Jittersthe.Clown Posted April 1, 2015 Report Share Posted April 1, 2015 What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean. 2 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Mark D Posted April 1, 2015 Report Share Posted April 1, 2015 A man walks into an Irish pub in NYC and orders three pints of Guiness. He sits at a table and sips from the glasses, one at a time, one after the other. When he's finished he leaves. He does this every night for about two weeks, before the bartender asks him about it. He replies "Well, I'm one of a set of triplets, my brother Paddy stayed in Ireland, my brother Sean moved to Australia, and I came here. We used to go out for a pint every day after work, so this is my way of having a pint with my two brothers." He does the same routine every day for about six months, then he comes in one day and orders two pints instead of three. The bartender says "Oh, I'm sorry, did something happen to one of your brothers?" The man replies "No, my brothers are fine, my doctor told me i have to quit drinking." 5 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Timmy M Posted May 21, 2015 Report Share Posted May 21, 2015 A Husband and Wife are walking in Moscow when a precipitation starts falling'Oh my' says the Wife 'It's snowing!''Nonsense dear this precipitation is clearly rain' replies the Husband'Don't be silly, of course it's snow feel how cold it is!' asserts the Wife'Very well dear, let us ask the Communist officer here, he should know, Comrade Rudolf!' the Husband calls 'what precipitation is this?''Definitely rain sir' responds the officer'You see,' says the Husband, 'Rudolf the red knows rain dear' tl:dr ha ha very punny 4 Quote Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted May 21, 2015 Report Share Posted May 21, 2015 From Jitters Junior: Why don't football players feel hot during games?They have a lot of fans 1 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Basement Cat Posted May 23, 2015 Report Share Posted May 23, 2015 Don't trust atoms. They make up everything. I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…He said NaBrO Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!" 1 Quote Current form: Chubby House Cat (lvl4) Weight objective: 20% S. 4 P. 6 E. 4 C. 7 I. 8 A. 4 L. 5 Battle log Current Challenge Handy linky. Link to comment
ringular Posted May 25, 2015 Report Share Posted May 25, 2015 With this thread I killed three hours of my nightshift. Thanks guys So, a baby seal walks into a club... --------------------------------------How do you find the vegan at a dinner party? -Oh, don't worry, he'll find you. 1 Quote Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted May 28, 2015 Report Share Posted May 28, 2015 What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. 3 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Cat in the rack Posted July 25, 2015 Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 So this threads been still for a while, time to poke it with a stick...If I ever get a dog I'm naming it Pepsi, so that if it's ever sick or injured I can ask 'Is Pepsi okay?'Alright bye forever. 4 Quote Follow me on snapchat or instagram @ catintherackSquat: 115kgBench: 77.5kgDeadlift: 130kgTotal: 322.5kgWeight: 68kg Link to comment
kasey Posted July 27, 2015 Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 What's Brown and Sticky? A stick What's Purple and Sticky? A stick painted purple 1 Quote Level 1 Grey Elf Adventurer STR 1|DEX 2|STA 3|CON 3|WIS 4.5|CHA 2.5 Current Challenge Previous Challenges one Eating 2 meals a day 67%67% walking 10,000 steps a day 45%45% working out daily 14%14% to do ticks 50%50% Link to comment
SinnahSaint Posted July 27, 2015 Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 A priest was visiting in elderly parishioner who's husband had recently died in his sleep. When she showed him into the sitting room and left to get the tea and biscuits from the kitchen, the priest noticed a that on the piano across the room was a goldfish bowl but it looked like the poor fish had died. He got up and crossed to room to find it wasn't a dead fish, but a condom floating in the water! Thoroughly confused but not wanting to be caught gawking, he hurried back to his seat on the couch just before she came back into the room. They spoke for hours about her dear husband, and heaven, and biscuits, and what she was planning to plant in a few weeks when it warmed up a bit more. The priest was constantly distracted from the conversation wondering how the condom got there. Had she found a new lover already? Was she hosting wild parties? As the light started to fade the priest realized they had been talking all afternoon and politely excused himself as he had a lot more to do that day. The widow walked him to the door but he just couldn't leave without knowing, "I'm sorry but I couldn't help but notice the fishbowl?" "Oh isn't it wonderful?" she replied. "I found it on the sidewalk. The instructions said to place it unrolled on the organ and keep it moist to prevent disease... and wouldn't you know it I didn't get a cold or flu all winter." 3 Quote Sinnah Saint, half-elf, lvl1 Assassin - STR 3 | DEX 2 | STA 1.86 | CON 2.86 | WIS 2 | CHA 1.38 - Personal BlogFirst 6-Week Challenge Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted July 31, 2015 Report Share Posted July 31, 2015 What's blue and smells like red paint?Blue paint 5 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Mark D Posted August 7, 2015 Report Share Posted August 7, 2015 A first grade teacher asks her students what they like to do when they get home from school. One little girl says "I like to play with my toy horsey" The teacher replies "That's nice, but you're a big girl now, you should talk like one. It's a horse, not a horsey." A little boy says "I like to play with my choo choo train." The teacher replies "That's nice, but you're a big girl now, you should talk like one. It's a train, not a choo cho train." A little girl says she likes to read her books. The teacher asks her what her favorite book is. She says "Winnie the Turd". 3 Quote My character: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/58572/ Current Challenge:http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83683-mark-d-walks-up-to-a-barbell/ Previous Challenges: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Link to comment
Guzzi Posted August 21, 2015 Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 No matter how far you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery**groanSent from my iPad using Tapatalk Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Fearkiller Posted August 24, 2015 Report Share Posted August 24, 2015 When Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous one small step for man,one giant leap for mankind statement, but followed it by several remarks, usual between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control.Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Jones". Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut.However, upon checking, there was no Jones in either the Russian or American space programs.Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good luck Mr. Jones statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.Four years ago, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.Mr. Jones had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbours' bedroom windows.His neighbours were Mr. & Mrs. Jones. As he leaned down to pick up the ball,young Armstrong heard Mrs. Jones shouting at Mr. Jones."Anal sex? You want anal sex? You'll get anal sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!" Edit: Just for the sake of Mr. Armstrong, this didn't happen for real. 3 Quote "There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged | STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.1 | 15.2 | Milythaels' HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good. It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories "Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." - Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. "Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky "Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings "I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit "If you do strange things, strange things will happen!" "That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker Link to comment
Guzzi Posted August 24, 2015 Report Share Posted August 24, 2015 You you like "local" jokes? I do, they're right up my street. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk 3 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Bearded_Dragon Posted August 24, 2015 Report Share Posted August 24, 2015 You you like "local" jokes? I do, they're right up my street.Sent from my iPad using TapatalkThese are local jokes for local people, we'll have no trouble here! 1 Quote Link to comment
Guzzi Posted August 24, 2015 Report Share Posted August 24, 2015 PMSL!!!!Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
SomeGuyFromScotland Posted August 24, 2015 Report Share Posted August 24, 2015 A dyslexic cross-dresser walks into a bra... I bought a packet of Instant Water. I don't know what to add to it... The midget fortune teller was killing his clients. Police are hunting a small medium at large... What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyonce... 4 Quote ~~ VALHALLA, I AM COMING! ~~ Season 1 (2015): #0 #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 Season 2 (2016): #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 Season 3 (2017): #16 #17 #18 Link to comment
Guzzi Posted August 24, 2015 Report Share Posted August 24, 2015 I met the vicar in the street the other day and told him that I had been talking about him with my tattooed, satanist boyfriend. He said "You disgust me". "Yes, we did" I replied. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk 3 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
insanity Posted August 24, 2015 Report Share Posted August 24, 2015 I met the vicar in the street the other day and told him that I had been talking about him with my tattooed, satanist boyfriend. He said "You disgust me"."Yes, we did" I replied. Sent from my iPad using TapatalkHAHAHAHAHA.... I had to read that 4 times before it clicked... 3 Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 HAHAHAHAHA.... I had to read that 4 times before it clicked...I feel better now... Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
insanity Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 I feel better now... That's what I'm here for... Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
SomeGuyFromScotland Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One of them is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. 6 Quote ~~ VALHALLA, I AM COMING! ~~ Season 1 (2015): #0 #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 Season 2 (2016): #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 Season 3 (2017): #16 #17 #18 Link to comment
insanity Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One of them is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.Is this joke going around? I just saw it on another forum that is in no way related to this one... 1 Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
SomeGuyFromScotland Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 Is this joke going around? I just saw it on another forum that is in no way related to this one... Must be, I heard that and the "Hans free" one on the radio this morning. Since we're here: Q: What's the difference between a chickpea and a potato? A: You wouldn't pay to have a potato on you. 2 Quote ~~ VALHALLA, I AM COMING! ~~ Season 1 (2015): #0 #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 Season 2 (2016): #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 Season 3 (2017): #16 #17 #18 Link to comment
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