LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[GamingPlenty]

oh you didn't sound hostile, don't worry!

 

that makes sense with me not noticing the difference. my questions are more about the non-binary identities, i understand being trans and look at it as something different to what i mean right now. but the way you put i assume it is sort of like that with people who are fine with their sex but not their gender identity. i mean, is is more to do with the chemicals and hormones than it is society? and if someone identifies as genderless does that mean there's maybe equal hormones floating around? i like to have definitive answers, it'll get me killed one day.

 

i hope i've not offended anyone, i'm not judging, just looking for enlightenment. i feel like this is a necessary disclaimer on the internet since we can't always read tone.

[AnnieP (respawned)]

Being cis myself, I may not be the right person to jump in here, but I am not sure that gender has anything at all to do with actual hormones, or imbalances thereof. If that were the case, then doctors could change a person's gender identity with hormone therapy, and they can't.

If someone tells me they are agender -- genderless -- I have to assume that they don't feel they fit into either category. Sex is a quick count of X and Y chromosomes, in its simplest form. Gender comes from the heart.

Sent using Tapatalk Owl Post.

[night-wren]

anatomy =/= gender =/= pronouns =/= presentation.

 

Unfortunately, our culture as it is right now assumes that these are all the same thing. When you're born, they look at your anatomy and assign you a pronoun, then expect you to identify and conform to it {and then there's intersex people- genitals not entirely one or the other; some really bad things tend to happen to these people's identities}.

 

But for some of us, it doesn't fit. For some, their assigned gender is not how they see themselves, and they want to be treated as their actual identity; this is called gender dysphoria. For some, their anatomy is not what they feel it should be. This is often part of a binary-swap-transgender experience, but there are many other people who just disagree with their body's development. This is body dysphoria.

 

It's not really about the hormones {though I've read about many wonderful experiences of going on Testosterone for transmen}, or anything that easily explained. In the end, gender is who you are and anatomy is what you have. 

 

As for non-binary folks: there are two "acceptable" genders. Many people don't identify with either of these, so they find a new gender term {neutrois, butch, androgyne, agender, bigender, Two-spirit, etc.}. Since these are not of the "default" binary, they are "non-binary". In fact, many are happy simply identifying as non-binary and leave it at that.

 

{{yes, I say "anatomy" instead of "sex." As an asexual, I have issues with using the same word for both what you have and what you do with it. I have genitals, I don't have sex.}}

[Candace Koller]

Interesting, I had always considered sex and gender the same as well with gender identity being different entirely. I just assumed that people who identified with a different gender did so because they felt they fit better into that societal gender role or that gender's body. I would love to learn more about this, I've never had the opportunity to discuss things like this with anyone before so I have a lot of ignorance on the topic. Not having any gender identities myself I can't imagine what it must be like.

[Candace Koller]

Posted at the same time as the above post, this is very informative stuff.

[Varelse]

but the way you put i assume it is sort of like that with people who are fine with their sex but not their gender identity. i mean, is is more to do with the chemicals and hormones than it is society? and if someone identifies as genderless does that mean there's maybe equal hormones floating around? i like to have definitive answers, it'll get me killed one day.

 

I don't think there would be a definitive answer, but night-wer has offered you/us a great explanation.

 

My hormones are right, and I don't have any problem with my sexual identity, but gender is a more complicated concept.

 

 

As for non-binary folks: there are two "acceptable" genders. Many people don't identify with either of these, so they find a new gender term {neutrois, butch, androgyne, agender, bigender, Two-spirit, etc.}. Since these are not of the "default" binary, they are "non-binary". In fact, many are happy simply identifying as non-binary and leave it at that.

 

{{yes, I say "anatomy" instead of "sex." As an asexual, I have issues with using the same word for both what you have and what you do with it. I have genitals, I don't have sex.}}

 

The problem is visibility. Sometimes it's a nightmare explain to someone that you are agender, but you are not trans. People think that you are hermaphrodite, or an intersex folk. If you say that you are a butch, then you are lesbian, if you say that you are androgyne, then you are hermaphrodite, if you are bigender, you are trans. Many people don't understand beyond these concepts, and I don't know how to explain that sex and gender doesn't have to match in order to be happy.

 

[GamingPlenty]

yes, they were some great some points from night-wren. i've only recently heard butch and androgynous used as a way to identify gender, i always considered them to be descriptive terms for females and i'm sure i've used androgynous to describe myself in the past.

[night-wren]

I'm glad I'm being helpful! I was kinda nervous about sounding too preachy.

 

​A clarification: body dysphoria isn't necessarily a gendery thing. In the Rebel Introductions subforum, I've read several people saying that they suddenly realized how out of shape they were, that it was difficult to believe and accept that they were obese, or couldn't run five miles, or whatever they used to be able to do. This cognitive dissonance about what they think their body is and the reality of what they can or can't do is, arguably, body dysphoria.

 

Also, terms like butch and androgynous are also used as descriptions of types within a gender. It's sort of a Venn Diagram. Someone could be a butch {description} woman {gender}, someone else may be a butch{gender} and not a woman at all, and they're both completely accurate and okay {in my book, anyway. There are those who would rabidly disagree with that statement}. 

[Candace Koller]

​A clarification: body dysphoria isn't necessarily a gendery thing. In the Rebel Introductions subforum, I've read several people saying that they suddenly realized how out of shape they were, that it was difficult to believe and accept that they were obese, or couldn't run five miles, or whatever they used to be able to do. This cognitive dissonance about what they think their body is and the reality of what they can or can't do is, arguably, body dysphoria.

 

 

Yeah the psychs say I have this because everyone around me thinks I look good weight wise but I feel like a whale. I think maybe I just focus on my flaws while everyone else is too busy ignoring them though. It was never something I dealt with until I lost a lot of weight and realized how fat I was before and have now made it back up to that weight so I really think it's a bum diagnosis.

[Candace Koller]

Just saw this and thought I would post it here.

[Thrillho]

That goes extremely well with today's EGS:

 

[Twilight]

Time for the Genderbread Person!

 

 

http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/03/the-genderbread-person-v2-0/

 

I'm like this, currently:

 

[Hit]

while we're posting comics, heres a good one on agender identities: http://chaoslife.findchaos.com/agender-agenda

[Twilight]

And this! http://www.robot-hugs.com/gender-rolls/

[Buff Brogan]

hey all, straight male here that believes everyone has the right to love/be with/etc who they want, and what makes them happy. most of the problem with society, in my opinion, is ignorance. some blind, some unintentional. i also feel that we are in a transitional period where others are being accepted despite their differences from the social norm, and that makes me happy. 

 

also, found a pretty interesting article on acceptance in the metal music scene i think some of you may also find interesting. http://www.terrorizer.com/news/features-2/heavy-metal-is-gay-need-tackle-homophobia/

[Candace Koller]

And this! http://www.robot-hugs.com/gender-rolls/

 

This made me think of this one.

[EagleRising]

Hi all, I'm really glad to see the kind of conversations that are happening here.  I'm a gay man, president of the GLBT organization at my college and involved in the community in a few other ways.  I bet many of us have noticed or experienced a lack of openness or open hostility toward GLB people in similar communities, to say nothing of how trans* people are treated, so this thread is great to see.  Hope I'll be seeing everyone around.

[Candace Koller]

A lot of people really don't understand trans at all. (me either, my understanding is pretty limited) I saw an interview with Niel Patric Harris with a question I felt was incredibly offensive but he took it in stride like he does. They asked him if being a gay man prepared him for playing a trans role and of course he said no, the two are not the same. I think a lot of people really don't know that being gay doesn't always mean you want to be the opposite sex and wanting to be the opposite sex doesn't always mean you are gay. People just seem to lump anyone who isn't "normal" into a huge pile and say these are all the same right?

[Hit]

On the topic of trans people, lets all take a second to admire andreja pejic.

(Also i think the audio is desynced? Not sure whats up with that)

[Basement Cat]

A lot of people really don't understand trans at all. (me either, my understanding is pretty limited) I saw an interview with Niel Patric Harris with a question I felt was incredibly offensive but he took it in stride like he does. They asked him if being a gay man prepared him for playing a trans role and of course he said no, the two are not the same. I think a lot of people really don't know that being gay doesn't always mean you want to be the opposite sex and wanting to be the opposite sex doesn't always mean you are gay. People just seem to lump anyone who isn't "normal" into a huge pile and say these are all the same right?

That's because it's convenient. Most people nowadays understand the concept of homosexuality, but start talking about a female to male transgender homoromantic asexual and they get confused for some reason. Labels only go so far.

[Hit]

The number of people who've never thought critically of their own identity or sexuality, let alone those of others, is staggeringly high.

[Twilight]

On the topic of trans people, lets all take a second to admire andreja pejic.

(Also i think the audio is desynced? Not sure whats up with that)

 

Aaaah! Andreja! I'm soooo happy for her! (Even though the anchors aren't fabulous, but whatever.)

[Teirin]

Gryffudd just passed this link along:  http://wesschneider.tumblr.com/post/93277599246/50-lgbtq-characters-in-the-pathfinder-rpg

[Hit]

 

 

Aaaah! Andreja! I'm soooo jealous for her! 

 

ftfy! haha, but seriously its amazing that shes been able to come out properly now. so many amazing trans women popping up all over the place lately.

[Metriosity]

Just wanted to stop in and say hey and that this seems like a great thread

I got married to my wife on Halloween last year, it was the struggle to feel happy about my wedding photos that got me heading towards sorting myself out. Alas I kept putting it off until the beginning of this month. I was lazy. But I'm getting it done now, no quitting. 

My wife and i had been together 8 years before we were able (laws allowing) to get married. Maybe I am just lucky but we have only ever come across one person who had an issue with our relationship or our sexuality. Unfortunately it was my drug addled brother. But he was relatively easy to cut out of our lives. Other than him, we have been surrounded by extremely supportive people. It's wrapped us in a little bubble. Even some of our extremely religious (I mean, so pious every other sentence out of their mouths are gospels) have been nothing but loving to us. 

In fact the only thing that anyone has been difficult with, is helping me lose weight. Everyone I know loves to eat. And if you aren't eating all the time, something must be wrong with you. Trying to explain myself for weight loss is harder than ever having to come out as a lesbian to anyone. 

Go figure.