Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

lol karma. guess whose birthday card is MIA?

[Owlet]

6 hours ago, Severine said:

BTW my second idea was to repeatedly scream "Stop taking handouts you freeloader! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" while hitting her over the head with a big foam republican elephant with Trump's face on the side. 

 

So feel free to steal that idea if you like it better.

HAHAHA omg I would be so happy if this could actually happen. Sometimes I wish life were a sitcom so we could live out this stuff and not worry about being charged. I can dream...

 

 

6 hours ago, Severine said:

 

BTW: I would suggest something more like, "Well she's living here for free which means I'm subsidizing her, and that's not okay. She's not my friend and her being here makes it less relaxing for me to be at home. If I'm going to have to share space with her, it should at least save me some rent money."

 

Don't make it about your anxiety. That makes it sound like a thing other people would be fine with but you have a special sensitivity to. Nope! People living for free in other people's houses is not normal unless they're close friends or family helping each other out. This woman is a stranger to you. It should be totally obvious why you don't want her taking up space in your house, making you less able to relax, for free.

 

Sorry for spamming your thread.

Couldn't agree more. This girl is the worst. And would be the worst whether you had anxiety or not. It's not about you it's about her being a freeloader. I get how hard it can be to say these things up front though, especially when you're living with the person. Email might be a good option if it's too much to say it in person. Plus, that way you can work out exactly what you want to say and get it all out there. I usually freak out person-to-person and wind up not saying everything I had in mind.

 

Also your landlord is annoying for not specifically telling you guys whether he'll want you to move out or not. Assumptions are great and all but it sure would be nice to know for sure. Tell him your friend in NZ needs to know or she'll go mad with uncertainty :'D 

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

[fleaball]

3 hours ago, Owlet said:

Couldn't agree more. This girl is the worst. And would be the worst whether you had anxiety or not. It's not about you it's about her being a freeloader. I get how hard it can be to say these things up front though, especially when you're living with the person. Email might be a good option if it's too much to say it in person. Plus, that way you can work out exactly what you want to say and get it all out there. I usually freak out person-to-person and wind up not saying everything I had in mind.

 

Also your landlord is annoying for not specifically telling you guys whether he'll want you to move out or not. Assumptions are great and all but it sure would be nice to know for sure. Tell him your friend in NZ needs to know or she'll go mad with uncertainty :'D 

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

Yeahhh. Roommate and I are supposed to be going out to dinner tomorrow so I'm hoping we talk about it, and/or she talks to K before/after if she's around. 

 

Fuck me K just came back from wherever she was. She has such a fucking talent for coming back as soon as I decide to go to bed and then gets in my way constantly. 

 

Anyway. Yeah. Hoping roommate actually follows through this time. I definitely do the thing where I have a list of things I want to say and then forget most of them because I freak out, so I feel you. I'll go the email route if I wind up having to talk to her. 

 

Ugh honestly. Like I don't know what it means that he sent it to her and not both of us? Although half the time there's a house-related thing he'll contact her and she loops me in so who knows. I might play dumb in a few weeks and send him an email like "so hey what's going to happen when you come back? because if I need to move I should probably get on that given graduation and such." 

[fleaball]

Welp. Had fully planned to get an assignment done tonight but wound up spending an hour and a half on the phone with my mother instead. Which I'm not going to complain about and I'm glad we actually had a conversation, but at the same time I called thinking it would only be about ten minutes before she had to go. So meh. And now I'm behind on my plans already. But I'm going to go to bed and just hope I catch up on sleep enough to really focus tomorrow. This phone call kicked up a lot of feelings and thoughts I don't have time to process right now either so there may be some long rambly posts tomorrow too yay

[fleaball]

Was in that sort of awake but sort of asleep kind of state for a while... until my roommate called me saying the plumber had just called her and he'd be by in 5 minutes to fix something and pick up his check. The bill he left is kind of a joke (not itemized) but it says what he did and I've seen worse so I paid it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . Roommate or landlord can fight him for something else if they want to. 

 

So now I'm grumpy. At being pulled out of bed and at having to deal with this guy and just in general. Which does not bode well for getting homework done today. 

[fleaball]

Welp. 1:30 and no homework has been done yet. Unfortunately not a surprise. 

 

So it turns out my mother was going to sent me an Edible Arrangement at work on my birthday, except when she googled the place to get the address two different ones came up and she couldn't ask me without giving it away. (Never mind that she could've looked at the map to see which one is across the street from the White House, or texted my roommate to find out.) Anyway. I'm glad she didn't because it would have been awkward as fuck, plus I'd've had to lug it to class with me. And she's clearly forgotten that a few years ago when she sent me flowers at work we didn't speak to each other for two days because I was so pissed off and embarrassed over it, and she was mad that I didn't appreciate it. But now I'm at the same place I was with my roommate getting me that cake. Which is, why the fuck does no one listen to me? And this is far from the first time my mother has done (or attempted) something that would embarrass me. I've made it clear in the past that I don't like being the center of attention and have told her as much after things she's done. I even said last night that I appreciated the thought but I'm glad it didn't work out because it would have been awkward and embarrassing and she just went "...oh." Like thank you for thinking of me and trying to do something nice, but why is it apparently so hard for you to actually consider my feelings when you're doing it? Or am I just supposed to be thrilled because you're doing something for me in the first place? And of course I feel bad now for being upset over it given the circumstances. 

 

We also started talking last night about stuff I can help them with over spring break. Which, again, on one hand I'm happy to do what I can since there's not much else I can do from here, and also because it makes me feel better knowing shit is getting done (and if some of this stuff doesn't get done now, I'll be the one dealing with it after she dies anyway). But I'm still so frustrated that I have to be the adult in the family. Some of these things should have been done years ago, and others sooner than now or they should have been ongoing recurring things. And now I have to go with each of my parents to different banks to sort things out, make phone calls, tear the house apart looking for papers, all kinds of fun stuff. 

 

Oh boo. Next door neighbor just brought K's package over. FedEx guy asked her to sign for it rather than him having to come back, apparently. Great, can my birthday card magically show up today too? There's gonna be money in it. 

 

Right. Time to go shower and then get at least one thing done before dinner with my roommate tonight. Which for some reason I keep expecting to fall through. 

[Severine]

Ugh, why do people do that thing with gifts??

 

I mean, if someone is getting a gift when they don't know you well, and they genuinely just guess wrong on something they had no way of knowing, that's one thing. In that situation I think it's incumbent upon the recipient to be gracious in the spirit of "it's the thought that counts." But when someone has been told outright that Thing X is not something a person wants or likes, and then gets it for them and gets huffy if they're not excited, that's the gift giver being careless or selfish or in some cases even passive aggressive. However, with your mum, in addition to her being hella distracted right now, it sounds like she has a hard time putting herself in your shoes/understanding your perspective (just like how she seems so unable to grasp your anxiety) so I'm sure it's more of a clueless thing where she loves fruit baskets so much that she can't imagine anyone not wanting one, or whatever. But it's still frustrating. I'd give her a pass based on the circumstances, personally, but it's still a downer and I'm sorry your family leans on you so heavily without giving a whole lot of nurturing back in return.

 

Speaking of which...ugh. Being the grownup in your relationship with your parents sucks  I hope getting that paperwork stuff sorted out is as painless as possible. And I hope they truly appreciate what you're doing.

 

[fleaball]

2 minutes ago, Severine said:

I'm sorry your family leans on you so heavily without giving a whole lot of nurturing back in return.

Wow. I never saw it this way but you're totally right. Shit. For as much as I complain about things I think I forget that this isn't actually how things are supposed to go. 

 

7 minutes ago, Severine said:

Ugh, why do people do that thing with gifts??

 

I mean, if someone is getting a gift when they don't know you well, and they genuinely just guess wrong on something they had no way of knowing, that's one thing. In that situation I think it's incumbent upon the recipient to be gracious in the spirit of "it's the thought that counts." But when someone has been told outright that Thing X is not something a person wants or likes, and then gets it for them and gets huffy if they're not excited, that's the gift giver being careless or selfish or in some cases even passive aggressive. However, with your mum, in addition to her being hella distracted right now, it sounds like she has a hard time putting herself in your shoes/understanding your perspective (just like how she seems so unable to grasp your anxiety) so I'm sure it's more of a clueless thing where she loves fruit baskets so much that she can't imagine anyone not wanting one, or whatever. But it's still frustrating. I'd give her a pass based on the circumstances, personally, but it's still a downer and I'm sorry your family leans on you so heavily without giving a whole lot of nurturing back in return.

 

Speaking of which...ugh. Being the grownup in your relationship with your parents sucks  I hope getting that paperwork stuff sorted out is as painless as possible. And I hope they truly appreciate what you're doing.

 

Totally agree. If it were like, a friend from school or something I'd've been like "well you tried." The friend in VA who sent me the gifts from Amazon despite knowing I hate surprises etc? Fuck that. (Also add her to the list of people who don't listen. I'd forgotten about that til just now.) As for my mother, you're right. She's never gotten it. And yeah she probably didn't think this one through. Apparently my aunt and uncle sent them one as a "just thinking of you" kind of thing and she was like "ooh what a great idea" and decided she would send me one too. I appreciate the thought even though I'm relieved it didn't work out, but even given the circumstances it's hard not to get stuck on it because it's just one more instance in a pattern that's gone on for years. And just an overall bummer to realize that my mother doesn't know/understand me and now never will. 

 

I do think they appreciate what's happening now.  It's making sure things get done and taking some of the pressure off them and being able to cross things off the list so they don't have to worry about them anymore. And who knows, maybe they appreciated some of the stuff that I did before. But it's still sort of sticky. Thinking about it now, I've sort of always been the adult-wrangler in the family? My father's mother was stubborn af but would listen to me even though she essentially gave everyone else the finger when they tried to get her to do/not do stuff. (She went deaf when I was a baby and never bothered learning ASL, so if she didn't like what you were trying to tell her she'd just turn around or walk away or otherwise use it to her advantage.) Her husband was less stubborn but still kind of obnoxious about getting things done but would do things when I asked. And since my parents' relationship is so wonky, if she asks my father to do anything or asks how something is going or anything that isn't even antagonistic, he gets pissy and flips out. But if I follow up on the same things he'll do them. Or if I offer to help it'll get done almost immediately. Sort of the same with her, actually. Sometimes I probably overstep but more often if I get involved things suddenly get done. Not everything, of course, but it happens. And ugh I had more to say here but I had to stop earlier because I didn't want to look like I'd been crying when I ran out to meet my roommate for dinner. >_> And now I've forgotten it. 

[fleaball]

Oh hey it's almost 11:30 and I've done exactly zero homework today. Which means I'm screwed tomorrow. Hooray. I tried to get something started earlier but then froze at how overwhelming it seemed when I thought it would be something quick and easy. So now I've got that (assignment for the prof I research assistant for, same one as last semester, which I've been sitting on for 3 weeks now but kinda have to get done if I want her to sign my time sheet this week too oops), put together several pages of lit review for my damn clusterfuck paper because apparently trusting that I know how I write best is too much to ask, researching for a group project (fairly easy but also obnoxious), putting together a 5-minute presentation for my Crisis Management & Communication class and ofc I can't find a current crisis worth covering. All due between Monday and Tuesday. For the presentation we're supposed to explain a crisis and how it was handled (e.g. how after the fuckup at the Oscars PwC issued an apology immediately to cover their asses and took responsibility instead of going "eh, well, we don't really know what happened yet, nbd right guys?" So far people have done fires in Chile, an oil spill in India, suicide bombings, the North Korean guy's murder, and some other things that I kind of made faces at because they seemed like they missed the boat. I'm not concerned about the presentation itself, but the finding of something appropriate might be a challenge. 

 

Right. Bed now. Work tomorrow. Pray for me.

[NeverThatBored]

20 hours ago, fleaball said:

For the presentation we're supposed to explain a crisis and how it was handled (e.g. how after the fuckup at the Oscars PwC issued an apology immediately to cover their asses and took responsibility instead of going "eh, well, we don't really know what happened yet, nbd right guys?" So far people have done fires in Chile, an oil spill in India, suicide bombings, the North Korean guy's murder, and some other things that I kind of made faces at because they seemed like they missed the boat. I'm not concerned about the presentation itself, but the finding of something appropriate might be a challenge. 

 

How about that time a guy drowned while doing a Tough Mudder?

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

How about that time a guy drowned while doing a Tough Mudder?

Ugh that would be perfect, except I forgot to say it has to be a current issue. I can has time machine?

[NeverThatBored]

2 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Ugh that would be perfect, except I forgot to say it has to be a current issue. I can has time machine?

 

Man, lame. I wonder if anyone else is suing them right now.

[fleaball]

2 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Man, lame. I wonder if anyone else is suing them right now.

i don't think there's anything else going on. I was googling something about the warrior dash a few weeks ago and somehow started reading about OCR injuries/deaths and there didn't seem to be anything major recently, and no lawsuits either.

[NeverThatBored]

5 minutes ago, fleaball said:

i don't think there's anything else going on. I was googling something about the warrior dash a few weeks ago and somehow started reading about OCR injuries/deaths and there didn't seem to be anything major recently, and no lawsuits either.

 

Man, that's no fun. There are a million things going on with the government that you could use. But that's no fun either. I have an urge to start googling for news about escaped zoo animals.

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Man, that's no fun. There are a million things going on with the government that you could use. But that's no fun either. I have an urge to start googling for news about escaped zoo animals.

It's also supposed to be an international thing. I may have forgotten to say that too. Apparently North Korea fired missiles into the ocean again, which I could do, but meh. Re: zoo animals: they found the bobcat that escaped from the zoo here. two days later. In the zoo.

[NeverThatBored]

Just now, fleaball said:

It's also supposed to be an international thing. I may have forgotten to say that too. Apparently North Korea fired missiles into the ocean again, which I could do, but meh. Re: zoo animals: they found the bobcat that escaped from the zoo here. two days later. In the zoo.

 

There are zoos in other countries!

[fleaball]

3 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

There are zoos in other countries!

There are! And they're kind of weird. The one I went to in Turkey had all kinds of dogs.  (Fun fact: "aslan" is the Turkish word for lion, so C.S. Lewis is a lazy butthead.)

[fleaball]

Paper Wars, volume 27: I am losing the battle. I've done nothing but be an anxious ball of stress today. I've tried journalling, I've tried meditating, I've tried distracting myself by reading. An obvious solution would have been "just sit down and fucking do it" but just sitting in front of my computer is making me freak out. I wish I could just get over this thing I have with papers. Despite how little I think of my own writing I am clearly in the minority so why does it have to be such a struggle? I guess in the next two hours I'll go through the two shortest books I have and whatever articles are on my computer and throw together part of a lit review from that and just be like "okay lady, I did something!" And hope tomorrow is slow enough that I can get work done on something else for class. Not sure it will be possible because there's at least one event i have to be at and at least one thing I'm supposed to be working on (if they ever feel like telling me how) but there's always lunch. 

 

I just wrote a bunch of stuff about how I'm so stressed and anxious and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning under it, but then I deleted it all because I feel like a broken record. And I've somehow convinced myself in the last few minutes that what I'm dealing with isn't even that bad. Like I shouldn't be dreading going home on Friday and what it could do to my mental health even if my mother weren't dying. And I know this is silly because I've had so many people tell me that I've got a lot of shit going on that arguing the point is more or less impossible. 

 

Ugh I don't even know what I'm writing anymore. But it's 9:15 and I need to get cracking on something if only to say I've started it. If my advisor prof lady really wants to give me shit over the way I write a paper, I don't even care.

 

I just need to put the world on pause for a week. Sleep for as long as I want several days in a row, catch up on things I haven't had time for, be able to get ahead of things for one... yeah. That would be nice.   

[Owlet]

Mass whale stranding in NZ recently? How current does a current affair have to be? Not the most cheerful crisis but lots of volunteers got called in, so that's kinda cool maybe.

[fleaball]

10 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Mass whale stranding in NZ recently? How current does a current affair have to be? Not the most cheerful crisis but lots of volunteers got called in, so that's kinda cool maybe.

I think that's recent enough. I'll look into it tomorrow and see what I can find.

[Owlet]

Or the bush fires lol. You'll find plenty of snide comments between council members and politicians on the management of that particular crisis (no idea what you actually need for this project sorry)

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, Owlet said:

Or the bush fires lol. You'll find plenty of snide comments between council members and politicians on the management of that particular crisis (no idea what you actually need for this project sorry)

Ooh that could be good. tbh I don't actually know what I need either. Like, I think I know? But basically all of the presentations so far have not been what I thought we were supposed to do? There's actually a huge amount of variety in how people are doing them but the prof hasn't said anything and the average on blackboard seems to be 14/15 so I guess no one has fucked up horribly? There's one girl in this class I've talked to that seems to be on the same page as me but otherwise it's just a whole bunch of question marks. 

[Owlet]

Just now, fleaball said:

Ooh that could be good. tbh I don't actually know what I need either. Like, I think I know? But basically all of the presentations so far have not been what I thought we were supposed to do? There's actually a huge amount of variety in how people are doing them but the prof hasn't said anything and the average on blackboard seems to be 14/15 so I guess no one has fucked up horribly? There's one girl in this class I've talked to that seems to be on the same page as me but otherwise it's just a whole bunch of question marks. 

Of course there's always the earthquakes too... they were a while ago now but they're an ongoing issue because of the aftershocks and engineers are still only just getting around to inspecting buildings and discovering they're unsafe so whole office blocks have to be evacuated. And the massive issue of compensation which depends on whether local councils announce a state of emergency or not, etc etc... actually maybe don't do earthquakes, it's a can of worms haha. 

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, Owlet said:

Of course there's always the earthquakes too... they were a while ago now but they're an ongoing issue because of the aftershocks and engineers are still only just getting around to inspecting buildings and discovering they're unsafe so whole office blocks have to be evacuated. And the massive issue of compensation which depends on whether local councils announce a state of emergency or not, etc etc... actually maybe don't do earthquakes, it's a can of worms haha. 

Yeahhh that sounds like a little much for a 5-minute presentation. 

 

I think what we're supposed to do is like, "here's what the crisis actually is. here's what's being done about it. and here's how it's being talked about." more or less. So the one girl who agrees with me did an oil spill in India and that was something like "this group is blaming this group. that group is blaming someone else. each of these newspapers is taking a different slant on it too." Someone else did suicide bombings in Pakistan and pointed out that the PM used emotional language in his statements to connect with people. That kind of thing. And then on the other hand some people have gotten up and played youtube videos for five minutes, then talked out of their asses for another ten, and the average grade hasn't changed so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Owlet]

1 minute ago, fleaball said:

Yeahhh that sounds like a little much for a 5-minute presentation. 

 

I think what we're supposed to do is like, "here's what the crisis actually is. here's what's being done about it. and here's how it's being talked about." more or less. So the one girl who agrees with me did an oil spill in India and that was something like "this group is blaming this group. that group is blaming someone else. each of these newspapers is taking a different slant on it too." Someone else did suicide bombings in Pakistan and pointed out that the PM used emotional language in his statements to connect with people. That kind of thing. And then on the other hand some people have gotten up and played youtube videos for five minutes, then talked out of their asses for another ten, and the average grade hasn't changed so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh cool, it actually sounds quite interesting (probs not for you because it's homework and you have to sit through what sound like long-winded, unedited talks.) Lol at PM using emotional language... where have I heard that before? =P our PM (and the one before) like to blame the unemployment rate on Kiwis taking too many drugs and as for the housing crisis - what crisis? High house prices is a sign of a healthy economy, right? Hahahaa. That's right PM, that's why so many people are homeless and sleeping in their cars... I wonder if NZ politics would be refreshingly naive to you or frustratingly derivative of US politics (still on a much smaller scale obvs) I should really stop distracting you eh.