XBlackWidowX's battle log

[Jackdaw]

~the song that makes me feel like an ancient warrior:

Spoiler

 

[ReturnOfTheDad]

9 hours ago, XBlackWidowX said:

 

~the song that makes me feel like an ancient warrior:

 

Awesome!

[Jackdaw]

The week was much better than I anticipated. From the day 1 I’ve been going on full steam; gym three times a week, German and English practise, breathwork, writing.

 

On Thursday I had my German class. My teacher said I seem much more relaxed and make less mistakes than before (and she rarely gives any praise!). I was really glad to hear that because it is very hard not to make any mistakes while speaking German, German grammar is like a mine field lol.

 

I didn’t spend as much time for English listening and German speaking as I wanted to, once or twice I skipped breathwork.

 

Saturday was very tiring, but satisfying. In the morning I did some writing; it didn’t make me anxious and could proceed with the next activity smoothly without any lingering thoughts. I feel like I am harnessing my powers, yay! Then I reviewed all English vocab I learnt last month, did German speaking, reading and listening practise and did my German homework for next week. It was a podcast about history of “bottle post” (sending messages in bottles) and scientific research related to it. A very peculiar topic, but really interesting!

 

 

 

I started watching tv series “The Last Of Us” and it was so hard for me to understand what they were saying even though the sentences were super easy. I was little disappointed. Some people in Internet say the pronunciation in tv is often so unclear that even native speakers sometimes can’t understand what was said, but I don’t know whether it is true and I feel like with this kind of thinking I‘d just give myself excuses. What do you think about it?

 

[Scaly Freak]

3 hours ago, XBlackWidowX said:

I started watching tv series “The Last Of Us” and it was so hard for me to understand what they were saying even though the sentences were super easy. I was little disappointed. Some people in Internet say the pronunciation in tv is often so unclear that even native speakers sometimes can’t understand what was said, but I don’t know whether it is true and I feel like with this kind of thinking I‘d just give myself excuses. What do you think about it?

 

 

[Jackdaw]

@Scaly Freak Thank you, that was very informative! And it makes me feel so much better, I felt like I was so dumb sometimes; I am after English major and can't even understand an English movie. 

[Ziraiah]

18 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

 

That was really informative! I have been thinking about the same thing. I still use subtitles, even though I use english pretty much every day. I just can't hear a thing. xD 

 

So you are not the only one XBlackWidowX! It's just really hard to hear everything properly. Especially if there is noise on the background. 

[Jackdaw]

3 hours ago, Ziraiah said:

So you are not the only one XBlackWidowX! It's just really hard to hear everything properly. Especially if there is noise on the background.

Yes, that's right! It's really difficult to catch every sentence. But I am still practising, I hope to get as good as I can this year  Today I continued with the show, I could understand much more than the last time.

 

~~

 

Today is my rest day. It was good. I read a novel, continued with "The Last of Us", cleaned a little bit, chatted with my  friend and my in-laws. I went out for a walk, but just a short one, because it was cold and windy. I was really tired after the whole week this morning, but after an afternoon nap I recovered, so it's really great.

 

Ready for the new week!

 

 

[AwayLifter]

Hello

 

How is learning German?

 

I am starting my A1 German again this week as need it for work.

[Jackdaw]

14 hours ago, AwayLifter said:

Hello

 

How is learning German?

 

I am starting my A1 German again this week as need it for work.

Hey! German is difficult in terms of grammar and speaking fluently (and correctly - again, grammar), but I think it is easy to read. It depends how well you need to learn it, I guess few months would be enough to graps the basics well and build a good foundation, but if you wanna be fluent you'll need a few years. It helps a lot if you like the language of course. Good luck!

[Jackdaw]

My anxiety has been torturing me for the past two days. It is officialy back. It's such a nuisance and disappointment. I don't know what I was thinking, that I learnt few techniques, read some books and it'll magically disappear?

 

I always make myself so crazy, I wanna do everything so quickly, well and efficiently and it makes me feel like there is no time, even though there is plenty of time and it is always enough to accomplish my work. But anxiety is just so irrational. 

 

I know I must give the tricks I got to know some time to see if they work. I also know it is a problem that it'll take me months, maybe years to vanquish. But still, I can't help the wave of self-loathing that follows when I have a phase.

 

I thought I'd share it with everyone because the battle log somehow won't feel real if I just report about my victories and the good stuff. I need to share the weak and ugly because I don't want to pretend it doesn't exist anymore.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

2 hours ago, XBlackWidowX said:

I thought I'd share it with everyone because the battle log somehow won't feel real if I just report about my victories and the good stuff. I need to share the weak and ugly because I don't want to pretend it doesn't exist anymore.

Life is the good and the bad, it’s a hard thing to accept both.  It sounds like you are working on your journey and that is a very brave thing to do.

[Jackdaw]

34 minutes ago, ReturnOfTheDad said:

Life is the good and the bad, it’s a hard thing to accept both.  It sounds like you are working on your journey and that is a very brave thing to do.

These are wise words, and very true. Thank you, I'll do my best!

[Ziraiah]

Anxiety can be very disheartening. Sometimes it just comes and goes, no matter what we do. I've noticed it makes me generally less anxious, when I listen relaxing audios when I go to bed. My therapist said they calm down the nervous system, and it has made a big difference for me.

 

The progress is seldomly linear, there are always ups and downs. The fact that you are experiencing anxiety, doesn't take away your progress. It's just part of the journey. You are doing a great job, just keep at it. ?

[Jackdaw]

4 hours ago, Ziraiah said:

The progress is seldomly linear, there are always ups and downs. The fact that you are experiencing anxiety, doesn't take away your progress. It's just part of the journey. You are doing a great job, just keep at it.

Thank you very much for you encouragement!  

[Jackdaw]

Today my partner at work took a sick leave, so it was a super busy day, I didn't even get anxious because my system was in a survival mode all the time lol. 

 

Nevertheless, it was a great day. I came across a parent who spent twenty years in Germany, so I got to speak some German, yay! And he is a really nice guy, so it is always pleasant to talk to him. 

 

After work I went to the gym and I think I've found a right coach for myself. He was explaining to me how to do a squat properly for over twenty minutes and I didn't even mention I wanted to buy any classes or anything like that, I just asked simply why I keep on swaying while doing a squat. Besides, he is easy to get along with and he speaks English. It's also very important for me, because I am not familiar with sports vocabulary in Chinese and I really don't want to guess or just get a part of what he says. 

 

I also feel like my lung capacity is improving thanks to the breathwork, I can take deeper breaths without discomfort and practise for a longer time. 

[Jackdaw]

Kratos’s story has a special place in my heart. 

 

“Crush the bones of despair
In the jaws of the bear
Prophecies may come to pass

Keep the beast deep within
Always under the skin
Let it claw through the mirror's glass
I can choose to be better at last”

 

 

 

[Jackdaw]

Overall it was a great week. I did studying (Saturday was really hard, but I forced myself), workouts, breathwork, cold showers, a little bit of writing and some cleaning. 

 

I really worried I would end up being exhausted and frustrated with so many things to do, but it turned out to be just the opposite: it made my routine so much more interesting and I am excited to see what I can do next. It gives me fuel to level up more!

 

Training:

I made a deal with the coach. I think I really need this, after our initial conversation I got to know that my technique is quite good, but my bracing really sucks. Recent lower back pains just confirm it. I'll be having one class a week with him, other two days I work out by myself. This way I can digest what he teaches me and it won't bleed me dry.

 

I started with protein; a protein shake and a chicken breast per day + the protein from meals. I guess that's enough. I bought a new bottle for shakes with a writing “Motion is the source of life” on it. I really like it.

 

[Elastigirl]

Well done on week zero!

[Ziraiah]

Well done you! You are leveling up on a speed of light.

 

[Jackdaw]

 

On 2/12/2023 at 2:10 AM, Elastigirl said:

Well done on week zero!

Thank you! Actually no idea when week zero is lol, but I guess every week is like a zero week , because the journey never ends!

 

18 hours ago, Ziraiah said:

Well done you! You are leveling up on a speed of light.

Thanks, but it has already changed ;( :

 

 

 

The deadlifts made me dead lol. This week I can't go to the gym because I hurt my back  ;( It is not very serious, but I need to take a break. A part of my spine hurts. That gives me more time, so I decided to add an hour of studying on the training days and I wanna try meditation. But I really suck at it, I can't help quarreling with myself and telling my mind to shut up all the time or getting bored. Any tips?

 

 

The challenge has been going on well. I do breathwork (I go strong; three times a day, around 40 minutes total) and studying every day, however I noticed some drawbacks. I often focus on one part of my studying plan too much and then I don't have enough time to do the rest. From now on, I am gonna pay attention to do the minimum I have planned for each category, after I am done with that, I can add something more. 

[Ziraiah]

Ouch, back pain can be nasty. I wish you fast recovery!

 

Your plan with your studies sounds good. I feel like it could take the pressure off, since after doing all the "mandatory tasks", everything else is just happy extra.

[Jackdaw]

18 hours ago, Ziraiah said:

Ouch, back pain can be nasty. I wish you fast recovery!

 

Your plan with your studies sounds good. I feel like it could take the pressure off, since after doing all the "mandatory tasks", everything else is just happy extra.

Thank you! I was thinking about doing some light yoga or exercises for lower back pain, but the pain is very nasty, I don't know if it doesn't make it worse. 

 

Thanks!  I hope it'll work.

[Jackdaw]

Weekly wrap-up:

 

 

Wim Hof Method: 100%

 

Studying: 

 

German: Listening 100 %

                     Reading 85 %

                     Speaking 10% -  I keep on forgetting about it! 

 

English: Vocab 100%

                   Listening 0% - it is most interesting and relaxing, so I always leave for the end of the day, but then there's never enough time left. 

 

The plan is to move speaking as the first thing after I get home, so I won't forget it and to limit the number of new vocab, so I'll have more time to get to the listening part. 

 

Training and Cleaning on hold because of injury. 

 

Gonna chat with relatives this weekend.

 

 

Anxiety:

 

For the last two days I've been so zen I don't even recognize myself. I don't know what happened, whether it is the Wim Hof Method working, the right alignment of the planets (xD) or whatever, but it just feels SO RIGHT! It feels like I was always supposed to be this person. I just have no idea if it is something temporary (maybe just a good phase?) or if it'll last, but it is definitely something totally worth striving for. It feels amazing to be free of all that darkness. 

 

[Scaly Freak]

6 hours ago, XBlackWidowX said:

For the last two days I've been so zen I don't even recognize myself. I don't know what happened, whether it is the Wim Hof Method working, the right alignment of the planets (xD) or whatever, but it just feels SO RIGHT! It feels like I was always supposed to be this person. I just have no idea if it is something temporary (maybe just a good phase?) or if it'll last, but it is definitely something totally worth striving for. It feels amazing to be free of all that darkness. 

 

That is incredible and awesome, and I am genuinely happy for you.  

[Elastigirl]

Glad your mood is good , hope the back heals quickly.