LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Bekah]

I

 

I want to help, but it's nice to have one place where people only know me as a man. Not as a former lesbian. Not as a trans man. Just as a man. I am reluctant to give that up.

I'm sorry you haven't felt that here. Having been here for several years, this thread has morphed into a much more aggressive, political discussion, ranty space than it used to be. Maybe we (collectively) can work on making it fun again so you (and others who feel that way) will be more comfortable sharing? I have had my fill of those sorts of things as well and don't post as much as I used to. This used to be one of my favorite threads, and now it isnt, I'd love to see that change.

That's not to say that those topics don't belong here, but when they become the majority of discussions, I feel like that is no bueno.

Just a thought.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

That's standard practice in all men's bathrooms everywhere from my experience. It's probably because we don't have couches. I've been told ladies get couches.

 

Whaaaat? Whoa. I've never seen couches in any washroom ever o_o

[SevenofSeven]

Hey Naxius, just wishing you good wishes post op. Hope it all went well.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Omg, omg! Yayy!

 

hope it goes well!

 

CONGRATS!!

 

Good luck with your surgery!  Exciting stuff.

 

OMG Good luck! Hope it all went well

 

Thanks everyone! It went well. The pain isn't bad at all right now, but maybe that's the Percocet talking. I must regretfully inform everyone that nonsensical and incoherent NF posts, Tumblr posts, and txt messages did not happen, though--I was actually able to type, which I was NOT expecting haha!

 

I'm also wide awake near midnight and never managed to fall asleep after getting back to the hotel. This makes no sense whatsoever, because I'm pretty sure that wakefulness is the opposite of common Percocet side effects.

 

 

Thanks!

 

Nope. I've never had a hard time in the locker room or bathrooms (I also made the transition while on the job.  I work with a lot of "production" guys and no one gave me any grief.)  No odd looks. Nada.

 

You'll find exceptions to the rule, but I've found that most dudes don't talk or hang out in the bathroom.  You get in, get your business done, and then you get out.  Locker rooms are similar in that no one is every really checking anyone else out, but a bit different in that many guys tend to "let it all hang out" so to speak.

 

For the record, it is perfectly okay to change in the stall of the restroom portion of the locker room.  Many guys do this and no one will wonder about it.  I change in the main area, but I have several cis guy friends who change in the stall.

 

 

This gives me great hope, along with a lot of comments/feedback I've received in this thread over the last few months. Especially the part about transitioning on the job and nobody giving you any grief whatsoever. Every time, it makes me realize that people are becoming more and more accepting, which is not what I was expecting when I first embarked on the Adventures in Transition quest at the beginning of this year. (I've probably just been assuming the worst because most people in middle/high school 15 years ago were being absolute judgemental bigot dickbags.)

 

Glad to hear change rooms will likely not be an issue. The most I ever change in there are my shoes and socks, anyway ;p I usually change my actual clothes at home.

 

 

EDIT:

 

Hey Naxius, just wishing you good wishes post op. Hope it all went well.

 

Thanks!

[Igaduma]

 I must regretfully inform everyone that nonsensical and incoherent NF posts, Tumblr posts, and txt messages did not happen, though--I was actually able to type, which I was NOT expecting haha!

 

awwww

I was so looking forward to medicine-induced-embarrassing-posts that we could pester you with from now until eternity

 

Glad to hear it all went well.  Hopefully the pain will be bearable in the following weeks.  And after that as well ofcourse, but I presume that the first couple of weeks will be the worst.

 

Iggy

[Vella]

Side note about wearing a binder while working out... You'll obviously get super sweaty at the gym and if you don't feel comfortable leaving it off while working out (I didn't), a bit of antiperspirant under the squished bits will prevent heat/friction related rashes from forming.

 

My problem is less with the sweat (I can find ways to deal with that), but more the compression. My current binder, I can't so much as break into a sustained jog without feeling like I can't get a full breath of air... I have a compression sports bra, though, which I'm testing at parkour tomorrow and I know I can do at least basic levels of exercise in. It doesn't compress quite as well, though, which really only makes a difference on my bad days when I'm stressed out already.

[Bekah]

Nax, I'm glad it went well!

I'm also still uber proud of you for doing what was right for you regardless of anyone's opinions, that is true strength

[Jett]

@Sov - huh, I did not know that about you. And now that I do, it will not change anything about how I think of you. You're a very handsome guy; I would never have known if you hadn't mentioned it.

If you don't wanna follow this thread, if you don't wanna be out on NF, that's cool. I totally understand why you want to have a place where your identity as a man isn't questioned. To repeat what Will said, just 'cause there's a space for queer peopel here doesn't mean you have to interact in it if you don't wanna.

 

Whaaaat? Whoa. I've never seen couches in any washroom ever o_o

I saw one, once, in a really fancy hotel! There was this weird little vestibule area with a fancy couch in it. Everything in that hotel was fancy as f*ck.

 

Anyway, glad to hear it went well.

[Brawlrus]

I can see the desire for a couch in a women's locker room, sometimes. One of my old gyms was completely "eyes down, get clean, get dressed, don't speak." in the men's room, but in the women's locker room, every day there were different groups of Asian women(culture thing, perhaps?) That would sit in a circle in the middle of the showers and bs.

 

As far as people giving anyone a hard time in the locker rooms, I haven't seen any and I've been to a lot of gyms.

Thing is, it's not alright to be a bigot, in our society, so nobody wants to out themselves in front of people. Ironic...I know.

The way you know they don't want to be outed, is what they say. When they are racist, what's the first thing they say? "I'm not racist, but..." If they are homophobic, it's "I have nothing against gay people, but..."

 

I wouldn't worry about them. They'll probably keep all opinions to themselves, then talk shit to their friends, later. Let them have their silent opinions, they're entitled to them. Tolerance isn't about changing your opinions, it's about minding your own damn business. Live and let live.

[SolitaryOrchid]

I've not had the nerve to venture into the men's locker rooms yet. But from what my husband tells me, men generally don't look at each other in the locker rooms much so it sounds like I'd have an easier time going unnoticed than a transwoman would.

[insanity]

I've not had the nerve to venture into the men's locker rooms yet. But from what my husband tells me, men generally don't look at each other in the locker rooms much so it sounds like I'd have an easier time going unnoticed than a transwoman would.

This is true everywhere I've been, about the extent of communication is a nod as you're walking in if you cross paths, maybe a "What's up man" to people you know... but that's about it.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

awwww

I was so looking forward to medicine-induced-embarrassing-posts that we could pester you with from now until eternity

 

Glad to hear it all went well.  Hopefully the pain will be bearable in the following weeks.  And after that as well ofcourse, but I presume that the first couple of weeks will be the worst.

 

Iggy

 

Not to worry, the embarassing posts will come once I'm allowed to have alcohol again

 

The pain is not bad at all now, so long as I make no abrupt movements. I stopped taking the painkillers and all I can feel is a dull ache, which is tolerable. This gives me great hope that I'll be able to go to a comic convention next week  with no post-surgery issues whatsoever XD

 

 

Nax, I'm glad it went well!

I'm also still uber proud of you for doing what was right for you regardless of anyone's opinions, that is true strength

 

Wheeee!

 

And I think people's opinions are slowly changing, too! My parents are becoming more accepting, it seems. Slowly but surely! One of my really close friends is slowly coming around, too. All my other friends were totally supportive, though, which is great.

 

 

Anyway, glad to hear it went well.

 

Totally! Wolverine healing, go go!

 

 

 

As far as people giving anyone a hard time in the locker rooms, I haven't seen any and I've been to a lot of gyms.

Thing is, it's not alright to be a bigot, in our society, so nobody wants to out themselves in front of people. Ironic...I know.

The way you know they don't want to be outed, is what they say. When they are racist, what's the first thing they say? "I'm not racist, but..." If they are homophobic, it's "I have nothing against gay people, but..."

 

I wouldn't worry about them. They'll probably keep all opinions to themselves, then talk shit to their friends, later. Let them have their silent opinions, they're entitled to them. Tolerance isn't about changing your opinions, it's about minding your own damn business. Live and let live.

 

Awesome, if the bigots mind their own damn business. My initial fear about locker rooms is running into people who've known me for a few years and know that I hadn't been using the men's locker room before. The more I think about it, though...the more I realize that people won't be too TOO surprised? Some of them know already, anyway.

 

Eh, I have another two weeks to tell the instructor(s) over Facebook

[Reluctant Amazon]

I AM BACK! :-)

 

I still outwardly look like a big fat dude!  :-|

 

I have come to a better understanding of myself as a woman inside!  :-)

[SolitaryOrchid]

Completely off topic but I found a picture I got a chuckle out of and think it would be a great safe space banner or something.

 

[Reluctant Amazon]

Grumble grumble ftms not having to deal with their body overproducing their uindesired hormone due to building muscle and losing fat... ( this is a joke but not a great one. about my worst quality online is my overuse of sarcasm )

[Artinum]

The way you know they don't want to be outed, is what they say. When they are racist, what's the first thing they say? "I'm not racist, but..." If they are homophobic, it's "I have nothing against gay people, but..."

 

I want to subvert this sort of thing, by the use of complete non-sequitors.

"I'm not racist, but chicken noodle soup is delicious."

"I've nothing against gay people, but my T-shirt is striped."

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

I AM BACK! :-)

 

I still outwardly look like a big fat dude!  :-|

 

I have come to a better understanding of myself as a woman inside!  :-)

 

WELCOME BAAAAACK!

 

Glad to hear that you've made epic progress in the gender identity battle

[trickstermage]

I want to subvert this sort of thing, by the use of complete non-sequitors.

"I'm not racist, but chicken noodle soup is delicious."

"I've nothing against gay people, but my T-shirt is striped."

 

This made me LOL.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

Whaaaat? Whoa. I've never seen couches in any washroom ever o_o

I've been living a lie! I need better lady friends...

Completely off topic but I found a picture I got a chuckle out of and think it would be a great safe space banner or something.

I have the power to edit the original post of the thread if you guys wish.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Hit]

Welcome back RA - glad to hear your mind is clearer

Grumble grumble ftms not having to deal with their body overproducing their uindesired hormone due to building muscle and losing weight...

Do you mean that because you are working out your body is producing more testosterone? Because while kinda true, i think the "more" is actually a pretty tiny amount. And you can go start anti androgens if youre worried about it.

Also also - lets not start the mtf v. ftm thing. Its good for nobdoy.

[Vella]

Welcome back, RA! Hope you're doing well.

[MichiruSedai]

Completely off topic but I found a picture I got a chuckle out of and think it would be a great safe space banner or something.

 

that is awesome!

[SolitaryOrchid]

Also also - lets not start the mtf v. ftm thing. Its good for nobdoy.

 

This. Everyone has their own struggles and comparing them to find out whose is worse can tear everyone apart or pit people against each other and we get enough hate from outside without any added animosity from community scuffles. We should come together in support for each other.

 

That being said, I am sorry you are hurting, Reluctant Amazon. Were I in your shoes I imagine that would impact my willingness and motivation to work out. I know it must be frustrating to you. Like Hit says, AAs are a possibility to help with that.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

Hey RA there is nothing with being a big woman, seriously some of my Aunts are giants and I love them just as much as I love my tiny hobbit Aunts

[Twilight]

Came out to my Director and VP as agender today. It went well!