[Chesire]

I like this game, but I think I chose my skills and team mates poorly, so time to revisit and start again.  This time I'm going to focus more on  living with satisfaction, prioritizing people who prioritize me (including me 😃), and finding joy. 

 

Let's see what that might look like.

 

Satisfied living:

• take time to enjoy my world, through quiet time just being alive
• be someone I respect
• complete tasks in a timely manner
• make quality foods that I enjoy but which also fit my current goals
• finish my pile of sewing projects before the end of this challenge, or at least get the fittings done.
• run- or walk- 3 days, strength 2 days

 

prioritize people

• divorce progress is a huge part of this.  I have little control of how it progresses, but mostly don't respond to his baiting messages
• spend time with people who love me.  We are starting a new game night!
• refocus on self-care.  Limited alcohol (this has become very easy,) plan good lunches and snacks, continue to return to running
• clean up the dang house before parents get back

 

find joy

• I think this mostly looks like be in the moment
• retraining my brain to not be on guard as much- recognize why the guard is there and how to settle it
• make lists.  so many lists.  As I think of things that I miss because I put them aside to care of someone else's brokenness, write them down.  Don't forget them again.
• take my self out places.  Meet-ups, movies, lunch, whatever catches my fancy.

 

But first thing is clean all the things.  I almost feel like I'm 30 years younger doing that panicked 'the parents are coming home. aaaaaahhhh!'  Not that I'm messy, but I do have about 6 sewing projects in some degree of progress spread around the house.  And of course I haven't vacuumed or worried too much about putting away laundry.  Why bother?  it was just me.  But now I only have 3 days and I have to ugh mop. 

 

Divorce melodramatics:  We had a hearing 2.5 weeks ago.  We both received notification in the same way, snail mail.  He was a no-show for the hearing.   Courts do not like that.  Guess who got nasty emails and texts for not telling him about it.  For real "you didn't tell me about the hearing."  I take that as I was doing too much thinking for two people for too long.  Anyway,  every day I'm feeling a little bit lighter

[Whisper]

7 hours ago, Chesire said:

spend time with people who love me.  We are starting a new game night!

Excellent goal and excellent way to achieve it. 

[Rookie]

I love this challenge! 

 

Hopefully him missing the hearing was a little wake up call for him that he needs to be responsible for his own life 😬 just wow. 

[Chesire]

A few good steps over that last few days.

 

Its finally getting a nicer outside here.  I actually got to sit outside after work enjoying some sun and ignoring the last of the 'make it perfect' cleaning for the imminent return of parents.  Also, I usually listen to audio books while running/walking, but I've made a point of pausing just to be in the world listening and feeling while I'm out there.  Self care satisfaction win!

 

Met up with friends for a walk, lunch, and generally relaxing outdoors.  Two of the three of us are going through some things and both of us have depression included in our brain settings, combined with current life upheavals trying to drive us to that pit.*   The third person has no idea what that is like, apparently, as she was horrified to learn by listening to us talking about it what the mental landscape can be like in a brain like that.  (This was kind of surprising for me to learn about third person since I've known her for more than 20 years, but ultimately I'm very happy for her that she doesn't really understand it.)  Third person is being an amazing friend as best she knows how to support her people; reaching out, checking in, calling out poor self-care and offering her own time and effort to improve things, and often offering her own not-quite-right ideas based on what she has understood as the ways to support people.  It is sweet, and loving, and sometimes causes a chuckle between us supported-against-our-will twosome.  uh..  I lost the thread of that thought.  Prioritizing people who prioritize me win!

 

 

*(She is struggling hard to stay out of the pit by tooth or nail.  I am on the edge feeling the gravity of the pit but honestly believe this is a skirting the edge, not a toppling in situation.  I solemnly swear I will ask for help if I need to.  Also all my people keep an eye on me and will speak up if concerned.) 

 

At the risk of sounding foolish, I was reminded of a very simple concept while doing me age-reversing cleaning.  Maintaining is easier than recovering.  In cleaning and in most things.  So, try to apply that thought to anything that I'm sidestepping.  Doing a little now is easier than having to do double later.  I'm curious to spend a few minutes mulling over how I fell into this non-maintaining situation.  Somehow it feels largely tied to losing steam when dealing with someone who didn't even put bare minimum effort to most things, and me having to pick up the slack, but I can't blame everything on a bad situation.  I need to check in honestly with me, too.    Seems like this satisfies almost all the list win!

 

Upcoming game tasks include;  going to a friend's kid's town baseball game.  Thursday dinner returns (regular tradition with family and friends.)  Surprirse Thursday dinner in a few weeks to celebrate a friend's 40th.  Revisiting the dungeon again; this should be an easy level at this point and a quick reorganize and clean up so I can get to my craft bins and book boxes will complete this task.  First golf of the season with dad and brother.   See brother and family and meet his new puppy 🐕