zenLara's journey

[Barfly]

You're doing fantastically well! I think you've found a good structure outside of the challenge model that works best for you. Keep it up!

[Guest]

Moustache dance for your awesomeness  -->  

[Lara]

You're doing fantastically well! I think you've found a good structure outside of the challenge model that works best for you. Keep it up!

 

I agree with you, I work better in shorter periods. Maybe I can start challenges 2 weeks later, although that would be cheating. Maybe I could organize myself in 2 three weeks periods... Anyway, I think it is also a question of attitude. I've been pressuring myself with challenges and I shouldn't have done that. And I needed to focus on my anxiety, but was kind of "leaving it for later" until there was no other option than to take it like the priority it is.

Thanks for your comment. I am very proud of myself, indeed

 

Moustache dance for your awesomeness  -->  

 

LOL! Oh my, where did you find THAT!!???

 

 

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Positive things:

 

- Every task on my to-do list was done before lunch.

- Very nice weather yesterday, again like late spring. Running in the country was a nice experience. Aaah, the fresh breeze!

- Impressed with one of my student's improvement during the summer. She came to her first lesson yesterday (one of those that was sick the first week) and she did great. It makes me feel very proud too, because she is a girl that used to play awfully when I arrived here, and no one of my predecessors in the position wanted to take the trouble to undo the mess and put her to play properly. It took a lot of work and strategy and patience. As it was known in the conservatory how badly she played and everybody sees how she plays now after one year working with me, people are starting to see me as a good teacher, and that is great. I felt very underestimated in my old job.

- One of my colleagues offered me to play with him in the arts week (the same arts week in which I'd have to tap. Have no news about this). He is into ancient music, so I proposed him to dust off my old recorder (I studied ancient music too) and do a nice baroque sonata.

- Slept rather well.

[IronGlider]

 

Well Done :-)

[karinajean]

oh YAY, I am so excited for your amazing stick-to-it-iveness, your incredible and now recognized teaching aptitude, and especially for your no-stress sunday!

[Lara]

oh YAY, I am so excited for your amazing stick-to-it-iveness, your incredible and now recognized teaching aptitude, and especially for your no-stress sunday!

 

You make it sound amazing!   Thank you!

 

---

 

Positive things:

 

It is difficult to find positive things in a day when almost nothing goes as you planned. But let's make the effort:

 

- I managed to get out of my bad humour rather quickly, and most important, I didn't let it grow too much.

- I enjoyed a lot a joke one of my colleagues played on us (innocent prank).

- Oiled my alto recorder. I'm thinking of playing one of Telemann's methodical sonatas.

- Meditation. We are doing less "active" meditation now and focusing on stillness. And it soothes my mind and my body like any other type of meditation I've done before.

- I managed to do many of my to-do tasks.

- I've slept 9 hours (full of nightmares, but 9, which is a good time spent sleeping, specially with the nightmares and all, that always make me wake up earlier).

[Lara]

Did a short workout today, because I had not much time but wanted to exercise:

 

Inclined push-ups 3x3x3

Deadlift with dumbbells (8kg) 5x5x5

Squat with dumbbells (6kg) 5x5x5

Elbow plank 2x30 seconds

Stretching

 

I have one doubt, and I am sure some of you can tell me about: with deadlift and squat, when you count the weight you can lift, you count it by arm or you count the whole thing? I mean, I should say I am lifting 8 kg when I deadlift, or I should say I am lifting 16, as I put 8 in each arm? Thank you sweetieeeees

[IronGlider]

Did a short workout today, because I had not much time but wanted to exercise:

Inclined push-ups 3x3x3

Deadlift with dumbbells (8kg) 5x5x5

Squat with dumbbells (6kg) 5x5x5

Elbow plank 2x30 seconds

Stretching

I have one doubt, and I am sure some of you can tell me about: with deadlift and squat, when you count the weight you can lift, you count it by arm or you count the whole thing? I mean, I should say I am lifting 8 kg when I deadlift, or I should say I am lifting 16, as I put 8 in each arm? Thank you sweetieeeees

I'm not 100% sure (I'm sure Barfly will know dead cert. :-) but I think it counts as 16, that's how I've been tracking mine...

[Lara]

I'm not 100% sure (I'm sure Barfly will know dead cert. :-) but I think it counts as 16, that's how I've been tracking mine...

 

I guess you are right. It seems logical.

 

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Positive things:

 

- Slept poorly but didn't affect my mood or energy.

- As I was tired from my strength workout yesterday and didn't feel like walking today, I spent half an hour working on mobility from Focused Flexibility.

- Rain!

- Dismissed Telemann idea: I've been in love for years with this beautiful Hottetterre suite, and I'm playing it for that concert.

- Lawyer's office answered me today. I need an enquiry and I was worried I couldn't afford it, but they are not that expensive (very famous office).

- Thich Hnat Nanh (what a hard name to spell!) video about loss.

- This has not happened yet, but will: we'll have ox for dinner

[Lara]

Went for a run today. Was not sure about it, but I'm learning that one of the things that causes me to be anxious is thinking too much about what I am going to do: should I go, it is raining, but could be nice, but I feel lazy and it really rains, etc. So when I find myself rambling and full of indecision, I stop and do the thing I am indecisive about. It stops anxiety right in the moment. So went for the run, 3rd week of C25K. I chose a rather flat trail, because the other ones had way too much mud, and it's amazing how much less tiring running is without slopes

 

Positive things:

 

- Free day.

- Running under the rain and arriving home with my running shoes and my sweat pants full of mud.

- Mordor fun run t-shirt!

- Big storm in the early morning.

- Staying warm at home while rain falls outside.

- Cat madness with rain.

- Icelandic.

[Barfly]

Yes. 16kg. Same as if it were on a single barbell

[Lara]

Yes. 16kg. Same as if it were on a single barbell

Right. Didn't think those exercises are usually done with a barbell. Thanks

 

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Yesterday ended badly. I had an anxiety attack and it took a long while to calm down. I try to look at it positively, because it's true I hadn't had one in a while which means I am improving, but it was not nice because it was a rather strong one. I slept poorly and woke up feeling discouraged, and didn't want to go to tapdance, but forced myself to go anyway, because I knew it'd do me good. And it did. My mood improved as soon as I started the warm up. And the teacher always makes all kind of jokes to us, so it's fun. We had a pretty tough lesson today, and he keeps on forgetting the schedule! We are supposed to receive a one hour lesson, but as we are the last group of the day, he usually extends the lesson for at least half an hour, which is great if you think on terms of the learning experience, but not so great if you think on terms of I-can't-feel-my-legs-anymore

 

Positive things:

 

- Reading in the train.

- Fresh but not cold.

- Tapdance. We learnt some funny/childish movements today.

- I was soooooo hungry when I arrived home!

- Meditation.

[IronGlider]

Gutted to hear you had an unpleasant day yesterday, but I'm really glad that you're feeling better and up and running now (or should I say tapping? *Rimshot*)

 

Take care and have a most excellent weekend! :-)

[Lara]

Gutted to hear you had an unpleasant day yesterday, but I'm really glad that you're feeling better and up and running now (or should I say tapping? *Rimshot*)

 

Take care and have a most excellent weekend! :-)

 

Thank you, Iggy   I have to accept it as part of the healing process. I know I will be having these attacks for a long while yet. But I hope they will slowly space themselves. The guy that wrote the book says I need to commit to the task for a whole year. That maybe I'll feel much better sooner, but that I have to work on all the skills for a whole year for a full recovery. It's a lot of work, but it's paying, even when I have hard moments. I feel lucky I've found this book, because is thorough and very clear, he has really thought of every detail, and as I can't afford a therapyst, that book, my boyfriend and nerdfitness are my sole companions on this fight.

Which is a lot of company, now that I think of it

Wish you a great weekend too, and thank you again for coming by and leaving some words, it's specially nice when one feels low

Bisou!

[annyshay]

Can you share what book you are using? Also, you are making great progress, and we're glad to back you up.

[Lara]

Can you share what book you are using? Also, you are making great progress, and we're glad to back you up.

 

The book is "The anxiety and phobia workbook" written by Edmund J. Bourne.

I've seen it has some bad reviews on amazon mainly because of people think it's "same old, same old", so maybe if you've read something about anxiety before this book won't feel like so full of resources, I don't know. For me, really helpful.

 

----

 

First week report: I did meditated 5 days this week. And everything stayed on place. And I'm adding new anti-anxiety exercises. I'm fabulous!!

[IronGlider]

Excellent, and wow, an anti-anxiety exercise sounds excellent, that's yet another great idea that I can 'borrow' from you ;-D

[Guest]

You're fabulous, wow, so much done whooo!! *imagines you tapdancing across the floor* Seriously brilliant Lara!

 

As for where I got the moustache man, let me introduce you to the world of cute pixel emoticons....

 

http://princess-pixel.tumblr.com

http://pixel-world.tumblr.com

http://cute-stuff-pixels.tumblr.com

 

There are many many more sites, just google keywords pixel and tumblr or check the links section on each site, some go to Japanese sites! I love them so much, so cuteeee. 

[Lara]

You're fabulous, wow, so much done whooo!! *imagines you tapdancing across the floor* Seriously brilliant Lara!

 

As for where I got the moustache man, let me introduce you to the world of cute pixel emoticons....

 

http://princess-pixel.tumblr.com

http://pixel-world.tumblr.com

http://cute-stuff-pixels.tumblr.com

 

There are many many more sites, just google keywords pixel and tumblr or check the links section on each site, some go to Japanese sites! I love them so much, so cuteeee. 

 

Haaaahaaa, they are cute. Loved the halloween themed

 

Yes, I am doing lots of work. And yet, today it felt as if I wasted my time somehow. I was supposed to start to improve my musical practice schedule, but finally didn't have time to play. I haven't even meditated yet and it's almost 11. Too sleepy to meditate without dozing off. It was just one of those days you run the whole time to everywhere and you end the day stressed and with the feeling of nothing having get done. At least I did my C25K.

 

Positive things:

 

- Had a nice afternoon at work. Students seem to step up the pace after these first few weeks.

- Very beautiful stormy clouds.

- Running is getting easier.

- Had sugar cravings but didn't fold to them.

[Barfly]

Yeah, overly busy days... :-/

 

Seems like you're doing great anyway, though

[IronGlider]

 

How's it all going Lara? :-)

[Lara]

Well, it was a very complicated week. By one side, lots of work, by the other side, my anxiety ramped up. I didn't have any anxiety attack, but I felt that I was at my limit so I decided to take a "minivacation", this is, I kept on going to work, but stopped any other duty: zero musical practice, zero anxiety exercises, zero demands on myself. It was working rather well, until today, sunday, when I've found myself having to do some confusing documents for work just before leaving for lunch at my boyfriend's parents place. It has made me feel really stressed, and still am.

Exercise side, I've finished 3rd week of c25k and went to my tap dance lesson, so not that bad.

I've only meditated one day this week but I've been very focused on breathing.

Did find a regular schedule for icelandic, after my breakfast, half an hour. I don't like to exercise or to play music after eating, so it comes like the perfect space for icelandic. So my task for the 3rd week is completed - finding a regular schedule for icelandic- but not the task for this week, that was to re-schedule my musical practice. I'll try to start working on that tomorrow by reserving a whole hour everyday to it. I'll see if I can increase time from that hour, but first I'll try to stick to that one hour.

No positive things record

And that's it. Not a very brilliant week, but I feel like I've done my best, so not going to critizice myself.

[IronGlider]

Hey Lara,

 

I would say that you just experienced "one of those weeks" but you managed to do a lot of good if that's the case, so I'm really glad you're giving yourself a pat on your back, you did well, and now I'm going to pat your back too, you deserve it. 

 

Next week will be better my friend, breathe and have a good rest... :-)

 

[Barfly]

Hey! I had the same kind of week!

It happens - we're human after all. 

 

Just got to start again

[Lara]

Yesterday was a very good day. Everything went as expected and did all my tasks.

The day started amazingly with meditation. I had a full new range of sensations when my breath went really deep. I felt like I was in a totally safe place, where nothing bad could ever happen to me. At the same time I was feeling in peace with everything and myself. It was extraordinary. If this is what buddists feel when they meditate, no wonder they spend 40 hours a day doing it. It was really hard to give up on the feeling and finish the meditation. Then icelandic, musical practice, C25K, eating like a horse, going to work, dinning like a horse. And then... a night of poor sleep! Oh, why? Slept for one hour, was awake for two, then half-slept-half-awake for a long time and finally 4 hours of sleep.

Fourth week of C25K is hard. I behaved like a good girl and went up the slopes at a good pace, even when I was feeling I would die soon. Today my calves, usually the most silent of all my muscles, are killing me.

 

Positive things:

 

- Meditation. Oh my.

- Running. It was very warm, like late spring, almost 30 degrees. The country smelled soooo well.

- Ãslenska!

- Taking things with calm and ease.

- Walking home at night, after work. It was still warm and nice.