What's Great for a Snack and Fits on Your Back?

[Terah]

Just an idea: Why don't you combine gaming and fitness? I love pokemon go, and it makes me walk a lot There are also plenty of fitness games out there. 

 

 

[Snarkyfishguts]

The TRex cookie car jar is amazing

[DrFeelgood]

18 hours ago, Terah said:

Just an idea: Why don't you combine gaming and fitness? I love pokemon go, and it makes me walk a lot There are also plenty of fitness games out there.

I like the concept of fitness games, but I don't actually enjoy any of the incarnations.

 

I'd rather find something athletic if I'm going to be out and about.

 

3 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

The TRex cookie car jar is amazing

$20 at Target and every American household should have one.

 

The only problem is now I want the matching salt and pepper shakers.  There's been an epidemic of people using them as wedding cake toppers.

[DrFeelgood]

Day Whatever (I'm not going back a page to find out even though it probably would've been faster than typing out this explanation) - Not the greatest, and then it took a turn for the less great.  I ate way too many snacks at work, all of which were junk and just made my stomach hurt.  I stopped at the car wash to quickly clean off the OK crud, then I headed home for dinner since poker night got pushed back a little later.  MFG got pizzas at Sam's Club and I ate way too much of that.  I did some household office stuff before heading out, but in that time span my stomach seized up and I could barely move.  I bailed on poker night and stayed in bed.  Once things relaxed a bit I went downstairs and played too much Rocket League and stayed up way too late with MFG.  Not the most auspicious start to a beautiful weekend.  Hopefully I can redeem the next couple of days.

[Snarkyfishguts]

10 hours ago, DrFeelgood said:

 

The only problem is now I want the matching salt and pepper shakers.  There's been an epidemic of people using them as wedding cake toppers.

I have new motivation to get married. I’ve seen these at Target, and my “I want it”hands were itchy, but I need my own place for all my cookie jars. I have a Santa, a pretty orange and yellow one, and a raggedy Ann one. TRex sings out to me to join the others lol

[Ensi]

 

Following!  Your goal to sleep more is wonderful. I hope you've had a great weekend!

[DrFeelgood]

On ‎4‎/‎28‎/‎2018 at 8:19 PM, Snarkyfishguts said:

I have new motivation to get married. I’ve seen these at Target, and my “I want it”hands were itchy, but I need my own place for all my cookie jars. I have a Santa, a pretty orange and yellow one, and a raggedy Ann one. TRex sings out to me to join the others lol

Our cookie candy jar lives on the mantle with some of our other knick-knacks.  She (yes, only female dinosaurs carry eggs) guards the little figurines of our family.

 

On ‎4‎/‎29‎/‎2018 at 9:37 AM, Ensi said:

 

Following!  Your goal to sleep more is wonderful. I hope you've had a great weekend!

Looks more like chasing.   Either way, glad you're here!  The weekend was a mixed bag.  Update to follow...

___________________________

 

Saturday was nice.  We woke up to a beautiful sunny day, and then we discovered that the lake rec-area was having a Spring Fling dealio; so on a whim we loaded up the family and headed out to have some fun.  We started with mini-golf, then Brick had a meltdown so the other kids and I finished while he and MFG sat on the sidelines.  Then we put the entire crew on a paddle boat with Bubbles and myself providing all the propulsion.  I was torched within two minutes of leaving the dock, but somehow we still made it out to the middle of the lake and then took a nice leisurely (ish) cruise back to shore, inadvertently riling up a family of geese on the way.  The boys wanted to do the climbing wall, so we finished up with that before heading home.  We stopped for popsicles on the way, then we got home just in time to watch Thor 2 before having to drop Bubbles at church for the youth girls' lock-in.  I tried to connect with my brother throughout the evening for some Rocket League doubles on PS4, but he was busy with this family so I ended solo-queuing for a while until MFG and I wanted to watch some shows while I demolished a package of Oreos.  I was up a little too late but still managed a full night's sleep.

 

Sunday the alarm went off and I got up and at 'em.  The worship service was okay, new songs and singers made for a sloppy practice session but the service itself was mostly hitch-free and adequate.  The sermon was about being selfless in our home-life and there were a lot of good points to consider.  Once we got back home we ate a piecemeal lunch of leftovers while I got the grill ready to cook a few steaks MFG found at the grocery.  Those turned out very nice, then I played a bit more RL until it was time for small-group.  Food at the meeting was good, and I probably ate a few too many cookies.  The group discussion involved our responses to the morning's sermon.  I may have shared a little too honestly about my struggles at home (particularly with my attitude toward Brick's attitudes), but I was still surprised that MFG turned super icy toward me (but not until we were in the car) for the rest of the night.  She declined a couple of my attempts at conversation and just went to bed.  That put me in a foul mood, and I certainly didn't want to go to bed grumpy.  So I didn't go to bed at all.  That was stupid.

 

Blargh.  Today is the opposite of fun, but at the very least I should be able to sleep tonight--all the more easily if I can get MFG to talk to me before bedtime.  I'm already way over on caffeine allowance, and I'm going to need at least one more infusion to get through the work day.

[DrFeelgood]

Monday - adequate.  Despite barely clinging to consciousness all day from the previous all-nighter I was still able to complete the day with only one extra soda's worth of caffeine, and that extra soda wasn't a DDP so I technically adhered to my one-a-day limit (even though it was a 32-oz. Coca Cola from the gas station ).  I also ate reasonably well without snacking too much.  And owing to total exhaustion there was absolutely no problem going to bed on time.  I got home from work and just played video games while MFG and Boomer made dinner--he's really been getting in to cooking lately and MFG has been guiding him along with things he's been inspired to try.  They like to browse youtube for recipe ideas, and last night was his favored version of bulgogi, which was mostly just seasoned ground beef and rice with lettuce wraps.  It was tasty and I've got the leftovers for lunch today.  Once dinner was done MFG and Bubbles went to their troop meeting, so the boys and I played Towerfall and Rocket League until their bedtime, then I went straight to bed myself while the girls did some baking.  I must've slept like the dead because I don't even remember MFG coming upstairs.

 

Today's point of emphasis is to drink enough water.

[DrFeelgood]

Tuesday - abysmal.  I ate way too much junk food at work then piled on with additional chocolate and ice cream (it was on deep discount--I got 2 pints of Haagen Dazs for $1.44, and I couldn't pass that up) during our family movie night (Winter Soldier, we're making progress through the list).  I wanted to play some RL with my brother before bed, but we went on a skid and I stayed up way too late after he signed off repairing my rank and then pushing forward.  All of that led to a massive headache-stomachache confluence this morning, which took a few hours to subside.  The headache is still with me, so I'm working my 1/2 day in the relative dark.

 

The only highlight of yesterday was sticking to my DDP goal and drinking just the right amount of water.  Also Boomer made pork stir fry for dinner that was mighty tasty.

[DrFeelgood]

Wednesday - fair to middling.  I took the morning off because I wasn't feeling well, and I didn't eat much during the day when I did get up and out.  Once my stomach started feeling better I ate a small snack (potato chips).  Dinner at home was curry chicken thighs with a side of roasted veggies.  Bubbles made an apple bundt cake so I ate a couple healthy slices of that for dessert.  We were under severe weather warnings all evening so the church cancelled youth group.  That allowed us to do another family movie night with Guardians of the Galaxy, during which I ate the other pint of Haagen Dazs (cookies and cream, very nice).  After the movie I played video games until bedtime, but the giant thunderstorm made it hard to sleep so I streamed a few Netflix episodes in bed until I was tired.  Even after I fell asleep I kept waking up due to massive thunder and lightning, so despite making a decent effort at my sleep goal yesterday I'm still exhausted today.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Did you ever get to discuss that thing that needed discussing?

[DrFeelgood]

3 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Did you ever get to discuss that thing that needed discussing?

 

I tried, she rebuffed.  So I'm in my usual holding pattern until she feels like bringing it up, I guess.

[Terah]

4 minutes ago, DrFeelgood said:

 

I tried, she rebuffed.  So I'm in my usual holding pattern until she feels like bringing it up, I guess.

I start nagging when that happens. It has proven really effective

[Snarkyfishguts]

4 minutes ago, DrFeelgood said:

 

I tried, she rebuffed.  So I'm in my usual holding pattern until she feels like bringing it up, I guess.

don't give up. Waiting for the other person to feel like it usually ends up in your innards drying out until you're a husk of resentment and fossilized cookies. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

3 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

don't give up. Waiting for the other person to feel like it usually ends up in your innards drying out until you're a husk of resentment and fossilized cookies. 

Agreed. Remember your feelings are every bit as valid as hers. Your desire to talk about it is as equally valid as her desire not to talk about it. I think what should tip the scales should be what's best for the relationship, and unspoken resentment is bad for the relationship.

That's nice for an idealized version of what SHOULD happen, but as for what is actually going to happen I don't know. Just don't fall into the trap of thinking your feelings count less.

[Sloth the Enduring]

I'm the type that wouldn't want to discuss something.  She may never want to discuss it.  It may be helpful to use a non-face-to-face format.  Email, text, a letter.  Even driving in a car where you aren't making eye contact makes it easier for me.  Good luck brother.

[DrFeelgood]

1 hour ago, Terah said:

I start nagging when that happens. It has proven really effective

I hate nagging so much that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing it.  Tell me something once and I'm good, and I expect the same of other people  I do not get along well with folks who need or feel the need to give constant reminders.

 

1 hour ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

don't give up. Waiting for the other person to feel like it usually ends up in your innards drying out until you're a husk of resentment and fossilized cookies. 

I haven't given up, I'm just being patient.  Maybe.  Exasperation might be in play just a little bit.

 

59 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Agreed. Remember your feelings are every bit as valid as hers. Your desire to talk about it is as equally valid as her desire not to talk about it. I think what should tip the scales should be what's best for the relationship, and unspoken resentment is bad for the relationship.

 

That's nice for an idealized version of what SHOULD happen, but as for what is actually going to happen I don't know. Just don't fall into the trap of thinking your feelings count less.

It's not unspoken resentment, it's been said a hundred times.  It just hasn't been discussed yet following this particular recurrence.

 

I know what's going to happen. I'll voice my concerns, she'll voice her concerns, and nothing will change.  I don't know how many other ways I can say that being frustrated with our kids doesn't mean I don't like them and that being exhausted with the constant demands of sole-providership doesn't mean I regret my choices.  The only thing I truly hate is feeling like an alien in my own home.  Well, that and nagging.

 

28 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

I'm the type that wouldn't want to discuss something.  She may never want to discuss it.  It may be helpful to use a non-face-to-face format.  Email, text, a letter.  Even driving in a car where you aren't making eye contact makes it easier for me.  Good luck brother.

Thanks.  I've thought about writing something down, but actually giving that to her just feels passive-aggressive.  She has deep issues with manipulation (from her past), so I'm sensitive to that.  I just want to be forthright without being demanding.  We've had some good talks on long drives, and we are thinking about driving up to the zoo this weekend.  If we haven't hashed things out before then that might be a good opportunity.  We'll just make the kids all bring their headphones.

[Snarkyfishguts]

Dude. DUDE. don’t listen to me. You got this (Eats ice cream sandwich) 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

3 hours ago, DrFeelgood said:

I know what's going to happen. I'll voice my concerns, she'll voice her concerns, and nothing will change.  I don't know how many other ways I can say that being frustrated with our kids doesn't mean I don't like them and that being exhausted with the constant demands of sole-providership doesn't mean I regret my choices.  The only thing I truly hate is feeling like an alien in my own home.  Well, that and nagging.

 

So DO you feel like an alien in your own home? 

[DrFeelgood]

57 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

So DO you feel like an alien in your own home? 

 

Honestly, I feel more like a nag.  I try not be super demanding of my kids, but I have certain behavioral expectations--most of which fall into don't screw around in the house and don't mess with anything that isn't yours.  I also try to enforce decent manners (just the common "please and thank you" manners, not any liturgical etiquette).  They seem to forget or disregard my standards pretty much constantly, which irritates me; and over years of being compelled to referee and correct their behavior I've developed a severe lack of tolerance for BS.  So perhaps I'm shorter with them than I ought to be.  I know that bothers MFG and I've been working on it.  But no matter how much I've pleaded nobody gives a rip about the things that are important to me and they don't even pay lip-service to trying.

 

So on the one hand I feel like an alien in my own skin because I've become this horrible intemperate nag instead of the chill dude I used to be (and yes, I resent that), and on the other I feel like an alien in my home because I'm keenly aware of how my mere presence creates tension in the household.  I hate that.  I'm sure it probably shows, and MFG seems to be interpreting it as dislike for my family.  So her standard for the kids becomes "Mind your behavior because Dad's home", which frankly pisses me off even further.  And it means I'm constantly worried about what I'm going to have to pay for next because I can't trust their behavior when I'm not around even though I'm responsible for it.  It also means I'm constantly walking on eggshells to try not to upset MFG.  All of that is exhausting.

 

I guess we're all still learning how to live together.

[Snarkyfishguts]

1 hour ago, DrFeelgood said:

 

Honestly, I feel more like a nag.  I try not be super demanding of my kids, but I have certain behavioral expectations--most of which fall into don't screw around in the house and don't mess with anything that isn't yours.  I also try to enforce decent manners (just the common "please and thank you" manners, not any liturgical etiquette).  They seem to forget or disregard my standards pretty much constantly, which irritates me; and over years of being compelled to referee and correct their behavior I've developed a severe lack of tolerance for BS.  So perhaps I'm shorter with them than I ought to be.  I know that bothers MFG and I've been working on it.  But no matter how much I've pleaded nobody gives a rip about the things that are important to me and they don't even pay lip-service to trying.

 

So on the one hand I feel like an alien in my own skin because I've become this horrible intemperate nag instead of the chill dude I used to be (and yes, I resent that), and on the other I feel like an alien in my home because I'm keenly aware of how my mere presence creates tension in the household.  I hate that.  I'm sure it probably shows, and MFG seems to be interpreting it as dislike for my family.  So her standard for the kids becomes "Mind your behavior because Dad's home", which frankly pisses me off even further.  And it means I'm constantly worried about what I'm going to have to pay for next because I can't trust their behavior when I'm not around even though I'm responsible for it.  It also means I'm constantly walking on eggshells to try not to upset MFG.  All of that is exhausting.

 

I guess we're all still learning how to live together.

that sounds really frustrating and isolating, DFG. 

[Ensi]

That does sound exhausting :/ How old are your kids, again?

 

I can only imagine how hard it is to raise a human being - kids don't necessarily follow your advice, even if it's good. Also, "Mind your behaviour because Dad's home" is unfair and sets up a barrier between you and the others. I hope you could all have a talk about this.

[Terah]

It sounds like you and mfg are not on the same line. Kids pick up on that so quickly. And mfg does spent so much more time with them so her influence on them is that much greater. 

It is a shitty situation, but I am sure you two can work it out once you get the chance to really tall about it. 

 

I spent more time with the kids than SH, but I make it a point to 'step aside' after dinner and let him and the boys work on their bond (wrestling or playing computer games together usually). Besides that we have the agreement to always back each other up when it comes to dicipline and reward. Even if the other doesn't agree with it. We talk about it after the kids have gone play / to bed and can't hear us. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

8 hours ago, Ensi said:

That does sound exhausting :/ How old are your kids, again?

 

I can only imagine how hard it is to raise a human being - kids don't necessarily follow your advice, even if it's good. Also, "Mind your behaviour because Dad's home" is unfair and sets up a barrier between you and the others. I hope you could all have a talk about this.

Communication is the only way to fix this.

[DrFeelgood]

15 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

that sounds really frustrating and isolating, DFG. 

Well, it's fresh so it's easy to paint a vivid picture.  I don't actually feel like this all the time, but it is kinda always bubbling deeper under the surface.

 

10 hours ago, Ensi said:

That does sound exhausting :/ How old are your kids, again?

 

I can only imagine how hard it is to raise a human being - kids don't necessarily follow your advice, even if it's good. Also, "Mind your behaviour because Dad's home" is unfair and sets up a barrier between you and the others. I hope you could all have a talk about this.

13, 12, 11, and 9.  That's a lot of man-years of parenting, and it ages you faster than chronological time, without the concomitant increase in wisdom though.

 

MFG and I will have our usual make-up conversation, then we'll probably have a family meeting.  I've done these weekly in the past but they kinda dropped off since no one really wanted to contribute.

 

6 hours ago, Terah said:

It sounds like you and mfg are not on the same line. Kids pick up on that so quickly. And mfg does spent so much more time with them so her influence on them is that much greater. 

It is a shitty situation, but I am sure you two can work it out once you get the chance to really tall about it. 

 

I spent more time with the kids than SH, but I make it a point to 'step aside' after dinner and let him and the boys work on their bond (wrestling or playing computer games together usually). Besides that we have the agreement to always back each other up when it comes to dicipline and reward. Even if the other doesn't agree with it. We talk about it after the kids have gone play / to bed and can't hear us. 

I think we've just diverged a bit, especially since the move.  I respond to their laxity with increased firmness and she feels the need to balance that firmness with compassion.  Plus she's exhausted, too.  I think we're doing a good job being reasonable and consistent, but it's hard to know without feedback.  And like I said, the kids don't share much at family meetings.  Perhaps I haven't been asking the right questions.

 

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Communication is the only way to fix this.

That requires both of us to be ready at the same time, which so far hasn't happened.  I'm probably more to blame since I tend to ignore her after she rebuffs me.  And if I'm being honest then if I'm not playing video games or watching TV after the kids go to bed then I want to go to sleep--I don't have the mental or emotional energy for that talk at the end of a workday.  Which means our conversation windows have to overlap at just the right time.

 

Then again last time I waited her out it took two weeks and I thought I was having a heart attack.