Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

> google ice pick headache

> see several results talking about brain tumors

> lol bye

[Owlet]

3 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Oh oh and we still can't do laundry. Roommate stayed home Tuesday to meet a guy. He had to order a part. Wednesday he called me at 730 am, wanted to come that night; I said I wouldn't be home and I'd have to check with her, he says how about Saturday morning. Sure. Landlord talked to him Friday to confirm he'd be there. I stay home all day Saturday aaaaaand nothing. Called him several times, it rang and went to a full mailbox. Yay. I'm so pissed. I just want to do laundry in my own damn house. 

what the hell? This guy is so many kinds of uselss! Grrr. 

 

Yay for chemo though, glad to hear it's finally going a bit more smoothly. As for your own medical woes and anxiety, booo  and hugs.

[Owlet]

2 minutes ago, fleaball said:

> google ice pick headache

> see several results talking about brain tumors

> lol bye

Nooo. It's probably just stress/anxiety and lack of sleep. By all means get it checked but I am sure you don't have a brain tumour. Dammit google, why you gotta be like that. <3

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, Owlet said:

Nooo. It's probably just stress/anxiety and lack of sleep. By all means get it checked but I am sure you don't have a brain tumour. Dammit google, why you gotta be like that. <3

Yeah both she and the ER folks mentioned cluster headaches? I doubt it's a brain tumor because it came on so suddenly but like... ugh. Last thing I needed to see. It's exactly what you said, plus I've not been drinking as much water lately (don't know why, just not been good about it). Ugh. 

[fleaball]

So essentially my problem is that I have anxiety and I'm stressed. The headaches sound like tension headaches to her and the other pains are just that? Essentially my body is freaking out because anxiety and stress, then my brain freaks out and I get more anxiety and stress? 

 

Which makes sense. It really does. But then I got a quasi-lecture about self-care and while I completely agree that chilling the fuck out would help, essentially getting yelled at about it does not. Nor is it as fucking easy as she wants it to be. Ugh. And now even though I'm mad about how she said it feels dumb arguing /being mad in general we're all always telling each other and other people about the importance of self-care and finding time for it even when you don't think you have it so it's not like I have a leg to stand on here. Ugh. 

 

Oh good. And now for no reason I just looked down at myself and went "Christ I'm fat." 

 

Uggggh. I should make tea. But it's downstairs. 

[Owlet]

13 minutes ago, fleaball said:

So essentially my problem is that I have anxiety and I'm stressed. The headaches sound like tension headaches to her and the other pains are just that? Essentially my body is freaking out because anxiety and stress, then my brain freaks out and I get more anxiety and stress? 

Ugh, yeah that makes sense. Sounds like me trying to sleep - tired, so emotional, so can't seep, so more tired, so more emotional...

 

13 minutes ago, fleaball said:

But then I got a quasi-lecture about self-care and while I completely agree that chilling the fuck out would help, essentially getting yelled at about it does not. Nor is it as fucking easy as she wants it to be.

Booo. Come on student health(?) lady, you know that won't work. 'hurry up and relax!' um no you're stressing me out. Still, good to know what the issue is. Hope that brings a little peace of mind. <3

[fleaball]

2 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Ugh, yeah that makes sense. Sounds like me trying to sleep - tired, so emotional, so can't seep, so more tired, so more emotional...

 

Booo. Come on student health(?) lady, you know that won't work. 'hurry up and relax!' um no you're stressing me out. Still, good to know what the issue is. Hope that brings a little peace of mind. <3

Brains are so dumb and unhelpful like that.

 

lol yeah, student health. She seemed kind of off tonight; usually I really like her and she's really nice. Not sure what the deal was. Maybe she's just tired of seeing me. I do feel better about stuff, although there's always going to be that thought in the back of my mind like no, what if it's something else? Hopefully that voice shuts up as I eventually settle though.

[NeverThatBored]

16 minutes ago, fleaball said:

So essentially my problem is that I have anxiety and I'm stressed. The headaches sound like tension headaches to her and the other pains are just that? Essentially my body is freaking out because anxiety and stress, then my brain freaks out and I get more anxiety and stress? 

 

Which makes sense. It really does. But then I got a quasi-lecture about self-care and while I completely agree that chilling the fuck out would help, essentially getting yelled at about it does not. Nor is it as fucking easy as she wants it to be. Ugh. And now even though I'm mad about how she said it feels dumb arguing /being mad in general we're all always telling each other and other people about the importance of self-care and finding time for it even when you don't think you have it so it's not like I have a leg to stand on here. Ugh. 

 

Oh good. And now for no reason I just looked down at myself and went "Christ I'm fat." 

 

Uggggh. I should make tea. But it's downstairs. 

 

Make some tea! Like a barbarian.  You will not regret it. And maybe just take a moment for yourself to take some deep breaths and move around a little? Fun movements, like dancing or pretending to be a cat or rolling around on the floor. 

 

 

[Severine]

Flurry of things:

• FFS, that bloody laundry guy is useless. Your landlord is useless. Laundry is not meant to be this hard. I hope it's resolved soon.
• Not sure if this will help but when I was still working in law I had a period of about 6 months that was probably the most stressed I've ever been, and I had all kinds of random terrible symptoms - intense and lasting headaches, heart palpitations, pain in a thousand different places, random inflammation and soreness, swollen glands, chest pain, abdominal pain. And I kept freaking out about it and going to the doctor. And she kept doing tests and finding nothing and telling me it was stress and sleep deprivation and poor nutrition and lack of exercise and I was annoyed because (a) I didn't think fluffy stuff like that could have that strong of an impact and (b) as soon as I started to believe her, I'd freak out that they were just misdiagnosing me because they saw a fat, stressed out, overworked woman and jumped to conclusions are were going to miss some actually serious thing I had. Annnnnnd then when I eventually left the firm, and things got calmer and I ate better and exercised...it all fixed itself/just went away. Which obviously doesn't mean anything directly about your situation, except to say that yeah, stress really can do all that crap.
  • That being said, yelling at you about it is pretty much the worst approach ever. Clinical practice skill FAILURE, doc.
• Yay for chemo happening regularly! And yeah the snow last night was only like 9 inches. Not insignificant but not the 15+ they forecast.
• Hope you find some research! 
• Your job always sounds so annoying, I'm sorry
• Tea makes everything better

[Severine]

1 minute ago, NeverThatBored said:

Make some tea! Like a barbarian.  You will not regret it.

 

[fleaball]

4 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Make some tea! Like a barbarian.  You will not regret it. And maybe just take a moment for yourself to take some deep breaths and move around a little? Fun movements, like dancing or pretending to be a cat or rolling around on the floor. 

 

 

made barbarian honey lavender tea. Will do bedtime yoga again soon and probably some other stretches. And rolling around on the floor does sound fun, actually. maybe that too. 

 

3 minutes ago, Severine said:

Flurry of things:

• FFS, that bloody laundry guy is useless. Your landlord is useless. Laundry is not meant to be this hard. I hope it's resolved soon.
• Not sure if this will help but when I was still working in law I had a period of about 6 months that was probably the most stressed I've ever been, and I had all kinds of random terrible symptoms - intense and lasting headaches, heart palpitations, pain in a thousand different places, random inflammation and soreness, swollen glands, chest pain, abdominal pain. And I kept freaking out about it and going to the doctor. And she kept doing tests and finding nothing and telling me it was stress and sleep deprivation and poor nutrition and lack of exercise and I was annoyed because (a) I didn't think fluffy stuff like that could have that strong of an impact and (b) as soon as I started to believe her, I'd freak out that they were just misdiagnosing me because they saw a fat, stressed out, overworked woman and jumped to conclusions are were going to miss some actually serious thing I had. Annnnnnd then when I eventually left the firm, and things got calmer and I ate better and exercised...it all fixed just went away. Which obviously doesn't mean anything directly about your situation, except to say that yeah, stress really can do all that crap.
  • That being said, yelling at you about it is pretty much the worst approach ever. Clinical practice skill FAILURE, doc.
• Yay for chemo happening regularly! And yeah the snow last night was only like 9 inches. Not insignificant but not the 15+ they forecast.
• Hope you find some research! 
• Your job always sounds so annoying, I'm sorry
• Tea makes everything better

• This is laundry guy #2! Landlord called him today to try to set up a time, roommate said she could be home tomorrow (when he wanted to come) so she called him and he fucking answered. He told her he called several times on Saturday but no one picked up? Which is bullshit because I was glued to my phone and he didn't call either of us all weekend. And I called him repeatedly and got no answer? We both have out of state area codes and that's not at all uncommon in DC so basically there's no reason for him to answer her and not me. Not when he called me last week so he definitely had my number at one point.
• That totally does help. Because basically the bolded part has been lurking in the back of my mind. You see so many horror stories of both women and overweight people who consistently get dismissed and while I really don't think that's the case I also loathe feeling out of sorts without a reason. And yes I know bad eating and lack of sleep and exercise are actual reasons but like, I want them to point to a thing and say "this is definitively it." I guess I'm having a hard time with it because none of this ever happened before. Which, duh, I have never been this fucked up in my life so of course this is a new experience. The yelling at me is also a new experience so I'm just going to let it go. 
• That's so fucking New England. "Yeah it was only 9 inches." I love it. Also hilarious because she'd texted me that the storm was "a dud." Okay mom. 9 inches of snow is a dud.
• Got some ideas for research. Yay. Also realizing this paper is going to be more of a clusterfuck than expected because I still don't know what my data will wind up being but whatever. I doubt I'll fail because she seems like the pass-you-for-trying kind of person and she's a lot more involved than most people so she can see where the issues are, but who would I be if I didn't expect to fail a paper?
• lmao my job is the worst. objectively it's really not but it's definitely a disorganized mess and I have no choice but to roll with it. Le sigh.
• Mmhmmmmm.

[Dagger]

7 hours ago, Severine said:

Tea makes everything better

QFT.

[fleaball]

Didn't yoga last night because that tea knocked me out. Which is disappointing but also yay sleep? 

 

Asshat plumber is an asshat. Called me at 8:30 (so he clearly has my fucking number) "are you going to be home in half an hour so I can check something?" No, I literally just got to my desk at work. "Is your roommate home?" I don't know. I'm not home. You'll have to call her. 

 

I think K was home? But idk what her deal is so I wasn't volunteering her because I'm not dealing with the fallout if she disappears or whatever the fuck. 

 

Oh the important part of this story is that roommate is leaving work early tonight so dickhead plumber can fix things. He claims he called repeatedly on Saturday and no one picked up, which is pure bullshit. But fingers crossed it actually gets done tonight because I need this crossed off the list of things I need to care about. 

 

Part of me feels bad that roommate is leaving early/taking PTO/whatever, but a larger part doesn't. I've dealt with a lot of the house shit here (and she volunteered me for all of it at the old house) and also yeah sorry you're missing work but you make enough, and get enough overtime, that I really can't feel that bad about it. 

 

Okay. Have to go do shit since it's due tomorrow. Whee. 

[Severine]

I am incapable of feeling bad for your roommate when her asshole friend K is STILL STAYING AT YOUR APARTMENT FOR FREE.

 

Probably using your shampoo, too.

 

I really really hope that laundry bullshit gets fixed tonight.

[fleaball]

1 hour ago, Severine said:

I am incapable of feeling bad for your roommate when her asshole friend K is STILL STAYING AT YOUR APARTMENT FOR FREE.

 

Probably using your shampoo, too.

 

I really really hope that laundry bullshit gets fixed tonight.

lol there's that too. Last week when we were trying to figure it out she was like "well we have K too." She's said several times that she's going to have a conversation with her but hasn't yet. I get that it's awkward but come on. She also complained about how high our utilities were last month but still hasnt said anything. 

 

I don't think she's using my shanpoo because her own has appeared. Pretty sure she's still using my body wash. Also a bar of soap that had been sitting in a box on a shelf for a year and was def landlord's bc neither of us uses it was magically opened and left sitting on top of my body wash one day? I'm not sure what the deal with that one is. I'm just ignoring her as much as possible. And also being a dick and not bothering to clean up super thoroughly anymore. Like before even though I was pissed it was like "there's a guest here, must be good host!" And now I'm like "ehhh the trash doesn't reek yet, it can stay there." 

 

This plumber is a fucking moron. At 8:30 he called me and then said he'd call my roommate. I texted her to let her know and that I wasn't sure whether it was her or K at home this morning. Downstairs asshole texts me (and only me despite this being a house thing and all 3 of us being on all emails from the landlord) at 9:52 to say the plumber showed up, measured something, and left. So I assume roommate had given him a heads up or asked if he'd be home or something. 10:20 roommate texts me, said she'd called the guy half an hour before and he was conveniently a block from our house and would be there in 5 minutes, but still hadn't shown up. She was def at work so she must've gotten K involved. Idk wtf this guy is doing but istg if it doesn't get fixed tonight I will fucking scream. 

[Owlet]

this guy... I just.. WHAT. How does one human manage to be so incredibly useless and cause so much frustration?? 

[fleaball]

Dude's a fucking piece of work. As of yesterday, roommate was leaving early and was supposed to call him half an hour before she got home to let him know. It sounds like she stayed at work and let K handle the being home part? Anyway. So she texts me at 5:30 saying "um so this guy is awesome. apparently K didn't answer the door fast enough because I just called him and he was on his way to cvs lmfao" (Across the street from us but still?" And then at 5:50 I get a text saying "he's in the house!!" 

 

So just... ugh. At first when she said he was awesome I thought it meant he was already done but no, it was sarcasm and/or disbelief. Yay. 

[fleaball]

As of 7:30 dude wasn't done with the water heater yet and hadn't even looked at the pipes. Landlord supposedly told him priority was on the busted pipe so yay. I might throw a fit when I go home. (If I get home. I don't want to metro bc my head is killing me but Uber is ridiculous rn.) also my brain helpfully supplied thoughts of dude hooking up the water heater wrong and everything exploding. Whee. 

[fleaball]

Finished the water heater just after 9. Didn't do the goddamn fucking pipe and will be coming back. At some point. We hope. Fingers crossed he can come back tomorrow and K can deal with it. 

 

I'm paranoid about every little noise now thinking something went wrong and we're going to die. I know it's irrational and I'm talking myself down from it so mostly it's just annoying that it's happening. 

 

Not doing my yoga again because I'm about to fucking faceplant so that's disappointing. I'd try to push it but I can't have caffeine tomorrow before this lung function test so that's gonna suck enough. 

 

I really just want this to be fucking done now. I really need to be able to stop worrying about whether someone is going to be home when the plumber of the week wants to come by, or whether I'll have to spend an hour at a laundromat every weekend and what responsibilities I'll have to trade off for that. And going to the laundromat has its own set of anxieties so that all just really needs to stop. I need to be able to enjoy the long weekend and not deal with anyone else's bullshit. 

 

Jesus Christ I'm just so tired. Not just physically. Every part of me is just exhausted, like simply existing is taking so much effort. Hopefully I'll level out soon if I continue with my challenge goals and taking better care of myself but ugh. I need a vacation. 

[Owlet]

2 minutes ago, fleaball said:

 

Jesus Christ I'm just so tired. Not just physically. Every part of me is just exhausted, like simply existing is taking so much effort. Hopefully I'll level out soon if I continue with my challenge goals and taking better care of myself but ugh. I need a vacation. 

Pretty much exactly what I was thinking to myself 30 minutes ago (and every day for last 6 months lol) and I haven't even got as much on my plate as you... plumber of the week is... there are no words. I really really hope he sorts it all out asap. Tomorrow in fact. Ugh. Sleep well and good luck with the test tomorrow (and not drinking coffee.... that's a test in itself jeeze)

[fleaball]

You wanna hear the best thing ever? I look down while brushing my teeth and my calf is swollen. The top/side, not the back where clots are likely to form. But honestly this is the last thing I need. It's right along the outside of my shin bone and if I had to guess it's probably related to the fact that my ankle is swollen (the one I sprained and then fucked up more at the Spartan and never let heal properly)  and that I desperately need new works shoes because what I have are killing my feet. But that's another story. But it's jot red and warm to the touch like a clot is supposed to be, on top of being in the wrong place. I'm just shaking my head at the absolute clusterfuck that is my life right now. 

[Owlet]

Ugh. Try icing it? 

[fleaball]

15 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Ugh. Try icing it? 

I've just gone to bed. It doesn't hurt, it doesn't feel any kind of weird. I'm fairly sure it's the shitty shoes. Also I stood around for an hour talking to K, which I regret but I am that starved for conversation that isn't work or class related so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

[NeverThatBored]

7 hours ago, fleaball said:

I've just gone to bed. It doesn't hurt, it doesn't feel any kind of weird. I'm fairly sure it's the shitty shoes. Also I stood around for an hour talking to K, which I regret but I am that starved for conversation that isn't work or class related so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 

Sounds like you ALSO need to go buy a new pair of shoes. Work shoes are the worst. 

 

Also for yoga, maybe it would be helpful to have a 5 minute bedtime routine on hand for nights like that? There are even ones that you can do IN your bed. 

[fleaball]

44 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Sounds like you ALSO need to go buy a new pair of shoes. Work shoes are the worst. 

 

Also for yoga, maybe it would be helpful to have a 5 minute bedtime routine on hand for nights like that? There are even ones that you can do IN your bed. 

Yeahhh work shoes have been on the list for a while but I can't find any that are comfy and fit right. :/ I've gone shopping a few times. 

 

Ooooh doing it in bed sounds great. I will totally look into that. My new plan as of yesterday was "do it as soon as I get home" but then the plumber happened.