Ensi: Treasure Map 2018

[NeverThatBored]

Congratulations on the masters program!! I'm looking forward to seeing you prosper as a pirate next challenge.

[Ensi]

18 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

Congratulations on the masters program!! I'm looking forward to seeing you prosper as a pirate next challenge.

 

Thank you!  Let's get all the booty!

 

 

**

 

This break in Winterfell has been wonderful. Not only because of all the activities and rest, but also because I've had a couple of good conversations with Mom. I feel like she understands me better now, and I understand myself better now...! I've been thinking about the reasons that cause me anxiety, and I think it's because I have had issues with accepting myself as I am: I am a total nerd, obsessed with details and systems, and I see things (even relationships) as processes that have goals. I get drawn in systems and problem solving (for example, coding) and I struggle to find meaning in things that people around me find meaning in (certain types of activities, music, parties, television programmes, hobbies, etc.). During the past few years, I've learned how to be social and how to interact with people, but I've also exhausted myself in that game. I've created myself some sort of a ideal that I have to fulfill in order to prove myself that I'm doing fine, and mostly it's the amount/quality of my social life that proves me that I'm an OK person. I've thought that I would hate the person I really am, but that's not the case. I am a good person and I love the people closest to me: I don't have to try harder to prove myself anything. I don't know why, but I've somehow managed to understand this better during my stay here in Winterfell  I don't need to struggle to be something else than myself. From now on, I'm gonna listen to myself more, and find activities that I enjoy. Things are gonna get even better from now on, I'm sure

 

Today's a rest day. I'm just gonna meet Woodkid later on: we'll have ice cream and catch up with each other. I'm happy to spend a couple more days here in Winterfell, but I'm also starting to miss home...! My university job starts next week, so I'll be back in business soon. But now lunch is ready  Have a lovely Wednesday!

[Ensi]

It is Thursday, my dudes (this meme affected me OK). I'm doing OK, maybe a bit tired, but I think it's mostly mid-cycle shenanigans. It was nice to meet Woodkid yesterday, but I wasn't quite comfortable, for some reason - I just wasn't feeling very social. Oh well, maybe next time

 

I went jogging today: mom went for a walk, so I tagged along and jogged slowly, doing short sprints every now and then. Running felt good and cheered me up  My knees have been fine with jogging so far, and I hope to be able to keep it up! I've eaten a bit more mindfully today, trying to shut down the diet mentality. I've got a lot of mental support from my parents during my break, and I feel better about myself. Now I just need to focus on shutting down the diet mentality and focus on listening to myself better.

 

Mom and I watched Jurassic Park, and now we're just chilling and watching TV. I'd like to listen to an audiobook a bit later and relax in bed  I'll travel back home on Saturday, and I'll have the whole Sunday to get comfortable before I start work on Monday. I'm happy to start working there, and I have a feeling that it's gonna be a good month. Have a lovely evening, everyone!

[WhiteGhost]

Sounds like you are having a great time in Winterfell   Just reading your posts makes me feel nice and relaxed

[Ensi]

7 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Sounds like you are having a great time in Winterfell   Just reading your posts makes me feel nice and relaxed

 

Yup, it is lovely here!  I went biking for an hour, and I'm having a pretty chill day. I noticed a pretty big bug in the language tech code (not my code, though), which would have surely caused trouble in the future, and I might have a look at it later today and see if I could fix it easily. My instructor was happy that I noticed the bug, and I got a confidence boost, for sure

 

I don't really have much to say, currently. I have been thinking about the things I mentioned earlier, and done my best to embrace my inner nerd. It feels nice to think that maybe I don't need to keep pretending that I'm something else. Instead, I can just focus on being me, and enjoy my life (I also told Mom that I worry that they're ashamed of me because I'm not dating anyone, and both she and Dad were like "NOPE". This put my mind to ease). I need to start building a life that's not based on hiding and faking, but just being me and showing myself openly  I think getting work experience and positive feedback from my bosses has helped me feel like I'm good enough, too. It'll get better! I also need to make some plans for the next challenge...! Uhh. Maybe I should focus on building strength and stamina for parkour... I'm thinking push-ups and jogging  And I want to have that financial goal I talked about earlier; meal prepping could be a good one, because I use money mostly on food :DD

 

It's a sunny evening, and I think I'd like to go out for a walk...! Then I could spend the evening debugging the code and listening to an audiobook. Yay! I wish you're all having a good day

[Lara]

42 minutes ago, Ensi said:

Maybe I should focus on building strength and stamina for parkour

Oh, wow

 

Great that you found that bug.

[Ensi]

44 minutes ago, zenLara said:

Oh, wow

 

 

 

44 minutes ago, zenLara said:

Great that you found that bug.

 

i have just begun!!!1

 

[Ensi]

Ohh here we go!