Bob the Bardbarian Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 Guy walks into a psychiatrist's office: Guy: "DOC I FEEL LIKE SUCH A GHOST! NOBODY, NOT NO ONE, IS LISTENING TO ME!" Doc: "Next in line please." 1 Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 This one's a little dirty. Spoiler Guy walks into a doctor's office, and says "Doc, my wife hasn't wanted to have sex in 6 months. What should I do?" Doctor gives him a bottle of pills, says to give one to his wife every night, and it should do the trick. So the husband goes home, and gives his wife a pill that night. Nothing happens. Second night, gives her another pill. Nothing happens. Third night, gives her another pill. Nothing happens. Fed up on the fourth night, he figures screw it, gives her half the bottle, while he swallows the other half. 30 minutes later, his wife is wriggling in bed going "Oh honey, I'm so hungry for a man." The husband goes "That's funny... So am I." 1 Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 A farmer's walking along his property, and he finds three holes in the ground. "Well, well, well..." 2 Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 Keep going, Captain Inertia! Wait... 2 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 Guy sitting in a doctor's office. Doctor walks in: Doc: "Mr. Palmer, I'm afraid you've been diagnosed with dyslexia." Guy: "Bulltish!" 3 Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 Guy sitting in a doctor's office. Doc walks in: Doc: "Well Mr. Jenkins, I'm afraid your skeletal makeup is nothing buy funny bones. HAHAHAHAAAHAHAAHAHAHAAAHAAHAAHA! Guy: "You can't be serious." Doc: "Well I did find this humerus. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" That one's so stupid. Gets me every time. 3 Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted April 15, 2016 Report Share Posted April 15, 2016 You know why snowmen can't have sex? ... ... ... 'cause they got snowballs. Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted April 15, 2016 Report Share Posted April 15, 2016 You know why you can't hear rabbits having sex? ... ... ... 'cause they got cotton balls. Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted April 15, 2016 Report Share Posted April 15, 2016 You know why zombies can't have sex? ... ... ... 'CAUSE THEY'RE DEAD! Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Bob the Bardbarian Posted April 15, 2016 Report Share Posted April 15, 2016 3 monkeys sitting in a tree on the highest branch. ... First monkey falls. ... ... ... Caught a disease. Second monkey falls. ... ... ... Caught the disease from the first monkey. Third monkey falls. ... ... ... Peer pressure. Quote Level 4 | Character Sheet | Current Challenge | | Past Challenges | #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | Educate - Entertain - Inspire Link to comment
Fearkiller Posted May 7, 2016 Report Share Posted May 7, 2016 If girls were the ones who had corny pickup lines? "Want to give me an Australian kiss? It's like french kissing, but you're going down under" (hejsmukke) 1 Quote "There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged | STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.1 | 15.2 | Milythaels' HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good. It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories "Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." - Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. "Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky "Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings "I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit "If you do strange things, strange things will happen!" "That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker Link to comment
Fearkiller Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 2 hours ago, RandMart said: Does it also go the other way around, clockwise? Well, now here's one hoping it does. Quote "There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged | STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.1 | 15.2 | Milythaels' HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good. It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories "Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." - Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. "Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky "Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings "I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit "If you do strange things, strange things will happen!" "That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted May 17, 2016 Report Share Posted May 17, 2016 Why were the Middle Ages known as the Dark Age? Because there were so many knights. 3 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted May 19, 2016 Report Share Posted May 19, 2016 Two dogs were lying in the grass. The first dog says, "Wow, it's hot today." The second dog says, "Holy crap, a talking dog!" 1 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted May 20, 2016 Report Share Posted May 20, 2016 Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a leaky boat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Who survives? America. America survives. 8 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Fearkiller Posted May 22, 2016 Report Share Posted May 22, 2016 On 19.5.2016 at 4:29 PM, Tomu-san said: Two dogs were lying in the grass. The first dog says, "Wow, it's hot today." The second dog says, "Holy crap, a talking dog!" Shouldn't believe talking dogs anyway, they're such liars.. (sorry, should've gotten a better one out of that ) Quote "There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged | STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.1 | 15.2 | Milythaels' HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good. It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories "Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." - Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. "Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky "Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings "I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit "If you do strange things, strange things will happen!" "That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker Link to comment
Mark D Posted May 23, 2016 Report Share Posted May 23, 2016 A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Give me a beer and a mop". 3 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Fearkiller Posted June 1, 2016 Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts! 1 Quote "There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged | STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.1 | 15.2 | Milythaels' HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good. It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories "Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." - Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. "Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky "Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings "I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit "If you do strange things, strange things will happen!" "That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker Link to comment
Artinum Posted June 1, 2016 Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have any muscles to move with, any eyes to see where the road was, or any brain to make the decision to cross the road in the first place. Jokes are hard. 3 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
kanmuri Posted June 2, 2016 Report Share Posted June 2, 2016 Have you heard of the native American who drank 1000 liters of tea? He drowned in his tea-pee. 3 Quote Link to comment
kanmuri Posted June 2, 2016 Report Share Posted June 2, 2016 Why is Helen Keller the worst driver ever? Because she's dead. 1 Quote Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted June 2, 2016 Report Share Posted June 2, 2016 9 hours ago, kanmuri said: Why is Helen Keller the worst driver ever? Because she's dead. I dunno, I've seen plenty of live drivers who would be in the running for the title. 1 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Basement Cat Posted June 3, 2016 Report Share Posted June 3, 2016 On 6/2/2016 at 9:40 AM, Tomu-san said: I dunno, I've seen plenty of live drivers who would be in the running for the title. Don't you mean in the driving? *runs away* 1 Quote Current form: Chubby House Cat (lvl4) Weight objective: 20% S. 4 P. 6 E. 4 C. 7 I. 8 A. 4 L. 5 Battle log Current Challenge Handy linky. Link to comment
Guzzi Posted June 12, 2016 Report Share Posted June 12, 2016 Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction. 2 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Basement Cat Posted June 13, 2016 Report Share Posted June 13, 2016 5 Quote Current form: Chubby House Cat (lvl4) Weight objective: 20% S. 4 P. 6 E. 4 C. 7 I. 8 A. 4 L. 5 Battle log Current Challenge Handy linky. Link to comment
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