Battle Kitten: Ascension

[Countess D'If]

2 hours ago, fleaball said:

That was a tangent no one asked for. Again. 

 

 

Thanks for sharing with us!!!

[fleaball]

The writer of tonight's Supernatural liked my tweet. Whoaaaa.  

[fleaball]

So class this weekend is going to suck balls. I just checked the syllabus (which they posted yesterday) and it's schedule out down to the minute. And there's a ton of reading. This is not okay. 

 

Also so I went back to student health last night and while I'm getting better I apparently DO have bronchitis. I totally forgot to ask what this means for the 5k because iirc you're not supposed to do a ton of exercise when your chest is fucked? So maybe no jogging? Bleh. 

 

I am not excited about anything today. I want to sleep. 

[Sylvaa]

15 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

To be fair, now that Gary's all skinny and smexy-er from all the manual labor he's been up to, I want to get all skinny too so people don't be all - why you with this fat bitch? So I guess I never got over it?

 

I so relate to this with the last guy I dated (well, the one before the husband). Also, there is totally part of me that wants to get to walk into a high school reunion like a boss and have people be like, "when did you get hot?" 

 

14 hours ago, fleaball said:

Yeahhh actually as much as I loathe crying I actually wish we'd talked more about it? Today was a crazy day in that way kept bouncing through interrelated topics (started with Countess' brilliant observation, and then I mentioned the ace thing, when then bounced to does my Catholic upbringing make me ashamed about sex in general [which was not as lame and acephobic at it sounds because she's constantly poking at my sexuality vs Catholic school so meh], and all kinds of relationship-related stuff). And then we wound up at like, yeah I'm scared of rejection and at the same time scared of actually being in a relationship because whoa, uncharted territory. And what prompted the crying was that despite all that I am craving intimacy right now. (Don't cry in the waiting room, Flea. Don't do it.) Not necessarily sex-level intimacy, but physical contact with another human being. And emotional intimacy and just being able to talk with someone and connect with them and honestly just be myself? Like y'all are great and I'm so much more fucking honest on here than I am in person. But at the same time most of you are people who live in the intertubes and however close we actually get I'll probably never actually meet you so it's a totally different thing from having an actual person I would feel comfortable sitting down and talking about all this stuff with. Because god knows my roommate is judgmental af  and totally unable to empathize with situations she doesn't understand, and several of my friends turn everything into a contest or straight up just don't listen to what I tell them. Never mind that certain topics (like this) seem to be off limits for whatever reason. 

• I am totally close enough for us to be real friends (vs internet friends). Just saying. 
• Catholics are weird. (True story: when I got pregnant - at 17 mind you - my mother taught at a Catholic school. Someone from church actually said, "well, at least she didn't use birth control." How many things are wrong with that statement?!) 

[fleaball]

9 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

 

I so relate to this with the last guy I dated (well, the one before the husband). Also, there is totally part of me that wants to get to walk into a high school reunion like a boss and have people be like, "when did you get hot?" 

 

• I am totally close enough for us to be real friends (vs internet friends). Just saying. 
• Catholics are weird. (True story: when I got pregnant - at 17 mind you - my mother taught at a Catholic school. Someone from church actually said, "well, at least she didn't use birth control." How many things are wrong with that statement?!) 

Once upon a time that was my plan for my reunion this year. Which did not work out, but that's okay because I can't go anyway. (It's the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. Who does that?!)

 

I am totally down with being real friends. My hangup on that has been that you travel so much that you should be spending time with your family when you're home and not me. But I'm currently telling my brain stfu because hi, that's totally not my decision to make for you. >_> One day I will get over myself and @Countess D'If can stop yelling at me. 

 

Ah, Catholicism. So many fun contradictions. 

[Sylvaa]

Just now, fleaball said:

Once upon a time that was my plan for my reunion this year. Which did not work out, but that's okay because I can't go anyway. (It's the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. Who does that?!)

 

I am totally down with being real friends. My hangup on that has been that you travel so much that you should be spending time with your family when you're home and not me. But I'm currently telling my brain stfu because hi, that's totally not my decision to make for you. >_> One day I will get over myself and @Countess D'If can stop yelling at me. 

 

It's still kind of my plan, but the issue is that I have zero idea when my reunions are? Like, is it supposed to be every 5 years or every ten years? Because we totally didn't have a 15 year (and oh my goodness I am old). I only found out about my 10 year because I ended up in line at the gas station behind the guy planning it and I live in the same flipping town. 

 

Also, remember that 4 / 5 family members I have are teenagers, so mom is totally not cool to hang out with anymore. So really all you have to compete with is my husband (and he is pretty good at entertaining himself). 

[fleaball]

14 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

 

It's still kind of my plan, but the issue is that I have zero idea when my reunions are? Like, is it supposed to be every 5 years or every ten years? Because we totally didn't have a 15 year (and oh my goodness I am old). I only found out about my 10 year because I ended up in line at the gas station behind the guy planning it and I live in the same flipping town. 

 

Also, remember that 4 / 5 family members I have are teenagers, so mom is totally not cool to hang out with anymore. So really all you have to compete with is my husband (and he is pretty good at entertaining himself). 

I don't think they're /every/ 5 years? But I'm only at 10 (ugh) rn so I can't speak from experience. Maybe your planning folks just dropped the ball? 

 

Ha. Forgot about that. Well then, we should be friends.  

[Sylvaa]

Oh my goodness, so I found this and thought of you:

 

[fleaball]

6 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

Oh my goodness, so I found this and thought of you:

 

I want to like this a thousand times. 

[fleaball]

Two hours left at work before I bail early for this class from hell. Like honestly it's a 1-credit pass/fail workshop and there is SO MUCH WORK. That they only posted yesterday. Rage. And meh, the only thing I've had to do all week for work is write a 500-word blog post that has been at 275 since Monday but is due before I leave. D:  I'm so over everything ugh. 

 

In other news, I thought this was a 10-week internship but apparently it's 12. Which is great because money but shit because it means I have to be here for two more weeks than expected. 

 

Someone go to class for me. 

[NeverThatBored]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

In other news, I thought this was a 10-week internship but apparently it's 12. Which is great because money but shit because it means I have to be here for two more weeks than expected. 

 

 

But yay money! 

[fleaball]

Ugh. 56 minutes left of class. I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and there's like 250 pages of reading for tomorrow that apparently we're not going to be using too much because nothing that I scrambled to read at work has come up at all yet. 

[Owlet]

Pretend this is bullet points because I can't be bothered structuring proper sentences but mobile won't let me bullet. 

 

I sooo get you on wanting intimacy in terms of physical contact and someone who gets you and is happy to hear about all the little things in your day. Even the best friends somehow don't quite fill that role. 

 

You will find someone. 

 

I totally approve of this Flea-Sylva friendship deal. Not that it matters what I think but just incase your brain tries to talk you out of it. 

 

Buuu bronchitis. Yay that you're getting better, although I'm sure it's not quick enough for your liking. 

 

Good luck with classes from hell! 

 

Thank you you for making me grateful I didn't go to a catholic school  I hope there's a nice bathroom for you to put yourself back together after tough sessions with your therapist. The ones I've been to always have the most depressing bathrooms for some reason. 

 

I would try and post a cute gif but mobile life is hard. You'll have to imagine it sorry. 

[fleaball]

8 hours ago, Owlet said:

Pretend this is bullet points because I can't be bothered structuring proper sentences but mobile won't let me bullet. 

 

I sooo get you on wanting intimacy in terms of physical contact and someone who gets you and is happy to hear about all the little things in your day. Even the best friends somehow don't quite fill that role. 

 

You will find someone. 

 

I totally approve of this Flea-Sylva friendship deal. Not that it matters what I think but just incase your brain tries to talk you out of it. 

 

Buuu bronchitis. Yay that you're getting better, although I'm sure it's not quick enough for your liking. 

 

Good luck with classes from hell! 

 

Thank you you for making me grateful I didn't go to a catholic school  I hope there's a nice bathroom for you to put yourself back together after tough sessions with your therapist. The ones I've been to always have the most depressing bathrooms for some reason. 

 

I would try and post a cute gif but mobile life is hard. You'll have to imagine it sorry. 

Honestly it's so dumb you can't do bullet points on mobile. So dumb. 

 

<3

 

lol I'm glad you've figured out how my brain works. Thanks for that. 

 

Yeah it's gotten better even since that last post. Of course I was coughing up a lung this morning and roommate and her bf were both in the house so I probably kept them up. Oh well. 

 

hahaha my Catholic school experience wasn't as bad as some people's but yeah it was an experience. There's no nice bathroom but I usually survive. =P A nice bathroom would be a good addition though.

[Countess D'If]

Good morning. I sincerely hope you are seeing whatever it is that is going on between Jensen Ackles and Jeffrey Dean Morgan over on the Twitter.

 

[fleaball]

56 minutes ago, Countess D'If said:

Good morning. I sincerely hope you are seeing whatever it is that is going on between Jensen Ackles and Jeffrey Dean Morgan over on the Twitter.

 

Lmao yes. I don't watch TWD but I'm totally appreciating the shenanigans regardless. 

[fleaball]

Most of today is being spent on a group project. Which, okay, I get the importance of trying to do these crazy-ass budgets and whatever, but this is a pass/fail class. Why are we bothering? 

 

Save me.

[fleaball]

There are two profs for this class and they keep giving us answers that contradict each other on this project. Fuck this.

[Countess D'If]

19 minutes ago, fleaball said:

There are two profs for this class and they keep giving us answers that contradict each other on this project. Fuck this.

 

 

[fleaball]

ranting about class because my group is done but we still have to sit around and wait for everyone else to get their shit together.

 

Spoiler

So. This class is called Budgeting for Development. But what it wound up being is "this is how to respond to a USAID request for contract proposals." Great. These two people work in the same organization and have worked together for a long time but they have two different job titles and are at two different levels. So our project that we've spent most of the day doing is to create an outline for our proposal, then a budget, then justify our budget. Which, great. Except that we're doing this in about 5 hours and they've told us they typically do research for 1-1.5 years and then have 6 weeks to write these. So then higher-level lady is like "no your proposal needs to include the projects you're going to run, the countries you're going to run them in, you need to have ALL this information, blah blah." So we scramble to find this information because what the fuck, we can't come up with a project to run in Liberia and how long it's going to take and how many times we have to fly someone out there to assess the situation and all that. Then we ask the guy who's actually the one grading it and who does this exact thing for his job and then he simplifies everything and is like "we usually just say 'we're setting aside $60k for future travel to a partner country once the needs have been determined.'" So then we scrap basically everything we've been doing and then re-do it. And she comes by and tells us that's wrong. Honestly what the fuck. But he came over and he said both our outline that she did not approve of and the budget that she did not approve of look pretty good. I'm so mad. And now she's fucking drawing out the class to the last fucking second. Like dude just said "okay great, we're done here," and she's like "no wait, can you explain all of these other things?" NO. There's literally 10 minutes left scheduled in this class and you've run over time the previous two days as well as running through the breaktimes that YOU scheduled, as well as our lunch periods. We're done. Fuck off. 

 

Not to mention we've got a fucking 2-page paper to write in the next week basically justifying why we made this budget. I understand the need for it in real life but this is ridiculous. This is a one-credit, pass/fail class. We are not getting an actual grade. There is no point to this.  I already submitted my course evaluation and tore them apart but I'm also mad that I did it already because so much more bullshit has happened in the last hour. I fucking can't. 

 

[Dagger]

*sad face*

 

Hugs?

 

*sends hugs*

[Jarric]

God that class sounds like a huge clusterfuck! Hopefully you have escaped from it alive now?

[fleaball]

9 minutes ago, Jarric said:

God that class sounds like a huge clusterfuck! Hopefully you have escaped from it alive now?

Yes. Finally. Save for the 2-page paper due a week from tomorrow, I'm free. Wheeeeee. 

[Countess D'If]

yaaaay!

 

 

[fleaball]

5k is on Saturday. Jury's still out in whether I'll be able to breathe during it. I was thinking about it in the shower this morning and my brain shifted to Spartans and how (apparently) I'd like to do another one to redeem myself. Except I don't want to train for it. I'd rather just be able to magically do it. Which of course requires being in shape in the first place. 

 

I know everyone trains for everything. No one just walks onto an OCR or sports field or jumps into a pool with zero training and beasts it. I think this is where I need a mindset shift but I don't think I realized it til right now: I don't like working out with the purpose of training for something. Apparently I am the opposite of someone who signs up for things to force themselves to work out. The one time I was super consistent with c25k i was doing it because I enjoyed it and proud of myself. I signed up for a 5k because I was excited about my progress and then boom, barely did anything else. The handful of times I did YAYOG weren't that bad and I was looking forward to Elements, but then when I started telling myself I had to do it for prepare for the Spartan I lost all interest. (Yes, I fucked up my shoulder and had to be careful, but that's beside the point.) I'd rather do a thing because I like it than because I feel like I have to or even just that I should because it would be a good idea. 

 

I think it's because I have no actual fitness goals? I want to be able to run a 5k just because, and be crazy flexible, and be in decent enough shape that the next time @Sylvaa says "So anyone want to do a Super in Virginia at the end of the month?" (direct quote from September) I can be like "hell yeah sign me up" instead of "no thanks I will die." But I have no concrete goals and I keep thinking of training for things as isolated events. Instead of "look at all the things Spartan training will help me do irl" it's "okay there's this 8-week program, then the race, then what?" And of course when it comes to figuring out goals it's hard because I still can't justify doing a thing just because I want do, there has to be a good reason for it. Maybe after this 5k I should just not sign up for anything for a while. Dick around and see what I actually enjoy doing/what I can make stick. 

 

Bleh. Dear brain, please work like a normal brain. Thanks.