Artemis Prime Posted March 29 Report Share Posted March 29 Hey Sal, hope you're okay. 1 Quote "For God did not give us a spirit of fear; but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline". - 2 Timothy 1:7 "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." -Gandalf Link to comment
Salinger Posted March 29 Author Report Share Posted March 29 17 hours ago, TiogaGirl said: Ooh, thinking of you! Hope it’s the good kind of update? But we will be here regardless! Happy Easter weekend! Thanks TG ❤️ xx Quote Link to comment
Salinger Posted March 29 Author Report Share Posted March 29 16 minutes ago, Artemis Prime said: Hey Sal, hope you're okay. ❤️ Quote Link to comment
Salinger Posted March 29 Author Report Share Posted March 29 Hey didnt have as much time as i had hoped yesterday. So couldnt write much. I have a LOT of anxiety. I had a job interview on Wednesday. 6 hours per week, support worker for a 13 year old who has complex mental health needs. I got the job. But i am absolutely thinking it is the wrong decision. And i cant get rid of the anxiety i am feeling and its horrid. Its not even very long!!!!!!!!!!!!! 6 hours (so 2 3 hour slots) Ughhhhhhhhh. Anyway. I NEED TO FIGURE OUT AN EXERCISE ROUTINE. I hate myself. More later, just popping out with Bronze ❤️ xx 2 1 Quote Link to comment
TiogaGirl Posted March 29 Report Share Posted March 29 HELL YEAH you got the job! Way to go! It’s 2x per week or 2 shifts total as a one-off? Either way if it were me, I would give it a shot and see how it goes. That child will be fortunate to get to work with somebody as compassionate and knowledgeable about MH issues as you are. I always find it much more fun to exercise in the spring/summer ‘cause it’s so pleasant being outside, don’t need to rely on gym memberships. Do you have a bike you can get out on? Or just lean into power walking with Bronze… I bet she’d love that! (I just came in from extra walk with my youngest dog and we’re both feeling great.) Or get a weighted hula hoop and be my accountability buddy — I have to go outside to use mine or the dogs will attack me, but it’s been below zero ever since it arrived! 😭 4 Quote Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted March 29 Report Share Posted March 29 Yay, you got the job!! 20 minutes ago, TiogaGirl said: That child will be fortunate to get to work with somebody as compassionate and knowledgeable about MH issues as you are. This. This is very true. Anxiety is normal before a new job, keep reminding yourself of that. Especially if you have some performance anxiety stemming from low self-esteem and generally hating yourself. It's a normal feeling, but you don't need to trust it, because it just wants to ruin things for you. Six hours a week sounds fantastic for adding a new job to your week. And there are so many positive possibilities: a little extra money coming in, a little schedule structure to create places for all the other things you want to do (annoying to impose it, but it's usually helpful), helping a kid who needs you. It sounds amazing. 4 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
Harriet Posted March 29 Report Share Posted March 29 1 hour ago, Salinger said: I got the job. Congratulations! 1 hour ago, Salinger said: But i am absolutely thinking it is the wrong decision. And i cant get rid of the anxiety i am feeling and its horrid. Maybe you can just give it a chance? It could take a while to settle in and get everything working smoothly. If you still hate it after a month or two, you can always quit then. 2 Quote Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru Link to comment
Salinger Posted March 29 Author Report Share Posted March 29 2 hours ago, TiogaGirl said: HELL YEAH you got the job! Way to go! It’s 2x per week or 2 shifts total as a one-off? Either way if it were me, I would give it a shot and see how it goes. That child will be fortunate to get to work with somebody as compassionate and knowledgeable about MH issues as you are. I always find it much more fun to exercise in the spring/summer ‘cause it’s so pleasant being outside, don’t need to rely on gym memberships. Do you have a bike you can get out on? Or just lean into power walking with Bronze… I bet she’d love that! (I just came in from extra walk with my youngest dog and we’re both feeling great.) Or get a weighted hula hoop and be my accountability buddy — I have to go outside to use mine or the dogs will attack me, but it’s been below zero ever since it arrived! 😭 Thank you TG. 2 shifts per week for the foreseeable.... Its scary because she is a teenager, a teen with huge mental health issues and rebellious etc. How the hell can i support her?! haha im scared of teenagers!! I do have a bike, but it has two bust tyres and its difficult to ride. (prob cos im so fucking fat ) xx 2 hours ago, sarakingdom said: Yay, you got the job!! This. This is very true. Anxiety is normal before a new job, keep reminding yourself of that. Especially if you have some performance anxiety stemming from low self-esteem and generally hating yourself. It's a normal feeling, but you don't need to trust it, because it just wants to ruin things for you. Six hours a week sounds fantastic for adding a new job to your week. And there are so many positive possibilities: a little extra money coming in, a little schedule structure to create places for all the other things you want to do (annoying to impose it, but it's usually helpful), helping a kid who needs you. It sounds amazing. Thanks Sara ❤️ Yes, self esteem, no confidence etc, that defo adds to the anxiety of messing up. xx 1 hour ago, Harriet said: Congratulations! Maybe you can just give it a chance? It could take a while to settle in and get everything working smoothly. If you still hate it after a month or two, you can always quit then. Thank you Harriet. Yes true. ❤️ xx Quote Link to comment
Salinger Posted March 29 Author Report Share Posted March 29 Need to vent.... Not sure where to start really. Most of this you guys already know, and I do apologise for constantly complaining or being negative. It isn't how i want to be and i hate myself even more for this. I cant figure out anything in my mind, i cant figure out if my thoughts are real, if im making things up, if i'm exaggerating etc. Ive worked so hard for 8 or so years now, and i feel like its got me nowhere. I just feel like a massive failure. Pretty much every day, i cry about money. I cry because i cant figure out how to get more, or paid for the stuff i do. I cry because i am 35 years old, and i have to apply get £33 a month to help towards my electric/gas bill. And it’s embarrassing and shameful. I cry because i see how badly it is affecting Roxy, the fact she works hard too, getting paid a SHIT wage, with increasing mental health issues, with knees that are agony and on the brink of collapse. I see the pain she is in, and the fact she cant afford medication for her ADHD, and the fact that it likely means a poisonous cycle of no help, no support. And i think, why am i pretending that i am an artist, or that being ‘this’ thing, is ok. When i bring in so little. When i have pay day loan companies calling me every day etc Money issues have always been bad, but the past 6 months have almost killed me and i just cant do it anymore. I just don't know what to do Do i just give up with art now?? Or could I try and focus on giving support to people applying for funding? Consultation for emerging artists maybe? But i just don't know….is there any point? Should i try something else completely? Get into a trade? Re-train? Or maybe stick it out….apply for grants again…trust the process…. etc. I just don't know how i can manage two/three months with no guaranteed income? Round and round in my head. my anxiety is worse its ever been, in a permanent state of nausea. Im absolutely fucking exhausted. I have no friends. People just don't speak to me anymore. Maybe its because i'm a horrible person. I hate myself so much and i hate hate hate that once again I am telling you all this, i don't want you to feel awkward or stressed. Im not asking for you to fix anything. but i have no one else In my mind i think, sort this out. Figure out a routine for exercise, figure out diet, get some confidence back. It will get warmer soon, so go out bird watching, go on longer walks with Bronze....etc etc But also, its so tough to get started when i feel so fucking depressed! x 2 Quote Link to comment
Salinger Posted March 29 Author Report Share Posted March 29 I have been looking into cycling hmmmmmm any advice? take some binoculars and cycle round some lakes through the summer x 1 Quote Link to comment
Sepherina Posted March 29 Report Share Posted March 29 4 hours ago, Salinger said: Need to vent.... Not sure where to start really. Most of this you guys already know, and I do apologise for constantly complaining or being negative. It isn't how i want to be and i hate myself even more for this. I cant figure out anything in my mind, i cant figure out if my thoughts are real, if im making things up, if i'm exaggerating etc. Ive worked so hard for 8 or so years now, and i feel like its got me nowhere. I just feel like a massive failure. You can always vent here Sal. And we don’t hate on our friends. Take a deep breath. For now it sounds like you have at least some new money coming in. That is a good thing even if it is a temporary thing. I would make a plan for some of that money to go towards some of the challenges you are having with the lenders and then maybe a tiny reward for trying soo hard. And don’t feel guilty about needing to use government help. Some of us (myself included) have been there. It is why the programs exist. Take advantage of them to help you get back on your feet financially. You got this! It may be hard and the road may be rough, but we are here always to support you along the way. 56 minutes ago, Salinger said: take some binoculars and cycle round some lakes through the summer x I think this is a great idea! And maybe get a book on birds/animals from the library to learn about what you may see? 2 Quote “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy” -Nightbirde “Dreams do not come true all by themselves. They are nourished by the bounty of hard work” -Unknown Disney Imagineer 2024 Word Svastha: Standing in One’s Own Power Current Challenge: Sepherina Continues her Quest of Strength Prior Challenges Spoiler Sepherina: #1 , #2 , #3 , #4 , #5 , #6 , #7 , #8 , #9, #10, #11 Avery The Patient: #1 , #2 , #3 , #4 , #5 Link to comment
TiogaGirl Posted March 30 Report Share Posted March 30 18 hours ago, Salinger said: I have been looking into cycling hmmmmmm any advice? take some binoculars and cycle round some lakes through the summer x Cool!! I love cycling 💕 are there group rides near you, like a cycling club you could hook up with? That might be a good way to meet new friends as well as backup if you blow a tire far from home. In my experience cyclists are good people! But I can see the appeal of solo rides mixing in bird watching. Great time of year for that too! I guess that is one of the sweetest things about cycling, you can lean into the social aspect if you’re feeling lonely or extroverty, but you can also just get yourself far from the crowds if alone time is what you are needing. (The other best thing about cycling is sculpting perfect calf muscles— my biking friends are the only people I know with sock cleavage, woot!) 2 Quote Link to comment
Harriet Posted March 30 Report Share Posted March 30 21 hours ago, Salinger said: Need to vent.... Not sure where to start really. Most of this you guys already know, and I do apologise for constantly complaining or being negative. It isn't how i want to be and i hate myself even more for this. I cant figure out anything in my mind, i cant figure out if my thoughts are real, if im making things up, if i'm exaggerating etc. Ive worked so hard for 8 or so years now, and i feel like its got me nowhere. I just feel like a massive failure. Pretty much every day, i cry about money. I cry because i cant figure out how to get more, or paid for the stuff i do. I cry because i am 35 years old, and i have to apply get £33 a month to help towards my electric/gas bill. And it’s embarrassing and shameful. I cry because i see how badly it is affecting Roxy, the fact she works hard too, getting paid a SHIT wage, with increasing mental health issues, with knees that are agony and on the brink of collapse. I see the pain she is in, and the fact she cant afford medication for her ADHD, and the fact that it likely means a poisonous cycle of no help, no support. And i think, why am i pretending that i am an artist, or that being ‘this’ thing, is ok. When i bring in so little. When i have pay day loan companies calling me every day etc Money issues have always been bad, but the past 6 months have almost killed me and i just cant do it anymore. I just don't know what to do Do i just give up with art now?? Or could I try and focus on giving support to people applying for funding? Consultation for emerging artists maybe? But i just don't know….is there any point? Should i try something else completely? Get into a trade? Re-train? Or maybe stick it out….apply for grants again…trust the process…. etc. I just don't know how i can manage two/three months with no guaranteed income? Round and round in my head. my anxiety is worse its ever been, in a permanent state of nausea. Im absolutely fucking exhausted. I have no friends. People just don't speak to me anymore. Maybe its because i'm a horrible person. I hate myself so much and i hate hate hate that once again I am telling you all this, i don't want you to feel awkward or stressed. Im not asking for you to fix anything. but i have no one else In my mind i think, sort this out. Figure out a routine for exercise, figure out diet, get some confidence back. It will get warmer soon, so go out bird watching, go on longer walks with Bronze....etc etc But also, its so tough to get started when i feel so fucking depressed! x Hey Sal. Everyone has different priorities, but if it were me I would feel like the biggest emergency is the income, because it just sounds so stressful and awful never having enough. And it doesn't mean you have to stop being an artist. What sort of things can you imagine doing? 3 Quote Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru Link to comment
Salinger Posted April 2 Author Report Share Posted April 2 On 3/29/2024 at 11:22 PM, Sepherina said: I think this is a great idea! And maybe get a book on birds/animals from the library to learn about what you may see? I have a couple of lovely vintage bird books i found, so i can take it with me! x On 3/30/2024 at 3:56 PM, TiogaGirl said: Cool!! I love cycling 💕 are there group rides near you, like a cycling club you could hook up with? That might be a good way to meet new friends as well as backup if you blow a tire far from home. In my experience cyclists are good people! But I can see the appeal of solo rides mixing in bird watching. Great time of year for that too! I guess that is one of the sweetest things about cycling, you can lean into the social aspect if you’re feeling lonely or extroverty, but you can also just get yourself far from the crowds if alone time is what you are needing. (The other best thing about cycling is sculpting perfect calf muscles— my biking friends are the only people I know with sock cleavage, woot!) I think i would defo prefer to be alone. Mainly cos im SO UNFIT and embarassed by that. But yeah. I need some time with just me i think. xx On 3/30/2024 at 4:36 PM, Harriet said: Hey Sal. Everyone has different priorities, but if it were me I would feel like the biggest emergency is the income, because it just sounds so stressful and awful never having enough. And it doesn't mean you have to stop being an artist. What sort of things can you imagine doing? Thanks Harriet xx 1 Quote Link to comment
Salinger Posted April 2 Author Report Share Posted April 2 Hey all. Sorry for being AWOL. Missing you and being present here. A long few days. Up and downs. Lots of stress and anxiety but im trying to. be kinder to myself. Unsure how .... feel like i should plan my day more. So i dont have to make as many decisions. But then will that help? Things seem like cycles. And im not improving. But also, i cant step back and see any progress? Its just confusing and frustrating. Tomorrow is a busy one. But hoping to get some progress on a video application - its a dream job but im not that confident of getting an interview xx 5 Quote Link to comment
Artemis Prime Posted April 2 Report Share Posted April 2 Hi, Sal! Glad to hear from you. 1 hour ago, Salinger said: feel like i should plan my day more. So i dont have to make as many decisions Having a routine can be a helpful way to lighten cognitive loads. It might take more effort at first to establish, but then it becomes something you no longer have to think about. 1 hour ago, Salinger said: But then will that help? It might, or it might not. But there's not much risk in testing it out and seeing, is there? 1 hour ago, Salinger said: its a dream job Fingers crossed for you! 1 Quote "For God did not give us a spirit of fear; but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline". - 2 Timothy 1:7 "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." -Gandalf Link to comment
Salinger Posted April 3 Author Report Share Posted April 3 18 hours ago, Artemis Prime said: Hi, Sal! Glad to hear from you. Having a routine can be a helpful way to lighten cognitive loads. It might take more effort at first to establish, but then it becomes something you no longer have to think about. It might, or it might not. But there's not much risk in testing it out and seeing, is there? Fingers crossed for you! Thank you AP!!!!!! ❤️ xx Quote Link to comment
Salinger Posted April 3 Author Report Share Posted April 3 Hey all. 6pm. Ive worked hard today. Lots of work done, Bronze walked (in pouring rain) helped Roxy with some financial stuff, had a meeting, went with Rox to the physio, and prepped a curry for this eve. I am now able to catch up a bit here and it feels good to read about some lives I am feeling a little bit better this eve. And I am looking forward to a hot bath, and a nice home made curry, and some football to watch and some beers (alc free....) I will sleep tonight im sure. Roxy woke me twice in the night, around 2am and 4am. Because i was calling out, and crying i was having a nightmare i think?? My back and my top were soaked with sweat Still needing to figure out routine. But i will enjoy the less stress and the content feelings tonight and look at it again tmoro xx 3 Quote Link to comment
Sovalis Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 I hope you have a better sleep tonight. 💜 1 Quote Past Challenges: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16 Current Challenge: #17 “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson Link to comment
TiogaGirl Posted April 6 Report Share Posted April 6 How are you doing, Sal? Happy Saturday! 1 Quote Link to comment
Sovalis Posted April 6 Report Share Posted April 6 Hi Sal you lovely Bean! How’s today? 1 Quote Past Challenges: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16 Current Challenge: #17 “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson Link to comment
Salinger Posted April 6 Author Report Share Posted April 6 11 hours ago, TiogaGirl said: How are you doing, Sal? Happy Saturday! 6 hours ago, Sovalis said: Hi Sal you lovely Bean! How’s today? hey everyone I am ok! I’ve been out the past two nights in Manchester!!!! last night I saw the friend I miss desperately. It was great to meet up with him and chat. then tonight I met billy - to watch the football!! both guys, I have really had some crazy nights with them….drugs and alcohol binges. they both drank, but I had non alcoholic beers! I’m quite pleased with myself! both nights I’ve been home for half ten hahah I’m doing my best to keep head above water. Xx 2 4 Quote Link to comment
Sovalis Posted April 7 Report Share Posted April 7 I'm so proud of you!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰 1 Quote Past Challenges: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16 Current Challenge: #17 “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson Link to comment
Salinger Posted April 7 Author Report Share Posted April 7 6 hours ago, Sovalis said: I'm so proud of you!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰 Thank you so much Sov ❤️ xx 1 Quote Link to comment
Harriet Posted April 7 Report Share Posted April 7 17 hours ago, Salinger said: they both drank, but I had non alcoholic beers! I’m quite pleased with myself! both nights I’ve been home for half ten hahah I’m doing my best to keep head above water. Xx Excellent work, I love it. 1 Quote Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru Link to comment
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