Sloth: The Man with the Hammer

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

My poop question for you. Did you poop outside by necessity or by choice?

[Sloth the Enduring]

On 7/21/2018 at 8:33 AM, shaar said:

HECK YEAH poopin' outside!!!! Bravo my friend!! You are leading the Poopalooza pack!

 

Whoop! Whoop! Poopalooza!!!

 

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

My poop question for you. Did you poop outside by necessity or by choice?

 

Why not both?

 

I poop outside about once a year by necessity. Usually cheese related. I could not live the life of TH.  This makes me sad beyond all reasonableness.  When I bike I know where the parks with open bathrooms or outhouses are. This year most of my favorite bridges are under construction and I’ve been going on new routes. I went across the river by going down a long bike path next to a nature reserve. I could have gone back about three miles, but I saw a deer path and took that into the brush instead. 

 

I also pooped in the brush on some guy’s weekend “ranch” while I was in Texas. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

7/21/18 Saturday

 

I went on a bike ride in the morning.  The afternoon was spent at a friend’s birthday party. I didn’t know anyone there; I was there by myself for hours because our kids were playing together. I went far into mana debt with all the peopling. I invited one guy to our D&D game, but his wife wasn’t too happy about the prospect. We went downtown in the evening for an outdoor music event. The girls ditched us and the food trucks were out of the stuff we wanted so Slothboy and I walked to Target to buy some food and drinks. I must have saved about a million bucks not using the food trucks. 

 

The ride was good. I think 27 miles. Strava says I’m as fast as I was on June 13, the last good ride before the troubles. I rode my benchmark hill to see how I’m faring and I set a nice PR. That was encouraging; I’m cautiously optimistic for this weekend’s race. 

 

I didn’t yoga because I’m a dumbass.

 

I’ve started the belly prep for the race. To prevent an unplanned poopalooza I’m eating absolutely no fried foods, dairy, or gluten - this is opposed to my typical small, but regular cheating. I’m also taking a daily Imodium. I’m drinking a big glass of what is surely powdered horse sweat nightly and my beverages are electrolyte drinks. Being saturated with salts should keep me from cramping up.  

 

I found my second camelbak - fanny pack baby!  I didn’t bother cleaning it out last year because it had a small hole in it and I figured I’d replace the bladder. Well the bladder costs as much as a whole new Camelbak. That seemed absurd so I cleaned it out and put some duck tape on it. It looks good and I ran some bleach through it, but I’m pretty sure the remnants of lasts year’s energy drink are going to give me cholera or consumption. Or worse yet, a man-cold. 

[Big_Show]

Fanny pack

*sniggers in British*

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[shaar]

13 minutes ago, Big_Show said:

Fanny pack

*sniggers in British*

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
 

 

Every time I hear the words 'fanny pack' I think of you.

 

(oh and also GROWLER)

[Big_Show]

 
Every time I hear the words 'fanny pack' I think of you.
 
(oh and also GROWLER)

*guffaws in British*

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[Tanktimus the Encourager]

1 hour ago, Big_Show said:

*guffaws in British*

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
 

I'm glad you weren't around the day I considered carrying a growler around in a fanny pack.

[Xena]

On 7/21/2018 at 12:08 AM, Sloth the Enduring said:

Slothboy decided he’s a baseball player. I don’t know where that came from. Except for a sad attempt at basketball and soccer in 5th-7th grade I’ve never played ball sports nor do I watch them on TV.

 

I’ve had to practice throwing and catching with him. I’m terrible and he’s terrible. I had to watch a YouTube video to see how it’s supposed to work. Lol. The twins sponsor city youth baseball so at least he has a snazzy uniform.

 

So cool that you put effort into helping him figure it out! I wish I knew how to throw a ball properly. My dad did indeed try to teach me, but it never really stuck.

 

As someone who did several long runs last year with a leaking hydration pack bladder*, I humbly suggest that you test that thing out before your race. It really sucks to have it leak all over you.

 

*I felt like I had to be overly specific to avoid a lot of speculation about my "leaking bladder"

 

 

 

 

[Sloth the Enduring]

22 hours ago, Big_Show said:

Fanny pack

*sniggers in British
 

 

I just like saying fanny around you lot. 

 

12 hours ago, Xena said:

 

So cool that you put effort into helping him figure it out! I wish I knew how to throw a ball properly. My dad did indeed try to teach me, but it never really stuck.

 

As someone who did several long runs last year with a leaking hydration pack bladder*, I humbly suggest that you test that thing out before your race. It really sucks to have it leak all over you.

 

*I felt like I had to be overly specific to avoid a lot of speculation about my "leaking bladder"

 

We are far from having figured out the throwing. There were no boys in my neighborhood and I was by far the smallest kid in my class so I didn’t do sports growing up. 

 

Hah. It’s a fanny pack; hopefully if it leaks it just drips on my rear tire. Might add a little traction. Still sound advice. It’s just a pinhole and I used good duck tape. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

7/23/18. Monday

 

Mrs. Sloth got it in her head that we should all go tubing so we’re camped at the Apple River right now.  For those of you who aren’t from the North Mid-West, the Apple River is a wretched hive of scum and villainy.  I last went as a teenager, back then people would tube down the river with a keg and be throwing up off the side of their inner tube. 

 

This is part of the world has really been sanitized since those days, however they still warn you not to bring children on the weekends. We were hopeful it’d be fine on a Monday. 

 

There are like five groups at this campground spread along a mile long stretch of river. They put us right next to a dilapidated RV that had hundreds (I kid you not) of beer cans strewn about their site. (The campground charges a $30 cleaning deposit for a reason.). Mrs. Sloth rightfully insisted we get another site and we’re nestled under some large maple trees.  It’s quite nice. Later on the RV finally woke up and was playing very heavy death metal loud enough that I thought the windshield was going to vibrate off.  

 

As long as I’m being Gladis Kravitz, they looked older than me but were probably 30ish. Shopworn comes to mind. They had kids. The 9 year old seems to have spent the day tubing the mile along the campground, walking to the end and doing it again all by himself.  

 

The other campers are a large group of Japanese with very nice new tents and equipment, a young couple, us, and a group of college-age kids who are keeping their partying respectfully quiet. 

 

Tubing was really nice. It was like we had the whole river to ourselves. We saw deer, lots of turtles, and a couple of families of otters. This caused a big problem. Seeing river otters in the wild is one of Slothgirl’s bucket list items, but she’s been refusing to wear her glasses and didn’t see them. She was sullen and crabby for the rest of the float. 

 

Ugh. I just swallowed a fly in my coffee. 

 

The plan was for me to sneak off and use the mountain bike trails that were nearby, apparently they’re good. But we got a really late start - dogsitter drama and the camper needed some unexpected repair.  I wasn’t able to fit it in 

 

I did, however, fettle* my bike and get a gravel ride in. I didn’t Strava it, but I’d guesstimate 10 miles and I only had to outrun one rabid farm dog.

 

*not a euphemism. 

[Big_Show]

Bike fettling is an important skill. Definitely not a euphemism.

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[Rooks]

On 7/20/2018 at 11:08 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

I don’t remember which thread was talking about it ([mention=31887]Shaar[/mention] ?), but today I pooped outside.

 

1 hour ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Ugh. I just swallowed a fly in my coffee.

 

It's tidbits like this that keep me coming back to this thread. 

 

Funny you mention the Apple River. A cousin of mine actually runs the Apple River Hideaway. He does a lot of work in trying to keep the river clean where they lots of outings netting as much trash as they can out of there. It's pretty cool to see, but that said, that place is still a party haven. Somerset in general is a party town with so many big concerts happening at Floatrite and then Apple River thrown in there. Also, I haven't been there in over 10 years. And even then I've only been there once in my life. Haha....

 

Glad the river was fun.

 

[Shello]

6 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Ugh. I just swallowed a fly in my coffee. 

Protein FTW! 

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

6 hours ago, Big_Show said:

Bike fettling is an important skill. Definitely not a euphemism.

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I had to google that phrase. This image showed up on an article explaining it.

[EricMN]

10 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

I only had to outrun one rabid farm dog.

Definitely only a short jaunt in Somerset.

[Big_Show]

I had to google that phrase. This image showed up on an article explaining it.

Just shows you're never too young to start learning.

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[Ensi]

 

23 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Ugh. I just swallowed a fly in my coffee. 

 

 

Oh, haven't you heard? Insect protein is the next big thing...  (hi! I've been stalking quietly, I'm gonna stalk a bit louder from now on!)

[Sloth the Enduring]

I’m a bit behind again...

 

Tuesday - spent all day tubing. Slothgirl saw the river otters so she was in a good mood all day. I didn’t bring a big cooler down the river, but I did have three beers as we floated. 

 

I got an easy 10 miles in. 

 

Wednesday - not much of note. Packed up, came home, unpacked, retrieved the dogs, ran errands. 

 

I got  an easy 10 miles in. 

 

Thirsday - we just chilled and repacked for the weekend. Slothboy had his first baseball game. 

 

I got an easy 10 miles in. 

 

I like to err on the side of too much rest coming into a big race, but this is a bit absurd. 

 

Friday - we’re packed up for the Wausau. The house has to be cleaned as MIL is flying in and borrowing the house and then we’re off. 

[deftona]

If I take you to a gig to get white girl wasted, will you take me tubing? It looks super fun. 

[Bearlee]

Good luck with the race this weekend. How’s the back doing? Hopefully the inversion table helped more.

[EricMN]

Get it done, Brother. Old Men FTW.

[Sloth the Enduring]

On 7/24/2018 at 10:32 AM, Big_Show said:

Bike fettling is an important skill. Definitely not a euphemism.

 

It sounds like it’d be a euphemism. 

 

On 7/24/2018 at 10:46 AM, Rooks said:

 

 

It's tidbits like this that keep me coming back to this thread. 

 

Funny you mention the Apple River. A cousin of mine actually runs the Apple River Hideaway. He does a lot of work in trying to keep the river clean where they lots of outings netting as much trash as they can out of there. It's pretty cool to see, but that said, that place is still a party haven. Somerset in general is a party town with so many big concerts happening at Floatrite and then Apple River thrown in there. Also, I haven't been there in over 10 years. And even then I've only been there once in my life. Haha....

 

Glad the river was fun.

 

 

That’s funny. That’s where we stayed. We had a groupon; they didn’t make much money off us. Your cousin was nice. 

 

The river was very clean except for random lost flip-flop. The water was clear and we saw giant trout among other critters.  

 

On 7/24/2018 at 4:28 PM, Shello said:

Protein FTW! 

 

 

 

Lol. And healthy fats. 

 

On 7/24/2018 at 5:09 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I had to google that phrase. This image showed up on an article explaining it.

 

Hah. Red toolbox with stickers, pump, blue stand with bike. Something is definitely getting fettled. 

 

I actually installed a suspension seatpoat to protect my back, took the bar ends off so I didn’t have to worry about hooking them on trees, and swapped out pedals for a spikier set, and cleaned and tuned. I brought it to the neutral support mechanic to make sure the bottom bracket was adjusted right, he ran through the bike and deemed it “perfectly dialed in.”

 

On 7/24/2018 at 8:04 PM, EricMN said:

Definitely only a short jaunt in Somerset.

 

Hah. For the next night I rode through town to avoid farm dogs. 

 

On 7/25/2018 at 12:59 AM, Big_Show said:

Just shows you're never too young to start learning.
 

 

I hope she had a step stool. Slothgirl will ask me to put her bike in the stand so she can clean and “tune” it. 

 

On 7/25/2018 at 8:59 AM, Ensi said:

 

 

Oh, haven't you heard? Insect protein is the next big thing...  (hi! I've been stalking quietly, I'm gonna stalk a bit louder from now on!)

 

It probably will be. Cheap, nutritious, easy on the environment. I’d try it. 

 

On 7/27/2018 at 12:17 PM, deftona said:

If I take you to a gig to get white girl wasted, will you take me tubing? It looks super fun. 

 

Is that racist?  If we go tubing we’re going to do it right. Big cooler of malt beverage and a speaker blasting Lynyrd Skynyrd. 

 

On 7/27/2018 at 12:30 PM, Bearlee said:

Good luck with the race this weekend. How’s the back doing? Hopefully the inversion table helped more.

 

Thanks. The back is back to normal (so not great, but good enough).  The inversion table is a godsend. 

 

On 7/27/2018 at 3:04 PM, EricMN said:

Get it done, Brother. Old Men FTW.

 

 Thanks brother.  

[Sloth the Enduring]

Race report. 

 

Tl;dr. 13th of 22nd in the old guys category (time would have good enough for 10th in the open men).

 

The race started with a LeMan’s start (running). I started in the pole position and started fast so I could say I was leading the race. About half the field passed me by the time we got to the bikes. 

 

First lap was great, I set a PR. Second lap was great I had my second fastest time. 

 

My new bike is optimized for the 98% of riding I do. This race is the other 2%. It is really rugged.  This year I’m on rigid bike compared to last year’s 5” 120mm of suspension. I have a Subaru when I need a Jeep. The rocks and roots were jackhammering me. 

 

On the 3rd lap the jackhammering gave my hands big blisters which promptly tore off and felt like quarter sized paper cuts. I had to hold the bars weird which meant I lost control. I crashed twice and slowed down. 

 

When I got to the pit I switched to ergonomic grips and put tighter gloves on. I also ate a lot. I knew if I left by 2:30 I could probably get two more laps in. I decided if it was before 2:30 I’d go out hard, after that and I’d take it easy. Time was exactly 2:30. 

 

I tried going hard hard but my legs seized up when I was putzing around in the pit. It was a slow lap. 

 

51 miles in 6 hours. 13th of 22. I’d be disappointed except that 10 or 12 days ago I could barely walk and my wife had to help me dress. 

 

Biggest win, I was having fun out there instead of biking because that’s what I do. That’s probably the meds helping. 

[Elastigirl]

4 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Biggest win, I was having fun out there instead of biking because that’s what I do. T

That's a big win. As is continuing when you had huge blisters. Well done on the race

[deftona]

6 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Is that racist?

 

Not if I say it. 

 

6 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Race report. 

 

Tl;dr. 13th of 22nd in the old guys category (time would have good enough for 10th in the open men).

 

The race started with a LeMan’s start (running). I started in the pole position and started fast so I could say I was leading the race. About half the field passed me by the time we got to the bikes. 

 

First lap was great, I set a PR. Second lap was great I had my second fastest time. 

 

My new bike is optimized for the 98% of riding I do. This race is the other 2%. It is really rugged.  This year I’m on rigid bike compared to last year’s 5” 120mm of suspension. I have a Subaru when I need a Jeep. The rocks and roots were jackhammering me. 

 

On the 3rd lap the jackhammering gave my hands big blisters which promptly tore off and felt like quarter sized paper cuts. I had to hold the bars weird which meant I lost control. I crashed twice and slowed down. 

 

When I got to the pit I switched to ergonomic grips and put tighter gloves on. I also ate a lot. I knew if I left by 2:30 I could probably get two more laps in. I decided if it was before 2:30 I’d go out hard, after that and I’d take it easy. Time was exactly 2:30. 

 

I tried going hard hard but my legs seized up when I was putzing around in the pit. It was a slow lap. 

 

51 miles in 6 hours. 13th of 22. I’d be disappointed except that 10 or 12 days ago I could barely walk and my wife had to help me dress. 

 

Biggest win, I was having fun out there instead of biking because that’s what I do. That’s probably the meds helping. 

 

Lots of wins here, but that you enjoyed it so much is probably the most important. Yay for a great race!