Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

I woke up this morning thinking I was better. It was a lie. I mean I feel better today than I have in a long while but I'm totally not free of whatever plague I've had. I'm also still exhausted. I was prepared to go to bed stupid early last night because I was crashing at 8:30 but setting up the CO monitors I bought took a while (because I read every word of the tiny print in the instructions) and then I made the mistake of calling my mother to ask a quick question and then spent an hour on the phone with her, including at least 20 minutes of trying to explain anxiety again and why I can't just stop worrying about an irrational thing that I know is irrational. Le sigh. So I still got more sleep than I have in a week or so but not enough to make up for what I've missed. Bleh. 

 

I keep forgetting I bought a damn crock pot over the summer. Maybe this weekend I'll actually use it. I've found some recipes that look tasty. (Why does every list of vegan crock pot recipes have 36 kinds of chili?! There's more to life than chili ugh.)

 

So ready for bed. But I have to talk to a prof on the phone later about my final paper (queer mental health! keeping up with the theme) and I am so not ready. And for my other final paper I asked what the guidelines were and the answer was basically ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . Like literally "the length and depth of the paper will depend on how much information you can find." But this is the prof who thinks I'm clever and insightful based on my bullshit presentation so I'm probably okay. Ugh. I don't want to student anymore. Student-ing is overrated. 

[NeverThatBored]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

I've found some recipes that look tasty

 

Food porn, food porn, food porn!

[fleaball]

17 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Food porn, food porn, food porn!

You have way too much faith in me if you think that A.) I will cook and b.) it will look good. 

[NeverThatBored]

10 minutes ago, fleaball said:

You have way too much faith in me if you think that A.) I will cook and b.) it will look good. 

 

It's food - it looks good because it is food. I wanna seeeeee. 

[fleaball]

- take lunch when prof is supposed to call. 

- awkwardly sit in park for half an hour watching phone for call

- head back to work hoping she doesn't get around to calling bc discussing queer mental health may not be the best thing to be doing at work. Meh. 

[fleaball]

2:20 and I haven't heard from her when it was supposed to be at 1. I'm mildly annoyed but also I don't mind bc I'm totally not prepared. Just ugh I could have done other things on lunch if I weren't waiting for this. Boo. 

[NeverThatBored]

7 minutes ago, fleaball said:

2:20 and I haven't heard from her when it was supposed to be at 1. I'm mildly annoyed but also I don't mind bc I'm totally not prepared. Just ugh I could have done other things on lunch if I weren't waiting for this. Boo. 

 

It's so annoying when people don't respect your time. Even if it's a relief, it's annoying. 

[fleaball]

5 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

It's so annoying when people don't respect your time. Even if it's a relief, it's annoying. 

Yeah. And the thing with this is that I'd asked if I needed to schedule an appointment for her office hours tomorrow and she asked if I could do 1pm today instead. And when I said I could do phone and not in person she asked for my number. So it's all her. 

 

This is entirely unrelated but this building really needs a nap room ugh. Even if I can't actually nap I would love to lie in the dark for a bit and pretend.  

[fleaball]

Goddamn it. I thought the weird rib feeling had something to do with congestion because the last few times I noticed it it went away as soon as a coughed and dislodged some junk. But I haven't been congested all day and that feeling is back regardless. Honestly fml. Watch it go away when I see the specialist at fucking ass o'clock tomorrow. 

[Tamesis]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

This is entirely unrelated but this building really needs a nap room ugh. Even if I can't actually nap I would love to lie in the dark for a bit and pretend.  

The one college I went to had a huge corner filled with bean bag chairs for us to lay on in the library. It was wonderful.

 

41 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Goddamn it. I thought the weird rib feeling had something to do with congestion because the last few times I noticed it it went away as soon as a coughed and dislodged some junk. But I haven't been congested all day and that feeling is back regardless. Honestly fml. Watch it go away when I see the specialist at fucking ass o'clock tomorrow. 

You don't need to be congested to have an infection in your lungs. You are just getting all the fun problems lately. I hope your specialist can figure out what was wrong! I'd like to read that you're doing better.

[fleaball]

9 minutes ago, Neeko said:

The one college I went to had a huge corner filled with bean bag chairs for us to lay on in the library. It was wonderful.

 

You don't need to be congested to have an infection in your lungs. You are just getting all the fun problems lately. I hope your specialist can figure out what was wrong! I'd like to read that you're doing better.

The university I bailed on in England was opening a nap room in the library, but you actually had to sign up for a 20-minute spot. I like your school's idea better. And now I want a bean bag chair. Dammit. 

 

Per the X-ray last week there was no infection though. :/ I was sort of hoping it was related to the congestion just so "hey the congestion is gone so this is too!" But my life can't be that simple. I really hope they can figure it out tomorrow too. I'm so over it. And everyone is probably over my complaining. 

[fleaball]

Aaaaand it occurs to me at 5:20 that student health never sent me the updated referral. And they decided not to answer they're phone even though they're supposed to be there til 6. So now I have to call when they open at 8:30 to get a referral for my 9am appointment. Whee. 

[fleaball]

Still don't have that referral despite the fact that I already saw the doctor. I'm also going to be 20 minutes late for my therapy appointment because they decided to do a test that took forever and didn't tell me that ahead of time. Whee. 

 

So I might have asthma. And may have developed it after the great plague of 2015. Which is why it's taking so long to get over this thing. Ugh. They did a blood test and the breathing test and she told me to come back in 6 weeks unless she needs to see me sooner per the test results. Ugh. 

[fleaball]

I'm going to scream. They still haven't put that referral through. They keep sending me the one they gave me Monday night that's for an entirely different hospital system. 

 

Also my professor called me TODAY at 1pm. So I came off like a tool because I was in an Uber, didn't have any of my notes with me, and didn't really want to be talking about it with the driver listening. Ugh. UGH. 

 

Also also @NeverThatBored will like this but I may have discovered why I'm so all or nothing about exercise (and things in general). I had the idea and my therapist poked at it but of course since I was 20 minutes late we didn't get to really hash it out. But there may be hope for me yet. 

 

Now I'm going to drown myself in coffee because it's 1:50 and I haven't had any yet. I'm not going to make it through this class. Save me. 

[fleaball]

Uhhhh so my supervisor just asked what my plans are for next semester because they want me to stay on. (And yes, because I'm me I definitely asked "Did you not get any applications from anyone?") I said it would need to meet my school's stupid requirements because I kinda want to graduate and she said she'll double check with our VP on Monday but there's no reason they can't give me more work and/or handwave a bit.

 

I'm vaguely worried about graduating with no direct experience in what I want to be doing, but this is paid, almost full-time and they're also flexible if I need time off for class, and the people are well-connected. Roommate seems to think I could parlay it into a job here after I graduate, which at least would give me time to volunteer somewhere relevant while I get my shit together? Meh. Idk. I just went downhill with all this but it's good news I swear lol. 

[NeverThatBored]

That's great!!! 

[Sylvaa]

https://www.constantlyvariedgear.com/wod/ill-run-but-im-going-to-complain-the-whole-time-tank.html

 

<3

[fleaball]

3 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

https://www.constantlyvariedgear.com/wod/ill-run-but-im-going-to-complain-the-whole-time-tank.html

 

<3

lol if I actually have asthma it will take me even longer to start running but I'll get there. And probably buy this because it's perfect. 

[Sylvaa]

4 minutes ago, fleaball said:

lol if I actually have asthma it will take me even longer to start running but I'll get there. And probably buy this because it's perfect. 

 

Yeah, I'm wondering who found your NF thread....

 

https://www.constantlyvariedgear.com/all-shirts/does-running-out-of-fucks-count-as-cardio-shirt.html

https://www.constantlyvariedgear.com/all-shirts/coffee-is-always-the-answer.html

https://www.constantlyvariedgear.com/all-shirts/because-i-fucking-sparkle-thats-why-shirt.html (okay, maybe not this last one, but it's amazing).

[fleaball]

I think the coffee one is more @RES but omg yes to all of them. Especially the first one. Who do I contact about royalties since I clearly inspired them?

[fleaball]

So it turns out sweeping your dusty af house while sick and possibly asthmatic is not the best of ideas. Go figure. 

 

Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go shower and hope it doesn't start raining in the meantime because I still have to walk (slowly) to the grocery store. Procrastination is bad. 

[Owlet]

On 11/18/2016 at 7:49 AM, fleaball said:

 

Also also @NeverThatBored will like this but I may have discovered why I'm so all or nothing about exercise (and things in general). I had the idea and my therapist poked at it but of course since I was 20 minutes late we didn't get to really hash it out. But there may be hope for me yet. 

Sounds promising! Let us know how you go with your next session.

[fleaball]

24 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Sounds promising! Let us know how you go with your next session.

That's two weeks from now because Thanksgiving decided to get in the way. So sad. Basically I have a weird thing about needing to follow rules/instructions/the way things "should" be done even if they're not enforced. In like every aspect of my life. As far as NF is concerned, that might be why I give up on challenges when I don't meet a goal early on, or stop following a program that's supposed to be X days a week as soon as I've missed a day, or otherwise can't be flexible. So much lame sauce. 

[fleaball]

#whyimsingle: fuck sharing a bed with someone. I woke up a hundred times last night and was so close to giving up and moving to the couch except that I was too lazy to move. 

 

Also I'm just going to murder this girl in general. Earlier this week she was texting me and was like "if I weren't cooking I'd just come to your place to escape thanksgiving." And then last night when she got here she said "maybe I'll just come up and trade you leftovers for your quiet house." No. you don't understand. The entire purpose of my not going anywhere is so that I have 4 days of no human contact. I did not invite you into that bubble. You are not welcome. Go away. 

 

*continued ranting about needing new friends*

[fleaball]

Hmm. I think I figured out how to attempt a challenge next round despite my stupid brain. Needs some tweaking but I've got two weeks to work it out. I'm vaguely excited about doing a challenge again? Of course now I'm going home for Christmas and ugh I'm gonna have to deal with that. Bleh. 

 

I'm gonna go read a cookbook instead of working on a paper. Whee.