Minimalism, and the minimalist lifestyle

[TMedina]

4 hours ago, elinox said:

 

So I have some questions for the minimalists here:

1. How did you overcome the stress of loosing things you once held dear?

         a. Does anyone else attach memories to their objects? If so, how did you work through that when de-cluttering your life?

2. What did you do with the stuff? Donate it? Trash it? 

3. How did you decide what stayed and what was tossed?

4. Any other tips to at least get me started?

 

Thanks for any advice!

 

 

 

You've already gotten a lot of great advice, but I feel obligated to chip in my two bits:

1. I'm still wrestling with this one.  And honestly, I'm perfectly content to push things to the side until I sort out my emotional feelings.  Most of the time, I realize my emotional attachment was misplaced and I'm not as attached to "it" as I thought I was.  And sometimes I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not all that attached to it, slowly chipping away at whatever my emotional ties are, until I can contemplate the object as purely what it is, without projecting feelings onto it.

 

2. I donate - usually to Good Will as the most expedient solution, although I have walked bags of stuff to a local homeless camp.  You mentioned a sense of aggravation that other people are profiting from your stuff, and that's absolutely fair.  For me, I just don't want to be bothered with expending more energy to recoup sunk costs - there are a couple of interesting articles about decluttering through an economist's eyes.  I also feel better knowing that someone, somewhere, will benefit - even if Goodwill makes a bit of a profit processing and re-presenting my old stuff.  And saves me the hassle of trying to "re-home" it.

 

3. I thin out my "extras" - I don't need five fleece pullovers, pick two, donate the rest.  The same with exercise shorts.  I know how many I wear between washes, and donate the excess.  Anything I haven't touched in six months that isn't seasonal, like Raincloak suggested, gets a hard look.  I just donated about half of my kitchen because I haven't touched those items in the year and a half I've been in this apartment.  My three heavy jackets - one is sentimental, one is functional, one is a backup.  

 

4. There isn't a rush.  And you already know the idea makes you stressed and anxious.  Take your time.  Think about why you want to de-clutter.  Think about the things you have.  Think about what you feel, and why.  Ask yourself why is this important to you?  Can it be replaced easily?  When was the last time I used it?  What are the chances I'll need it six months from now?

 

There are a lot of blogs, and books, and articles on the subject - each with a somewhat different approach.  Spend a little time and read.  Be comfortable with the change you want to see.  If you aren't comfortable, you'll cause yourself more stress, rather than clearing out your physical and emotional space.

 

Good luck!

[Butternut]

On ‎8‎/‎26‎/‎2016 at 4:41 PM, elinox said:

 

 

So I have some questions for the minimalists here:

1. How did you overcome the stress of loosing things you once held dear?

         a. Does anyone else attach memories to their objects? If so, how did you work through that when de-cluttering your life?

2. What did you do with the stuff? Donate it? Trash it? 

3. How did you decide what stayed and what was tossed?

4. Any other tips to at least get me started?

 

 

 

1. Its like ripping a Band-Aid off.
   1. All THE TIME! I am no saint, I still have many things I hold dear to me, but I have a box for kids, a box from my relationship, and a random box
2. Donate, donate, donate. Certain things like art projects, I took a picture of and recycled.
3. I gave myself a number, and if I was above that number I would then decide between those what really needs to stay.
4. I took a pictures of my kids art projects and have a (coming soon) photo album of them.  I still keep the ones that I dearly remember them bringing home or showing me their imagination, but other things, I took pictures of them.
   1. Also, if it hasn't been in sight, and its not in your needs, is it worth your mental space + living space?

 

 

[Jord]

7 hours ago, Butternut said:

1. Its like ripping a Band-Aid off.
   1. All THE TIME! I am no saint, I still have many things I hold dear to me, but I have a box for kids, a box from my relationship, and a random box
2. Donate, donate, donate. Certain things like art projects, I took a picture of and recycled.
3. I gave myself a number, and if I was above that number I would then decide between those what really needs to stay.
4. I took a pictures of my kids art projects and have a (coming soon) photo album of them.  I still keep the ones that I dearly remember them bringing home or showing me their imagination, but other things, I took pictures of them.
   1. Also, if it hasn't been in sight, and its not in your needs, is it worth your mental space + living space?

 

 

 

I really like this idea of taking photographs of things that are hard for you to get rid of because of the memory attached to them. This definitely works for keepsakes, vs things you are afraid to throw out because you might need them. 

[elinox]

Thanks for the support and the great ideas!

 

Now to find the motivation to get started...

[TMedina]

Motivation is fleeting.  Start small, and be consistent.

 

Work on the small things, the easy steps that Raincloak mentioned.  

 

Then work up to the big things, the stressful ones.

[alienjenn]

So I'm a travel nurse now, I move every three months. Everything I own fits in a trailer or in my car.

For getting rid of stuff I put it in a designated spot. If I don't use it in a month I decide if I'm taking it to the apartment in Virginia or if it's going with us. (I have to keep an apartment for tax purposes)

I'm brutal about stuff. Nope don't need this Don't need that

Sent from my VS985 4G using Tapatalk

[Raincloak]

Why would you be upset other people are profiting from your stuff?  I feel just the opposite.  If someone else can benefit from my discards, it's way less guilt to get rid of them. I feel far worse when I put stuff in the garbage.  If it's a nonprofit, so much the better, you're helping those in need at no cost to yourself!  Win-win.  

 

Besides, some stores give you a discount coupon if you donate.  Admittedly this compels you to spend more $$, but what goes around comes around, and I have a hard time feeling ripped off when I hand them a few bags of stuff I don't want and walk away with something I do want, such as a vintage solid oak dining set for $60.

 

I acquired Stuff today.  Not how I really wanted to spend my day off.  Got mauled so hard, but I survived the ordeal and came home with much needed, reasonably priced new clothes.  It looks as though the fashion for pre-ripped jeans is going out of style, wihch is a big relief to yours truly.  If only the Lycra fixation was also going out of style.  I know it's not hard to make jeans out of cotton, cause all the BOYS get cotton jeans.  But do the chicks?  Noooooo.  We get these weirdo clingy things that look like jeans and feel like pantyhose, only a lot heavier.  Ugh.

 

I guess this means I have to throw away my beloved tatty old jeans now...

[TMedina]

16 hours ago, Raincloak said:

 

 

I guess this means I have to throw away my beloved tatty old jeans now...

 

Or keep your favorite pair for around the house, if you wear them that much.  But yeah, there are only so many pairs of jeans you'll be able to justify for strictly "at home" wear.  (sorry!)

[Raincloak]

Much like Mordor, my jeans have holes in indecent places.  That's usually the point where I have to regretfully let them go.  If the knees rip I make cutoffs or patch them, but when they reach the point of obscenity, their life as a garment is at an end.  Oh well, it's only clothes. Like all things their existence is temporary.

[TMedina]

[AmyUncharted]

The closest I've been to fitting all my belongings into a backpack is fitting all my belongings into my car...this included 3 animals as well. I love minimalism and if I could live simply with just a kleenex I would. I'm moving and have been looking at micro studios and surprisingly they are MORE expensive than some 1 bedroom apartments! Anyways, I've wanted to read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up as I've heard it's been quite helpful in decreasing the amount of unnecessary stuff you have. I should check it out at the library so I don't add another book to my pile of stuff! 

[elinox]

Why would you be upset other people are profiting from your stuff?  I feel just the opposite.  If someone else can benefit from my discards, it's way less guilt to get rid of them. I feel far worse when I put stuff in the garbage.  If it's a nonprofit, so much the better, you're helping those in need at no cost to yourself!  Win-win.

It's not the donating to people in need that I dislike, that is a great way to clean house while also helping people! I'm all for that! It's that when I donate my items to places like Goodwill, the Salvation Army, etc., as a company, they then turn around and SELL what I've donated. So the people in need still have to pay for it. Granted, it's a lot less than buying stuff brand new, but it's still money they could be using for other things like food. It's the companies that profit (obviously to stay open, but still) and that's what bugs me.

However, I suppose to be the most efficient, having a company make a profit in order to help people (and help me clean my own house) is okay.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

I don't remember how I found out about this book, but it keeps re-appearing on my radar so maybe I should try reading it. 

[TMedina]

Marie Kondo is the latest in a long line of organizing gurus.  She brings a couple of new ideas to the table, certainly a new perspective on old ideas.

 

Definitely worth a read, but if her particular flavor doesn't click with you, there are plenty of other approaches to consider.

[elinox]

My major issue is that I need to figure out how to get over letting go. I know realistically that I don't need that shirt, but the memories attached to it are hard when faced with giving it away. 

[TMedina]

7 minutes ago, elinox said:

My major issue is that I need to figure out how to get over letting go. I know realistically that I don't need that shirt, but the memories attached to it are hard when faced with giving it away. 

 

Unfortunately, there isn't a single, text book answer for that.  You've already gotten a large number of great suggestions, so I'm just going to suggest one more.  Give yourself a reading project and Google "emotional attachment to stuff" - there are five or six interesting articles in the first page of hits alone.

 

Read, and see what resonates with you.  The one thing I disagree with Marie Kondo's approach is her "do it all, now!" style which is not great, if you're wrestling with emotional ties, like I am.  If you don't resolve your emotional ties, if you discard something before you're ready, regret will make you second guess yourself, and resist future decluttering.

[Raincloak]

4 hours ago, elinox said:

It's not the donating to people in need that I dislike, that is a great way to clean house while also helping people! I'm all for that! It's that when I donate my items to places like Goodwill, the Salvation Army, etc., as a company, they then turn around and SELL what I've donated. So the people in need still have to pay for it. Granted, it's a lot less than buying stuff brand new, but it's still money they could be using for other things like food. It's the companies that profit (obviously to stay open, but still) and that's what bugs me.

However, I suppose to be the most efficient, having a company make a profit in order to help people (and help me clean my own house) is okay.

 

You misunderstand the point of thrift stores.  Many are true nonprofits (not all; I advise you to check Charity Navigator and do your research if it matters to you).  Their primary form of aid to the needy is not providing them with cheap stuff.  Selling used stuff is merely a source of revenue for their real mission.  They provide cheap stuff to EVERYONE without the bother of checking your tax returns first, and they do this using the model clients prefer -- the "shop for your own needs" model, which is way better than the "form a line and get handed stuff" model.  

 

But the primary form of aid is what they use the money for -- in the case of Goodwill, for example, they provide job training so people can get work.  AIDS and cancer thrift shops use the money to benefit victims of those diseases.  Salvation Army does food, shelter, and Jesus lectures.  And so on.  When you give to them, it's like you're having a garage sale for charity, except you're getting a (free) middleman to do the sale part.  Think about people in poverty -- which is gonna help them more, free used clothes, or free help with getting a job?

 

There are charities that specialize in "stuff" distribution, but even they need $$$ to complete their mission.  For instance, food banks collect food from grocery stores that are tossing it, and distribute what's edible.  But they also have to raise money and buy food in bulk to distribute, because in-kind donations aren't always the right stuff, or enough of it.  They can hand out all those brown bananas and canned puddings from donations, but the clients still have to get their rice and beans somewhere, and the food bank can't wait for several tons of rice and beans to fall from the sky every month, so they have to buy it (at a steep discount of course).  Likewise, I work with a charity that specializes in baby gear: clothes, food, toys etc. you give them will go straight to mothers in need.  But what they really must have in vast amounts is diapers, and nobody donates the quantities of diapers they need, so they fundraise and shell out $$$ to buy them in bulk.  (Great big shipping containers full of diapers.  So many diapers.)  Don't blame the middlemen, if they're doing what's necessary and spending what's reasonable.  This is easy enough to find out, so why not do a little reading and pick which nonprofits you want to support?

[Raincloak]

Had friends over two days ago, completed the half done declutter of living room today.  Lot of trinkets seem to have gathered here lately.   Spent a while mulling over the phrase "Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."  Also celebrated my anxiety provoking omgwtfbbq birthday by rearranging the living room furniture.  Looks nice, but I have to find something new to hang on one wall.

 

Started a fresh donation bag, and spent a while hugging a soft alpaca sweater that some older lady is really going to love, but I never will.  Into the bag it went after a suitable mourning period.  Hope it comes back in good karma, cause that's a dang nice sweater.  It just isn't for me.

 

Also I got birthday money (thank you kind relatives!) so maybe it's time I cleaned out the closet and updated ye olde wardrobe with things I actually want to wear.  Nearly everything I currently own is secondhand, a gift, or bought at clearance for the wrong reasons.  I must be patient and remember these things take time and multiple efforts.  I will not panic when confronted with 50 gazillion stores that all sell shit.

[TMedina]

And happy birthday! 

[Jonesy]

Happy Birthday @Raincloak!

 

I went through my walk in closet last Thursday and it feels so freeing. I put a whole bunch of shoes that I've been hanging onto, into a to be discarded pile. They are not even good enough to donate. I have no reason why I've held onto them for so long, maybe as a just in case i need them? I finally discarded tank tops that are falling apart or donated ones that don't fit anymore. I did keep some shirts that do not fit as motivation to get back into them. They are nice and out of 3 bags of clothes, keeping 6 or so seemed ok to me. 

 

On Sunday I went to a donation center and dropped everything off. No more piles sitting in the house! 

[TMedina]

Way to go Jonesy!

[TMedina]

Great article about "attentional bias" - I can remember falling prey to this particular trap more than once.  Definitely a good read.

 

http://lifehacker.com/how-attentional-bias-makes-you-obsess-over-buying-stuff-1787233263

[AmyUncharted]

I'm going to be moving soon (to a teeny tiny apartment) and I read in the tidying book that you should tidy before you move...I think I have my work cut out for me. Clothes are going to be hard. I have a lot of shirts I wore to concerts or held baby animals in that I don't necessarily wear but they DO bring me joy.

[TMedina]

24 minutes ago, Rosie's Riveter said:

I'm going to be moving soon (to a teeny tiny apartment) and I read in the tidying book that you should tidy before you move...I think I have my work cut out for me. Clothes are going to be hard. I have a lot of shirts I wore to concerts or held baby animals in that I don't necessarily wear but they DO bring me joy.

 

What brings you joy?  Holding the t-shirts?  Knowing you have them?  Seeing them?  Ask yourself what about them brings you joy, and then ask yourself how often you (touch, see, feel, wear, whatever) them.

 

And yes, undertaking tidying before you move is so much easier and more efficient - if nothing else, it's a lot less stuff to move.  And impending motivation to make decisions.

 

Good luck!

[Raincloak]

Tidying before move >>>>> tidying after move.  Moving is a gigantic hassle already, why would you bother moving stuff you're about to get rid of?  Still, it's a handy exercise to see which items stay in the boxes.  If you don't unpack them after a few months, that's a clue you don't need those items and you can dispose of them.

 

Keep the tshirts if those are too hard to sort through.  You can start with something else.  All tidying is good tidying, in the same way that all exercise is good.  If you don't wear them, consider hanging them on the wall or having them made into a quilt, so they can continue to bring you joy without being uselessly hidden away in your closet.

[AmyUncharted]

On 9/30/2016 at 6:01 AM, TMedina said:

 

What brings you joy?  Holding the t-shirts?  Knowing you have them?  Seeing them?  Ask yourself what about them brings you joy, and then ask yourself how often you (touch, see, feel, wear, whatever) them.

 

And yes, undertaking tidying before you move is so much easier and more efficient - if nothing else, it's a lot less stuff to move.  And impending motivation to make decisions.

 

Good luck!

 

I'm so late at responding to these! I do appreciate the comments! I just secured the small apartment and tidying before move begins Thursday! (my day off) I'm kind of excited. I have a closet the size of a small box so clothing definitely will be a battle!

 

On 9/30/2016 at 0:33 PM, Raincloak said:

Tidying before move >>>>> tidying after move.  Moving is a gigantic hassle already, why would you bother moving stuff you're about to get rid of?  Still, it's a handy exercise to see which items stay in the boxes.  If you don't unpack them after a few months, that's a clue you don't need those items and you can dispose of them.

 

Keep the tshirts if those are too hard to sort through.  You can start with something else.  All tidying is good tidying, in the same way that all exercise is good.  If you don't wear them, consider hanging them on the wall or having them made into a quilt, so they can continue to bring you joy without being uselessly hidden away in your closet.

 

I absolutely LOVE your quilt idea! I sew too so it will be the perfect Autumn project!