[Silmarilliane]

I love that no one is able to read my posts properly. It's like I'm mumbling in text form

 

Jeebus the days are frikkin disappearing and I'm not getting ANYTHING done. Also the cat is being 'not eaty' but I have no idea if sulking or what but I DO know that I'm in the office tomorrow, have singing coaching all day Saturday and out all day Sunday so my level of underlying anxiety is going to be through the roof... It's just been today, and could be ANY number of other things but I'm just like, pleeeeeeeeease don't make me have to take you to the vet, I litch cannot cope.

 

Bleh

 

Tuesday office and work drinks after which the team kinda insisted on (I skipped singing for it as it's our last team on site day before I leave) and then they all left at like 8:30pm! One person was left so I messaged the fwb who was in the area and apol'd to the remaining person  no scrolling but no physio. Yesterday I did physio but did scroll. Today I've not had chance to physio so might quickly do it now before I head to the movies (Beetlejuice!)

 

Tuesday: 1pts

Yesterday: 1pts

Total: 18pts

 

It occurs to me I've had two days in a row wfh with no evening plans yester so this may be affecting my stress around the cat-ness...

[Silmarilliane]

Oh god, I just checked the cat flap to see if the batteries were ok, but now am worried I've reset it so she won't be able to get in while I'm out this eve. GAHHHH

[Silmarilliane]

Ok so the cat appears to be fine and has eaten more... I think holiday sulking plus the new 'holiday' feeders, so I've reverted to the normal dishes and will only use the holiday ones for... holidays. 

 

I'm still feeling pretty frantic about finishing this job and staying the new one, but the cat not needing the vet is a definite weight off - I'm supposed to be at fwbs all day Sunday and that would have been a very annoying cock block on her part ??

 

I did some physio when I got back from the cinema yesterday - Beetlejuice is delightfully silly, very enjoy! And didn't scroll. Food isn't going amazingly tbh, but that's not this challenge so that's ok-ish. Think I'll need a refocus when I've settled into the new job.

 

Thursday: 2pts

Total: 20pts

[Silmarilliane]

I'm feeling hugely out of the loop on here just doesn't seem to be time for anything at the mo. 

Yesterday was office followed by quartet rehearsal - pretty sure I didn't physio, but I didn't scroll. 

 

Yesterday: 1pt

Total: 21pts

 

I really need to start working on my bonus pts...

[Everstorm]

2 hours ago, Silmarilliane said:

I'm feeling hugely out of the loop on here

 

That's to be expected when you've been traveling.   You'll get back into the swing of things in a bit. 

[Silmarilliane]

On 9/22/2024 at 1:54 AM, Everstorm said:

That's to be expected when you've been traveling.   You'll get back into the swing of things in a bit. 

 

I've been back a week, but now I'm changing jobs it's like my brain power is all used up  today feels a bit better though!

[Silmarilliane]

FINAL WEEK IN MY CURRENT JOB! I do have a lot to get done, but also feel OK about it - I really want to front end as much as possible as Tues/Weds I have the all-day quarterly planning meetings and I don't want Thu/Fri to be awful, esp as I'm on site both days and likely to be chatting a bunch

Saturday we had chorus coaching from an actual west end performer - she was in the original Avenue Q and did some amazing stuff with us. Much excite for our competition next month! I did my physio while I was there, and am giving myself a bonus as there were SO many snacks and I was really very sensible. Annoyingly though I did start scrolling for a bit before remembering that I should not be.

 

Yesterday... omg guys, as of yesterday I have completed my roadmap goal #3 ? so I am definitely giving myself a bonus for that! Did my physio before I left and did not scroll when I got home, woop for full marks!

 

Spoiler

The joys of having a hypersexual fwb... went round at midday and left 11:30pm. Though at least we did briefly stop at 8:30pm to have some food and play with their kittycat 

I did also get a good few other dates in the diary with them so that makes my brain happier - all other avenues seem to have dried up somewhat and I really can't be arsed with dating apps any more

 

Saturday: 2pts

Yesterday: 3pts

Total: 26pts

[Silmarilliane]

Yester wfh - I'm kinda looking forward to going into the office on Mondays again tbh, Mondays are a DRAG wfh. Met some friends after work at least which was nice as I haven't seen them in an age. When I left one said it was good to see me happy ❤️

Did physio and no scrolling, no brave or bonusies.

 

Yesterday: 3pts

Total: 29pts

[Silmarilliane]

Oh yeah, I'm actually adding a bonus in for Monday as I sort of got my brave on to message my long-time-ex as I'm going to his brother's wedding this weekend (marrying a friend - I introduced them), but yeah, I wanted to make sure he'd been given a heads up I was going!

 

Yesterday office, quite a bit of snacks again... but did my physio with teeth brushing(!) and didn't scroll. Really felt the pull to scroll though. Tough!

 

Yesterday: 2pts

Total: 31pts

[Laghail]

On 9/23/2024 at 6:24 AM, Silmarilliane said:

FINAL WEEK IN MY CURRENT JOB!

 

Is your team taking you anywhere fancy for a goodbye dinner? 

 

On 9/23/2024 at 6:24 AM, Silmarilliane said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

The joys of having a hypersexual fwb... went round at midday and left 11:30pm. Though at least we did briefly stop at 8:30pm to have some food and play with their kittycat 

I did also get a good few other dates in the diary with them so that makes my brain happier - all other avenues seem to have dried up somewhat and I really can't be arsed with dating apps any more

 

Notes, I have none. Just manage the friction burns and massage your face if all the smiling is causing lines. 

 

4 hours ago, Silmarilliane said:

Oh yeah, I'm actually adding a bonus in for Monday as I sort of got my brave on to message my long-time-ex as I'm going to his brother's wedding this weekend (marrying a friend - I introduced them), but yeah, I wanted to make sure he'd been given a heads up I was going!

 

You're a kind ex. Fingers crossed the wedding is fun.

[Silmarilliane]

20 hours ago, Laghail said:

Is your team taking you anywhere fancy for a goodbye dinner?

 

I've organised some drinks next to the office, which is much more my vibe, and then may or may not head home for some fwb time

 

20 hours ago, Laghail said:

Notes, I have none. Just manage the friction burns and massage your face if all the smiling is causing lines. 

 

This made me actually lol in the office  

 

20 hours ago, Laghail said:

You're a kind ex. Fingers crossed the wedding is fun.

 

Well, I know I would get a moment of panic seeing an ex so thought I'd be nice. He didn't seem to massively care but said thanks for the heads up!

[Whisper]

20 hours ago, Laghail said:

massage your face if all the smiling is causing lines. 

No! Embrace the smile lines! They're the best and most attractive of all wrinkles!

[Silmarilliane]

On 9/26/2024 at 5:25 PM, Whisper said:

No! Embrace the smile lines! They're the best and most attractive of all wrinkles!

 

Very good point! ? 

[Silmarilliane]

Totally thought I'd updated here more recently!

I've finished at my current workplace... crazy. Had good fun leaving drinks with a few people then had some fwb time - wish me courage as the next time we're both free is on like three weeks ? though interestingly the married fb has now got back in touch. Much shock.

 

So I think last update was for Tuesday, Weds was wfh and free evening so I did some house admin/crafts - did physio and no scrolling. Thurs in the office, infiltrating another team, went to the pub with them as one of my quartet had close covid contact so we couldn't rehearse, and then bcuz fwb was in the pub I was weak and binned off my mate's show to get some (she understood!) I'm pretty sure I still physio-d while teeth brushing and didn't scroll as late.

Oh, I will give myself a bonus though as not only did I get accepted as an honorary member of that team, someone I just met that day said to me 'you're so strange and I love it' ? which I think deserves a point.

Then yesterday was LAST DAY, and drinks after which were fun but didn't do crazy late bcuz yeah, fwb time though they left pretty late last night so I did not physio, but at least didn't scroll!

 

Wednesday: 2pts

Thursday: 3pts

Yesterday: 1pt

Total: 37pts

 

I'm off to learn some spicy macrame in a bit, and then the ex's bro's wedding. What a curious and fun life I am enjoying!

[Sovalis]

Yay spicy macrame! I am enjoying the updates on your curious and fun life. ❤️ 

[Silmarilliane]

On 9/28/2024 at 8:42 PM, Sovalis said:

Yay spicy macrame! I am enjoying the updates on your curious and fun life. ❤️ 

 

Yes!

 

Spoiler

Annoyingly I was paired with standard straight man with creep vibes at first who I had zero trust in, but the instructors thankfully saw me not vibing and switched me up with a super sweet guy after the first exercise (that creep skipped a bunch of stuff to just get to trussing up) and it was an excellent learning class after that.

Adding to the why I am so DONE with straight men, the ex's brother's wedding - some guy I vaguely recognised from a decade ago and had maybe 2 sentences of conversation with decided he 'really liked me', and subsequently:

 - gave me his number on a business card apologising for it being cringe (I just awk was like... ok... walked away and avoided until I got in a cab)

 - despite me not messaging said number, found me on facebook and messaged me (I replied 'I'm not really dating guys at the mo')

 - he replied a 'can't blame a guy for trying' and suggested we meet up anyway(?!) asking if I live in London (I did not reply)

 - has today added me on facebook (will be left to rot in the request list methinks)

 

That all said, married fragile masc fb has got back in contact (shocker) and I'm prob going to meet up with him if we have any compatible time - mainly because current (and enjoy spending time with) fwb isn't in the diary for 2.5 weeks as we're both busy on alternating days. I'm also a bit curious how the situ will go with fb given it's been nearly two months since I've seen him.

 

Anyhoo, no scrolling and teeth-brushing physio on Sat, and the same but no physio I don't think Sunday - was pretty hungover and knackered, so although I trekked to south london for a Star Trek meetup in the afternoon, I left earlish and crashed on the sofa the rest of the arvo/eve.

 

Saurday: 2pts

Yesterday: 1pt

Total: 40pts

 

I start my new job tomorrow. I have zero idea what to expect, so I am on here doing this instead of being sensible and going to sleep...

[Silmarilliane]

Mild regret at the new job, but I think that's just first day whelm. It was fine, feel like I don't know what I'm doing etc.

No one wanted to pub after singing this eve which is a good thing tbh as I couldn't really sleep at all last night. Yesterday was no scrolling but did do physio, also actually attended a Pilates class for the first time this term.

 

Yesterday: 2pt

Total: 42pts

[Silmarilliane]

Day 2 new job and I'm shattered but hoping the walk to quartet rehearsal will give me some pep. Got physio done when I got home last night and no scrolling, though I keep having a flick through old photos and messages which I guess kinda is scrolling?!

 

Either way, I need next challenge to be back on calorie counting as my weight is a few lbs over 11stone now, and I'm doing really bad getting the exercise in...

 

Yesterday: 2pt

Total: 44pts

[Silmarilliane]

I mean, I COULD just start from now. Hmm.

[Laghail]

On 9/30/2024 at 4:53 PM, Silmarilliane said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Annoyingly I was paired with standard straight man with creep vibes at first who I had zero trust in, but the instructors thankfully saw me not vibing and switched me up with a super sweet guy after the first exercise (that creep skipped a bunch of stuff to just get to trussing up) and it was an excellent learning class after that.

Adding to the why I am so DONE with straight men, the ex's brother's wedding - some guy I vaguely recognised from a decade ago and had maybe 2 sentences of conversation with decided he 'really liked me', and subsequently:

 - gave me his number on a business card apologising for it being cringe (I just awk was like... ok... walked away and avoided until I got in a cab)

 - despite me not messaging said number, found me on facebook and messaged me (I replied 'I'm not really dating guys at the mo')

 - he replied a 'can't blame a guy for trying' and suggested we meet up anyway(?!) asking if I live in London (I did not reply)

 - has today added me on facebook (will be left to rot in the request list methinks)

 

That all said, married fragile masc fb has got back in contact (shocker) and I'm prob going to meet up with him if we have any compatible time - mainly because current (and enjoy spending time with) fwb isn't in the diary for 2.5 weeks as we're both busy on alternating days. I'm also a bit curious how the situ will go with fb given it's been nearly two months since I've seen him.

 

Gross. Sorry you got to enjoy that. Fingers crossed the FB is enjoyable tho.

How was the wedding otherwise? 

 

On 9/30/2024 at 4:53 PM, Silmarilliane said:

I start my new job tomorrow. I have zero idea what to expect, so I am on here doing this instead of being sensible and going to sleep...

 

Apologies if you already said, but what's the new gig? 

[Silmarilliane]

On 10/2/2024 at 6:05 PM, Laghail said:

Gross. Sorry you got to enjoy that. Fingers crossed the FB is enjoyable tho.

How was the wedding otherwise? 

 

He messaged again (after me not responding to his friend request) that 'silence speaks volumes' (because stating my disinterest clearly didn't...) and signed off his message 'namaste'.......................

FB is looking like scheduling won't happen until after I next see fwb anyway. Meh, whatevs.

 

The wedding... tldr; strong moment of clarity around all these people from 10yrs ago where it was like watching an old home movie, but they're all still kinda the same. And I'm very much not (and very much happier for it). So yeah, I'd say a very positive outcome.

 

Some other lolz though...

So my ex who was there was my first longterm bf, together 7.5yrs and ended a decade ago, he's now happily married with a kid - I told him I got an autism diagnosis finally, and he was like 'huh... I wouldn't have thought that of you' which either means my mask was strong, he didn't know me at all, or a combination of the two. I found it interesting though, and kinda sad in the way I've felt about situs that might have been different if I'd been diagnosed/more aware when I was younger way.

Leaving the wedding the groom (ex's bro) asked how I was. I said I was living my best life in the 'happiest demographic' which is single women in their 40s with no kids - going on loads of holidays, doing all the hobbies I like with no responsibilities and shagging the people I want.

His reply with a slightly 'aww never mind' face: I'm sure you'll find someone

?

 

On 10/2/2024 at 6:05 PM, Laghail said:

Apologies if you already said, but what's the new gig? 

 

I can't remember  but still NHS (as ever) but kinda strategic oversight/planning of clinical systems training. I've done much more on the planning the build/maintenance of the systems before so the training side is new. Should be good though, I'm just a bit whelmed at the mo...

[Silmarilliane]

On 10/2/2024 at 5:29 PM, Silmarilliane said:

I mean, I COULD just start from now. Hmm.

 

I did not start from now - much snacks today. Ho hum. It's also late, though I had a lovely evening online gaming with a pal, except we only played two games of battleships and spent the rest of the time chatting shit ❤️

Did physio and no scrolling. I think I've basically passed this challenge already, so I might have a think about doing something for the final week - I'm meeting a mate for dinner tomorrow and have boardgames Saturday eve so will likely snack. Hmm.

 

Yesterday: 2pt

Total: 46pts

 

Yep 45pts was a winning score. It feels uneventful to happen so early though, like if a movie bomb countdown doesn't run down to 1 second before being stopped, yanno?

[Laghail]

On 10/3/2024 at 5:27 PM, Silmarilliane said:

He messaged again (after me not responding to his friend request) that 'silence speaks volumes' (because stating my disinterest clearly didn't...) and signed off his message 'namaste'.......................

 

If you don't turn yourself inside out to manage fragile men and our feelings, who will Sil? Who will?!

 

On 10/3/2024 at 5:27 PM, Silmarilliane said:

The wedding... tldr; strong moment of clarity around all these people from 10yrs ago where it was like watching an old home movie, but they're all still kinda the same. And I'm very much not (and very much happier for it). So yeah, I'd say a very positive outcome.

 

Sometimes I see people from way back when and they're exactly the same, and I get sad that they didn't grow with me. Probs they grew in ways I can't see and it's mostly my view of them that didn't grow, but still makes me feel sad sometimes when I'm reconnecting. 

 

On 10/3/2024 at 5:27 PM, Silmarilliane said:

Leaving the wedding the groom (ex's bro) asked how I was. I said I was living my best life in the 'happiest demographic' which is single women in their 40s with no kids - going on loads of holidays, doing all the hobbies I like with no responsibilities and shagging the people I want.

His reply with a slightly 'aww never mind' face: I'm sure you'll find someone

 

How dare you make lifestyle decisions that don't implicitly comfort him that his choices are best? Lol 

 

On 10/3/2024 at 5:27 PM, Silmarilliane said:

I can't remember  but still NHS (as ever) but kinda strategic oversight/planning of clinical systems training. I've done much more on the planning the build/maintenance of the systems before so the training side is new. Should be good though, I'm just a bit whelmed at the mo...

 

Jesus, that's a demanding task, and for a worthy cause too

[Whisper]

On 10/3/2024 at 4:27 PM, Silmarilliane said:

He messaged again (after me not responding to his friend request) that 'silence speaks volumes' (because stating my disinterest clearly didn't...) and signed off his message 'namaste'.......................

Your disinterest was polite. Some people need a drink thrown in their face before they'll realize you're not playing hard to get.  Between this, and creepy partner above, I'm starting to think men just might be generally creepy. 

[Everstorm]

Puts me in mind of Mr. Collins

Spoiler