Battle Kitten: Ascension

[NeverThatBored]

14 hours ago, fleaball said:

lol Very few people have like, actively discouraged me from it. (Mostly just the two I complain about most often. Go figure!) From everyone else it's more just "...but why? that's a long way to run?" I should mention that no one I know is particularly active either so that probably makes a difference. Although huh, for as not-really-active as I am, it's interesting that my mindset is still like "fuck yeah I'm going to do this crazy thing that no one else wants to do!" Hmmmm. As for the half, I think I might wait. Survive the 5k and see if I can get a routine started. And then maybe sign up for it if registration hasn't closed by November? I'll keep thinking about it.

 

You probably shouldn't base your fitness choices on the opinions of people who don't pay attention to their fitness.It sounds like you've got the right mindset to me.  

 

Waiting is reasonable too though. I think getting to a 5K is a good test. Once you are physically capable of running for 30+ minutes, I think you've built a good enough base that you can start to scale it up and run farther if you want to. 

[fleaball]

Yeah. I'm going to wait and make sure I don't break myself again by jumping into something too quickly. (I think I need to go back to physical therapy because my shoulder hurts when I wear my backpack. Ugh.) Dear @Sylvaa stay tuned for a decision on the half somewhere in the vicinity of November. x_x

 

Today in Flea is a complete dork: can I manage to namedrop NF in my class in an hour? The readings are on targeting interventions to different populations and this is a pretty obvious example. =P 

 

Bullshitting my way through therapy homework went pretty well. I still have an article and a half to read in 45 minutes so that's not going to go very well. And I haven't started my research-assistant-ing that's due tomorrow because this lady hasn't sent me the list of articles she already has. It's going to be a long night. 

[Sylvaa]

Whenever you know will work for me. I'm already running, so I won't have to start completely at the beginning to get ready.

 

 I would like to point out though, that you have a 4 hour cut off for the half, which is over 18:00 per mile. This is totally a reasonable pace without killing yourself over the next 6 months. 

[fleaball]

I know that objectively, but that's not going to stop me from attempting to run a 5k on day 1 because I feel like I need to launch right into it. Because being a rational human being is overrated.

[fleaball]

Okay my new research assistantship is pissing me off. I'm supposed to be looking for articles on 3 different genocides for her class but I have no idea what she has or doesn't because she hasn't sent me what she has already. And I'm supposed to be expanding on a suggested bibliography for an independent study she's supervising, but literally all I know is that it's about genocide. I've sent two emails asking her to send me this stuff she said she'd send 10 days ago. And it's due tomorrow. What the fuck. I'm about to be super passive aggressive and just download every goddamn article I can find and be like "HERE YOU GO I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO WITH MY TIME." 

 

In other news, my program is having a welcome reception in 45 minutes. There will be food, but more importantly booze. But I am already starving so the booze will probably not go over well. Yay. And then day 1 of the internship tomorrow. Ahhhhh. 

[NeverThatBored]

3 hours ago, fleaball said:

There will be food, but more importantly booze. But I am already starving so the booze will probably not go over well.

 

Eat the food first???

[fleaball]

19 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Eat the food first???

Overrated. But I did. And only had two beers anyway. 

[fleaball]

I am flapping about like a crazy bird. I have both too much time and not enough to get ready for my internship. On top of that, roommate came home two minutes after I got out of bed. She's working from home bc she doesn't feel good so she's not in my way or anything, but I was expecting to be home alone and her presence is throwing off my rhythm. Also also it's going to be hot as balls today and of course my jacket is the heaviest, warmest material on earth. It's gonna be great. 

[fleaball]

wearing size 16 pants that are loose on me?? Except I have a pair from the same store that are the same size but a different material and they're too tight?? What is my life? D: also my uber driver is trying to get us killed. 

[Sylvaa]

4 minutes ago, fleaball said:

wearing size 16 pants that are loose on me?? Except I have a pair from the same store that are the same size but a different material and they're too tight?? What is my life? D: also my uber driver is trying to get us killed. 

 

Pretty sure that would be all Uber drivers (except for the aspiring musicians who want you to listen to their demo tapes).

 

Also, women's sizing is the most horrible thing ever. 

[fleaball]

I've had a few drivers who aren't terrible. But this guy tried to cut off the fucking streetcar. >< 

 

yeahhh under normal circumstances id be thrilled about these pants being loose. Except there are no belt loops so I'm going to be hyper conscious of them all day since I can't fix it. 

[Sylvaa]

FWIW on the pants issue: I have gotten into the habit of trying on my regular size in "normal" pants and a size lower in "curvy". Depending on where your weight sits, the lower, curvy size tends to fit better. (At least if you are like me and carry weight in your hips and thighs). 

[Owlet]

10 hours ago, fleaball said:

I've had a few drivers who aren't terrible. But this guy tried to cut off the fucking streetcar. >< 

What could possibly go wrong? Lol, ugh. Wait, you did survive, right? 

 

Women's sizing is the worst, it's all lies. All of it. I was going to go pants shopping today but it's raining and I'm easily discouraged... I'll save that torture for another day  

[fleaball]

I did survive! And it was a waste of 3 hours of my life. There were 16 of us, most of whom were undergrads, and even the other grad students are a few years younger than I am. Which is relevant because we spent the entire first hour waiting for the HR person to collect the tax withholding forms she emailed to us 3 weeks ago that were supposed to be filled out before we showed up today. And most people were like "so I didn't fill it out because I didn't know what to do?" Which, okay, this is definitely a thing we should be taught in school but you had three weeks to ask your parents how to do it? Or literally anyone else? Because HR legally cannot tell you how to fill it out. She was like "I can tell you that most people do X if they still live with their parents," to which people responded "so I should do X?" and we just went in circles of her telling them she can't tell them yes or no. I was ready to stab myself with the fancy pen they gave us. 

 

Anyway. I came home exhausted because of course I didn't sleep well and had to get up early, so I've just been grumping around the house for hours. It's about to be bedtime though, so I can continue to neglect my other responsibilities.

[Talos]

37 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I was ready to stab myself with the fancy pen they gave us. 

 

A surprisingly large percentage of the population struggles with the basic duties of adulting. 

[Tamesis]

2 hours ago, Talos said:

 

A surprisingly large percentage of the population struggles with the basic duties of adulting. 

This is a fact. I am part of that large percent. Although, not when it comes to filling out those tax forms. I mean, the form kind of even tells you what to do on it.

 

I hope the rest of your night goes better though, Flea!

[fleaball]

15 hours ago, Talos said:

 

A surprisingly large percentage of the population struggles with the basic duties of adulting. 

Murica. 

 

12 hours ago, Neeko said:

This is a fact. I am part of that large percent. Although, not when it comes to filling out those tax forms. I mean, the form kind of even tells you what to do on it.

 

I hope the rest of your night goes better though, Flea!

Yeah. Most of them didn't even bother looking at the attached worksheet. Uggggh. I mean yeah taxes are complicated but for these it's like, are you single? Do you pay child support? Not so difficult.  

[fleaball]

Research assistant prof finally got back to me. And switched up my assignment. Ohhhh my god why. So I haven't done shit for it. 

 

In other news, I totally forgot about Elements and the other GMB program I bought. Need to find time during the week to get back into that. There's exactly 8 weeks til my 5k, which means I won't be completing c25k by that time. Gonna focus for now on ankle exercises because both of them are still fucked. Whee. 

 

I am mostly just posting random thoughts bc right now I'm stuck at the library watching a documentary/movie/thing for class on Monday. And I'm bored out of my mind. And also grumpy because I'm still tired and PMSing and I have no patience for anyone or anything today. 

[NeverThatBored]

38 minutes ago, fleaball said:

There's exactly 8 weeks til my 5k, which means I won't be completing c25k by that time.

 

But you can complete most of it! It's a 9 week program, right?

[fleaball]

 

Specifically of the queer variety.

 

Spoiler

Background: There's a subset of Supernatural fans who believe Dean Winchester (main character) is bisexual. (Google it and you'll find some well thought-out essays and gifsets if you're interested.) Naturally there are people who are against this idea for various reasons. (Including incredible misunderstanding of how bisexuality works, along the lines of "Dean can't be bi because he likes women." But I digress.) I've seen a thousand of these arguments on tumblr over the years, ranging from attempts to respectfully disagree (rare) to just astonishingly ignorant and mean-spirited (common), and usually just dismiss or ignore them because whatever, people on the internet suck.

 

Apparently today people got "Dean is bi" trending on twitter. And an account I follow commented on it and then started replying to people calling them on it. But these people were saying things like "I'm literally going to be sick right now" and "why does it matter?" And honestly when I read those things I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. And I can't shake it. Part of me just wants to be like "yes hello, actual bi human being with hurt-able feelings here. thank you." 

 

But the worst part of it is that I'm upset with myself for being upset by it. I know these are not people whose opinions matter. I know that my identity is real and valid and I will never let anyone make me think otherwise, especially people whose priorities are so fucked that they need to be so viciously defensive of a fictional character. I should be able to brush it off like every other time but I just can't and it sucks because I'm not even angry, I'm just hurt and disappointed. 

 

The irony here is that I don't even remember why but at therapy this week she asked when I realized I was bi and what that was like, being from a Catholic family and going to Catholic school my whole life. And it has honest to god never bothered me that I am queer. (I was hesitant to say I was bi for a good while only because hurr durr how do I know for sure when I've never dated a girl? I didn't want to say I was and then realize later I wasn't. Or something.) I don't remember when, how, or why bisexuality showed up on my radar, but neither that nor the question of liking girls in general ever made me feel sick, or upset, or weird, or dirty, or whatever the fuck other negative thing you'd expect given my background plus casually homophobic mother and openly homophobic father. I've always been secure in my sexuality, or at least the idea of not being straight. Reading all the shitty biphobic tumblr posts last spring for that stupid paper just made me angry that people could be so ignorant, but I never took it personally.

 

And now I'm sitting here letting these people and their bullshit get to me but not in a way that I can actually process or make sense of how I feel. I just want to not feel it. Because it's stupid. And people are stupid. 

 

I'm going to go to bed and attempt to sleep but probably wind up reading fanfiction until stupid o'clock in the morning because the only decisions I am capable of making are bad ones.

 

[Lara]

7 hours ago, fleaball said:

And people are stupid

They actually are. They always were. The problem now is that all those social networks make it for us to see it more frequently. What was a personal opinion, reduced to be heard by your closer circle, now is thrown all over the internet for everybody to be read, and yes, there is a lot of stupid, ignorant, never-stopped-to-think-about-it people that can get on your nerves. And they talk as if their opinion were a sound one. Have you ever read Cipolla's book "The basic laws of human stupidity"? First rule: always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation. If you haven't read it, do it: it's short and SO FUN to read. And real as life itself.

[Sylvaa]

It is absolutely horrible how nasty people can be when you give them the anonymity of the internet. We should track some of these people down and TP their homes. 

 

FWIW, the people who know you really don't care what your sexual preferences are. I know that probably isn't helpful, because you already know that, but I thought I would repeat it for you. 

[Owlet]

Ugh I'm sorry they got to you, that really sucks  I try to stay away from the more negative parts of the internet, it's just too hard not to be hurt by it sometimes. I hope you are feeling better now - I mean it sounded like you knew, intellectually, that it's a pile of crap, you just need to wait for your emotions to catch up. It takes a while sometimes, I know. At least we have NF to counteract all the BS on the internet  Hugs

[fleaball]

On 9/10/2016 at 2:09 PM, NeverThatBored said:

 

But you can complete most of it! It's a 9 week program, right?

I think the one I have is 8? And yeah, I've got plenty of time. Even if I wind up walking the entire thing, I don't care. I had to bail on the 5k in May because they cut you off at 45 minutes, but I'm pretty sure this one gives you 2 hours. So I'm not concerned. Mostly just "oops, now would have been a good time to start but oh well."

 

14 hours ago, zenLara said:

They actually are. They always were. The problem now is that all those social networks make it for us to see it more frequently. What was a personal opinion, reduced to be heard by your closer circle, now is thrown all over the internet for everybody to be read, and yes, there is a lot of stupid, ignorant, never-stopped-to-think-about-it people that can get on your nerves. And they talk as if their opinion were a sound one. Have you ever read Cipolla's book "The basic laws of human stupidity"? First rule: always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation. If you haven't read it, do it: it's short and SO FUN to read. And real as life itself.

I will definitely add that to the list of things to read. I've always known that people are stupid; I just wish they wouldn't take it upon themselves to remind me so often.

 

11 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

It is absolutely horrible how nasty people can be when you give them the anonymity of the internet. We should track some of these people down and TP their homes. 

 

FWIW, the people who know you really don't care what your sexual preferences are. I know that probably isn't helpful, because you already know that, but I thought I would repeat it for you. 

Ugh seriously. I approve of this plan. 

 

Thank you. <3 I do know that but being reminded that I am surrounded by awesome people is always a plus.

 

2 hours ago, Owlet said:

Ugh I'm sorry they got to you, that really sucks  I try to stay away from the more negative parts of the internet, it's just too hard not to be hurt by it sometimes. I hope you are feeling better now - I mean it sounded like you knew, intellectually, that it's a pile of crap, you just need to wait for your emotions to catch up. It takes a while sometimes, I know. At least we have NF to counteract all the BS on the internet  Hugs

It took a while but I'm over it. I do reasonably well avoiding shitty people on social media but every so often someone will RT or reblog or re-whatever something that I have no control over. Boo. 

 

So last night is definitely getting added to the list of things to cover with my therapist. What's interesting to me is that I didn't take it personally so much as just being upset about some ignorant jerks broadly dismissing and insulting an entire group of people they clearly know nothing about. I'm tempted to dismiss it all and say I overreacted, blah blah. But while it's true the extra strong reaction may have been due to not sleeping well lately and PMSing and stress over school/internships, I still need to acknowledge that my feelings were real and valid regardless. Which I'm mostly saying here so I remind myself of it when I inevitably pull up this thread at my next appointment. Since we're working on making feelings not so scary or whatever. Bleh. Emotions. Why.

[fleaball]

The professor for my class tonight just called me out because I've been spelling her name wrong in every single message. Welp, time to drop the class. :x