Battle Kitten: Ascension

[Dagger]

42 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Also who remembers the friend from school that I always regret hanging out with because conversation always becomes about her and I can't get a word in edgewise? She texted me last night for the first time since November. Talked about her own shit for ten minutes. Asked if I was graduating this semester, I said yeah probably if I don't have a fucking breakdown because my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer right before Christmas. And she's like "oh dude I'm sorry." Followed immediately by "Christmas seems to be the time for family drama. My parents are on the brink of divorce again." Which just pissed me off because really? I know some people's communication style is to say things to try to relate to the other person but that's worlds apart? And also literally everyone else I've told has like, said "lmk if you need anything" or "what are you doing to take care of yourself?" or other supportive things. I literally have strangers on the internet saying supportive things here. And this girl just misses the boat. Ugh. It's a small thing to get mad about but whatever. 

Your "friend" is hilarious in a really tragic way.

 

"Hey, my mother is dying of cancer."

"Oh, well, my parents might be getting a divorce. So sad for us."

 

...

 

You need better friends. >_>  <__<   >_<

 

That isn't just having a strange communication style. That is lacking social skills.

 

I'm glad your room mate is somewhat tackling the K problem.

[fleaball]

4 minutes ago, Dagger said:

Your "friend" is hilarious in a really tragic way.

 

"Hey, my mother is dying of cancer."

"Oh, well, my parents might be getting a divorce. So sad for us."

 

...

 

You need better friends. >_>  <__<   >_<

 

That isn't just having a strange communication style. That is lacking social skills.

 

I'm glad your room mate is somewhat tackling the K problem.

Right? Like her anxiety is worse than mine and she says she has depression too so I totally understand like, not saying "lmk if I can help" bc that might be too much. But in general there were so many better possible responses? 

 

I really fucking do need better friends. If only I had time to go out and find some. Or we could all teleport to each other here. 

 

(Does anyone else watch Sense8? Because it's not teleporting but I totally just imagined us all visiting each other the way they do. And if you don't watch it, get Netflix and fix that immediately.)

 

There may be ONE upside to K's existence. Plumber came by today (roommate stayed home for him, I didn't even know it was happening) and he had to order a part for the water heater, but when it comes in he's coming back to fix that and the pipe. he said he could come back in an evening, but the only night I'm free is Friday. Roommate is out of town starting Thursday. She said "well we have K." Fuck yeah, make her be useful if she's going to sit around and do nothing. (Apparently she's been offered a job in the Administration, but only so far as "hey you have a job." No word on pay, benefits, when she's starting, etc. because it's such a clusterfuck over there.  So she's just sitting around waiting.)

 

She did say last night that she was going to her friend's apt today for something and could bring my laundry if I wanted her to do it? Which is kind of weird. But no I really don't want you doing my laundry, thanks. And kept insisting it wasn't an issue. And then that also she was going to the grocery store last night and she could get me whatever and I should text her a list and just... dude. Stop. If you want to be useful then get the fuck out of my house or start fucking paying rent. Ugh. 

[NeverThatBored]

39 minutes ago, fleaball said:

(Does anyone else watch Sense8? Because it's not teleporting but I totally just imagined us all visiting each other the way they do. And if you don't watch it, get Netflix and fix that immediately.)

 

 

Sense8 is the greatest. I can't wait for the new season! 

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Sense8 is the greatest. I can't wait for the new season! 

I knowwwww! The Christmas special was great because more sense8 but also sucked because it was obly two hours. Boooooo I'm greedy give me more. 

[Dagger]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Does anyone else watch Sense8? Because it's not teleporting but I totally just imagined us all visiting each other the way they do. And if you don't watch it, get Netflix and fix that immediately

I have not heard about Sense8. Mind telling me more so I can figure out if it is something I should add to my list?

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, Dagger said:

I have not heard about Sense8. Mind telling me more so I can figure out if it is something I should add to my list?

It's SO GOOD. It's a sci-fi type thing by the Wachowskis. There are people called sensates who are like, psychically linked with 7 other people around the world. An it's super fucking awesome because there's a ton of diversity. And there's sex. It's a bit hard to follow in the beginning because you're introduced to 8 different people and there's a lot happening but it gets easier. I could go into more detail but I tend to go overboard and spoil things so I'll hold off lol

[Dagger]

6 minutes ago, fleaball said:

It's SO GOOD. It's a sci-fi type thing by the Wachowskis. There are people called sensates who are like, psychically linked with 7 other people around the world. An it's super fucking awesome because there's a ton of diversity. And there's sex. It's a bit hard to follow in the beginning because you're introduced to 8 different people and there's a lot happening but it gets easier. I could go into more detail but I tend to go overboard and spoil things so I'll hold off lol

You said Wachowskis as if I should know who they are. XD (I usually don't.)

 

So is it like a TV-show I suppose? And is each episode at least partly contained? (Think like Supergirl always defeats her opponent in each episode, while character arcs and stuff goes over several episodes/seasons.) Or is it like completely dependent on seeing all episodes of a seasons or even all seasons to enjoy it?

[Severine]

SENSE8 IS AMAZING I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I don't typically fangirl about things but UGH SO GOOD. It's such a beautiful testament to what it means to be a person, and to connect with and understand other people. It's probably my favourite modern television show. And it's so amazing to see complex full pictures of queer sexuality, and sympathetic and honest and nuanced portrayals of people with problems and anxieties and flaws that normally would be reduced to caricatures.

 

@Dagger it's on Netflix. It's like a TV show, but made by Netflix so it's the only place to see it.

 

Oh and the Wachowskis are the ones who made the Matrix movies. Sense8 is different from the Matrix in many ways but it has a lot of the same philosophical questions about what consciousness and self means that they touched on in the Matrix. And Sense8 has a lot of stunning visuals as well. The guy behind Babylon5 is also involved in Sense8.

[Severine]

2 hours ago, fleaball said:

Definitely have a cold. Not pleased. Rescheduled the test I had tomorrow but luckily they had an opening next week. 

 

I wish I were more assertive than passive aggressive. Last night I totally ran out of fucks but couldn't call anyone out on anything. K was in the living room reading when I got home and my food delivery was 5 minutes away so I wasn't going upstairs til it got there. We were talking (me giving one-word answers while sitting on the stairs looking at my phone, mostly) until I realized there was more space in the living room and "oh you finally got rid of the TV that's been sitting here." And then I asked if she'd gotten rid of all her stuff in Florida and moved out of her apartment, she said she moved out and her shit's in storage, so I was like "so are you looking for a place up here yet?" Which, ugh, be more direct asshole. Tell her to fuck off. 

 

Also who remembers the friend from school that I always regret hanging out with because conversation always becomes about her and I can't get a word in edgewise? She texted me last night for the first time since November. Talked about her own shit for ten minutes. Asked if I was graduating this semester, I said yeah probably if I don't have a fucking breakdown because my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer right before Christmas. And she's like "oh dude I'm sorry." Followed immediately by "Christmas seems to be the time for family drama. My parents are on the brink of divorce again." Which just pissed me off because really? I know some people's communication style is to say things to try to relate to the other person but that's worlds apart? And also literally everyone else I've told has like, said "lmk if you need anything" or "what are you doing to take care of yourself?" or other supportive things. I literally have strangers on the internet saying supportive things here. And this girl just misses the boat. Ugh. It's a small thing to get mad about but whatever. 

 

Speaking of friends I need to drop, am I a bitch if I return the book and random stuff toy the obnoxious friend ordered for me a few weeks ago? Because I have no use for them and according to amazon people don't get notified when you return gifts. 

 

Booooo cold. And boo K and I hope she gets her stupid job and moves out soon. Good if she covers the plumber coming, though. Certainly the least she can do.

 

Your friend...ugh. I almost feel bad for her because her relationships must suck if she is that bad at being a caring human. But seriously, that's bad. Like, willful blindness levels of cluelessness.

 

And you're not a bitch. Return the things.

 

Oh and I wouldn't want someone I don't like touching my laundry either.

[Severine]

Bonus for people who want to feel old: I just IMDB'd it and the Matrix came out 18 years ago. 

 

I was not ready to know that.

[fleaball]

Oh my god I hate using NF at work. Idk if it's because I have to use IE or what but it never auto-saves my posts and I just lost one.

 

14 minutes ago, Dagger said:

You said Wachowskis as if I should know who they are. XD (I usually don't.)

 

So is it like a TV-show I suppose? And is each episode at least partly contained? (Think like Supergirl always defeats her opponent in each episode, while character arcs and stuff goes over several episodes/seasons.) Or is it like completely dependent on seeing all episodes of a seasons or even all seasons to enjoy it?

Tbh I only said it because when it first came out people on tumblr were throwing their names around a lot too. Now that I think about it, it might just be because there's a trans character played by a trans actress, and at the time one of the Wachowskis (who are both involved in writing and directing the show) had been out as trans for a few years iirc (the other came out much more recently, after the first season had been released) so people were flailing that actual trans people were involved in a trans character's story, which is stupidly fucking rare.

 

anyway. Off my soapbox. Honestly I wouldn't know who they were if it weren't for tumblr so apologies lol. Since it's Netflix it's made for bingeing rather than being more serial and while you could probably get away with missing an episode in the middle you'd have a lot of questions.

 

Also everything @Severine said.

[fleaball]

9 minutes ago, Severine said:

 

Booooo cold. And boo K and I hope she gets her stupid job and moves out soon. Good if she covers the plumber coming, though. Certainly the least she can do.

 

Your friend...ugh. I almost feel bad for her because her relationships must suck if she is that bad at being a caring human. But seriously, that's bad. Like, willful blindness levels of cluelessness.

 

And you're not a bitch. Return the things.

 

Oh and I wouldn't want someone I don't like touching my laundry either.

The fun part is going to be getting my key back when she moves out. But I will probably be increasing levels of bitchy until then so maybe I can get her out sooner.

 

Yeahhh idek man. I've heard enough about all of her other friends (she went straight from undergrad to grad and still talks to her undergrad friends) but now that I think about it it's been mostly complaints so who knows. I'm glad I'm not being oversensitive though.

 

Yesss.

 

Yeahhhh... idk this girl is weird anyway. I just want to do my own damn laundry and not have to hike to the laundromat again this weekend.

[fleaball]

Lol so my roommate is not a passive aggressive bitch like I am. They're legitimately staying in her room now bc they both have back issues and he needs to get a better mattress but hasn't had time. Whoops. 

[fleaball]

I'm also being a dick about K to roommate rn and part of me feels bad but also no. I asked if she's being passive aggressive by sleeping at home and also she just said "apparently she's thinking about buying a house." To which I responded, "...she has money to buy a house but not offer to pay rent while crashing elsewhere for over a month?" 

 

What she really meant is this girl is going to try to get money from her parents to buy a house (my therapist can't get over the fact that she's a Republican and yet mooching off of everyone). But also said that if they're both home tonight she's going to have that talk with her because our utility bills for January were insane. 

 

I did also apologize if I'm coming off extra bitchy and roommate hasn't responded to that yet. Oops. #sorrynotsorry I know being passive aggressive is a thing I need to work on with my therapist (no one in my family is direct about anything so it's definitely a learned thing I need unlearn) but now is absolutely not the time because I don't have the mental energy or space for that kind of work. 

[fleaball]

Things that suck: crying in an Uber because you're driving by the Capitol and "oh hey it's cool that I live near this shit, I should take mom and dad on a tour when they come down in May"

 

And then you realize it's not going to happen.

 

And it sucks even more because you lost track of how many times your mother had said she wants to come down and see the city some day because she's the only one in the family who's never been and she wants to see everything. 

[Severine]

I bet Uber drivers see more tears than you'd think. 

 

All I can say is try not to assume bad things before they actually happen? She could go into remission. Don't count on her going into remission because you don't want to be let down, but also don't discount the possibility.

 

Also kittens.

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, Severine said:

I bet Uber drivers see more tears than you'd think. 

 

All I can say is try not to assume bad things before they actually happen? She could go into remission. Don't count on her going into remission because you don't want to be let down, but also don't discount the possibility.

 

Also kittens.

I'm not entirely writing off the possibility of her getting better, or at least not getting worse. (Can't remember if I said this but she asked my godmother to look at her chart and despite not having chemo for a month nothing had gotten worse, apparently.) I just don't know that she'll be able to make a trip regardless. It's a 60-90 minute flight, an 8-hour train ride, or ~12 hour drive. While she's determined not to die, ever, she's already not sure she'll be able to make it for graduation between the length of the trip and the compromised immune system and the possibility of needing chemo. (Because the universe hates me and graduation is on a Sunday, which just happens to be Mothers Day. God fucking help me if she doesn't make it that long, I will be a complete disaster.) So yeah. It just seems like no matter what happens, having her down to visit at any point is just a huge reach. 

 

Also for some reason feeling bad about things she hasn't/won't get to do is currently translating into feeling guilty. It's not on me that she never got to Austria like she wanted, it's not my fault she never got to see DC, none of it is my fault. But I guess this one particularly hurts because there are so many other things wrapped up in it (I live here and will probably stay here, graduation, etc) 

[Sylvaa]

10 minutes ago, fleaball said:

 I just don't know that she'll be able to make a trip regardless. It's a 60-90 minute flight, an 8-hour train ride, or ~12 hour drive. While she's determined not to die, ever, she's already not sure she'll be able to make it for graduation between the length of the trip and the compromised immune system and the possibility of needing chemo. (Because the universe hates me and graduation is on a Sunday, which just happens to be Mothers Day. God fucking help me if she doesn't make it that long, I will be a complete disaster.) 

 

Know that if she can't be there, I will totally FaceTime (or Skype) your graduation. And I think we already talked about it and maybe your roommate offered too? But it's still an option.

 

Because you are my friend and ohana means family.

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, Sylvaa said:

 

Know that if she can't be there, I will totally FaceTime (or Skype) your graduation. And I think we already talked about it and maybe your roommate offered too? But it's still an option.

 

Because you are my friend and ohana means family.

Thank you. <3 I can't remember if she offered or not. I know my father mentioned something about paying a videographer to get a copy of it (which I doubt is feasible since the school will be recording it but okay). The school livestreams it online though, so that's sort of what we're banking on right now. I legit might take you up on that though, depending on how things go. 

[Dagger]

[Sylvaa]

10 hours ago, fleaball said:

Thank you. <3 I can't remember if she offered or not. I know my father mentioned something about paying a videographer to get a copy of it (which I doubt is feasible since the school will be recording it but okay). The school livestreams it online though, so that's sort of what we're banking on right now. I legit might take you up on that though, depending on how things go. 

 

Yeah, I would go anyway to be your cheering section anyway (if you wanted). But then, if the live streaming goes down, then there is a plan B.

[fleaball]

39 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

 

Yeah, I would go anyway to be your cheering section anyway (if you wanted). But then, if the live streaming goes down, then there is a plan B.

 you're the bestest. Stop making me cry at work. 

[Sylvaa]

5 minutes ago, fleaball said:

 you're the bestest. Stop making me cry at work. 

 

<3 I got you boo!

[Severine]

[fleaball]

45 minutes left of work and I've barely done anything all day. Which means I'll need to double down tomorrow and do the thing I was supposed to be working on today. (Istg I'm researching information they should already have at hand somewhere?) Also managed to give myself a crazy anxiety spike over nothing, so that's fun. 

 

Then I get to go to Student Health for an appointment that will likely turn out to be a waste of time for everyone involved. I've had random pain in my ribcage that may or may not be related to the recently trashed bra that fit terribly. And the headache I went to the ER with keeps coming back, though less intense than it was then. Last week the NP at student health was thinking it might be migraines? Which, no thank you. Do not want. 

 

Lately I'm freaking out about every little twinge and random pain. It's not that I think I'm dying, because I'm well aware that most of these things are nothing. But it's more "I know this is nothing but it's out of the ordinary and what if it IS something and I don't get it checked out and I die?!" Which might not sound like two different things but they are tool me. But I've gotten burned in the past by thinking I had a cold and then winding up in the hospital for a week with some mystery plague, and also my mother's had several health issues that she ignored because she thought the symptoms were something else. Which is a recipe for disaster for me given the anxiety anyway. :/

 

and thennnnn I get to meet with a reference librarian at school to try to find research for my stupid research paper because I KNOW there has to be stuff out there but no matter what I search I get nothing relevant. If I were still talking to the girl in richmond I could probably get her to search for it for me because a.) at one point she kept asking if she could help with stuff and b.) she's getting her masters in library sciences right now so it's right up her alley. Ish. But I avoid her at all costs, whee. I'm a dick. 

 

My mother had chemo again today. Huzzah. They spent the night at a hotel across the street because there was supposed to be epic snow and the commute was supposed to be a disaster. I think she was trying to tell me earlier that it wound up not being super snowy but texting isn't her forte anymore. All I care about is that she got the chemo again though. 

 

Oh oh and we still can't do laundry. Roommate stayed home Tuesday to meet a guy. He had to order a part. Wednesday he called me at 730 am, wanted to come that night; I said I wouldn't be home and I'd have to check with her, he says how about Saturday morning. Sure. Landlord talked to him Friday to confirm he'd be there. I stay home all day Saturday aaaaaand nothing. Called him several times, it rang and went to a full mailbox. Yay. I'm so pissed. I just want to do laundry in my own damn house.