Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

I know crying isn't a terrible thing in and of itself and that it's understandable to be crying about my mother, but it would be really nice to bring it up in conversation without starting to cry. I just went to ask my supervisor if people usually work during spring break, because I don't have plans right now but will probably wind up making plans this weekend when I go home. And halfway through my first sentence my voice started getting shaky. I'm okay with crying about it but really not so much if it's going to happen asking routine questions at work. And tonight I have a stupid meeting with my stupid research advisor and will probably wind up crying too if I mention it. This is obnoxious.

 

i texted my mother a random photo this morning and said I hope everything goes well. Haven't heard back or heard from my father. That doesn't necessarily mean everything is terrible but who knows. 

[NeverThatBored]

49 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I'm okay with crying about it but really not so much if it's going to happen asking routine questions at work.

 

I 1000% understand this because if I am deeply upset about something, and it comes up at all in conversation even remotely, I will start to tear up about it with no warning. It's the worst. Like - excuse you, emotions, I did not give you permission to show yourselves in front of work colleagues. 

 

Just know that you are not alone in experiencing this sort of thing and there's not anything wrong with you, even if it is annoying to deal with when you're trying to interact with people like a regular non-upset person. 

[fleaball]

My mother added me as an authorized user to a new credit card (so I can call and talk to them if needed, apparently?) and it just tanked my credit score 100 points because the card is new and also maxed out bc it was a balance transfer. I'm going to fucking scream. My credit was SO GOOD. brb crying again

[NeverThatBored]

Just now, fleaball said:

My mother added me as an authorized user to a new credit card (so I can call and talk to them if needed, apparently?) and it just tanked my credit score 100 points because of the card is new and also maxed out bc it was a balance transfer. I'm going to fucking scream. My credit was SO GOOD. brb crying again

 

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ughhh ughh I would cry too. Maybe it's just a temporary drop? Part of the credit score calculation is based on the % of available credit used, so if the balance gets paid off maybe the score will go back up?

[fleaball]

2 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

I 1000% understand this because if I am deeply upset about something, and it comes up at all in conversation even remotely, I will start to tear up about it with no warning. It's the worst. Like - excuse you, emotions, I did not give you permission to show yourselves in front of work colleagues. 

 

Just know that you are not alone in experiencing this sort of thing and there's not anything wrong with you, even if it is annoying to deal with when you're trying to interact with people like a regular non-upset person. 

Yeah beyond the annoyance factor I don't have a problem with it. In this particular instance I probably brought it on myself, actually, because I'd just been thinking about how she was asking for me to go home on spring break (but no sooner) and now idk if she'll even be around then. And then I went and asked about taking time off while thinking "not sure if there will be any point to it but okay." So yeah I'm not helping myself. 

[fleaball]

Just now, NeverThatBored said:

 

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ughhh ughh I would cry too. Maybe it's just a temporary drop? Part of the credit score calculation is based on the % of available credit used, so if the balance gets paid off maybe the score will go back up?

Yeahhhh it will hopefully go up eventually but not right now. :/ She did the balance transfer bc its 0% for 15 months, so she xfer'd 5k from a card with an interest rate in the 30s to pay that down, the focus on the new one. I don't know what the actual timeline would be but I'm pretty sure it will outlive her tbh. I'll make sure it gets paid off and closed. I'm more upset about the hit to the length of my history; my oldest loan and credit card have been open for 10 years but because new student loans get opened every semester it keeps dragging down the average age of my accounts. Which isn't a massive part of the score I don't think, but still frustrating as hell. I think I'm down to 3 years, 4 months?

[Sylvaa]

10 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

I 1000% understand this because if I am deeply upset about something, and it comes up at all in conversation even remotely, I will start to tear up about it with no warning. It's the worst. Like - excuse you, emotions, I did not give you permission to show yourselves in front of work colleagues. 

 

Just know that you are not alone in experiencing this sort of thing and there's not anything wrong with you, even if it is annoying to deal with when you're trying to interact with people like a regular non-upset person. 

 

Me too! Again, why can't we all have cool things we all do. Although, later, you may be able to laugh about the most random words that set you off on a crying fit - so there's that?

 

 

[NeverThatBored]

10 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I'm more upset about the hit to the length of my history; my oldest loan and credit card have been open for 10 years but because new student loans get opened every semester it keeps dragging down the average age of my accounts. Which isn't a massive part of the score I don't think, but still frustrating as hell. I think I'm down to 3 years, 4 months?

 

Yeah, I feel you on that one. It looks like length of credit is a smaller % than amounts owed, so there's that?

 

[fleaball]

3 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Yeah, I feel you on that one. It looks like length of credit is a smaller % than amounts owed, so there's that?

 

Yeah. Overall not a super huge thing I need to worry about. Just really pisses me off on principle. le sigh. 

[fleaball]

Ugh double post why. 

[fleaball]

Forgot to say: given that I think the only reason I'm on it is to help her manage it, I'm going to ask if she'll take me off it but call them and have it put on her file that I have permission to discuss the account with them. 

 

And now that I think about it, authorized users don't have access to account info anyway. So this was all useless. Argh, fuck. I really wish she'd fucking asked me before she did it. 

[Dagger]

I don't even know if we have credit score in Sweden the way you do in the US. Some version or something, since companies can ask for credit reports to check if I have outstanding payments or marks from non-payment and such. But I don't think the system is as involved as yours.

 

What I'm trying to say is: it sucks. Sorry.

 

Have kitty. Or five:

[fleaball]

She actually had chemo. Thank fuck.

[Severine]

It feels weird saying this but yay chemo! 

 

If she removes you as an authorized user, your credit score should go back to what it was in a couple of months, or close to it. And yeah, she can just call them and give you permission. I've done that a bunch for various relatives and even one of my bosses. I never needed to be an authorized user, just to have a note on the file that said they could talk to me.

[fleaball]

28 minutes ago, Severine said:

It feels weird saying this but yay chemo! 

 

If she removes you as an authorized user, your credit score should go back to what it was in a couple of months, or close to it. And yeah, she can just call them and give you permission. I've done that a bunch for various relatives and even one of my bosses. I never needed to be an authorized user, just to have a note on the file that said they could talk to me.

I know. It was so weird saying "thank fuck." But it's sort of true. 

 

Yeah, hopefully once they update my report again and it all gets deleted. When she said she'd added me to it I totally forgot this all would happen. Until Credit Karma told me my report changed today and I nearly lost it. I'll talk to her about it when I go home even though I really want to call and yell right now. 

 

Yelling wouldnt do any good though. I called earlier because she'd texted me a bunch of nonsense (she thinks the chemo is screwing with her vision so texting is getting hard) and she was having a nebulizer treatment. So that's fun. I yelled at her to get off the damn phone and go back to her treatment so I don't know why they were doing it but ugh. 

[fleaball]

Cause of the fever was apparently bronchitis. Goddamn. She's still in the hospital and hoping to get discharged tomorrow. It's funny because I said I'm meeting someone tomorrow night for class and can't talk when we usually do and she said we'd talk Friday. Surpriiiiise we're talking tomorrow. I hope she's not still in the hospital though because I will fucking lose it just on principle. And it would be nice not to cry for five minutes. 

[Dagger]

16 hours ago, fleaball said:

Cause of the fever was apparently bronchitis. Goddamn.

Well, at least you know, even if it isn't ideal... *hugs*

[Severine]

20 hours ago, fleaball said:

Cause of the fever was apparently bronchitis. Goddamn. She's still in the hospital and hoping to get discharged tomorrow. It's funny because I said I'm meeting someone tomorrow night for class and can't talk when we usually do and she said we'd talk Friday. Surpriiiiise we're talking tomorrow. I hope she's not still in the hospital though because I will fucking lose it just on principle. And it would be nice not to cry for five minutes. 

 

At least it'll be a really nice surprise for her to see you when she gets out of the hospital! And if they don't discharge her, having you come visit will make it less crappy to be stuck there. I really hope they do, though.

 

Hope your flight and everything goes smoothly

[fleaball]

2 minutes ago, Severine said:

 

At least it'll be a really nice surprise for her to see you when she gets out of the hospital! And if they don't discharge her, having you come visit will make it less crappy to be stuck there. I really hope they do, though.

 

Hope your flight and everything goes smoothly

She actually got home about an hour ago, so yay. MGH has round the clock visiting hours so I would have appeared in her room regardless but I much prefer her being home now. 

 

Danke! According to google this flight is usually delayed half an hour but ugh whatever. It shouldn't be too bad regardless. 

[Dagger]

52 minutes ago, Severine said:

This is waaaay too compelling to watch................ *watches for a long time*

[fleaball]

Flight starts boarding in 15 minutes. I land in 2 hours. Bets on when I start crying?

[Owlet]

51 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Flight starts boarding in 15 minutes. I land in 2 hours. Bets on when I start crying?

I mean, if it were me... I'd probably start in the plane haha. See if you can beat me (as in, start crying later not sooner) actually a couple of years back I cried in the airport, before we even started boarding. At least last time I waited til I got off the plane. Baby steps  also hugs, you got this <3

[fleaball]

1 hour ago, Owlet said:

I mean, if it were me... I'd probably start in the plane haha. See if you can beat me (as in, start crying later not sooner) actually a couple of years back I cried in the airport, before we even started boarding. At least last time I waited til I got off the plane. Baby steps  also hugs, you got this <3

Just landed and haven't cried yet yay! nothing says I won't burst into tears pulling up to the house but oh well 

[Severine]

Good luck!!

[fleaball]

Didn't have chemo this week. I misunderstood somewhere. It's scheduled for Monday again but honestly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ She's still determined to be the "first one to survive this" and also to see me graduate but I can tell shes worried about the lack of chemo. She gave my godmother (the nurse) permission to look at her records and tell it like it is, and apparently none of the scans have come back any worse but still. She looks kinda bad, sounds pretty bad, yes the bronchitis isn't helping her tell me she's better but ugh. 

 

My father is exhausted because he's running himself into the ground. My brother is apparently just shutting down completely. I'm definitely going to help with what I can this weekend and I'm glad I came, but it's also probably going to be rougher in ways I didn't expect. Hooray. 

 

Going to bed now before I full on cry.