Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

Oof, that sounds like a lot to deal with. Go you! 

 

This is how to diagnose what I have (from the Mayo Clinic):

Quote

Many experts use the criteria listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published by the American Psychiatric Association, to diagnose mental conditions. This manual is also used by insurance companies to reimburse for treatment.

DSM-5 criteria for generalized anxiety disorder include:

• Excessive anxiety and worry about several events or activities most days of the week for at least six months
• Difficulty controlling your feelings of worry
• At least three of the following symptoms in adults and one of the following in children: restlessness, fatigue, trouble concentrating, irritability, muscle tension or sleep problems
• Anxiety or worry that causes you significant distress or interferes with your daily life
• Anxiety that isn't related to another mental health condition, such as panic attacks or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), substance abuse, or a medical condition

 

I'm pretty sure most flavors of anxiety require that it be excessive worrying for a period of time that interferes with your life, with differences depending on the type of anxiety. Like social anxiety requires that you think people are constantly judging you and such? I am totally not a doctor and could be wrong. tl;dr if you're concerned about it your doctor will have ways to figure it out lol. Life leveling up is a good way to deal with it though. Go you!

 

I was totally not calling you out for lurking, I promise. But welcome!

[fleaball]

3 days later I finally figure out the mantra my therapist told me to come up with. At 2am. What the actual fuck, brain? Shut up ad go to sleep. 

[Dagger]

11 hours ago, fleaball said:

Oof, that sounds like a lot to deal with. Go you! 

 

This is how to diagnose what I have (from the Mayo Clinic):

 

I'm pretty sure most flavors of anxiety require that it be excessive worrying for a period of time that interferes with your life, with differences depending on the type of anxiety. Like social anxiety requires that you think people are constantly judging you and such? I am totally not a doctor and could be wrong. tl;dr if you're concerned about it your doctor will have ways to figure it out lol. Life leveling up is a good way to deal with it though. Go you!

 

I was totally not calling you out for lurking, I promise. But welcome!

I know you weren't calling me out. I finally felt like I had something to add to discussion beyond likes.

 

I don't think I have generalized anxiety. But when I get anxiety over some obligation (like mowing the lawn, I had anxiety about that due to inactivity on that front all through June and half of July until I paid someone to take care of the monster it had become), it interferes a lot with my life, especially with the task I need to do. I'd lose otherwise productive days because I thought of the obligation or had to talk about the obligation early in the day. And I totally think people are judging me on those things.

 

Ah well, the better I get at staying on top of obligations, the less anxiety I have. Also, it can help if I decide for myself how much I care about the obligation; doesn't mean I can completely ignore it, but might mean that I can do it less and not feel anxiety.

 

52 minutes ago, fleaball said:

3 days later I finally figure out the mantra my therapist told me to come up with. At 2am. What the actual fuck, brain? Shut up ad go to sleep. 

Gah, I love/hate when that happens. It is like: FINALLY. (yay)

 

Unfortunately FINALLY came at a time so sleep was lost. (nay)

[Bookish Badger]

8 hours ago, fleaball said:

3 days later I finally figure out the mantra my therapist told me to come up with. At 2am. What the actual fuck, brain? Shut up ad go to sleep.

 

At least it came up with something useful this time. When my brain wakes me up at 2am (which it does on a regular basis), it's to get me wound up about something I can do nothing about at 2am. 

[fleaball]

Protip: don't take the French placement test on Duolingo immediately after spending 20 minutes on Spanish. You will confuse grammar rules and hate yourself for getting a low score. 

 

Didn't get to say my mantra a million times out loud because my roommate was home. Which means I also didn't get to take progress photos on the conveniently mounted full-length mirror in the hallway. It's incredible how she won't come home for daaaaays and then as soon as I want to do something without her around there she is. >> Oh well. Took photos anyway, it will just be tricky to compare them to future ones because the angle and such will be different. I might try tomorrow or even later today if she leaves at some point. 

 

Did a bunch of things yesterday but I still feel like I didn't do anything. More things on tap for today. Grocery shopping tomorrow because I don't feel like going out. Even though tomorrow is supposed to be grosser than today omg make it stop. At least I have air conditioning. 

 

I swear to god I keep coming here planning on saying actual things of value, and then as soon as I start typing I have zero desire to post anything. What the fuck? D: 

 

Anyway, this is long overdue but needs to get off my to do list: End of the self love challenge!

Spoiler

Day 26: What makes you feel beautiful?

• I really don't have an answer for this one. It's not a thing I focus on. I feel like I said this for a previous prompt (or maybe in response to something in @Sylvaa's thread?) but like, there are days where I'll catch myself in the mirror and be like "hell yeah, lookin' good!" for no discernible reason. Beyond that, I got nothing. I wouldn't say that I go around thinking I'm not beautiful 24/7, it's just not on my radar. I'd rather feel confident and proud of myself after a workout or something.

 

Day 27: What have you accepted about you?

• I'm not as much of a hot mess as I usually think I am. And weirdly enough, that's scary. Because if I'm a hot mess who can't do anything right, then I'm justified in being negative all the time and in not trying anything new. But if that's not true, then what's holding me back from actually doing things? And why am I so focused on the things I'm doing "wrong" instead of the positive things that are there? Yiiiikes. Good thing I'm already seeing a therapist.

 

Day 28: What have you learned over these 28 days?

• For most of the prompts it was easier than I thought to come up with something. I still had to think about them, but I had answers eventually. When I first looked at the list in its entirety I was like "yeah no, not gonna have anything for that one, or that one, or that one..." But there are definitely positive things going on despite my brain being a dick. 
• Also hey, I was nervous about being vulnerable and posting about some of these things, but I did it. And I feel better for having done it. Maybe emotions and honesty aren't quite that scary. 

 

Also ugh, hopefully the last set of 'before' photos I will ever take. NSFW because sports bra. But also NSF anywhere because gross. [They're also huge because I have no computer skills and my camera hates me.]

Spoiler

EXTRA UGH: There was a scale photo from 7/19 of last year reading 200.8. Fuck my entire life. >>

 

 

  

 

 

Also uhhh, that's me standing up straight. Which from the side doesn't look straight AT. ALL. It might be time to join the posture-fixing party because Jesus Christ that is terrrrible.

 

Okay. Enough taking up space here. Off to the things I need to do. (So much econ homework this week omg why.) Will try Elements again tomorrow. 

[fleaball]

Found my fitbit! Goal this week: wear it every day to see exactly how little I do and create a goal from there. The USB sync thingy is busted so I'll have to remember to turn on bluetooth to get it to sync. Rawr. 

 

Also I just managed to stand on one leg for 40 seconds. Wobbly as fuck, but that's worlds better than the what, 5 seconds or so I was at a few weeks ago? 

 

This week's goals for real: 

• Don't buy alcohol when I go shopping.
• Wear fitbit every day.
• Elements for sure. Possibly c25k if the weather is ever at a point of not sucking.
• Send some goddamn emails.
• Also resumes because fml there are deadlines this week. 

[petefeet]

16 hours ago, Dagger said:

 

 

I don't think I have generalized anxiety. But when I get anxiety over some obligation (like mowing the lawn, I had anxiety about that due to inactivity on that front all through June and half of July until I paid someone to take care of the monster it had become), it interferes a lot with my life, especially with the task I need to do. I'd lose otherwise productive days because I thought of the obligation or had to talk about the obligation early in the day. And I totally think people are judging me on those things.

 

 

 

This really spoke to me. Though I don't suffer from anxiety (no more than average), my girlfriend does and the idea of mowing her lawn almost made her (and me crazy). She just bought her first house this spring, and part of home ownership is mowing the lawn which she really looked forward to in principle, but became a whole other thing in practice. She was scared that her neighbours would be judging her for "doing it wrong" or struggling with the mower etc... It would have been easy for me to say "Why do you care what they think?", but I'm slowly learning that statements like that don't help. Now I "try" and offer encouragement, that I know she can do it, I have faith in her, etc... and now while she still struggles with mowing her lawn, she does it and is slowly building self-confidence in herself.

 

Why am I sharing this? Just letting you know that you're not alone, and sometimes that's all it takes to be brave <g>.

[fleaball]

Today in "emails I didn't need to get at 2:30 in the morning:" my father's cousin had genetic testing done and she has the same mutation my grandmother had, which can lead to crazy high increased risk of colon cancer. And also apparently to other including endometrial (which this cousin has/had and which PCOS can increase risk for, go me).

 

Looks like the shitty gynecologist might get her way and I might see a geneticist after all. Ugh. Assuming the shitty university insurance covers it. Dear universe, please chill the fuck out. Thanks. 

[Lara]

12 hours ago, fleaball said:

This week's goals for real: 

• Don't buy alcohol when I go shopping.
• Wear fitbit every day.
• Elements for sure. Possibly c25k if the weather is ever at a point of not sucking.
• Send some goddamn emails.
• Also resumes because fml there are deadlines this week. 

 

Nice goals!

[Dagger]

10 hours ago, petefeet said:

Why am I sharing this? Just letting you know that you're not alone, and sometimes that's all it takes to be brave <g>.

Thank you. I'm glad your girlfriend is conquering the monster. I am bit by bit too. The best way for me is to stop myself from procrastinating on the task from the beginning, but that is easier said than done, huh? But I am getting there.

[fleaball]

Is there anyone I'm not following this round? Or is everyone just being super fucking quiet online/busy in real life? I feel like I'm missing someone and my notifications are dead. 

[athousandwords]

19 hours ago, fleaball said:

Also I just managed to stand on one leg for 40 seconds. Wobbly as fuck, but that's worlds better than the what, 5 seconds or so I was at a few weeks ago? 

 

Nice job!  We did some balancing at yoga yesterday and it made me realize I need to start incorporating balance into my routines.  Because wobbly AF is right.  Hearing about your improvement gives me hope!

 

15 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Is there anyone I'm not following this round? Or is everyone just being super fucking quiet online/busy in real life? I feel like I'm missing someone and my notifications are dead. 

 

Maybe just general weekend deadness?

 

19 hours ago, fleaball said:

This week's goals for real: 

• Don't buy alcohol when I go shopping.
• Wear fitbit every day.
• Elements for sure. Possibly c25k if the weather is ever at a point of not sucking.
• Send some goddamn emails.
• Also resumes because fml there are deadlines this week. 

 

Nope, not this week.   Fuck this heat.

Good luck with the deadlines and emails!  

 

[NeverThatBored]

17 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Is there anyone I'm not following this round? Or is everyone just being super fucking quiet online/busy in real life? I feel like I'm missing someone and my notifications are dead. 

 

Obviously you just missed me while I was on vacation.  

[Briniel]

I've been pretty dead this week, but that can't be the (sole) reason...

sorry to hear about the PCOS and car problems and mystery hip pain bulshit. Blegh.

Did you send those goddamn emails yet?

And how's duolingo doing? I switched over there from memrise and kinda like it... we can learn french together, if you want

[fleaball]

1 hour ago, athousandwords said:

 

Nice job!  We did some balancing at yoga yesterday and it made me realize I need to start incorporating balance into my routines.  Because wobbly AF is right.  Hearing about your improvement gives me hope!

 

Maybe just general weekend deadness?

 

Nope, not this week.   Fuck this heat.

Good luck with the deadlines and emails!  

 

Being wobbly is so sad. I used to be so good at balancing and now I'm fucked.  

 

Could be. Maybe it's just people being busy doing things with their summer. 

 

Omg I know. I didn't realize this entire week was going to be as bad as the weekend. 

 

 

1 hour ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Obviously you just missed me while I was on vacation.  

Haha I knew you were gone and I was missing your daily posts. Now that you're back I want a thorough recap so I can live vicariously.  

 

 

8 minutes ago, Briniel said:

I've been pretty dead this week, but that can't be the (sole) reason...

sorry to hear about the PCOS and car problems and mystery hip pain bulshit. Blegh.

Did you send those goddamn emails yet?

And how's duolingo doing? I switched over there from memrise and kinda like it... we can learn french together, if you want

Not the sole reason but I did miss you! Emails have not been sent. Planning on them for later in the week bc of deadlines today and tomorrow, but keep yelling at me lol. 

 

I'm focusing on Spanish rn, just took the placement test for French for shits and giggles. I have a degree in it lol. But I can help you if you want! Or we can be friends and just compete in our respective languages. I got to level 8 in German once upon a time but I need to focus on one language for the time being and can pick up Spanish faster. Boo. 

[Briniel]

13 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Not the sole reason but I did miss you! Emails have not been sent. Planning on them for later in the week bc of deadlines today and tomorrow, but keep yelling at me lol. 

 

I'm focusing on Spanish rn, just took the placement test for French for shits and giggles. I have a degree in it lol. But I can help you if you want! Or we can be friends and just compete in our respective languages. I got to level 8 in German once upon a time but I need to focus on one language for the time being and can pick up Spanish faster. Boo. 

Will do

 

How do you go about adding people on duolingo? My name there is Brinielle (Briniel was taken *rage*) if that helps... btw I totally feel you on making stupid mistakes in the placement test. I had french for four years back in school and tried to get back at it several times so some basic stuff is still there, but then I read something wrong and enter singular instead of plural or something stupid like this *more rage* If you ever get tired of (or done with) Spanish, I can totally help you with your German

[Briniel]

Oh and Re: being wobbly... you can totally get back there! Balance while brushing your teeth or something. Just do it regularly, I'll bet it'll come back way more quickly than you think!

[fleaball]

24 minutes ago, Briniel said:

Will do

 

How do you go about adding people on duolingo? My name there is Brinielle (Briniel was taken *rage*) if that helps... btw I totally feel you on making stupid mistakes in the placement test. I had french for four years back in school and tried to get back at it several times so some basic stuff is still there, but then I read something wrong and enter singular instead of plural or something stupid like this *more rage* If you ever get tired of (or done with) Spanish, I can totally help you with your German

I just followed you. I think you have to follow me back? I'm not really sure lmao. I will absolutely hit you up whenever I get back to German. Then you can laugh at my lack of vocabulary. =P

 

23 minutes ago, Briniel said:

Oh and Re: being wobbly... you can totally get back there! Balance while brushing your teeth or something. Just do it regularly, I'll bet it'll come back way more quickly than you think!

That's what I've been doing! Also while waiting for my coffee, and standing around playing Duolingo lol. I'm pleased with the progress so far but I didn't actually expect it. 

[Briniel]

5 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I just followed you. I think you have to follow me back? I'm not really sure lmao. I will absolutely hit you up whenever I get back to German. Then you can laugh at my lack of vocabulary. =P

Just intended to follow you back just to find that there's noone following me. Turns out, I did get the nickname Briniel on duolingo. Brinielle was on Pokemon GO, I think. Woops. No idea who you're following now

Tu peux rire á mon Francais desastreux, in return. (I'm sure there's a way to get that c cedile somehow on my keyboard, but I'm too lazy to look it up.)

[NeverThatBored]

(I'm going to try to find you both on Duolingo later)

[fleaball]

11 minutes ago, Briniel said:

Just intended to follow you back just to find that there's noone following me. Turns out, I did get the nickname Briniel on duolingo. Brinielle was on Pokemon GO, I think. Woops. No idea who you're following now

Tu peux rire á mon Francais desastreux, in return. (I'm sure there's a way to get that c cedile somehow on my keyboard, but I'm too lazy to look it up.)

lmfao they're doing French and Spanish but no current streak so I was confused but went for it anyway haha. Now I really followed you. 

 

Jamais! Idk what German keyboards are like or if this works for you, but ALT + 135 does it for me. And dammit now I want to switch to German just because. Maybe I'l split my time. I finished the Spanish tree but never got it all gold. I could refresh one skill a day and then do German for the rest of my time? Hmm. I'll figure out a way to make this work.

 

5 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

(I'm going to try to find you both on Duolingo later)

My profile is in my sig and you should be able to find her from me?

[Briniel]

ç

nice. Don't worry about the German if it messes with things too much right now. Btw. is there a way to change the settings so I have to mostly input the french words instead of the german ones? I'm good at understanding what I read but rubbish at coming up with the right french words and phrases when writing...

 

Edit: somehow my brain gets really confused when talking in english about learning french via a german class.

[fleaball]

Oh shit, I was at level 12 in German. Go me. Honestly I think it will probably work better for me to work on the two. They're different enough that I shouldn't make dumb mistakes and switching it up every day or every other will probably help me focus better than "SPANISH EVERY DAY OMG I'M SO BORED." (I was trying to focus on just one instead of bouncing around, but if I'm not in a class with actual deadlines and reasons for focusing it's a struggle.)  Having finished the Spanish tree it's all technically review so there's no exciting learning of new things. Plus having someone to practice with would be decent motivation. (It occurs to me as I write this that I could hurl terrible Spanish in @zenLara's direction as well, but I'd probably get caught up in "oh no is this Latin American Spanish or Spain Spanish I CANNOT WORDS?!") As far as I can tell there's no way to change anything except the speaking/listening exercises. Lingvist is also an option for French. I think @Severine recommended it? I took the test but keep forgetting to go back to it because I'm so used to Duo.

 

Re: your edit - pfft, I wonder why? =P 

[Briniel]

ugh, there's no French - German version available on Lingvist and I'm NOT going to start learning french in english again, like I did when I first started using memrise. Nope.

Hey, you're showing up in my friends list on duo now! And you got 40XP more than me. Chaaaaaaaaarge!!

[fleaball]

Ha. Oops. Totally forgot English isn't your native language. Silly me. 

 

I have a 50XP daiily goal with the intention of crushing Spanish. Have fun. >D