zenLara's journey

[Lara]

On 1/24/2020 at 5:28 PM, Mad Hatter said:

I can imagine many hospitals would end up in chaos in that situation.

I thought total chaos would be what we would find, but yep, they were doing well.

 

Visited my in-laws, and ended up up to my ears from "baby" chatter. The amount of advice they give, covering several years of the girl's development and what should we do in each case, is starting to feel like way too much. What makes it worse, is that both my boyfriend's parents studied health care careers (his father was a doctor, but after a couple of years of work decided to quit and has been a taxi driver for the rest of his life, his knowledge is not exactly up-to-date; his mother is a surgery nurse), so they consider their advice must be followed.

Spoiler

Last argument was about my nipples. Yeah, you read it right. My nipples. MIL started to say how important it would be for me to start massaging them with lotions and oils every day from now on until birth, to prevent chapped nipples when I'll start breastfeeding. I told her that chapped nipples are related to how the kid holds to the breast, and that they can be solved/improved by changing child's posture and latch. More than that, daily nipples' massage is totally inadvisable because it can cause premature birth (in fact, I read recently that when labor is not happening after due date, this massage is used to release oxitocine to help the labor start). It doesn't matter that midwifes, pediatricians, and aaall breastfeeding associations agree on these points, MIL assures she is the one who is right, and she is impertinently insistent about this.

I also find unbelievable and embarrassing how such intimate parts of my body, like nipples, vagina, uterus, and such, can now be openly discussed at dinner table.

Both me and my boyfriend try to redirect conversations, and try to make them understand we don't want to talk about these things, but doesn't seem to be working.

 

On a more positive note, I'm definitely better. Nausea is out of my life, yay!!, although tiredness isn't yet, and I'm planning to get back on exercising and actively pursuing feeling better. I've decided to prioritise healthy food and movement over anything else, including music practice. I'm thinking of challenging myself to move everyday for the next 30 days, as a way to commit to get back into my life.

And talking of movement, there's this little thing inside me that has definitely grown in strength. What for weeks has been a slight feeling, like if someone were tickling me from the inside (that was so cute and weird at the same time), now feels like a finger poking me softly It's quite fun.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

It's so frustrating when people just wont STOP! with the unwanted and out of date advice.

[Lara]

46 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It's so frustrating when people just wont STOP! with the unwanted and out of date advice.

I guess you went through that not long ago

I don't know in your case, but in ours, if it were only the advice that wouldn't be that bad, but we are also being delighted with predictions like this one: we need to look whether there will be a full moon on the birth day, because if it is a full moon, everything will go well, but if not, I should start accepting I'll need a C-section. Boyfriend's aunt swore that's how it is, and that her experience over the years has proven her right. She is also a nurse (and the only person that until now appeared to be more respectful and rational) and has worked on a maternity area her whole life, so once again the authority principle. She doesn't seem to have ever thought that if what she says were true, given that the full moon has such a short window, most babies in this world would need a C-section to be born.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

3 hours ago, zenLara said:

I don't know in your case, but in ours, if it were only the advice that wouldn't be that bad, but we are also being delighted with predictions like this one: we need to look whether there will be a full moon on the birth day, because if it is a full moon, everything will go well, but if not, I should start accepting I'll need a C-section. Boyfriend's aunt swore that's how it is, and that her experience over the years has proven her right. She is also a nurse (and the only person that until now appeared to be more respectful and rational) and has worked on a maternity area her whole life, so once again the authority principle. She doesn't seem to have ever thought that if what she says were true, given that the full moon has such a short window, most babies in this world would need a C-section to be born.

Yeah, that seems....poorly thought through.

[WhiteGhost]

Hooray for the end of the nausea period.   Unfortunately the getting stupid and infuriatingly absurd advice from people is going to continue for like 10 years or so. Probably more if I am understanding your family's proclivity towards this correctly... 

[Lara]

4 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

 Unfortunately the getting stupid and infuriatingly absurd advice from people is going to continue for like 10 years or so. Probably more if I am understanding your family's proclivity towards this correctly... 

[Mad Hatter]

I feel like your thread is a women's version of The Daily WTF.

 

Full moon LOL.

[Lara]

4 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Full moon LOL

My boyfriend informed today that the conversation has evolved to them deciding the exact day of birth: 5th of july. A full moon day, of course.

 

Went to the new doctor today. She was quite nice, a bit dry at some moments, but mostly friendly. She got quite excited during the ultrasound, which was a bit suprising "look at those tiny feet, 3cm!, can you see the toes, they're so cute!". I guess she really enjoys her work. Nurse also seemed like a normal person, although we didn't chat much, because she was busy with paperwork (still writting all documents by hand). Doctor said everything is fine, all values are normal, there appears to be no risk of premature labor (I should make a nipples joke here, right?), and she said there's no need for us to see each other until the end of march.

[Lara]

Did a nice yoga flow today, first time in ages. Now everything feels so loose and relaxed. Best sensations ever.

[Lara]

I'm in my third active day after I decided I need to regain some control over my life.

I have a main action, which is to get up earlier, so I have the time to do things (if I am supertired and sleepy, I can take a nap before lunch), and do a yoga flow immediately after, before breakfast.

Then I have mini-actions that take no effort, like taking my vits, or adding some coconut oil and/or gelatin to my meals, small things that will add over the days.

Then I have i-choose actions, that imply choosing to read, draw, or walk, instead of spending mindless time on my laptop or phone.

It's being good so far. I have been walking in the country for about one hour a day, I've finished reading Newport's Deep work book, and have downloaded a book on drawing that I began reading this morning. The downside is that then I'm quite tired in the afternoon-evening and won't have energy do anything else, but at least I'm getting some sense of accomplishment already. Problem is, weekends give free afternoons, but I don't know how the long evening at work will go after having consumed most of my energy in the morning.

[Mad Hatter]

23 minutes ago, zenLara said:

The downside is that then I'm quite tired in the afternoon-evening and won't have energy do anything else, but at least I'm getting some sense of accomplishment already.

You're busy making a baby, it's ok to be tired. You're doing great!

[Lara]

23 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

You're busy making a baby, it's ok to be tired. You're doing great!

Thank you ❤️

What drives me nuts is that just when I need more energy to carry on with turning this chickpea into a baby (I'm already half way!), it's when all these hormones prevent me from nourrishing myself adequately. My body keeps on rejecting so many different foods, specially the most nourrishing ones (!!) making the system appear stupidly built. I decided to act as if I were cooking for a picky child, for example shredding a salmon fillet and mixing it with all sort of other things my body accepts, so as not to feel the taste. Some days it works, others days it's hell. My stomach still says "hey, didn't we agree no fish and no meat?". It is awful. This last week I've been cornered to eating old cheese or jamón sandwiches for protein intake. At least there is no nausea anymore, just the "I won't eat that" sensation.

 

Yesterday's afternoon was ok. When I first arrived at work I had this feeling that I didn't want to be there, but as the afternoon went by it was better. It helped that it was a warm, spring-like day. Had enough energy to come back home by foot, but today I woke up too late for yoga before breakfast.

[Lara]

Today's walk was great. Another spring-like day, warm enough for me to be in a t-shirt all along the walk. I felt really well up there in the hills, everything was quiet.

On my way back tried to run a little bit, in short intervals, of about 1 minute, but stopped after 4. I had forgotten that my breasts are way heavier now and wasn't prepared for all  the jumping

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

1 hour ago, zenLara said:

Today's walk was great. Another spring-like day, warm enough for me to be in a t-shirt all along the walk. I felt really well up there in the hills, everything was quiet.

On my way back tried to run a little bit, in short intervals, of about 1 minute, but stopped after 4. I had forgotten that my breasts are way heavier now and wasn't prepared for all  the jumping

@deftona was an amazing resource to Sra. Tanque at that stage in her pregnancy for the...type of issues you mentioned.

[Lara]

27 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

@deftona was an amazing resource to Sra. Tanque at that stage in her pregnancy for the...type of issues you mentioned.

Well, in my case it was totally my fault. Running wasn't planned, so I wasn't wearing a sport bra, but a regular one. Nicely fit, but not good enough for running.

 

Don't know whether it was the effect of moving a bit more, or maybe I'm just reaching a better place, but I could eat today like a normal person. Eat even the meat, like a grown up girl ☺️

Used after lunch time to draw my feet.

[deftona]

Well, in my case it was totally my fault. Running wasn't planned, so I wasn't wearing a sport bra, but a regular one. Nicely fit, but not good enough for running.
 
Don't know whether it was the effect of moving a bit more, or maybe I'm just reaching a better place, but I could eat today like a normal person. Eat even the meat, like a grown up girl [emoji3526]
Used after lunch time to draw my feet.

Heavy boobs are indeed my remit [emoji38]

[Lara]

These past 7 days have been the best of these past 2 months. I woke up a bit earlier on 4 of those 7 days, and took my vits and did other mini-actions several times a week. Then, I've been reading, doing yoga (6 days out of 7!) and took walks in the countryside: 4 days, plus 3 days in which I went to work and back by foot, which makes almost 6 hours a week. I'm far from my usual times, and still my legs are shaky sometimes after walking for one hour. But I feel really good about this. I think I'm finding a balance between rest and movement that is working.

I've also been drawing, made a few sketches. A specially fun assignment was to draw my hand from a weird point of view, to avoid drawing from knowing (a hand) and instead drawing from seeing (lines and curves).

Finished reading Newport's book, and started a new one on internet, social networks and social control systems and data management that's more interesting that I would have initially thought. It is a bit difficult since I know nothing about computers (I'm what you'd call a basic user) and I knew nothing of the "history" of internet and computers. I feel a bit lost sometimes, but I might re-read some chapters again.

[Mad Hatter]

Awesome you’re doing better! I like that drawing exercise too. I hope that you’ll share something one of these days, I’d love to see some of your sketches.

[Lara]

Cha-cha-challenge!

 

[Lara]

On 2/8/2020 at 6:53 PM, Mad Hatter said:

Awesome you’re doing better! I like that drawing exercise too. I hope that you’ll share something one of these days, I’d love to see some of your sketches.

I've done 3 versions of the hand exercise by now.

I went for "all real" in the first one, with all the hand lines, but didn't look good, so simplified it later.

[Jupiter]

Wow, those look really good! 

[Mad Hatter]

Yes, excellent choice of simplification! Thanks for sharing, I love to see everyone’s sketches.

[Lara]

7 hours ago, Jupiter said:

Wow, those look really good! 

Thank you!

7 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Yes, excellent choice of simplification! Thanks for sharing, I love to see everyone’s sketches.

It always feels a bit like exposing oneself, and I'm not good at that, but at the same time, I think that uploading them now and then could help with accountability. You're welcome!

[Mad Hatter]

20 hours ago, zenLara said:

It always feels a bit like exposing oneself, and I'm not good at that

It's still very uncomfortable for me, but it's getting better. It's easier when it's "just exercises" but even then it's difficult when they don't live up to, you know, professional artist standards.  I feel exposing myself this way is good for me though, it really helps in letting go of "not-good-enough" thoughts and to not be so precious about my drawings. And it's an extremely safe space, which helps a tremendous amount.

[Lara]

2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

t's still very uncomfortable for me, but it's getting better.

Glad to know I'm not the only one feeling like this.

You're right, this an excellent place to let ourselves feel insecure