sound like a full-on couple of months, especially taken on top of everything else in the last 9 months or so. 

 

Good news about the power bill! That, at least, is a relief  Too bad he's still a man-child.

[fleaball]

So in true Flea fashion, I overreacted for nothing. Called to cancel that PT appointment and surprise, they are in fact covered by my insurance but didn't show up because they fucking bill the insurance company under another name (the brochure and business card I have and the website use the business' initials so you kind of assume that's what it's called, but the insurance find-a-doctor website lists them with the full name spelled out). So that's fine and the appointment is still on for tomorrow. Which means I don't have to bail on the Spartan and spend the next two weeks crying in a corner because everyone hates me. Emailed the girl I interviewed with (who will be my supervisor I guess) to figure out what my schedule's going to be so I can find a psychiatrist. I only have class on Thursday afternoons but if they give me the entire day off I can make appointments in the morning; if not, I'll have to find someone who has evening or weekend appointments. Regardless, I'm going to try to get an appointment for next week after I've seen my therapist again and discussed what I need to ask about and all that.

 

15 hours ago, Owlet said:

Have you ever tried anti-anxiety medication? Just thinking it might be worth trying, and then you can decide if it's worth continuing or you'd rather ditch it.

I haven't, but this is exactly what I'm going to do. I think it's one of those fabulous hypocritical "I know people go on medication and it's great for them and I don't think anything less of them at all, but if I go on medication I'm clearly failing at life because I should be able to handle it on my own."  But at this point I'm tired of epic meltdowns like the above where I freak the fuck out and then do nothing for the rest of the day. So I'm giving it a shot. 

 

18 hours ago, Bookish Badger said:

I have nothing useful to suggest for your current insurance/money situation, so here is my favorite cute kitten/little girl video. It always makes me feel better:

You posted right before me and I missed it, but this is cute. Thanks for sharing.

[fleaball]

Things I've done today:

• Sort out PT appointment
• Get schedule for internship
• Reschedule therapy appointments because of internship
• Look for in-network crazy pill doctors
• Request referral for crazy pill doctor
• Read lots of fanfic

 

Things I haven't done today:

• Start the Econ final that's due in 7 hours and that I've had since Sunday   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Owlet]

FLEA DO YOUR HOMEWORK! Hey but that is a great list of stuff you've achieved today, well done  Now please go do your assignment

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, Owlet said:

FLEA DO YOUR HOMEWORK! Hey but that is a great list of stuff you've achieved today, well done  Now please go do your assignment

I cackled at this. I've started it, at least. Finishing up a post in another thread and then I'll fuck off. 

[Owlet]

Yeah fuck off! I mean in the nicest possible way  

[fleaball]

2 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Yeah fuck off! I mean in the nicest possible way  

Done. Fucking off now. Enjoy your snails.

[fleaball]

Two relatively easy questions left, with an hour and a half to go. Ugggggggggh I don't wanna. 

 

The fact that I only need a 53 to pass the class is not helping. 

[athousandwords]

21 hours ago, fleaball said:

I haven't, but this is exactly what I'm going to do. I think it's one of those fabulous hypocritical "I know people go on medication and it's great for them and I don't think anything less of them at all, but if I go on medication I'm clearly failing at life because I should be able to handle it on my own."  But at this point I'm tired of epic meltdowns like the above where I freak the fuck out and then do nothing for the rest of the day. So I'm giving it a shot. 

 

I totally get this. Even now, I'm thinking "Come on flea, you should go on the medication, lots of people do and it's super helpful!" - and I 100% believe that. But I know that if I were in your shoes I'd be hesitant too. There's such a stigma about medication - honestly, even if I got prescribed something like cholesterol medication I'd want to do everything I could to lower my numbers without taking pills. But I think Owelet had a great response about at least trying it, and then you can decide if you want to continue or now. Especially if you're getting tired of where you are now, and you know you've already made great strides toward helping your anxiety on your own: medication may be the last piece of the puzzle.

 

W00t on the insurance and getting things done!  Hope the econ final went well in the end!

[fleaball]

7 hours ago, athousandwords said:

 

I totally get this. Even now, I'm thinking "Come on flea, you should go on the medication, lots of people do and it's super helpful!" - and I 100% believe that. But I know that if I were in your shoes I'd be hesitant too. There's such a stigma about medication - honestly, even if I got prescribed something like cholesterol medication I'd want to do everything I could to lower my numbers without taking pills. But I think Owelet had a great response about at least trying it, and then you can decide if you want to continue or now. Especially if you're getting tired of where you are now, and you know you've already made great strides toward helping your anxiety on your own: medication may be the last piece of the puzzle.

 

W00t on the insurance and getting things done!  Hope the econ final went well in the end!

Yeah. I'm grudgingly looking forward to it at this point, tbh. I think my hangup is that I always compare myself to other people. So because I can at least pretend to be a functional human 85% of the time and I'm not trapped in my house/unable to go places without someone else (as an example, because I have a friend who's terrified to go out alone), I'm not that bad and I don't need medication. Which is fucking bullshit because why the hell am I settling for living 85% of a life? Maybe I don't need the medication to survive day-to-day but that doesn't mean it's completely off the table. And yeah, I don't think I realized it until the other day but I really am tired of it. If medication doesn't work out at least I can say I tried it.

 

Final was finished 51 minutes before it was due lol. But it's done and grades should be posted betwen tonight and tomorrow. All I needed was a 53 to pass the class, but I'm hoping for a 90-something to get an A. We'll see. One more class down, whee.

[Owlet]

9 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Which is fucking bullshit because why the hell am I settling for living 85% of a life?

When you put it like that... yeah fuck that. 100% all the way! Let's piss off the mathematicians and say 200%! I agree though, it's easy to think that because you're kind of coping, and others have it worse, that you don't need any extra help. I was really reluctant to go to counselling for the same reason, but once I got there I realised I actually really needed it and it got me back on track way faster than I ever could've alone. 

 

So does this mean you've finished econ?!