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It has been a few years since I undertook a challenge, but I need something to shake me out of my current spiral of poor health and apathy. I was once a mighty demon monkey, climbing through trees and building alliances with squirrels. But now, I am broken. For those just interested in what I'm up to of this challenge, feel free to skip ahead, but I need to pour a lot of this out because I'm just so tired of carrying it all in my head. How did I get here? It started about 2 years ago really. I felt a bit of extra pain during my time of the month, but thought very little of it as sometimes it can vary. The next month it was back, and this time it was both more intense and my brain registered the timing. I decided to see if it happened a third time, just to be sure it wasn't a coincidence. It did, so I went to go see my doctor. Primary suspect - endometriosis. After 6 months of scans and failures in the standard treatment (birth control made it worse, how messed up is that??), I was sent to a specialist and put into a chemically induced menopause for 6 months, during which time I was pain free and feeling quite good about things. After I came off the treatment, my pain came back with interest and neither codeine nor diclofenac could touch it. At one point my SO had to call the paramedics because I was screaming in pain. After being hauled to the A&E (ER for North Americans) and left to sit in a bed for 3 hours without being seen by anybody, my pain subsided in favor of exhaustion and the doctors finally turned up to tell me that since I wasn't dying or at risk of dying that there was nothing they could do for me and sent me home. This was on a Friday night, so I got to spend the entire weekend in on/off bouts of agony until I could get to my doctor on Monday. His recommendation was to use 3 drugs at once (diclofenac, codeine, and paracetamol) while I waited 2 months for my exploratory surgery. That was 2 months of being ok for 2 weeks, drugged up to the point of being incapacitated for a week, and then a week of relatively normal period pain. Surgery confirmed the endometriosis, but it seems to be hiding within the muscle tissues which likely explains why the pain is so severe when the tissue swells, pressing on blood vessels and nerves nearby. Six weeks after surgery (December 2016) I was back to moving around and put back under the chemical menopause with add-back therapy to try and protect my bones. Unfortunately, the add-back turned my brain into a suicidal fun-factory so I had to come off that. Since then I've been waiting to see a specialist surgeon, which should be happening in October with hopefully further surgery before the new year. Add that to starting a PhD last year and my brain has fully run out of cope. I'm doing full-time work on a research project, trying to finish a publication from another project, and being floated occasional work with the UN that I'm not about to turn down because "Hello, awesome experience!" Some days I just can't even face leaving my house, let alone accomplishing anything for myself. I live in fear of failing at my work, ruining my relationship with my SO, driving away what few friends I have, the unhealthy state I'm in contributing to bone loss, and the very real possibility of returning to the cycle of weighing up the risk of excruciating pain against not getting anything done because I'm so drugged up I can barely walk from the couch to the bathroom. My SO has been so supportive, but I can feel his patience starting to wane as he wonders why I haven't been able to find a way to cope with all of this after so long. He wonders why I'm not just used to it by now. I don't know how to tell him that the reason I'm getting worse every day is BECAUSE I'm getting used to it. I'm slipping into blind acceptance that this is my life now, and I have no hope of it ever being free of this fear. I'm purposely trying to NOT cope with it because I don't want this to be my life, but I don't know how to make him understand that. I desperately need hope that I will get through this and not be trapped in this situation forever. What am I going to do about it? I have tried to get myself motivated to take better care of my mental and physical health, but so far been unsuccessful and I think it is because I was starting too big. I was setting goals based on what I used to be capable of, rather than assessing my current state (I've been actively avoiding this in fact) and building from there. I cannot really focus on energetic exercise at the moment, as I'm currently battling to find the oomph to get dressed and leave the house. So, as sad as I am to admit that I have gotten to this stage, my goals are going back to the very, VERY basics of being a functional human in the hopes of regaining some of my lost spoons. Goal 1: I will build up to going outside for at least 10 minutes every day - Week 1: 4 days - Week 2: 5 days - Week 3: 6 days - Week 4: 7 days Goal 2: I will get dressed every day - Even if I don't go outside, I will wear proper clothing and not just my pajamas unless I am actually ill Goal 3: I will build up to taking 20 minutes for yoga/meditation every morning - Week 1: 4 days - Week 2: 5 days - Week 3: 6 days - Week 4: 7 days Goal 4: I will NOT step on the scale for this entire challenge - I know I'm out of shape and carrying more weight than I would like. I don't need to keep reminding myself of this and destroying what little self-worth and motivation I manage to unearth. I joined the Druids for this challenge because it is largely focused on improving my mental well-being through yoga, meditation, and staged reintroduction to the world around me. I hope you all find the strength and inner peace you are searching for!

This is the beginning of my journey, and I need your help. My name is Lindley. I am an ICU nurse with a really shitty night schedule. I am 5'1" and the heaviest I have ever been at 163 pounds. I was in a very unhealthy five year relationship, had two sons with the individual, and am now a single mom. I struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, anxiety, binge/purge, and PTSD. Now for the thing that sent me over the edge... June 12, 2016, I woke up and discovered my 5 week old son (Ronin August) had died from SIDS during a nap. Needless to say, it was the single most traumatic experience of my life and it's left me with an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and apathy. Any kind of will to live just went out the window, let alone any king of will to get healthy and back in to shape. Now, just waking up and doing day-to-day things is a struggle. I live in Oklahoma and have a very limited support system (one friend within physical proximity, and my mom and aunt available via telephone). I'm maxed out on my antidepressants and I go to hypnotherapy 4 times a month (which is not cheap!). Also, I'm now hypertensive and I just FEEL the toll this is taking on my body. I don't feel good. I used to be very in shape. I loved being active and eating clean. But now, the smallest things are a challenge. I don't want to live like this, but the sadness overwhelms me. I am reaching out to this community because there is still a sliver of something inside of me that wants me to "get better". I'm searching for support. I've tried to be mentally healthy, thinking my body would follow suit, but that obviously didn't work. And now I need a different approach. I want to be healthy for my remaining son (Olin Anthony). We all have struggles. We all have our crosses to bear. I would love to hear what others have overcome and how they did it. Tell me your story.

Fairly straightforward this time, journal the shit out of the feels while I start an SSRI. No, not subject you people to the journaling, this isn't xanga for christ's sake. But I'll try the fugging check boxes that I've always judged you for, and also whine about my last full training cycle before peaking for a comp. □ Reading □ Journaling □ Meditation □ Puppy Training □ Language □ Physical Therapy

So my life has been pretty damn interesting in the past week. I had a batter of interviews, lots of angst about my finances dropping to critical levels, lots of making peace with moving away from my home and dojo and comfort zone to move to halfway across the country to a state that’s the polar opposite of mine, and then, when all hope seemed lost, a ridiculously amazing job offer just dropped into my lap like manna from heaven. So I accepted the offer and then did the totally irresponsible thing and bought an expensive plane ticket to visit Company before I have to start work on Thursday. Story behind the spoiler that is not (entirely) related to the challenge: So this challenge is entirely a “How to balance work and life” Challenge again. That includes making sure my food intake is reasonable, my workouts still happen, and my self care remains on point. 1) Less Work is More Work Clearly Aikido is still a massive priority to me. What just had me geeking out is that according to Google, at peak traffic hours, I am roughly 10 minutes away from my dojo leaving work. TEN. And it is mostly along back roads that aren’t heavily traveled. This is ridiculous. Um, so, THAT particular tidbit aside – I’m going to aim for 5 hours of class a week still. That’s likely Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday (all of these days have double classes), and gives me wiggle room to go light one day. Being so close and almost required to drive past the dojo to get home means I could probably swing going every night, but let’s aim for slightly less for now. Goal: Five hours of aikido classes a week. 2) Working on an Empty Stomach So I’m going to try my not-quite Intermittent Fasting routine for the job, for at least this month. I want to play with batch cooked lunches that are actually warm, or at least warm for 2-3 meals a week. Since I usually feel like warm meals are more calorically dense, I want to use IF as a way to counter that. That said, I’m still going to be really working on being okay eating more (by adding a certain amount of calories based on my activity level that day), and being a bit more paleo/primal overall. Not eating until 10 or so has been pretty normal for me, so I’m not too concerned. Mostly I’ve had a bit of fruit early in the morning with coffee, which still is mostly okay on the IF front (Sisson says if you’re having less than 100 calories, it’s kinda hand waving a bit. Not entirely a fast, but also not enough to do much to the IF benefits, and if it keeps you going, so much the better.) So let’s give this a shot. Goal: Intermittent Fasting-ish during work week (last meal around 8:30 or 9, don’t eat meal until 10-12pm following day). Still maintain ~2800 calories per day, plus 100-150 calories per aikido class, or +600 calories post-Lifting and post-Stadium. Three warm lunch meals batched cooked by the end of the challenge per week. 3) Work out that Iron Speaking of lifting. I’m dropping down to one lifting workout a week for this challenge. I don’t want to try and shoehorn something that’s a distant second priority into my life while I’m trying to get my feet under me at a new job. That said, I don’t want to totally lose what tiny gains I’ve made over the last couple months (even though I’m not really progressing right now because life keeps getting in the way of my regular lifting schedule). So a single, whole body workout a week involving iron is needed. If I’m trying to pull back a tiny bit on aikido, that’s actually pretty simple. Goal: One lifting session a week, slightly longer than usual – three lifts, at least 2 accessory exercises. 4) I Work best Alone I need to focus on selfcare. Like, seriously. Just because I have entered a new phase where I’ll probably immeasurably less anxious and depressed than I have been for month does not mean I am allowed to forget about good selfcare habits. So first off, I need to make sure I get to bed at a reasonable hour and get a solid 7-8 hours of sleep a night. I also need to make sure I remember that I’m going to need to be meeting and interacting with a lot of new people, so I need to be okay with countering that extroversion with my hermit cave tendencies. But I also need to get out a bit now and then. So trying to remember alone time, balanced with social and professional extroversion is going to be important. Goal: Get to be between 10 and 11PM every night. Read 30 minutes before bedtime. At least 5 hours of complete me-time on the weekend (Batch cooking does not count. Aikido does not count. Running errands does not count. This is time to revel in things I *want* to do, not tasks I *have* to do. Sleeping in totally counts towards this.) Time to get to Work.

** Dear newbs: As of right now it seems we don't have a guild leader. I've been here for over 3 years so if you have questions feel free to ask me. You can ask here, PM me, @ tag me in another thread, or post in the general chat thread. Please feel free just to drop in and say hi too. My threads tend to move fast because I'm friends with crazy people, but we're the good crazy. ** Right-o. Changed my title because I decided to take this challenge in a different direction. So the American Psychological Association's definition of resilience: Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences. tl;dr version - I have an anxiety disorder and feel like I'm constantly stressed. Which is Not Good psychologically or physiologically. I've also had a number of massive stressors recently, one of which is only going to get worse from here. I've been told I'm handling it all really well and I know they're legitimate things to be stressed about, but I don't like where I am right now. In my crisis management class we talked about resilience and how to build/strengthen it, so I'm pulling from the principles on his powerpoint and choosing goals that were on my list that will mesh with what he said. The Goals 1. Take Care of Yourself Movement every day - yoga, Elements, even a walk around the block Cut out dairy, minimize meat Be in bed by 11pm, out of bed by 8am Cut caffeine 2. Active Problem Solving Register and study for the Certified Associate in Project Management exam (falls under "goal setting") Complete one Spanish skill or 30 exp on Duolingo every day. 3. Maintain a Positive Outlook Post a daily recap of all the things I did - job applications, phone calls, taking out the trash, anything to prove to myself I did more than just sit on the couch all day End journal entries with 3 things I’m grateful for 4. Social Support ??? 5. Meaning and Purpose Daily meditation Journal every day Reach out to some of the organizations I might want to volunteer at and see how to get started The much longer version of the rationale: (under a cut for length, not because I'm embarrassed or ashamed to talk about anxiety/etc... actually I'd talk about it forever if you let me) Handy dandy tracking spreadsheet. Feel free to make a copy and adapt to your own needs.

Last month I managed to keep myself afloat. I currently don’t know how I am going to get through the next 2 months. I finish my course in July (assuming I pass), and I’ve already started applying for other jobs, and I had a GP appointment this morning because I can’t cope with the pressures they’ve put on me. I’ve been climbing 5 times since my "6 times in 6 months" aim, and I’m just not feeling the excitement anymore: but these are dates I could go to ‘get my money’s worth’ and feel I’ve worked through this block. - 5/6 Jun - 23 Jun This month, I'm stealing @Lilmissbri's format because I felt it may help me to actually show what I've accomplished and how I'm balancing (or not) work, home and health. And because I loved it, I'm theming this around Darksiders II. Despite never finishing it due to a glitch, and not getting far with I because it wasn't as cool as II, III has been announced and I am EXCITED. Absolving War’s Crime - Career Path "My brother, War, stands falsely accused of unleashing Armageddon upon the human race. His fate concerns me. Yours.. does not." Goals: Complete 3 things a week towards my online business. (3 points) Complete 2 things a week to finish my PG course ASAP. (2 points) 5 points a week / 25 Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building “To bring humanity back from existence? Madness.” Goals: Three workouts a week. (3 points) Use dumbbells once a week. (1 point) Complete Shivanata once a week. (1 point) Attend climbing twice across challenge. (5 bonus points) 5 points a week + bonus / 30 Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes "How many times would you have me kill him!?" Goals: Eat 2 veggies everyday. (2 points across week) Mindfulness: Only eat when hungry. (1 point) Pick healthy over unhealthy once a day. (1 point) Log extra exercise. (1 point) 5 points a day / 175 [I couldn't make this number work better] Combo Moves - Write Daily "And what is your use, as a door-stop?" Goals: Write daily (1 point) 1 point a day / 175 Loot - Read “The greater risk is do nothing.” Goal: Finish reading Steering By Starlight 1 point for the month / 1 Despair & Dust - Family & Home “This is no place for a horse.” Goals: Clean the kitchen, tidy bedside-table and sofa-dumping area once a week. (3 points) Make a healthy meal twice a week (2 point) 5 points a week / 25 And sicne my week 0 began yesterday: Absolving War’s Crime - Career Path Business: 1/3 PG: 1/2 Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building Workout: 0/3 Dumbbells: 0/1 Shivanata: 1/1 Bonus Climb: 0/2 Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes Veggies: 2/2 Mindfulness: 0 Choice: 0/1 Extra: 1/1: 1.7km + 0.8km Combo Moves - Write Daily Write: 1/1 Loot - Read Read: 0/1 Despair & Dust - Family & Home Clean: 0/3 Meal: 1/2

So, hi! This might come out a bit jumbled. I didn't really get much sleep last night. And while I know what I want to do this challenge, I'm having trouble putting it into words. I guess you could call me a traveling assassin, and I'm spending some time with the rangers because it felt like a good idea. For this challenge I'm drawing inspiration from the elements: fire, water, earth, air, and spirit. One of the things fire represents is change. A big change that I have to work through is finding a new job. This is something I need to do. My current job really sucks for many reasons. It's not all bad, but the bad definitely outweighs the good. However, anxiety and depression inevitably stand in my way. To give myself an extra push, I've picked my "last" day at this job, June 20th, the day before summer solstice. If I haven't actually found a job by then, I can't actually afford to quit. I don't really get any hours during the summer, so I usually rely on unemployment benefits, which I can't get if I quit. But it's never enough to cover everything (I barely make enough to cover rent with my regular hours), so the pressure will still be on to find a new job. So, I have nine weeks to get a new job (which is why this is a two part challenge). But if I throw everything I have at it, I'll burn out. I need to give myself time for fun. I need a work/play balance. Well, I did a bunch of math, because why not, and I came up with 50 hours a week dedicated towards work, 35 towards self-care, and 5 towards training (the remaining hours go toward sleep and meal breaks). So basically, I need to count up all the hours I work for the week at my current job (it varies a lot), and subtract that from 50. The rest goes toward the job hunt. I'll need to sit down and schedule specific times to work on it. I usually get my schedule for the next week on Thursday or Friday, so I need to have everything scheduled by the end of Saturday. If I miss a job hunting session, I can only make it up in the same week that I miss it. Given time, water will carve a path through stone. In this, water shows us patience. So, I need to patiently and consistently follow the steps that will help me reach my long term goals. I'm going to keep it simple and focus on working towards my "adventure" goals, which are hiking, parkour, and snowboarding. The things that I've decided to focus on improving right now are pushing, pulling, jumping, endurance, and grip. Luckily, there is a playground about a mile from me where I can work on this. And I can find ways to work on this at home if the weather is bad. I have 5 hours a week for this. I'll schedule training "slots" where I can use up to that amount of time, but if I don't end up using the full time for the slot, it won't count against me. Grounding oneself. Building a strong foundation to stand on. Self-care is a necessity. So let's give it the attention that it deserves. I have 35 hours in the week to take care of myself. I'm not going to actively schedule self care. Rather, I'll make some lists of self care activities based on how much time it takes. Probably 5 minutes, 30 minutes, and an hour+. Then when I have some spare time, and don't know what to do, instead of just sitting around doing nothing, I can pick whatever activity is the most appealing at that moment. Go where the wind takes you. Go outside. Go somewhere. Do something new. Once a week I will go on an adventure. I'm a bit limited in where I can go because I rely on public transportation. But, I have a monthly pass, so I can hop on the bus, train, or light rail any time I want. I'm also very tight on money. But, I can find things to do that don't cost anything. Obviously hiking. And I'm sure there's other stuff, especially if I get imaginative. Everything is connected. I'm going to try working on turning negative thinking into positive thinking. And accepting without judging. But the first step is to be honest about my thoughts, and learning to recognize when I'm being mean to myself. And to not jump to the defensive if someone calls me out on it. --- As far as grading this challenge, some of it is objective, and some of it is subjective. I'll need to figure this out before the start of the challenge, so tomorrow. I'm still going to use my battle log. But it'll be more for my life things that aren't challenge related.

Anybody else on here have ADHD? I find it very hard to make plans (due to executive dysfunction) and even harder to stick to any plans I make/am given. It's really hard to do something every day, especially if it's something that is not necessarily very fun. Case in point, exercising. Sweaty, out of breath (asthma), headaches from the blood pressure increase, occasional pain, the threat of muscle aches... None of that is appealing. It's hard enough for me to stick with something fun! Like, one of my hobbies is cross-stitching. It took me a year and a half to finish a birth sampler for my nephew, which was supposed to be a gift when he was a newborn. I just finished it. He's eleven months old. So, even things I like doing get procrastinated on. Does anybody have any advice for how, as an ADHDer, to make myself get off my butt, away from the computer, and up and moving and doing stuff? Anything that's worked for you, if you experience the same kind of problems? (I should add that I am mostly unmedicated, due to living in Japan where the only available medication doesn't do anything for me... So I say 'mostly' because my antidepressant, Effexor, is supposed to help the ADHD a little, according to my doctor. So, medication advice is not very helpful, but thanks anyway.)

Hey, all! A new area of the NF forums I'm going to make my new main base! I had about a six-week break from the forums after having tried Heroes Rising. To see if it could help me sort out a new direction for goals. Found out that it wasn't a right fit for me right now. Learning how to juggle school, work, and extra stuff that can quickly fill it up too quickly while keeping on the upside of mental health. I've been very thankful for this site on teaching me on how to write out a plan and goals in a structure that do work for me. Finally seeing the foundation I made all of 2016 on this site. But as I noticed last year, my struggles fo starting, doing, and finishing any types of projects have been my weakness. Or at least very weak while not making myself sick with anxiety and depression... So for the of this forum. Is not just for "healthy habits" but for the ability of me able to think of a project, and follow the plan that I can make from start to finish. A biggie since I'm changing different parts of my life a bit. Okay now on to catch up time! What have I been up to the past 6 weeks? Spoilered, because it just isn't short. And my lack of attention span to add pics. So much writing in two hours... Needed to share it with you people! While also needing to get back in the loop of the site. 2 full hours of having something qualified to not call "procrastination" from finishing on putting away my laundry. Will now carry on. Tomorrow need to show up at work on time, do my job (smile while I'm at it), get home and work on a late paper while doing other things. NF goals: Get caught up with one friend and return here. Added on May 4, 2017 - Challenge Log (because all the cool cats do it) (a work in progress) -2015- -2016- -2017- May 22- Start of my RP Challenge

Last challenge started really well! Then I got stuck. Like a deer in the headlights. Except I'm not a deer. I'm a DRAGON. I'm FIERCE and CAPABLE and - NOOOO STOP THAT !!!!!!!!!!! I got totally derailed by the end. I had some extra external stressors, and I let them get to me. It affected my sleep, which then affected my ability to Do The Things - too tired to go to the gym, too tired to resist buying coffee and sweets at school, etc. Sooo... I can't think of anything to change, so I'm gonna just try the same stuff again. But I'm gonna... somehow bring myself back to my original intent, with regularity. So I can keep with my goals, and not fall off the wagon as much. Hopefully????? And also get more sleep!! 1. Work out 3x per week 2. Eat healthy 5x per week 3. DO NOT BUY FOOD AT SCHOOL 4. Read the Bible 3x per week 5. 9:30 bedtime

(Edited to include the amalgamated challenge ideas from phone/tablet/pc.) I’m learning a lot from these challenges about what DOESN’T work for me, and what won’t motivate me. I’m going to re-simplify again. It seems that I need to really re-focus for a couple of months before I move ‘up’; I need to re-lay my foundations. *** I am motivated to work on balance, agility and flexibility, and I need more energy. *** Last month, I took the plunge and bought a 6-month student membership at my University gym. I’m only at Uni until end of May, so my next couple of challenges will focus on making use of it! Equally, life took over and I stopped tracking for the first time since June 16. I’m trying to be kind to myself and focus on moving forward. While writing this, I noticed a lot of mental blocks to even ‘tracking healthy snack exchanges’ so I’m going to just… let myself not focus on food for tracking this month. This month, I aim to: * Log my extra exercise * Complete my essay & 2 of my reflective accounts entirely (currently drafts) * 3 workouts a week [2 sets of 3 exercises minimum] * Go bouldering twice (13/3 done!) I’m counting the week prior to this challenge as my one booked in bouldering session happens to be in the “break week” and I need to remember I get XP for it That means I need to go at least once more. Week 0: Workout: 1/3 Gym: 1/2 Work Deadlines: 0/3 Log: Y/N

Epic 2017 Quest - Cleaning up the mess I made in my life up until this point. I will be breaking down my big quests, into little achievable habits and goals for my 4-week challenges, which will eventually accumulate into making a dent in the big quest! Quest One Name: A Lannister always pays his debts I owe £2000 on my credit card, I currently do not work and have little money to throw at this. This quest may take me longer than 1 year however, I can still make a dent in this by doing the following as part of my challenge: 1) Set aside a little extra per month Track all spending in cash book (including groceries! keep receipts,) Withdraw set amount to prevent spending it Carry a water bottle to prevent drink buying whilst outdoors, piggy bank the cost of drink that would have been purchased. Quest Two Name: Tailwind Upping the fitness levels and getting moving 1) Weekly Workout x 3 minimum - I use Fitstar and Sworkit apps set "plans" 2) Fitbit Minimum steps - currently at 5k, do this daily! 3) Stick to 1500 cal diet Do not weigh every day! Quest Three Name: Mind how you go My psychologist is setting me weekly "mini quests", my goal is to actually do them instead of shoving my sheets of paper to the side :s Mini-quest 1 - Get present: Notice when emotions / moods are taking over and use grounding techniques to pull back and observe.

I don't like birthdays, specifically my birthday, but I'm going to make the most of it. My 30th birthday falls near the end of this challenge. And that brings with it all sorts of feelings. Mostly not happy ones. And that's on top of the not happy feelings hanging around from the accident. I want to sound optimistic in my challenges, but that's not how I'm feeling at all. I always get mopey around my birthday because leading up to it I always imagine that I'll have a cool party or we'll go out for dinner or drinks and all my friends will be there... And that's where it falls apart in reality. I'll put up a few posts on Facebook asking if anyone wants to do anything, and I get a lot of nothing. I haven't really talked with any of them for a long time, so it shouldn't be too surprising. I might have better luck messaging them directly, but Anxiety. I get the same anxiety thinking about just asking if they want to hang out. And it's the kind of anxiety that makes you feel that being miserable is better than facing it. *sigh* I know I don't need to hang out with friends to make it a good birthday, but it's hard when that's what I want. This particular birthday is even worse because it's one of those milestones. Like, when you're in high school and college some teachers ask where you want to be in 10 years. Well here I am, 10ish years later and I'm no where near where I wanted to be. It also doesn't help that I don't really know where I want to go. Like, there's several different career/job ideas that I get excited about and I don't know what to pick. So this challenge is about dealing with those feelings. And it's about recovering from the accident. I'm finally going back to work. And I can walk around the apartment sort of normally. I do still wear the fracture boot and use one crutch when I go outside, because better safe than sorry. Anyways, I figure it's about time to start exercising again. And figure out where I'm at now. So, goals... Is that really a good idea? My one fitness goal for the challenge is to do the daily dares from Darebee in the morning. And to make whatever modifications I need to get it done. This is something I was pretty good at keeping up with, so it's more just getting back into the habit. Is this a landfill? The apartment is a complete mess. Even more of a mess than before. So the goal is to get rid of all the trash by the end of the challenge. And to keep it under control. By trash I just mean all the used paper towels, empty cans, wrappers and that sort of thing. Sorting through stuff is for a later challenge. What do you want to be when you grow up? I need to be looking for a new job, but when I think about it, I don't really know what job I want to get (and stick to). So this is about working on some kind of career plan and sorting through my options. Are you sure you can't draw? Back in December I was trying to think of something special I could do for my birthday. And I settled on getting a new tattoo. In January I was playing around with an idea for my arms, but it's still pretty basic. And I want to sit on it for awhile. So I'm going to go with adding on to the tattoo I already have (I'll post a picture later). I have a very general idea, but I need to actually work some kind of design out. At least enough of a design to get the tattoo artist on the same page as me. Is the cake a lie? Basically, figure out birthday plans, get whatever I need to get, and do my best to enjoy the day. And that's about it. I still need to figure out specifics, like how many days and for how long to work on things. But that's a problem for future me.

“Read to beam up,” the transporter engineer said. “Engage,” Lieutenant Commander Geordi LaForge ordered The transponter engaged and Command Kronos stood on the platform. His red Starfleet uniform was immaculate. Even the rank pips seemed polished. Kronos stepped off the platform and he greeted the Lieutenant. “I’m Lieutenant Commander LaForge, head of Engineeering on the Enterprise,” LaForge said and gestured to his right. “This is Lieutenant Commander Data, he’ll be giving you a tour of the ship, before taking you to the bridge.” “Thank you,” Kronos said, giving the man a nod. He turned towards the Android. “I’m looking forward to getting started.” The android looked at him. “Thank you Commander, if you would please follow me.” Kronos thanked LaForge and followed the android around the ship. For an android, Data was rather articulate. He seemed almost human. It was quite endearing. Kronos used the tour to try to get a rein in on his emotions. He was excited. Kronos had heard of the crew of the Enterprise, and he was honored to have been sent to the ship to learn from such a talented crew. “And this is Sick Bay,” Data stopped, allowing Commander Kronos to enter first. A few nurses attended to their duties. “This way, please, Commander.” The android gestured to a side office in which a woman sat. She stood as the two entered. “Dr. Crusher, this is Commander Kronos. He is hear to observe and learn. Commander - this is Dr. Crusher, the Enterprise’s Chief Medical Officer.” Kronos shook hands with the Doctor. “I’m looking forward to working with you Dr. Crusher,” Kronos said, pulling out a datatape. “My medical records are here. I figured I’d save you the trouble of procuring them yourself.” “Thank you,” she said. “I look forward to working with you as well.” The pair left and went finally to the lift. Data ordered the lift to take them to the bridge. Kronos could feel the anxiety building up as the doors opened. Several crew members worked at their stations. Two men and a woman sat in the center of the bridge. They stood and turned towards the lift as Data left and resumed his own work at his station. “Permission to come aboard the bridge, Captain,” Kronos said, his heart fluttering. “Permission granted,” came the reply from Captain. Kronos entered the bridge and the trio met him. A bald man, the Captain, greeted him. “I’m Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Welcome aboard the Enterprise Commander Kronos. We are very excited to be able to work with you.” “Thank you, Captain,” Kronos said, taking the man’s outstretched hand. “The pleasure is all mine.” Captain Picard gestured to the man at his right, who, like Kronos, wore read and had three rank pips on his collar. “This is my First Officer, Commander William Riker.” The two men greeted each other and the Captain gestured to the woman on his left. “And this is our Counselor, Deanna Troi.” The woman leaned in as Kronos shook her hand. “Relax,” she said, sensing his anxiety. “My security officer, Lieutenant Worf, and I believe you have already met Mr. Data.” the Captain finished introductions. “Please take a seat,” Commander Riker said, gesturing towards his own chair. “I couldn’t,” Kronos said. “I’m just here to observe and learn.” Commander Riker gave him an encouraging smile. “What better way to learn.” Kronos looked at the Captain who smiled and said, “Don’t make me order you to take your seat Commander.” “Aye, sir,” Kronos said taking the seat to the Captain’s right. “Alright Commander, let’s set our heading,” Captain Picard said. “Aye, sir. Mr. Data - set course bearing 151-mark-3 Warp factor three.” Kronos ordered. “Course laid in,” Data said, typing at his pad. “We are ready for warp sir.” Kronos took a deep breath. “Engage.” In this challenge, different members of the Enterprise crew will be giving Commander Kronos advice on how to become a better Starfleet officer. Each officer has also given the Commander a sub-quest and although it is not necessary, it will help the Commander achieve his goals Counselor Troi's Challenge As ship's counselor - Deanna Troi's responsibilities are to make sure the crew is emotionally stable to do their duties with the best judgment. As such, her challenge to Commander Kronos is to continue making progress on fighting depression and anxiety through religious study and prayer. He should also make sure to not isolate himself in an unhealthy way. Sub Quest: Start the day out with mindful meditation/prayer Dr. Crusher's Challenge As the ship's Chief Medical Officer, it is Dr. Crusher's responsibility to make sure the crew is physically fit to perform their duties. Her challenge to the Commander is eating based. She would urge the Commander to not skip meals and to eat more vegetables. He should be also active at least three times a week. Sub Quest: Try a new food once a week Commander Riker's Challenge Commander Riker's responsibilities are to assist the Captain, but the Commander also knows how to have a good time and is a good trombone player. His challenge to Command Kronos is to practice his banjo five days a week for a half an hour each time. Sub Quest: Listen to some new music or share music with others Captain Picard's Challenge The Captain is in charge of all day to day activities on the Enterprise. This requires a great deal of organization. This challenge will be difficult, but with some organization should be possible. Captain Picard's challenge is for Kronos to log his food, activity and practicing. Journaling would be great as well. Setting up a calendar would help a great deal for planning purposes. Sub Quest: Read Level Up Your Life

Balance Restore Energize Accomplish Transform Humor Engage I really love how much this has helped people, and I'm going to continue carrying it on! Shaar has been keeping this alive, and I think it has really helped others during past challenges. Even if they weren't participating in a challenge, I think people have found this to just be a great place to let things out when they need a sounding board. Fitness is just as much mental health as it is physical health. Just as we struggle with hurdles during our exercise routines and diets, we may have an on-going battle with demons, skeletons, and shadows in our minds. They can be just as troublesome at keeping us from achieving our goals. That is why we need to take that moment to take a breath and re-center. We have to remember not to keep things in so deep that it tears us apart. These things can weigh heavily on us, and that added weight can be detrimental to any form of health. That said, this is where we can talk, vent, cry on digital shoulders, scream, and yell about anything and everything. Get it out, release the tension, free the beast that is threatening to rip you apart. We are here to offer support by any means necessary. We are here to pick you up when you're feeling at your worst. We are here to do whatever we can to ensure that you remember every day that you are worth it and that you are an amazing person.

I know what I'm doing! Kicking it off with the first Nerd Fitness Challenge! I attempted a challenge last month in the midst of the holiday craziness, and it didn't turn out well. There was just too much going on at once, and attempting to juggle a challenge? I was driving myself insane. But I'm not giving up! I never want to give up and stop trying. I will continue to come back, push through challenges, ask for help and motivation, and keep my chin up until I have built a concrete and successful routine to better my lifestyle. I did a lot of reflecting on what I need to do in a Respawn Point post, and I plan to dutifully stick to everything as much as I can. I can say that, on an emotional/mental level, I've been doing pretty good! I have been doing things to keep a smile on my face. I'm still learning to accept that being a sensitive individual is NOT a bad thing. I'm no longer pushing myself into social situations that I absolutely do NOT want to be in. Would it be nice to have a few folks to hang out with outside my family? Maybe, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don't need to do that. The times I have gone out in an attempt to meet folks, I just didn't enjoy it. I tried to tell myself and others that I did, but I was trying to make my self-conscious believe it so that I would keep trying I guess. Our brain works in funny ways like that. I've also been fighting with a lot of past events that I still seem to fall back on at the oddest of times. Bad ex-roommate/friend situations, bad job situations, and just bad or sad things in general. I'm not sure why, but it happens every now and again. There were times when I felt guilty about the roommate/friend ordeal, but I have started down the path that I cannot and should not carry blame. I know, in my heart, that I did everything and anything I could for said group of people. I was there when they needed me, took care of them when they needed it, and gave far more than I should have. In the end, I was labeled as the bad friend, but I know the truth. I know what really happened, and that is what I'm going to remember. As for my work situation, I was not happy with my job. I didn't really like my job. It was stressful (probably too stressful for what I was getting into mentally) and just put a lot of pressure on me. I stayed there because it paid very well, offered me a lot of perks, and I was able to work remotely. I was able to visit family during holidays, and stay for a long period of time. In the end, I just couldn't handle it. Not in the state that I was. I am letting go of these things - these feelings and regrets - and not looking back. I am going to continue to look forward. I am going to learn from these lessons and work to be a better me! ALL OF THAT SAID: 2016? And now I move on! QUEST ONE: YOU BETTER WORK, WORK IT GIRL! I found three workouts that I wanted to do in order to start building up some stamina, muscle, endurance, and what not on Darebees. I plan on revisiting these three workouts as they are good for beginners. This quest is going to help me get back into a exercise routine while burning some calories, greasing up rusty muscles, and hopefully boosting my energy levels! I am also going to incorporate one day of yoga a week. This should help me work on my flexibility, maintain some good energy vibes, and possibly help with some lower back pain. THREE TIMES A WEEK: cardio inc workout | slow burn workout | mermaid workout ONCE A WEEK: various beginner yoga sequences QUEST TWO: MILLIONS OF PEACHES, PEACHES FOR ME! TRACK YO FOOD. That is literally what my second quest is going to be. When I was tracking my food, I was eating better. I was junk fooding less. I was just feeling better because I wasn't eating so much. I know that, in the past so many months, I have gained a lot of weight from overeating. Some of it has been stress eating. Some has been eating out of boredom (which is the WORST). There are a lot of things, but the most important thing is that I get back into tracking what I'm eating. Whether it's through My Fitness Pal, in a notebook, in a Google Doc; RECORD IT. Also, record how much water I'm drinking. I was drinking LOTS of water, but have been slacking. I also need to cut back on my soda drinking. It hasn't gotten out of hand, but I want to go down to one a week. I was down to drinking no soda, but I do enjoy Ginger Ale or Sprite every now and again. TRACK ALL FOOD. ONE SODA A WEEK. MORE WATER. QUEST THREE: OOH-OO CHILD, THINGS ARE GONNA GET EASIER! This one contains a WHOLE LOT of things that, I think, will make life EASIER and BRIGHTER. I may also have been watching Guardians of the Galaxy while writing this up. EITHER WAY? IT WORKS. I want to take time out to just make ME feel better. I want to make OTHERS feel better. I want to take better care of myself and not feel so G R O S S in so many words. Whether it's painting my nails, doing one of my Craftsy classes, working on crafts, or watching a silly movie that I love, I NEED TO DO THIS. I also want to do all of this with MY MOM. She needs lots of laughter and smiles right now and always. If I can keep my spirits up and keep myself in a good place, that will help HER be in a good place. See? IT WILL GET EASIER AND BRIGHTER! DO FUN THINGS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. (Once a day, a few times a week, WHATEVER! Just do it.) GET OUT OF YOUR JIMMYJAMS. (Even if it's to put on sweatpants or leggings or whatever! Brush your hair, take a few minutes to reflect, and smile!) YOU ARE IMPORTANT. (Take better care of yourself, girlfriend. You deserve it!) EXTRA: YOU CAN COLOR MY WORLD WITH HAPPINESS ALL THE WAY! As my extra, I keep picking up and putting down my sketch pads with little to nothing to show for it. My creativity and inspiration is very low almost like that weird snow you get on bad channels. STATIC! It's very frustrating because it use to be on HIGH ALERT for a long time. Apparently anti-depression medication (and medication that messes with your head in general) can cause this to happen. I don't want to force it because then it's not fun, but I want to get SOMETHING going. I've been poking around in my "ADULT" coloring books and working with color palettes. I need to find something to give me a bit of a jump start. There are a lot of challenges, inspirations, and what not on Pinterest and Instagram that I might look through. See what speaks to me and everything. I am ALSO trying to do a silly selfie a day through 2017 on Instagram! I just want to bring happiness and smiles to others, and remind myself not to take everything too seriously. I'm having a lot of fun with it so far. I'm even using some great Snapchat filters to add a little VA VA VOOM to them. It's great because the feeling of laughing just makes the day better. I'm very excited about really taking this challenge and owning it like a champ! I know I have a lot of great folks here to help me along the way, and to help me keep my rear in gear!

I'm going through a really difficult time right now, and I need to do everything I can to keep my sanity and recover. Long story short, last week I was hit by a car while crossing the street. I have a couple of fractures - my left fibula and my pelvic bone of the right - which makes getting around nearly impossible. I'm a very independent person, so being stuck in bed and needing help for almost everything has been hard. It's also been hard to not beat myself up over how I initially handled the accident. The driver did stop, but I insisted I was okay. So after he dropped me off at my apartment, he just left without leaving any of his information. And since I don't have any car insurance myself (I don't know how to drive), I have the additional stress of not having any income for a month or two and the rent and other bills aren't going anywhere. I had just gotten to the point where I was caught up on everything, so unfortunately I don't have savings I can dip into. So, recovery mode. There's four things I want to focus on this challenge. 1) Vent. It's barely been a week and this whole situation has been putting a tremendous amount of stress on both me and my wife. My wife is basically disabled (due to mental issues), so taking care of me has been really hard on her. We've already snapped at each other a few times, and I would like to avoid that as much as possible. So I figure venting regularly will help keep things below the boiling point. 2) Relax. I need to do whatever I can to help my body recover, and being stressed out is the complete opposite of that. So video games, reading, listening to music, maybe some writing, or coloring. Maybe work on ideas for the tattoo I was going to get myself on my birthday. 3) Doctor's Orders. No trying to rush things or cutting corners. Just follow the instructions. It'll be slow, but worth it in the end. 4) Independence. I don't want to be completely useless, so I need to figure out the things that I can do. Chore wise, the only thing I can think of right now is mending all of the clothes that have holes in them. It shouldn't be too hard to do that lying down. Zero week: My quest for this week is to set up a gofundme. (And work past the things that are holding me back from doing that.) Completed! https://www.gofundme.com/36ftig0

ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ Guys. I’ve been overwhelmed for a really long time. Like a really long time. And I let my anxiety get the best of me. And I let my depression get the best of me… but I want to come back with some non-traditional fitness goals at this point to try to chip away at the muck that has formed around me. So this challenge is a mental challenge. It’s a soul challenge. It’s a self-care challenge. I’ve got to get my head right or nothing else will be… so here I am. Let’s do this. I'm still a Ranger and will always be. I just gotta get my head back on straight. ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ Mental Health Goal One: Journal or Check In With My Therapist (0/7 weekly, 0/28 overall) If I don’t journal, I need to talk to Liz. I started eTherapy through TalkSpace three months ago and it has been really good to have a safe place to digest the stuff I don’t let out. So with this goal, I want to make my habit of tracking my days in my bullet journal and/or talking daily to Liz. Mental Health Goal Two: Find Something Negative and CHANGE IT (0/3 weekly, 0/12 overall) I am working on turning the negative tendencies of my life into ‘lessons learned’ or finding the good in them. Trying to stop judgement and blame and start taking things back into my control. I want to check in 3 times a week with a negative thought or experience and how I can reframe it to see it in a more positive light to learn or row from it. Mental Health Goal Three: Meditate or Do Yoga (0/2 weekly, 0/8 overall) My therapist wants me to work meditation and yoga into my routine, so I am going to shoot for once a week to start. Yoga will benefit me overall in fitness, and meditation will help quiet my brain that never seems to shut up. I've got a few programs lined up and I just need to... do them. Fitness Goal: DO SOMETHING. Literally ANYTHING. (0/3 weekly, 0/12 overall) I want to work out 3 times a week and I don’t give a flying flock of seagulls what that workout is. Just move your body, damnit. It’s better than sitting around being upset about the 15 pounds I gained, yet doing nothing about it. I have a half marathon on April. Just freaking MOVE, Kat.

Determination, Grit, Purpose Quest 1: Keep on track Use bullet journal daily, and prioritize to do list (what is the one thing that needs to be done first) Quest 2: Keep in contact with the cause Log into rising heros daily to look at missions and mark complete Quest 3: Help the cause Set time aside daily to do missions, if there is not a mission for the day spend at least 10 mins working on specialization (handwriting/calligraphy/pen work)

Annyshay... Wake up... Annyshay, the chosen one... I am Rauru, one of the ancient sages who built the Temple of Time to protect the entrance to the Sacred Realm... This is the Chamber of Sages, inside the Temple of Light... The Temple of Light, situated in the very center of the Sacred Realm, is the last stronghold against the Ganondorf's evil forces.

Life on Jund is a never ending struggle of survival of the fittest… And I will survive. This is a harsh land. From the ecosystems created by the volcanoes and lava and hot, dry weather to the hardened creatures shaped by the landscape, forged into vicious survivors. As a training ground for a battle mage, well… It’s perfect. I took a long, hard look at my goals for this year and decided that the battlemage class from the Elder Scrolls games fitted quite aptly (and luckily for me, there’s such a card from the Shards of Alara expansion, and it’s a Jund one). Every battlemage has to start somewhere, and my beginnings will be modest, but the learning curve will be steep. I have a vast amount of uncertainty to survive and adapt to, I have a solid understanding of my quests and how to progress. All I need to do is adapt, and this is where my adaption begins. THE MISSIONS Carving out a home: Quest line: Move > Prepping the flat to be ready for a move whenever it may come. The packrat beast needs to be banished once and for all, which means I need to be ruthless. Stage One: Living Room Tidy Clean Organised Decorated All relatively self-explanatory. As for the decoration segment of the goal… Well, I’m not allowed painting the walls, and the creamy kind of beige colour gets so incredibly boring. It doesn’t matter how much time I have left here, I want to liven it up a little. > Must be worked on daily > Burpee penalties for inactive days. How many burpees depends on the date, for example if I miss a day on the tenth, I do ten burpees. If I miss a day on the twentieth, twenty burpees. > Photo or video confirmation (whether the goal is passed or failed) at the end of the challenge as an extra bit of motivation to succeed. Becoming battle ready: Quest line: Spartan > Becoming the most physically fit and healthy version of myself in an effort to conquer the Spartan Sprint Stage One: Mobility Wrist Stretching Toe touch Making use of NF Yoga and the mobility drills it includes to try, first and foremost, to undo the damage done to my wrists. The right one in particular only bends back to a roughly forty five degree angle, and that makes all manner of things difficult, including some yoga poses and push ups done with my hands flat on the floor. Distance Walk two short/one long weekly I’ve become a distinct homebody, leaving only to go to work or to do essential shopping trips. Time for that to end. A short walk will be classed as under half an hour, and a long walk is classed as over half an hour. Weather is not a valid excuse to stay in considering I walk to work in truly horrific conditions and come out unscathed. > Again, for both goals burpee penalties will be assigned for inactive days. The date determines the number of burpees done. If I miss both goals on one day, the number of burpees is the date doubled. > Photos from walks are encouraged. Honing the mind: Quest line: Rock Solid Mental Health > Becoming an actual person again, one who can adapt to anything Stage One: Routine Night before work prep Laptop off/read one hour before bed In addition to the self-care checklists I’m tracking in my battle log, I’m going to try and instill two habits I know have worked for me in the past. In the beginning there won’t be any penalties, but if I find it too difficult to stick to without the thought of multiple burpees awaiting failure then in come those burpees. There will be mandatory daily check-ins as the majority of these things are daily tasks. Weekly summaries also mandatory. As none of this is too far above and beyond what I was trying to do with my dailies, I think it makes a good starting point and a good foundation for introducing more ambitious goals next time around. I’m using Zero Week as a warmup of sorts, so I can get used to juggling a battle log and a challenge and working everything in around my job. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, the challenge officially starts during my January holidays, and I’ll be travelling to the other side of the country and back for the mandatory once-a-year family visit. I can’t think of a better way to start, given this challenge is all about adapting in the face of uncertainty and surprising conditions!

Ahoooooooy friends <3 Happy Not-2016-Anymore!!! So, 2016 was not very successful on the "being healthy" front. I ended up gaining all the weight I had lost, and then some. I've fallen out of the habit of regular exercise. It was pretty hard on the mental health front as well (which may have contributed to the falling-out-of-habits etc). So I'm gonna try and start strong, but simple for the new year to see if I can regain my lost progress and momentum. Here are my goals: 1) Food I operate best when I do Strict Paleo diet, so I'm going to be a lot stricter this challenge, especially with dinner and snacks (breakfast and lunch I pretty much have nailed down). Make sure I do batch cooking on the weekend so I don't have to scramble during the week. If I'm in a situation where non-compliant food is all that's available, keep an eye on portion sizes. 2) Exercise Physical activity minimum 3 days per week. This can be swimming (<3), bodyweight circuit, yoga, walking, running, whatever. I just wanna get moving. I want to do more bodyweight this time around, because the last couple challenges I've swam nearly exclusively and I want some more variety. 3) Mental Health This has been an increasing struggle for me over the past year and some. I didn't even notice my mood lowering until it was already consistently low, and it has been making many other areas of my life difficult. I will do 1-2 things each day to bolster my mood, such as: ~ see a counselor (already in the works, first appointment Jan 9th) ~ set a timer and have a brief prayer/meditation time ~ get some sunshine ~ go for a walk (even if it's indoors on a machine) ~ mindfully make a cup of tea ~ set a timer and work for 15 minutes on schoolwork (this is a big stressor for me, and getting stuff done always helps [I'm a terrible procrastinator]) ~ do some stretches ~ set a timer for 15 minutes and do something I used to find more pleasure in (play my ukulele, knit, draw, read, etc) ~ &c, &c, &c I'm gonna take measurements to track my progress by; first measurements will be on January 8th.

Welcome to my new and improved Road Map for 2017 I'm going on the path of self love. To love myself unconditionally My love for myself should not be tied to a number on the scale, or my dress size Dieting AND overeating are both symptoms of something else being wrong In my case that is. But since this page is just about me, I shouldn't have to actually write that here, do I? By focusing on food. Werther it is eating lots and lots of it, or depriving myself of certain things, keeps my focus away from things that are truly important. Like feelings. So in 2017 I'm NOT going to diet And I'm NOT going to weigh myself My goals for 2017 -When I feel like dieting or binging I'm going to Examine how I feel. Give words to my feelings Accept the way I feel. It is okay to feel intense feelings. It might rattle me a bit, but pushing them away will hurt me more in the end Find a way to deal with those feelings without involving food. This can include reading, watching a serie or movie, crafting, dancing, writing in my diary, shopping, playing, making/listen to music - When I'm hungry I'll choose the best option available at that time. I'll take a breath and think of what I really want. And in that moment I will not only think about what will taste good, but also what the consequences will be of that choice. For example: something with a lot of sugar will make me shaky and isn't good for my health. An apple is a better choice. It will still satisfy my sweet tooth, but won't wreck my health and I will feel good afterwards. And off course, sometimes I will eat something just because it tastes good. I will enjoy it in full, stop eating when I had enough, and feel good about myself afterwards. - When I eat, I eat mindfully No phone, computer, tv, book. Just me, my food and the people I'm eating with Eat slowly. Be aware of how the food smells, tastes and feels - Keep on dancing! Dancing is excising while having fun. Zumba, salsa and whatever else may come my way, I'll dance dance dance! - Procrastination I'm the queen of procrastinating, I can do it so well. I always find something else to do. More fun and less important stuff In 2017 I'm going to do thing things that have to be done before I'll move on to the stuff that is fun to do. I'm going to get back to my BuJo I'm going to make a cleaning schedule I'm going to make a work schedule (I work from home) - Manage Stress Do stuff that lower my stress level when needed. When I have too much going on my neck and shoulders become tense and I get a headache. I become irritable and find it hard to do stuff that need to be done. I get scattered and impatient. I also don't wake up rested. When I notice these signals I will choose something from the following: Get a massage Take a bath Read fiction Dance Meditate Listen to music Take a mindful moment Remember: I don't need to be perfect, good enough is what I'm striving for Use the mantra: "Ik ben genoeg, ik doe genoeg, ik heb genoeg" (I am enough, I do enough, I have enough) Controlled breathing Crocheting Watch a show/movie

Hey everyone, this is... what, my third serious attempt at this? This time I come back more beaten than usual. Normally at least something had stuck, but this time I have fell right back to square one - bad habits, weight and all. The only thing that I hold is the knowledge that I have done this before and can do it again, but the motivation is just so.. lacking. The excitement of the first time round is missing and I have got a lot less support than back then. So basically, I was doing well. Even after I had to stop posting on the forums, i was able to keep up with all my habits, workout routine... I even got to start swimming in a 50m pool which was fantastic! Then... my manipulative flatmate went all out on me, I suddenly found out I did not have a flat anymore, I was diagnosed with some form of bipolar disorder, but since I was still functional was only put on anti-anxiety meds, then I found out I was hypersensitive to those meds, talked to another doctor who decided I suffered from no form of mental disorder at all and took me off the meds. My mental health spiraled downwards into one of the worst crises I have had in years, and then everything fell apart. I was supposed to start therapy but my last school year had just started and the workload is insane. Since by that time I had hit a high, I obviously decided I did not need therapy and could do EVERYTHING, ON MY OWN thanks to my AWESOME SUPERPOWERS. So that ended up with me throwing every good habit out of the window to obsessively toil over school, which obviously ended up with me crashing again and still struggling to regain footing. I have also discovered that this emotionally abusive relationship I was in has affected me more than I thought hen I started getting flashbacks from a discussion in a message board. Great. Bottom line is - I am exhausted. I want to get back to where I was a year ago - a tad too skinny but overall confident, happy and determined. I want to go back to waking up at 6am every day to have head-start. I need support though, and while I probably will be able to find emotional support in my entourage, the fitness and healthy eating aspect is not amongst my friend's interests. I need a community where I can ask for advice on silly things and where people will support me but also tell me when I am pushing too far. :/ I have given it a lot of thought and figured that this is the best place where I could get that. Even though I keep dropping in and out, I only have fond memories of my time here. And... who knows. Third time's the charm, I hope! That was a long rant and I hope I haven't upset anyone by sharing this much. I really, really hope this time is going to be the good one.

SPARTAN RISING So cast off whatever fears arise at the armoured legions they’ll muster before you, hedge yourselves round with hollow shields, and learn to love death’s ink black shadow as much as you love the light of dawn. Arete - Tyrtaeus of Sparta (sometime between 650-37BC) “This is not a disaster, this is an origin story.” - a surprisingly reassuring thing to tell the mirror every day Adversity builds character, or so the cliche goes, and right now I’m facing a mountain of it. Living below the poverty line has never been particularly fun, but I’ve always managed to scrape by and wriggle my out of whatever bad situations come my way. This current one, though, this is a little different. This is projected to be the coldest winter in five years and I can’t afford heating. I can’t afford anywhere near enough food. I can barely afford my rent and bills. And my income is not stable. At all. I’m living in constant anxiety and I don’t know how things are going to turn out in the end. But you know the great thing about rock bottom? I’ve got solid ground below my feet and from down here I can see every route that leads right on up. Each of these routes will be a long, hard climb, and I may well slip and fall at any point, but ultimately it is possible to escape from this place of misery and self-pity. The question: How will I do this? The answer: Go full Spartan. The idea is in no small way inspired by the fact that I’m running a Spartan Sprint in July 2017. That said, I think I could benefit from developing some of that incredible mental fortitude necessary to stand on the battlefield, armed and ready to fight, and be at peace with the prospect of imminent death. A Spartan body wouldn’t be half bad either. Usually this would be the part where I would say the only thing standing in the way of this is myself, but for once that isn’t strictly true. Yes, there are external factors, and yes, those have the potential to get seriously ugly, but when it comes down to it, I can only do so much to sway those factors in my favour. I can do so much more to build myself up and prepare for whatever comes. That’s why I’ve switched over to a battle log and will be staying here exclusively for at least a month rather than stressing myself out with challenges. Don’t get me wrong, I love the challenge format, and it has worked well for me in the past, but right now it isn’t what I need. Right now what I need is to drag my sorry ass back on track and drill in good habits, because I am a mess, and being a mess is not conducive to moving forward with my goals in any respect. Most of what will be in here to begin with will be simple check-ins to confirm my dailies and weekly boss fights and summaries. Sometimes I may go off tangent depending on just how badly I need to get something out there and not have it bottled up. Most importantly it will be accountability, no matter who does or does not read it. I do the thing, I post about the thing. I don’t do the thing and I have to explain why. Baby steps, so many tiny little baby steps, because when it comes down to it, a mountain of adversity isn’t so bad. After all, I climb mountains for fun The story so far… i / ii / iii / iv / v / vi / vii / vii / ix / x / xi / xii / xiii / xiv / xv / xvi / xvii