Dating Sites

[Durandal]

So this is kind of personal, but since we're friends and all...

Basically, I'm looking to hit the dating scene (gonna hit it with a sledgehammer) and I'm considering online dating. I've been reading up on Dr. NerdLove's advice, and he suggests OKCupid but I know there's a ton of different sites out there. I have zero experience using the interwebs to get dates, and quite frankly I have my doubts that anything good can come out of my foray into internet dating. Still, I have to ask - has anyone tried internet dating? If you folks are comfortable sharing your experiences, I think it could really help me make up my mind about whether or not to go with it. Thanks!

[Rosie]

I dabbled in internet dating in my single years and the best advice I can give is to avoid the free ones. I know it sounds like a con but I tried out a few of the free ones and it was just full of people looking for a quickie and not looking for something serious. At least you know on the ones you have to pay for, people aren't going to waste their money for sh*ts and giggles. Match.com is probably the most reputable and e-harmony is supposed to be good (if you can get through the 300 or so questions you are asked before you can even sign up!)

I would add that I never actually went on a date with any of these, but my older cousin has used Match.com and had some success with it

[GreenEyesBright]

Just remember.... you get exactly what you pay for!

Sent from my MB860 using Tapatalk

[starmadepath]

Edited for privacy.

[Hermione Gainser]

I have not, but I have multiple friends who met online and are married or engaged. Some of them used Match, some eharmony. So, it can work! I say give it a shot. Lots of pay sites offer deal weekends or months and such. Take advantage of those if you're interested in trying that.

I hope this was even a little bit helpful or encouraging.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

My dad met his wife on one and a good friend of mine is currently in a great relationship (both nerds) that he formed on OKCupid.

eharmony told my wife's cousin that there were no matches for him and refused to let him sign up after he answered all the questions...

[Morrigainz]

I met my husband on Craigslist. I was just looking for friends to play card/board games with, and stuff. We were friends for a summer before we started dating. And as far as I know, he's not creepy and into child pornography or an axe murderer or anything.

[ShieldofSteve]

I have had some luck with Chemisty and some niche sites. I have made friends and learned a lot from them, I do stay away from free sites because I am a guy and it is harder being a guy competing on a free site. You do get what you pay for on this front. Now I also suggest offline dating. Instead of finding sites for dating, find sites for hobbies, games, and go to meet ups and do things. I have met many single people who are out there not on sites doing what they love or just out having fun. Join a cause event, I enjoyed doing the heartland AIDS ride for a couple years, I met many people, single or people who would become friends down the line.

Good luck.

[AnMiSu]

This is a good thread. And in all honesty, something I want to know about, but probably wouldn't have started myself. Thanks Durandal for starting the thread!

[ebm1224]

i agree with shieldofsteve. for what it's worth, i've had a bit of experience with sites. i used jdate back in the day (a jewish dating site) with some success. actually had a few dates...one awful, one good, and one great...the great one actually became a relationship for awhile. i also used okcupid and know a few people that met their significant other on that site. all in all, it's a good way to get back out there esp if you're shy or haven't dated in awhile or just aren't sure what you're looking for.

but do try other things as well - activities you enjoy (sports teams, charity events, volunteer groups, etc). and don't be afraid to talk to people (of your preferred gender or the opposite). you never know what might happen. you could be talking to an old lady at the grocery store and her nephew is single and badabing!

congrats on getting back out there!

[starmadepath]

Edited for privacy.

[Atalan]

My dad met his wife on one and a good friend of mine is currently in a great relationship (both nerds) that he formed on OKCupid.

eharmony told my wife's cousin that there were no matches for him and refused to let him sign up after he answered all the questions...

eHarmony is focused at a very specific audience. Mostly it will be straight, middle class or higher, Christian people looking to get married.

[Durandal]

A big thank-you for everyone's advice. You guys are awesome =)

I'm surprised that so many different folks have had experiences with online dating - I didn't know it was so common, or successful. I guess we'll have to see what happens; I figure the best way to go is to expect nothing but stay optimistic. Going to a few meetup/hobby/charity groups seems like a great idea, too...though I would never have guessed a meetup site like that existed.

[KeysMcGee]

Wow, finally a topic I can really weigh in on.

First, I second, third, and even fourth the suggestions about the dating sites and going out and meeting people.

As for the sites themselves, try 'em out. Match and OkCupid were always my go-to sites, and I was generally successful in using them. I really liked how OkCupid let you rate someone that you saw on there. If they rated you with four or more stars and you did the same to the other person, then OkCupid sent you a message letting you know. It usually made a pretty good conversation starter. I've heard mixed opinions about eHarmony, but with any dating site, you have to take any reviews with a grain of salt. Some people just get butt-hurt because they somehow couldn't pick up a swimsuit model on the first few tries and decided that that was the fault of the website (or womankind or mankind in general or God or Allah or Buddha or whathaveyou).

I learned a few tricks to using them, too. Namely, if you're a guy, don't send winks. Take some time to message someone on there. Maybe commit to messaging one or two people per day on the dating sites.

The usual stuff applies, and you probably already know this stuff already, but what the heck. Be yourself in your profile and be honest. If you're a few extra pounds, then you're a few extra pounds. If you're only 5'3", then don't write that you're 6 feet tall. No one is impressed or particularly forgiving when someone misrepresents him or herself.

When you send messages, don't be a fool. Don't send one-liners like "What's up?" or "Hey sexy!" Mention something that you noticed about that person's profile to prove that you actually read it and aren't simply messaging him/her because you want some nookie or liked his/her picture, but don't drone on and on for several paragraphs like I'm starting to do on this forum reply.

Ahem.

Yeah, so I might have been at the dating game for a while. Mostly, I just got sick of it and am glad that it's over and done with. Still, I had some good times and met all sorts of cool people.

Hope that helps!

[Deis]

I met my current partner thought OKCupid. That worked out really well for me. I also met my ex through there, so I'm about fifty-fifty, but feel like I've won.

One thing I like about OKCupid is their blog; they post up their statistics and so on, and I find it really interesting. Of course, I study economics, so I just love graphs and stats anyway. I also like that they're free; they don't have an incentive to keep you on the site, unlike paid sites, for whom it is in their best interests that you never meet someone you really like, and close your account.

I quite liked going out on dates. It was a fun month or two, and I'm still friends with some of the people I met. The one thing I would say is always be honest and open; if you feel like someone is in the friendzone, tell them that. Don't ignore them and expect them to figure it out. That never actually came up for me, since I'd always just tell them if I felt like we weren't relationship material, not wait - it's the polite thing to do, male or female.

Edit: Speaking of their blog, this post indicates that women tend to have less difficulty achieving orgasm, at all ages, if they enjoy exercise. Keep pumping that iron, ladies!

[Guest Snake McClain]

Speaking from experience...

match.com doesn't give much as a basis for what you would have in common besides similar interests. meh. that only goes so far. I got a date from it. we dated for a month. it was fine. it just didn't work out. no biggie.

okcupid.com now this is where the fun begins. As someone here said it is WAY easier for girls than guys. As i understand the okcupid ratio is 1 woman to 2 men. so they sort of have the pickings. Also from the female friends i know that use it they say the guys are all from creep town. literally starting and ending messages with "hey nice eyes. Wanna fuck?" Seriously. i've seen the messages. That said the girls are kind of getting tired of wading through any decent messages and just start deleting. so be prepared for that. HOWEVER they have a great matching system that I find interesting (as any nerd should since it used this algorithym to figure it pair you)....anyway Just be prepared to not get responses. Be prepared to talk for a while and people disappear. Be prepared to go on dates that have no chemistry. be prepared for people to not look like their photos (SERIOUSLY CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN PUTTING UP A FIVE YEAR OLD PHOTO THAT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE YOU????). Be prepared for some disappointment. Also be prepared to have some fun dates and really enjoy yourself in the dating scene. i did it for a while. i've had some success in the past from okcupid but now i'm done with it as i'm just tired of dating in general. I'd rather meet someone through a friend at this point.

that is all.

Vanilla Brucey signing off. *rap hands*

EDIT: Notice if you will on okcupid if you get a chance in their forums....the number of guys saying they have had bad luck and the number of girls saying they have had great luck. It seems because of the ratio the women are more likely to land someone. and find someone good...if they can get through the douchers. I also found my problem is that being in indiana obese capital of the universe, there isn't anyone i paired well with that was in shape or really even that attractive. not to sound shallow because looks aren't everything but if it isn't there it isn't there.

EDIT 2: The thing i had a problem with on eharmony was after filling out there one million question questionaire, i was told that i am in some small 1% of people they can't find a match for so they wouldn't accept me. so that sort of makes a person feel like crap. they have a billion users but can't match me? wow.

[Durandal]

I have a few questions for those who've online dated before...

1) In your experiences, how long did it take since starting using the site before you started actually dating? I know everyone's case is going to be different...but I'm just curious (and maybe a bit nervous too) and I think it'd help to have some general timeline in mind.

2) If I'm a nerd (which I totally am of course) should I let it show at all in my profile? My concern is that the fairer sex might overreact and make overblown assumptions. Will saying I'm a fan of Firefly lead to my potential date assuming we'll spend every Friday nights romantically raiding Azeroth with my guild/playing D&D in my mom's basement/putting on cloaks and pretending we're hobbits/doing every stereotypically nerdy thing imaginable?

[67alecto]

To quote another blog...if you want to meet new and interesting people, you need to do new and interesting things. Get out there and sign up for a class or attend an event with a highly interactive social scene.

[Guest Gemeaux]

I'm more for meeting in real life and it happening when I at least expect it , not when it seems " forced " I tried Internet dating but it is just not for me .

[Guest Gemeaux]

I have a few questions for those who've online dated before...

1) In your experiences, how long did it take since starting using the site before you started actually dating? I know everyone's case is going to be different...but I'm just curious (and maybe a bit nervous too) and I think it'd help to have some general timeline in mind.

2) If I'm a nerd (which I totally am of course) should I let it show at all in my profile? My concern is that the fairer sex might overreact and make overblown assumptions. Will saying I'm a fan of Firefly lead to my potential date assuming we'll spend every Friday nights romantically raiding Azeroth with my guild/playing D&D in my mom's basement/putting on cloaks and pretending we're hobbits/doing every stereotypically nerdy thing imaginable?

Firefly is an awesome show !

[Deis]

1) In your experiences, how long did it take since starting using the site before you started actually dating? I know everyone's case is going to be different...but I'm just curious (and maybe a bit nervous too) and I think it'd help to have some general timeline in mind.

A month or so before I went on a first date, and less than three months before entering a long term relationship, each time.

I also didn't experience many of the one-line come ons that other people report on OKC. I agree that having a long profile helps; you can usually tell if someone hasn't read it at all, and it helps self-select for people you just wouldn't get on with.

I replied to every single message I got, which, I think, made my experience more positive. Even if it was just "I'm sorry, I really don't think we have anything in common". People seemed to appreciate that. And I sent out a lot of messages too, always with a little hook from their profile, ie, "wow, you stole part of the fastest car in the world? Which bit?" or "I noticed you like sushi - anywhere you'd recommend? I've been wanting to try it" (this was from before I went vegan).

2) If I'm a nerd (which I totally am of course) should I let it show at all in my profile? My concern is that the fairer sex might overreact and make overblown assumptions. Will saying I'm a fan of Firefly lead to my potential date assuming we'll spend every Friday nights romantically raiding Azeroth with my guild/playing D&D in my mom's basement/putting on cloaks and pretending we're hobbits/doing every stereotypically nerdy thing imaginable?

Um, no. I think the only place I've ever seen that happen is TV, and with the popularity of the Big Bang Theory, geek love is fashionable now. Besides, would you want to go out with someone who would think that?

What really helped me was being open to new experiences, and not expecting too much. At the very least, you'll have an interesting evening with someone you wouldn't otherwise have met. Even if you don't want to repeat it, you can still enjoy it for what it is, and if it turns into more, that's just an incredibly awesome extra.

[starmadepath]

Edited for privacy.

[Strickland5]

I was on eHarmony, OkCupid and PlentyOfFish. eHarmony wasn't good for me, I only actually meet one person I talked to via the site. On OkC and PoF I meet a fair number of gals, went on lots of dates and even dated three seriously. In the end I meet my wife via PoF.

In the end its about what you put into the site, how honest you are, and knowing that you are less than likely to instantly find that someone special. Also, as 67alecto suggested, you might also get more out of being more social in general- take a class, go to events, etc etc.

[Daffy]

Just to echo what Strickland said, I've heard the best three are eHarmony, OkCupid and PlentyofFish. I've never used any of them myself but I would go with those.

[Awesome]

Hey, on-line dating rocks! Sometimes.

Site reviews: zoosk is a big pile of steaming crap, avoid it at all costs.

Badoo is only for sex. You know how guys will say anything to get a girl into bed. Well, I discovered through badoo that girls do this too, and I'm a guy who HATES one night stands. So that kinda blowed.

POF: every woman on POF seems almost a clone - if you like the fake tan/ shop-a-holic/ there's nothing interesting about me type of girls go for POF. Oh, and woman can be just as psychotic as men - the first one I met through POF had our wedding planned including the dresses my daughter's would wear and was begging me to get her pregnant by the 2nd Date (and we'd only spoke for 2 weeks before that).

OKC: sheer awesome sauce.

OKC is really a geek/alt dating site. Read a few profiles before you make your own... all the girls I seemed to message were into rpgs and described themselves as geeks and were really hot. They were also into piercings and tattoos.

One thing I noticed on OKC is that I got a ridiculously high number of replies, like 4 replies to every 5 messages I'd send. Even from people who were described as "replies selectively" or "almost never replies" but after a few messages, they'd stop.

Hmm. Maybe that's more to do with me than the girls I was messaging though.

Here's a tip. If you're gen up about finding a relationship (I'm assuming you're a guy) then take the time to read the profile and then think for a while about why it is you want to message that person. Then try to think of a way to make it original.

"You're sexy" doesn't cut it but neither does "I noticed we both like manga" they've heard all this before...

Although, in saying that, whenever I found a profile of a person I liked but there was no specific thing in the profile to message about I'd send this... I'm not great at first messages, so can we pretend I wrote something witty and awesome.

On the plus side, it has to get better from here. Silver lining and all that

Generic as Hell, but works a treat lol

And remember there's always exceptions. I hate POF and think 90% of the woman on it aren't my type, but I came across a really interesting profile that had the person's fb name on it and I added her at the start of December on fb. We chatted a bit in December and by January we were chatting everyday. We had our first date last Friday and despite both being nervous, it went really well. She's a 5th kyu in karate, she does yoga, she's 5 years younger than me, she's hilarious, she's ridiculously attractive, we have shit loads in common and she's agreed to a second date...

Hmm, long post, I better sum up: stay the hell off zoosk, POF is for a certain type of people, as is Match.com, as is e-Harmony, if you're a geek your best bet is OKC (OKCupid) put a recent pic of yourself up, more than 1 is better, message lots of people, don't expect lots of replies, don't be a dick if the girl isn't into you, be honest and be yourself (lying might get you a girl, but then you have to keep lying to keep her) and (IMO) don't pay for a dating site, put the money towards the date...

Qs

1)

i) POF (my first site) 2 months

ii) badoo (started talking to the girl after 1 week) 3 weeks after joining the site I met her

iii) OKC 2 weeks

iiii) zoosk NEVER

2

yes. Esp on OKC

and... have fun... you'll meet amazing people, you'll enjoy great nights out... it's supposed to be fun