Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

My hand slipped.

[Severine]

A live feed from the meeting of everyone who is surprised by this turn of events:

 

 

 

[fleaball]

2 minutes ago, Severine said:

A live feed from the meeting of everyone who is surprised by this turn of events:

 

 

 

Hey now. I successfully didn't do a challenge for several months in a row. 

 

Mostly because i was busy moping. But still. 

[Dagger]

4 hours ago, fleaball said:

Hey now. I successfully didn't do a challenge for several months in a row. 

 

Mostly because i was busy moping. But still. 

I thought it was in reaction to your prof. I guess it fits both.

[fleaball]

2 hours ago, Dagger said:

I thought it was in reaction to your prof. I guess it fits both.

Ohhhhh. Yeah that makes more sense. 

[fleaball]

Ugh no why. I just started thinking that it might be better if I were the executor of my mother's estate. No. That is not a thing I want. Stop it brain. 

[Severine]

I'm glad someone understands my lunacy. Thanks @Dagger      

 

As for you, flea: there's a difference between "the thing might be done better" and "it'd be better if I did it."

 

The first is almost certainly true. You are, by all reports, way better at admin stuff than anyone in your family (and most of us on this forum). But think long and hard before you take that on. A better answer might just be to prepare yourself to support the executor (I assume your dad?) through the process as needed.

 

[fleaball]

10 hours ago, Severine said:

I'm glad someone understands my lunacy. Thanks @Dagger      

 

As for you, flea: there's a difference between "the thing might be done better" and "it'd be better if I did it."

 

The first is almost certainly true. You are, by all reports, way better at admin stuff than anyone in your family (and most of us on this forum). But think long and hard before you take that on. A better answer might just be to prepare yourself to support the executor (I assume your dad?) through the process as needed.

 

Yeah no I don't want any part of it at all. Basically since she was diagnosed I've been preparing myself to help him with it all. I was living at home when his mother died and my mother and I had to prod him all the time to get things done. I did all the leg work finding a bank for the account, went with him to open it and practically did everything except sign the forms for him. And it took months to even get to that point. Which is understandable because a) no one wants to deal with it anyway and b.) he had a really contentious relationship with my grandmother and there was a lot for him to deal with after she died and obv doing all this meant making it real and whatnot. 

 

Basically my line of thinking is that I won't be around to prod him and make sure things get done. He's already terrible at paying his own bills- actually, fuck it. It won't hurt anyone's credit if her medical bills get paid late. Aaanyway. I was thinking that it would be easier if I had the authority to make phone calls and such (life insurance and whatever else exists) because I'll be the one asking those questions anyway, but it's not a thing I really want to do. I just googled co-executor stuff and apparently if you do that both people have to go to court together and sign things together and that's just as inconvenient. Whatever. Worst case scenario we conference call whoever we need to so he can tell them to talk to me. 

 

Blehhhhh. 

[Severine]

32 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Worst case scenario we conference call whoever we need to so he can tell them to talk to me. 

 

I was going to suggest this. He can always give you piecemeal authority as needed. And if you won't be around to prod him - fine, so be it. Maybe some stuff takes longer than it should, or he even misses a few deadlines. Won't be the end of the world.

 

Your dad's a cop, and in theory cops get decent benefits - is there any kind of employee support network that might help dealing with the practical stuff? Like through D's work we have access to a group legal service that gives free legal support for simple things like home purchases or making a will or whatever, and it specifically says they'll help with managing a family member's estate. Does he have a group legal plan? Or maybe there's something through the police union? I know they do various support services for their members.

 

Just throwing it out there as a possibility because it'd be nice if it wasn't all on you to keep him on track.

 

And going forward, might be worth your time to get all the bills on autopay so he can just forget about it...

[fleaball]

15 minutes ago, Severine said:

I was going to suggest this. He can always give you piecemeal authority as needed. And if you won't be around to prod him - fine, so be it. Maybe some stuff takes longer than it should, or he even misses a few deadlines. Won't be the end of the world.

 

Your dad's a cop, and in theory cops get decent benefits - is there any kind of employee support network that might help dealing with the practical stuff? Like through D's work we have access to a group legal service that gives free legal support for simple things like home purchases or making a will or whatever, and it specifically says they'll help with managing a family member's estate. Does he have a group legal plan? Or maybe there's something through the police union? I know they do various support services for their members.

 

Just throwing it out there as a possibility because it'd be nice if it wasn't all on you to keep him on track.

 

And going forward, might be worth your time to get all the bills on autopay so he can just forget about it...

That kind of support probably exists, but he doesn't ask for help even when that's explicitly what things are established for. Maybe I can prod him in that direction. I might even be able to call/email them and ask myself. 

 

Honestly I've thought about just suggesting we hire a lawyer to handle it all, especially since she's not leaving a will and I have no idea what kind of paperwork that will involve. (My grandparents named my father as executor because he was the oldest, but each of his three siblings had to sign a paper saying they didn't contest it. We don't have an address for a sister and it was a clusterfuck trying to get it all done properly. I know my two uncles won't object to my father handling everything and my brother and I sure as hell won't, but idk what the actual lack of will means for how complicated it will be.) 

 

Monthly bills are already on autopay because that's a thing my mother has always bee in charge of so I helped her set it up in case she wound up in the hospital over due dates again. It's her medical bills that I think he'll forget to pay but again, not gonna impact anyone's life so meh. 

 

Ugh. I might have to have an awkward conversation with them. Rn most of their money is in a joint checking account and she has two credit cards with outstanding balances. I wonder if I should suggest they move most of the money into a savings account in his name (maybe mine as well so I have access) so that we don't have to pay those credit cards in full immediately. I know all the bills are supposed to be paid from an estate before beneficiaries get anything but I'm not sure what happens with joint assets. I highly doubt we'd get a break when there's money in her name. I don't plan on never paying off the cards, I'd just rather try to set up a payment plan or something instead of shelling out like $15k at once. 

 

*note to self: ask therapist how to have this conversation with two people who are doing their best ostrich impressions. 

[fleaball]

so she's back in the hospital again. called my father at work today because she was peeing blood. working theory is apparently that the twice-daily blood thinner shots for the past 5 months have caught up with her kidneys. cause for concern, obv, but no reason to freak out, according to my father. le sigh.

[Severine]

 

Sending the comfort of a thousand fluffy kittens. That sounds scary but I'm sure they've seen it before and have a plan to deal with it. I'm sorry she's going through this. It's just one thing after another   

[fleaball]

Aaaaand yep. Mouse in my room confirmed. What the fuck. 

 

 

[fleaball]

22 minutes ago, Severine said:

 

Sending the comfort of a thousand fluffy kittens. That sounds scary but I'm sure they've seen it before and have a plan to deal with it. I'm sorry she's going through this. It's just one thing after another   

<3 yeah my father said it was obviously not good but they weren't freaking out or anything. 

[NeverThatBored]

5 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Aaaaand yep. Mouse in my room confirmed. What the fuck. 

 

 

 

WTF. 

[fleaball]

13 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

WTF. 

Every so often I feel like I'm seeing something out of the corner of my eye. Tonight I watched it come in my room, go into my closet for a minute or two, then run out again. There's not even food in my closet?

[Severine]

It's a sign. You need a cat.

[fleaball]

8 minutes ago, Severine said:

It's a sign. You need a cat.

Do fucking want.

[Sylvaa]

10 hours ago, fleaball said:

Every so often I feel like I'm seeing something out of the corner of my eye. Tonight I watched it come in my room, go into my closet for a minute or two, then run out again. There's not even food in my closet?

 

There is a mouse that hangs out in the JetBlue terminal at Logan. I know it doesn't make your story any less ugh. But it's funny when you are waiting for a flight and realize that there is a mouse eating crumbs at your feet. 

[fleaball]

Aaaaaand it's a kidney stone. Options are either surgery or pass it on her own. Doctor gets to decide that though. I'm not excited about either one tbh. She's getting a blood transfusion rn and waiting to hear from the doctor. Still in the ER since last evening, boo. 

 

I really need to get to get back to donating blood regularly once I've caught up on sleep. 

 

2 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

 

There is a mouse that hangs out in the JetBlue terminal at Logan. I know it doesn't make your story any less ugh. But it's funny when you are waiting for a flight and realize that there is a mouse eating crumbs at your feet. 

I can't say I'm surprised but I'd probably also freak out if I saw that. I did see a giant rat hanging out in the lobby of an apartment building here once. That was gross. 

[Severine]

Ugh kidney stone. I guess it could have been worse? Still seems like bad luck on top of everything. Hopefully she's out of the ER soon at least.

 

Sending e-hugs to you and your mum.

[fleaball]

9 hours ago, Severine said:

Ugh kidney stone. I guess it could have been worse? Still seems like bad luck on top of everything. Hopefully she's out of the ER soon at least.

 

Sending e-hugs to you and your mum.

Yeah. I googled it because I have zero idea what they actually are, and apparently dehydrated and lots of calcium are both possible causes. She's not drinking a lot and she's on a calcium supplement so who knows. 

 

I do have to say that I'm getting increasingly nervous every time something new comes up. 3 infections in about a month? Now kidney stones and potential surgery. She's already kinda fragile and things keep piling on. And she didn't have chemo the last two weeks, likely won't have it this week either. It's just very ugh. It's not that I'm convinced she's going to die every time something happens, but there are limits to what the human body can take and I'm worried she's pushing them. 

[Severine]

For what it's worth my grandfather had kidney stones and the surgery wasn't a big deal. That was about 10 years ago so he was in his early 70s at the time. So although he wasn't dealing with other health issues at the time, he would have been less robust than your mum simply due to age, and he healed up nicely, was up and about within a day or two after the surgery.

[fleaball]

Just now, Severine said:

For what it's worth my grandfather had kidney stones and the surgery wasn't a big deal. That was about 10 years ago so he was in his early 70s at the time. So although he wasn't dealing with other health issues at the time, he would have been less robust than your mum simply due to age, and he healed up nicely, was up and about within a day or two after the surgery.

That's good to know. 

 

If this makes sense, I'm not like, actively worried she's going to die any minute? It's sort of just like every new thing feels like one step closer and that thought hangs out in the back of my mind even though it's not a pressing concern?

[Dagger]

4 hours ago, fleaball said:

If this makes sense, I'm not like, actively worried she's going to die any minute? It's sort of just like every new thing feels like one step closer and that thought hangs out in the back of my mind even though it's not a pressing concern?

Totally understandable. I would be doing the same.

 

Ugh, I don't have any experience or anything to add. So.... cats?